Sad Love - Blog Posts

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If the air around him doesn’t choke you

Then you deserve to be his

It does choke

It’s because it chokes that I’m with him

He deserves to be loved

Even if it kills me

Selfless//LETTERS TO THE UNIVERSE

_rainicide

If flowers ever grow on my grave. Could I trust you to water them? Would you keep them alive like you failed to keep me breathing. No I am not sad I wanna live in a body that can at least make you smile.

Water my grave when flowers grow

_rainicide

You watch the light leave their eyes. You watch their heart crumble into crimson colored dust. But that's all that you can do. Watch from afar while another bleeds for your warmth.

And then you realise how very cruel fate can be sometimes.

Because there is nothing you wouldn't do to hold them in your hands, there's nothing you'd want more than wiping their tears away. And you'd take away their pain in a heartbeat and replace it with all things beautiful in your life. If only you could.

Sometimes you can love someone so much but not in a way that matters to them. And not in a way that makes sense to you. But still there's love and pain and longing. But it's all wrong and right at the same time.

Sometimes it's painful to love someone. And sometimes it's painful to be loved. And you don't really have a choice with either of them.

So you watch them leave, with a broken heart, and you're left there with an ache in you that'll never really go away.

And in the silence of the night you whisper to no one in particular.

"In another lifetime perhaps...."

I woke up to the sound of his heartbeats.

It's a slow rhythm, one that comforts me in this darkness.

With only the light of the fake phosphor stars,

I can see his pale, beautiful face.

He's asleep, but very much alive.

At least for now.

At least for a few hours,

I'll still be able to embrace the warmth that's him.

Until the fuel runs out and we are doomed forever,

I can hug him and listen to his soft breaths.

There's a strange beauty to our current situation.

We're literally lost among the stars.

Held by the other, breathing the same air,

we float amidst the lights in the vast empty darkness,

miles away from the place we once called home.

Because now, nothing else exists to me except him.

Now, all that's real are his arms around my body.

Entwined together, our fingers are the last remnants of life.

And as I drift away into sleep once more,

I press my lips to his shoulder.

A final goodbye,

and then we're gone,

together.

Two hearts lost in space, and in each other,

till the end of time, perhaps.

I am glad that I met you.

Or else I would've never met myself.

And I am glad that you left me.

So now I know that being by myself is not so bad.

Sure, I was broken into tiny pieces when you stopped holding hands.

Sure, I did cry myself to sleep whenever I thought of your cold eyes.

I bared my soul and you gripped it a little too tight.

Now I lay broken, and like the blood in my veins, I flow through your cold fingers.

Drip by drip I fall onto the floor, a puddle of dreams and uncherished love.

But somewhere along the way, the red started to turn black.

And somewhere along the way, my tears started to form stars.

The tired sighs that fell from my lips have turned to swirls of white and gold.

The day you broke me, I fell.

I fell a human, and landed a galaxy.

I can still feel the pain of your touches.

But on those days, I burn a little more brighter.

I may have been broken once, but I gathered the pieces and here I stand.

A galaxy amidst the vast, cold emptiness that's you.

A galaxy that you can never touch without burning yourself too.

Do you know how it feels to hold your happiness in your hands and watch it swirl there in a pool of golden light before the night comes and snatches it away from your bleeding hands only to leave you wondering why it suddenly feels like your throat is burning when all you ever did was take a sip from your lover's lips ?

She's fading away.

And all I can do is watch.

The crumbling remains of our memories,

rise up in the air like afternoon dust.

I can smell the love we shared.

But with a hint of tragic helplessness.

She's flowing away.

And all I can do is stare.

Whose fault was it that we became

the very thing we promised we won't.

All we ever wanted was a simple life of laughter.

And yet here we are now.

Me and her.

On the brink of breaking apart.

On the edge of the world.

Soon enough we'll be strangers.

And all that once was will become old tales.

Levitating through the mixed scenes of the past,

I try to find one last sweet thing.

A caress on my cheeks.

A smile on her lips.

Hands held under the stars.

A kiss shared at dawn.

But in the end I find none of those.

She must've taken it all away.

Afterall that's what we said we'd do.

Be all or nothing to each other.

Simply everything or nothing at all.

It seems she has kept her promise.

And now it's my turn.

© Moonyloonywitch

02/09/2021

The yellow letter sits on my table.

Edges worn and writing faded.

A faint scent of sandalwood and lavender,

is all that lingers where your hands once roamed.

I've kept it close to me all these years.

In hopes you'll write one again.

But that's all it has been.

Hopes that seemed hopeless to begin with.

I cannot bring myself to crumple it.

Or tear it into small bits.

Deep down I am scared.

Your words have become a second breath to me.

Almost as if I'll die if I stop thinking about them.

We never said goodbye.

But you did say you were bored of this love.

Maybe it's time I threw it away.

The tiny piece of paper that held me a prisoner all these years.

Time for a fresh new me.

One where I don't give up my heart to random strangers.

With a racing heart and a head full of doubts,

I take up the paper and read it again.

