Emotional Neglect - Blog Posts

I wish people knew how my parents were behind the scenes

shoutout to all the kids with good people as bad parents. the parents who were sympathetic, honest and kind to everyone until you were the next in line. the parents who loved the entire family except you. the parents who preached about acceptance, warmth and kindness, but never offered it to you. the parents who were understanding to friends, cousins or siblings, but not to their own children. the cognitive dissonance is surreal, but i promise it is not a reflection of your own worth. you deserve more.

I’m gonna spend my lifetime regretting what my parents didn’t do for me.

Finally... someone had to say it...so so true

You know what’s worse than living in underprivileged circumstances? Living in an emotionally unavailable home.

This isn’t to say that poverty isn’t a struggle, it absolutely is. Lack of money brings its own hardships, ones that can break a person. But emotional neglect? That breaks you in ways no amount of money can fix.

Yes, I can have lavish birthday parties with lots of gifts but not a single real smile or moment of warmth from my family.

Yes, I can cook delicious meals or order my favorite food but I can’t even enjoy them because my parents are too busy fighting.

Yes, I can celebrate festivals with grand decorations but every festival brings another argument, another reason to feel empty.

Yes, we can travel anywhere we want but in my family, people would rather stay home than spend time together.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that money is essential for survival, but it’s not everything. Because what’s the point of having everything if it still feels like nothing?

Parents always say this:

"You're smart. Therefore, it's okay for me to expect more of you."

"You're smart. Therefore, I don't have to care how I explain things to you."

"You're smart. Therefore, it's okay for me to assume that any mistakes you make are intentional."

"You're smart. Therefore, if you say that you struggle with something, it's okay for me to assume that you're just lazy, afraid, lacking confidence, lacking motivation, or any other excuse to dismiss your struggles as fake.

but never this:

"You're smart. Therefore, I will put my authority aside and consider the possibility that you are right and I am wrong.

Like any abusive authority figure, they want you to be smart enough to uphold their authority but not smart enough to challenge their authority.

"You'll grow out of being sensitive."

"You need to grow up and stop crying all the time."

"You can't let everything hurt you like this."

Will I really grow out of this though? It doesn't make sense. My mouth starts moving before i think, and someone says that they weren't talking to me, that I should be quiet...

And suddenly I'm six years old again, being yelled at constantly and occasionally beaten for talking too much or talking out of turn.

Why does it hurt so much? It shouldn't hurt. We're all adults and they even said it somewhat gently... So why do the tears roll?

anyone else live under the assumption that they’re constantly doing something wrong

It's so hard to not feel guilty about being upset at the people who mistreated you. Especially parents.

"But she gave me soup and stuff when I was sick. She even cried when I told her I was having dark thoughts."

Yes but she also basically told me to end myself, showed clear favoritism, frequently used corporal punishment, and a whole laundry list of other things.

It's so hard because she hasn't done too many harmful things as of recent. I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and it almost feels like I'm being overly dramatic about it now. It almost feels like maybe it was all in my head in the first place.

Then I remember that I was so desperate to get away when I was younger. Desperate enough to think about taking drastic measures. Desperate enough to dream about someone just taking me away from my family.

And then I feel guilty again five minutes later

i think that all the ppl this happens to, me included (especially the days after an update) simply were not loved enough as children

like, if dad had been like "yo, whats that, show it to me. Omg, I love ur drawing! 💖🌈🌱🫶" instead of in some hotel cheating on mom, this wouldnt be an issue now. and mom... lets not talk abt mom lol

how I be staring at my ao3 inbox waiting hopelessly for a comment: