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Toxic Family - Blog Posts
This is to all the parents out there:
1.Just because you are older than us does not mean you can never be wrong, don’t justify your mistakes by saying that you are older than us and therefore deserve the respect.
2.Don’t take out your work stress on your kids. Don’t tell them that they are a burden and don’t make them lose their confidence because they can’t meet up with your expectations
3.Let them be who they really are. If they want to dance in public let them, let them love whoever they want. Support them and be there for them even when the world thinks they are going bonkers. Help them be who they truly are.
4.When a kid says they are depressed or down don’t say “all the kids are depressed” listen to them, help them become better. They are your kids, your responsibility don’t make them feel even worse because of your lack of mental health awareness
5.Don’t ask your kids to be grateful to them. You brought them in this world, it is your duty to provide for them, make them respect you instead of forcing them to be grateful to you.
I wish people knew how my parents were behind the scenes
shoutout to all the kids with good people as bad parents. the parents who were sympathetic, honest and kind to everyone until you were the next in line. the parents who loved the entire family except you. the parents who preached about acceptance, warmth and kindness, but never offered it to you. the parents who were understanding to friends, cousins or siblings, but not to their own children. the cognitive dissonance is surreal, but i promise it is not a reflection of your own worth. you deserve more.
My therapist says I don’t really have the right to be angry at my parents because they accept that I’m trans when it’s not generally accepted.
I’ve grown up in fear of them because of how bad the verbal and physical abuse was/is (mostly while I was younger).
I just can’t agree. I know how lucky I am. I’m on T as a minor. I’m literally blessed. I also know how I felt as a five year old, running from my dad, multiple times a week, as he chased after me, screaming how he’s going to kill me, and trying to often.
It’s a weird combination. One saved my life, the other ruined it. I’m so grateful, but I also will forever hate them (my mom for defending my dad no matter what, and hiding his actions from others like police and DYFS).
I feel like no one can really relate to this but I feel guilt for my anger/hatred/not forgiving them because of how accepting they are. It’s so weird.
This is post number 4 and there is hundreds more to come. I am just doing my part in the plight of personlized plates or uumm whatever......
"Smile, it makes people suspicious"
the saddest part is my mom suffered a toxic, lonely, and dehumanizing upbringing... but she doesn't understand that her trauma doesn't invalidate my trauma, it doesn't make the emotional and physical abuse she puts us through valid or okay.
i confronted her about all the arguments we've had over the years... she excused it by her injuries, and when i pointed out that this was happening prior to her injuries she said stress... it was stress, she was stressed out and that it was okay since she was stressed. she always calls it a breaking point.
i love her so much, but she scares me, and hurts me and herself.
i am afraid that ill turn into her when im older... i never want to reach a "breaking point". i never want to be like her... i understand she is a single mother, but still.
Earphones On
Music to drown the noise
with earphones on the whole time
staying as far away as possible
because I knew if I heard it
I wouldn't be able to stop myself
I would eventually speak up
I would explode it all
the anger and sadness
I've been bottling it all in.
Then it would cause more hurt
everyone would be mad
because everyone thinks they're right.
So even if there's screaming at the back
I keep my earphones on
with the volume up high, ignoring reality.
It’s not that my parents didn’t love me, it’s that I’d never do/say such horrible things to someone I loved.
I have been hyper fixating on Spock for years now. With good reason. I grew up with a verbally abusive father that at one time yelled at me so loud I wet my pjs in fear. He then told me I was doing it for attention. I was 7 years old. Spock is the exact opposite of my father. He is calm, collected, brilliant and fiercely loyal to those he cares about, even when he is going through his own troubles with HIS father, Sarek. It sounds corny, but growing up with a father like mine and watching other family men do the same, I thought I was going to have to spend the rest of my life getting yelled at but staying with him for the kids. Spock, and Star Trek really, showed me that I can find someone who is intelligent and listens to me. That I don't have to have children and if I do, it is better to leave than stay with someone who treats my kids like crap. Unlike my mom. I haven't met my Spock yet, but I will wait until I do. To everyone reading this, please never accept being treated like less, by family or otherwise, and if you are already in a bad relationship if not for yourself, please leave for the kids.