For the last time,

I remember your face.

I remember how much in love I was.

And for a final time,

I trace my fingers over your words.

With love, you say,

but it's been dead for a while now.

And now, I think I'll bury it.

But the doorbell rings and I sigh.

The man seems amused by my tears.

He hands me the box all the same,

and then walk away with a good day.

I open the box and there you are.

Smiling from the past like you're still here.

Another piece of paper fall into my lap.

Your words stare at me again.

Fresh scents of sandalwood and lavender fills me.

With love, you say again.

I almost laugh out but then catch myself.

It's wrong to laugh at the dead.

But I still smile, happy.

I held onto you for so long.

And finally when I began to let you go,

you've just gone on.

Maybe what kept you alive for so long was me.

Afterall how could death drag you down,

when I whispered your name to the passing wind,

and wrote it in sand over and over again.

Maybe that's why certain love are born.

To keep the other alive and breathing.

And with every breath I take now,

I remind myself there's someone for me too.

© Moonyloonywitch

01/09/2021

And sometimes we are left with no answers but a bleeding heart that still refuses to give up on them. Still holds on with the hope that someday we'll live the dream in our heads. And so we live, like butterflies waiting to come out of their cocoons. But sometimes the cocoon gets damaged before we can fly, before we can breathe. And all that's left will be the shattered pieces of our hearts that shines like little red spots......and people in a time after us will call them galaxies.

It takes a Minute to Love someone,

But Years to forget them.

And a Lifetime, to wonder

why you fell for them in the first place.

I stand there like a fool lost in my thoughts.

You move away from me and just go on.

Silent screams bursts my eardrums.

But nobody hears a sound at all.

Tears fall like a broken dam,

like water rushing without an aim.

My mind have gone numb now.

And all I can see is black.

The bright spot of light is you,

and as I watch, it slowly fades away too.

Darkness is supposed to be a comfort.

But not when you've taken my heart.

A heartless body is an empty vessel,

and the dark seeps into me like spilled blood.

I can feel the cold from inside,

killing the last of the warmth within.

The embers of my fire are about to die down.

Too weak to stand up again,

I lay down and give in to the earth's embrace.

It's soft and moist.

But not warm and safe like your arms.

Before you vanish into the abyss,

turn around and dig a grave.

Bury my thoughts of you in there.

And plant a daffodil on top.

Let us go seperate ways now,

before your sighs bring me back to life again.

© Moonyloonywitch

Golden mornings and cool sea breezes brought them together.

Playful touches turned to yearnings with depth.

Days passed and love grew.

Until one day a shadow came uninvited.

Soon enough hell broke loose.

Still they managed to find their homes in the arms of the other.

But fate is bitter and sour and cruel.

It took away the black haired boy from his lover.

And left the other to grieve forever.

But what no one saw was the rage deep in the blues.

While the golden haired burned the world alive,

fate watched in the corner scared and small.

When the Trojans took away his home, his love, what could Achilles do except grieve for Patroclus.

And his grief brought the mighty warriors to their knees.

Troy did not not lose the war. Nor did the Greek win it.

Achilles grieved for Patroclus, and soon enough the war ended.

Ever since I saw your face,

a homeless ache setteled into my soul.

Creating a void inside me day by day,

while I watch you smile from afar.

I know we are worlds apart,

but my heart doesn't accept that.

Fate was a fairytale to me,

something that people used to distract themselves.

But I think it was fate that brought you to me.

Or rather it was fate that I realised you existed in this world.

Love is what everyone talks about,

but I never felt the need to experience it.

So while all around me people fell in love,

I quietly gazed at the stars wondering why I would need someone ever.

And it still is true, I don't need you.

When I saw you my heart didn't skip a beat,

nor did my breath catch.

But strangely though I couldn't tear my eyes off of you.

I thought it was a mere infatuation,

a crush upon your beautiful features.

But turns out after months of seeing you,

all I ever want is to see you even more.

My heart has latched onto you,

so now everything I love reminds me of you.

That seemed suspicious to me,

so I tried looking for more prettier faces.

I found many more of them,

yet in the end my heart only remembers yours.

I am scared that I am falling for you.

I just don't want to.

So when someone asks me if I ever was in love,

I'll confidently say that I haven't.

While my stupid heart silently screams your name.

And I'll pretend that I didn't hear it.

© Moonyloonywitch

07/08/2021

It hurts to see you like this.

All broken and drowning.

Souless eyes staring into oblivion.

I know you've been heartbroken.

And I know you feel like dying.

But I hope you know that I care.

I care so much that your pain is starting to feel like my own.

And I am scared that I'll end up like you too.

But while I am beside you in your sad story,

I don't think you'll be there for me in mine.

I don't know what to do now.

Maybe just for a while till you heal,

I'll hold your hand and pretend I don't love you.

Denial has never been my thing.

But now I need it to live.

So here I am denying the love I feel for you,

so that I can share the pain you are in because of him.

Love has many definitions,

and for me it is being with you while you love another.

© Moonyloonywitch

06/08/2021