Follow Your Passion: A Seamless Tumblr Journey
The worst part of being suicidal is people trying to talk you out of it
Even ignoring my dysphoria, mental illness, and the general state of the world and society, you know what really makes me want to end it all?
My memory loss due to depression. One of the main functions of our brain and it just doesn't work. Some of my core memories are gone or severely altered. My short term memory is absolute shit. And this is all permanent.
I'm about to turn 20, only 20, and I already have a massive setback compared to my peers. All due to being born into incredibly shitty circumstances that I never stood a chance against. *that* is what makes me really want to end it all. To physically feel my mind, and to extend, body deteriorating. Being suicidal, and by extension, if I actually were to do it.. it is absolutely not a choice. I don't want to die, especially not this young. I'm supposed to have an entire life ahead of me.
Except, I kinda don't. And either way I don't want it with this body and mind.
I think I genuinely want to end it all. Nobody cares about me, not in a way that matters anyway. I constantly get discriminated against simply because I'm a foreigner, and they make it incredibly difficult to navigate all the legal stuff in my new country. And even if I do have everything in order, sometimes I still get denied simply because "fuck you, that's why".
I'm also struggling with severe mental illness and trauma, which at this point I only expect to be neglected even further. Not to mention dysphoria and being trans amplifying the above tenfold.
I just don't see the point. I want to withdraw from society. It doesn't deserve me.
Feeling like killing myself later tonight. The dysphoria and it's consequences are too much. Don't bother telling me to please not do it, or tell me it will get better. because 1. Nobody truly cared before and 2. no it will not, I'm certain of that right now.
And I know nobody cares for me, not on a personal level, and not a broader scale. So I'm finally ready to do "it" I suppose. Hopefully it will be more peaceful there.
society abandoned me. People don't even know I exist. People literally ignore me when I talk to them. Quite literally pretending I'm not there. It's literal torture. I'm seriously considering forcefully kicking the bucket early because of it.