gonna try to post consistently, but i like just ran away from home so
might take a while
it's come to my attention
that you never had the best intentions
I never understood why parents punish/ground their kids for having bad grades. obviously, your child is struggling academically and needs help...so... Your choice is to punish them..? Maybe if you took time out of your oh so busy life, and tried to help your child study, make it fun even! they'd be doing better in school. They might even be struggling mentally, punishing them just makes it worse and makes them less modivated. Your child needs human understanding, they're not a robot. This can lead to your child being scared to ask for help, or pushing themselves to be perfect, stressing over a less than perfect grade. Stop saying your child is a failure, you're just a bad parent.
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"Treat others how you want to be treated."
That phrase is one I've heard all my life growing up, yet it's clear how my family wants me to treat them.
My uncles want to be left alone, even in the worst circumstances,
my grandma wants to keep in touch and love me always,
my dad wants nothing to do with me (same as my sisters apparently) my brothers want space and nothing but space and for their annoying younger brother to stay away
and my mom.. well,
if she wants to be treated as how she treated me, then surely I should kill everything she loves, throw her to a rap!st for 1.5 years, bring men around that will treat her like shit (oh wait she already does that herself), betray her repeatedly, destroy her room and let crackheads sell everything/destroy everything she has, tell her no matter what she is to upkeep the majority of the house chores (yes even with fresh SH! cuts), tell her her medical problems are not only a burden but a detriment to how I'M living MY life and that she needs to think of the family when she complains about anything, call her a bitch, cunt, monster, manipulative, etc., call her just to scream at her for manipulating my friends into helping her get necessities out of life, neglect her in a trap house for 6 years with no outside support except begging neighbors for essentials like hygiene products, drivee with her in the vehicle but almost crash it about 5 times each time, demean, aggravate, punish, abuse her as she's abused me.
...And then tell her that she's not allowed to seek outside help or support, and not even utter a single fucking word about what goes on in the house, because as she's told me over and over, what happens in the house stays in the house.
And she still thinks she deserves forgiveness? She treats me like a criminal not knowing she's a serial killer of souls and hope.
I've forgiven her actions of the past, but that doesn't mean the pain and absolute agony of a life I once knew just disappears.
MY SISTER SNITCHED ON MY DAD CUZ SHE SAW MY WRISTS
I lied and told her it was only there and only once a week for a couple months...
She fucking believed me...
"You tell dad or I will"
"Okay, I will. I just need some time"
LITERALLY THE NEXT FUCKING DAY SHE SNITCHES
Fucking bitch stay out of my life. The reason I started cutting was because of you! You havent been around for YEARS. You have a new family and you fucking left me and I'm fine with that. Dont fucking come around now and pretend were actually good. DONT PRETEND ITS OKAY FOR YOU TO GIVE ME AN ULTIMATUM AND NOT EVEN GIVE ME A FUCKING CHANCE
IM DOING JUST FINE BITCH LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. AND WHEN I TELL YOU WHY I DO IT AND WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED DONT GO ON A 15 MINUTE SPEECH ABOUT HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS AND HOW GAY PEOPLE ARE GOING TO HELL
I'm sorry, did I fucking say I was gay? DID I SAY I WATCH PORN?
No. No I didnt. I said that I feel alone and that i want to kill myself and this was helping me
AND I SAID I KNOW ITS A BAD COPING MECHANISM BUT DID I ASK YOUR OPINION?!
THIS IS EXACTLY MY FUCKING POINT. Bitch. Stop putting fucking words in my mouth.
Imma kill someone, myself or her🤷♀️
Fuck off, Karen.