Positive Vent - Blog Posts

2 every former "weird kid" out there who still struggles with repressed self hatred as a coping mechanism, remember that it's totally okay to forgive that younger version of yourself. You didn't do anything to deserve the way you were treated, and no matter what you did then, you can always become a version of yourself that you like NOW ! : D or something liek that!!

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...He's gonna be the death of me.....(/pos)

:" -and in your case, thanks to you I now have someone with whom I feel a warm closeness... which I really needed... and thanks to you, I have thoughts about a good future and a desire to live until old age, and not until 30 years old 🥲"

ough my gosh, I love this man sm💕💕💕 😭

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Don't read if you don't want to - it's just me freaking out- 👌

(another streak of incoherent thoughts and feelings because I want to f$%# scream and cry and laugh and run an- omgomgomgkomg- )

oh my god....oh my god....oh ... mu god.... What is happening.... I.... the guy-....

Talk with each other, come to an agreement - aka confess to each other, proceed to joke, joke terribly, then proceed to SCARE EACH OTHER TF OUT for a moment (me have a metaphorical heart attack- ), panic, apologise, talk it out, set boundaries, come to an agreement, apologise, talk, hug, (via text, cus different cities- ), cry (my part), share personal bad experience ab some aforementioned things, understand eachother, hug, forehead kith, cry- (my part again- )

All in all

I got a soulmate

I still can't comprehend it-. Like, what the actual f-

What's going on-, how-, why-,

How did I deserve it??

What??

I never thought I could ever find someone who, as I call it, I would 'click with'. Turns out I did. What the what-

I feel like "Left brain and Right brain" by Bo Burnham right now. My left, analytical brain is trying to calmly comprehend what is happening right now and assess the situation rationally. But my right, emotional brain doesn't care atm:

She's running around happily, stimming and crying.

Yup.

I got a soulmate.

What the fu-

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(a ramble of incoherent thoughts and feelings. sorry)

I talked with that guy.... have I found a potential soulmate?.... is that what it feels like?? something like that has never happened with me before........ It feels confusing. confusing but really, really nice...... being myself when talking with him.......

send help

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talking with people feels.... actually nice? /pos

(I talked with a guy and turns out we have SO much in common....)

I literally I’m so touch starved I need Scarecrow to just wrap me up in a caged cuddle while we watch horror movies.

WHY AM I LIKE THISS SIMPING

I’m simping for literal salt. SODIUM CHLORIDE. HOW IS HE SO FINE??

Whitty and Jonathan have to make space for the newcomer.

The Plot Thickens (And Concludes)

If you read my last post and thought that the dots were not connecting... you were on to something. Turns out it wasn't influenza, it was walking pneumonia all along! Apparently you could be infected 4 week prior and not know it, then you start feeling flu-like. I had no clue Pneumonia Lite™ was a thing but here we are! We will just take this as a lesson. If you feel like you have the flu, but it doesn't go away as fast as the flu goes away for you (+ you have a bad cough), you should go to the doctor. If your lungs sound crackly, that's also a sign. I was given anti-biotics (bio-bombs lmao) and now I am all better (save for a mild cough and a gnarly voice). Praise to modern medicine and science!

da vibe fo today: kicking depression in it's ass

Onwards we ride

After some good thinking, I came to a conclusion. I've had kinda enough of suffering and tormenting my mind, so I thought maybe having a good talk with myself. Through it I decided that, even if it was hard to admit it, it was time to let go of some people, and of old pains. Yes, I've been hurt, and I did some mistakes in the past cuz of it, and I don't justify them. But now? I know I'm fighting, and so I'm sure it'll hurt (like every war does) but samewise, I know it's for a good cause and reason, so I'm ready to smile at the pain and take it out, and find peace in my endeavors. And yes, I'll miss some people, but I gotta accept I'm not responsible for everyone's fate, so I'm happy I got to share a part of my life with them. There's no denying that it's hard to accept the pain, especially when pressured, but it's the only way to let go and move on from it. And accept that ur trying to do better. Be at peace that rn, ur a better person, and u wanna fight for good...

Bizarre-Seeking: thoughts from an irl situation.

CW: talk of irl blood / gore.

I have seen, smelled, and touched just too much blood and gore recently. Of my own, no less. And I didn't even lift a finger to cause it.

But on a nicer note, it gave me ideas for bizarre-seeking options. For one, keeping a piece of flesh in a vial, or some other souvenir from what was a painful, unpleasant time and turn it into something pleasingly sadistic... or surprisingly pure.

You go through something that has you suffering, "just get me away from the pain." But then a yandere comes in, and maybe from another perspective it seems as if they're downplaying your trauma, disrespecting it, and only acting out to further your distress when they make art out of it.

However, their intentions are surprisingly angelic. They turn what was a source of pain into art that they're enamored with, because they're enamored with you. They love you through thick and thin, and you could be bleeding out with blood clots running down your legs and they'd never, ever be disgusted. Your own writhing being is of such high value to them. Even while your brain is too busy firing off signals, screaming for peace, there's someone who appreciates you and is on the sidelines giving you their utmost support and admiration, that by the time it's over you'll realize you weren't ever alone.

It's a kind of purity that transcends any insecurities. It's beyond any societal standards that could get in the way.

It's simply seeing you the way that you are, and that's beautiful.