Do You Know How It Feels To Hold Your Happiness In Your Hands And Watch It Swirl There In A Pool Of Golden

Ever since I saw your face,

a homeless ache setteled into my soul.

Creating a void inside me day by day,

while I watch you smile from afar.

I know we are worlds apart,

but my heart doesn't accept that.

Fate was a fairytale to me,

something that people used to distract themselves.

But I think it was fate that brought you to me.

Or rather it was fate that I realised you existed in this world.

Love is what everyone talks about,

but I never felt the need to experience it.

So while all around me people fell in love,

I quietly gazed at the stars wondering why I would need someone ever.

And it still is true, I don't need you.

When I saw you my heart didn't skip a beat,

nor did my breath catch.

But strangely though I couldn't tear my eyes off of you.

I thought it was a mere infatuation,

a crush upon your beautiful features.

But turns out after months of seeing you,

all I ever want is to see you even more.

My heart has latched onto you,

so now everything I love reminds me of you.

That seemed suspicious to me,

so I tried looking for more prettier faces.

I found many more of them,

yet in the end my heart only remembers yours.

I am scared that I am falling for you.

I just don't want to.

So when someone asks me if I ever was in love,

I'll confidently say that I haven't.

While my stupid heart silently screams your name.

And I'll pretend that I didn't hear it.

© Moonyloonywitch

07/08/2021

The drive is good.

Refreshing, calming.

A little bit silly too.

But I love it, I adore it.

Still, I wish you'd been there.

Holding my hand,

Your goofy laughter filling up the car.

I miss your jokes.

And your happy little giggles.

When I pass the beach at sunset,

I can feel the warmth of your smile on my skin.

A comforting touch of light and life,

a reassurance that you haven't left.

And while I close my eyes and bask in your love,

I know that you miss me too.

I can feel your heartbeat in every ray that falls on my outstretched palm.

I feel it in the way the sun seems a little too close sometimes.

Like I can almost touch it.

Like it's a kiss.

While the warmth of the sunset holds your love for me,

my sunburnt heart loves you with all the colors of a sunrise.

Let us remain like this forever.

Our love,

hidden in the rising and setting

of the brightest star in the sky.

Hold me close and sing softly about starry nights and fairy lights.

I feel really ill and all I want to do is fall asleep in your arms

Everything in this world has a place.

And more than often I feel like mine is beside you.

You tell me that you're loosing me a little bit each day.

How can I not feel lost, when you deny me of my home?

Where do I plant my heart, when you close the door to yours?

The worst battles of mine were about you, against myself,

being forever torn between wanting to stay and run away.

But as dawn approaches and the sun rises again,

I loose yet another fight.

I hope one day you can finally see me beside you.

One day, you will know that I've always been there.

That I never left, and never will.

I am sorry I couldn't create a safe place for you.

I am sorry I couldn't be brave enough to let you be you.

I am sorry for all the times I made you say you hate pink (we love it now).

I am sorry for trying too hard sometimes and not trying at all other times.

I am sorry that you had to face all those years alone, without someone to hold you close.

I am sorry for letting you go when I should've held onto you tighter.

I am sorry for thinking that shutting you out will make me feel like I belong somewhere, anywhere.

I am sorry for abandoning you when all you ever had was me.

But now, little one, we are here. You and I, both of us are safe in this space that I have started to call 'heart'.

Cry all you want, I'll hold you. Be fierce, be gentle, be everything that you've wanted to be. I am here and you can be you.

Sweet young child, you're safe in my hands.

And we'll be okay. I love you, and that's all that matters.

To my younger self,

I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. I'm sorry that I didn't stop you from harms. I'm sorry that now you're too broken to be put together

It was never your fault. It was never your fault. It was never your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault

Why does emptiness hurt so much,

when there is nothing for me to feel anymore.

Dragging my pale hands across the dirty walls,

I feel like giving up on everything.

I've lived on for so long,

hoping that someday everything would get better.

But that was just a lie I told myself,

because all that ever happened to me was blue.

From heartbreaks to heartbreaks,

I lived on hoping I would be free one day.

But turns out the way we live our lives,

is always predetermined before our births.

Stars and galaxies had perfectly aligned,

to make sure that luck never came my way.

All those times I felt like joys,

were simply mirages on my abandoned mind.

I wanted answers for so long,

but was afraid to come get them.

Now in the middle of the night I stand,

my heart feeling heavier than ever before.

My pale hands glides over the knocker,

and the sound of it makes the stillness scream.

Moonlight is the only comfort I have now,

as I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

The cold night air smells bittersweet,

but strangely it feels like home.

It is home.

Losing someone you love is hard enough,

but losing all of them together,

is the worst torture that a soul can suffer.

It's been years since I came home.

But I always carried it within me,

a burden that was uncalled for.

Now with the moon and the night as witnesses,

I gather every last ounce of life in me.

Calling home for the first time in years,

I am answered with a gentle breeze that caresses my cheeks.

Maybe they too missed me like I missed them.

Maybe I should've come sooner,

so that I could live a little longer.

But it doesn't matter now.

I call home after so long,

to let them know that I'll come soon.

It's just a matter of months, said the doctors.

But to me it feels like I have eternities to cross,

to finally be whole again.

Calling home for the first time in years,

I can't wait to be finally home again.

© Moonyloonywitch

12/08/2021

Stars have aligned.

And so have hearts.

Now when the sun sets in the horizon,

up comes the night.

Wild and beautiful,

with a mad sense of time.

As the world sleeps on,

souls meet at last.

Finally they've found eachother.

After eons of being nomads.

Stars have aligned.

And so have worlds.

Now when the moon shines in the sky,

down goes the light.

Sparkling and raging,

with a fierce sense of longing.

As the world stops to spin,

they hold hands at last.

© Moonyloonywitch

07/09/2021

I woke up to the sound of his heartbeats.

It's a slow rhythm, one that comforts me in this darkness.

With only the light of the fake phosphor stars,

I can see his pale, beautiful face.

He's asleep, but very much alive.

At least for now.

At least for a few hours,

I'll still be able to embrace the warmth that's him.

Until the fuel runs out and we are doomed forever,

I can hug him and listen to his soft breaths.

There's a strange beauty to our current situation.

We're literally lost among the stars.

Held by the other, breathing the same air,

we float amidst the lights in the vast empty darkness,

miles away from the place we once called home.

Because now, nothing else exists to me except him.

Now, all that's real are his arms around my body.

Entwined together, our fingers are the last remnants of life.

And as I drift away into sleep once more,

I press my lips to his shoulder.

A final goodbye,

and then we're gone,

together.

Two hearts lost in space, and in each other,

till the end of time, perhaps.

There is no escape.

You can't run away from your mind.

From how you look and who you are.

But like the sky, you will never be blue all the time.

Like the sky, there are colours in you that are beautiful.

You have your own winters and springs,

Your own dawn and dusk.

Stars in your laugh and moonlight in your eyes.

Like the sky, you're the comfort to someone somewhere.

This is the moment you have to realise, being you is fine.

Because like the sky, you hold so much beauty and comfort.

There is no escape

Not for you

Not from yourself

The idea of escaping yourself is an illusion

This is the moment when you have to realize, life is made to be faced

Not to be hidden from

Because like the sky, it will never let you out of sight

Like the sky it will envelope you from all sides

And like the sky when you least expect it, life will come crashing down

I was a child of the desert from a very young age, even though now I am more closer to the sea. This was inspired by my many trips to deserts during my childhood, and of course Paulo Coelho's Alchemist.

Deserts have always seemed magical to me. Their golden sunsets and brilliant night skies have kept me in awe forever. It's almost like having a universe and space right here on this Earth.

(ps : Sahara simply means desert in Arabic. I came up with the part about moon just for the story. )