Og Poem - Blog Posts

Heres a silly little poem!

You love them, You want them, but you could never reach them.

Will you still love them after their face is no longer obscured?

Will you still want them after the filter that once sheltered the laughable features is absent?

Honesty is always present, favorable or not.

It is always there, waiting for the moment to obstruct them.

C.A.R.E and M.I.N.E

These two poems are part of a set of four, so that's why H.O.P.E. is mentioned!

C.A.R.E. is for

Concern for those around me, even if it’s not reflected

A is for altruism- work in progress, but I’ll try

R for resilience because that’s what I’ll need to practice, and

Effusion for e because four walls can’t stop my thoughts

C.A.R.E. stands for care and nothing more

Because caring is a skill I will learn to adore

C.A.R.E. is to experience the world

Painful and confusing though it ends up at times

But I won’t stay in these walls forevermore

Because I’ve only ever learned outside of the halls

C.A.R.E. is how I’ll start to live

Even if I begin to wish the box was still with me

Only with the will to fly will I reach the sky

And only from the heights will my path begin to be mine.

———————

M.I.N.E. is for

M will be for mindful, learning to adapt

I is for inspired by those around me every day

N is for natural and being me in my entirety

E is back to effervescent because that’s who I want to be

M.I.N.E. is for a willingness to grow

Because now I want to learn how nobody is the same

I’m fascinated, please, teach me what you know

Let me make a library and place your book inside

M.I.N.E. to adapt and overcome

The way it’s uncomfortable will show me how to grow

Nothing good ever came without struggle, so I know

Giving up is easy, but I will keep moving on.

And a fall is just an opportunity

To learn and fly again

H.O.P.E. wasn’t right, in the end

M.I.N.E. for the person I want to be

C.A.R.E for the person I owe it to

Giving up is easy but M is to be mindful

Of my actions and the consequences that they will always bring

So giving up is easy, but I will learn to fly.

Circles

I sit here

And in circles I go

Round and round this carousel

My mind and my heart at war

He loves me, he loves me not

I love me, I love me not

But the flower is just as confused.

I lay here

And in circles I go

Around and around and around

I can’t feel my soul and my heart is losing the fight

They love me, they love me not

I love me, I love me not

I’m out of flowers and I‘m just as lost.

I tumble down

And in circles I go

Round and round and round

I can’t breathe and my mind is screaming

He  loves me, he loves me not

I love me, I love me not

A roll of the dice away from something stupid

A spin away from losing my mind

I can’t put the shovel down

He loves me, he loves me not

I love me, I love me not

In circles and circles I go

Around and around this carousel ride.

Nature

If I were to choose how I am

If I were on the outside how I am inside

I’d be something feral

I’d be something beautiful.

I’d be something unrecognisable

And I’d be something new.

I’d be sharp and I’d be deadly

I’d be a rose made only of thorns.

If I could be something natural

I would be something feral

I’d be something beautiful

I’d rip myself apart and build myself back up.

I’d be something painful 

I’d be something to be feared.

If I were a mirror of how I feel

I’d become something new

Something natural

Something feral

I’d be a river that nobody crosses.

I’d be dangerous and I’d be violent

I’d be myself and no one else.

Systematic

Tell me that

You’ve never seen a system with a crack

That however improbable

And however small

Someone fell down

And wasn’t welcomed back up.

Because only so many times

Can the nail be hammered

Before the wood begins to warp

And only so long

Can the earthquake go on

Before the ground begins to fail.

System failure, system failure

Throw the dying ones a rope

But cut off their hands before you do

Or this systematic failure could be fixed.

Tell me how you’ve never seen

Someone fall and fall and fall

Down a hole so deep

It swallowed them up

Never to be noticed again.

Letters on a paper

Ruining lives

Laws for people

Who have never been seen.

System failure, system failure

The hammer keeps on hitting

So cut off their hands

And keep shaking their world

So the systematic failure can thrive.

Walk With Me

If I asked you

When I die

Will you walk with me

Down to the gates

And leave me there

With one last talk

When you go up

To the clouds?

If I asked, when I am gone,

Will you remember

Me as me?

When I go down

To the gates

Of a pit so deep

Will you walk there with me?

If I begged you

Right here and now

Will you let me

Hold your hand

While I walk

Down to the pit

And take my place

In a tragic end?

And if the answer’s yes

Then let me ask you now

If I can be so selfish

As to have you watch me go

Down to that pit so deep

Then turn around

and go to the clouds

To take your rightful place?

Fear, Part II

Is there a reason

You feel so alone

With all these people

Surrounding you?

The sun is shining

And the birds are out

Summer air against your skin

But it’s still winter inside.

You’re locked in a cage

Made up of your mind

The monsters are out

And they won’t rest.

Put on a smile

Don’t let them see

How many cracks

You have burning inside.

You can take another day

And your lungs will keep on moving

So focus on happy thoughts

And you’ll be fine.

But now the winter air is biting deep

And it’s getting hard to breathe

Through all this falling snow

And the beasts hunting you.

You’re pounding against the bars

In this cage you’ve made in your brain

But the howling wind and the blanket of snow

Are melding together and leaving you treading

This deepening water

An ocean of silence

That swallows your screams.

Take a deep breath

And paste the smile back on.

Focus on the happy thoughts

And take another pill.

If nobody wants to hear your words

That’s alright, you’ll be fine

Keep your mouth shut, you know,

Conform and don’t be crazy-

Others have it worse anyways.

You don’t remember when

Those pills began to stop

And now your heartbeat is racing

From the killers in your head.

It’s all so much

And now you must be insane

Because nobody else says a word

About suffering like this.

Your mask is far too much

A weight you can’t remove

You’re a bird with clipped wings

A flower with no stem.

You’re chained up in your own mind

Gagged by your own fear

Pills by the handful

Just to feel alive.

Time is fading to a fuzzy haze

The only constant this endless nightmare.

You just want to smile again

You just want to feel whole again!

Cause and effect but this is effect without a reason

What’s the cause, what’s the root

Of this sickened tree?

They ask if you’re afraid of death

Chastise you for these reckless thoughts

And tell you to just grow up.

So how do you tell them

That you’re not afraid of death anymore?

The hell in your head

Is so much worse

Than any hell a religion could offer.

You’re not afraid of the reaper

Or any judgmental god

You’re afraid

Of this life.

Silence is a blade

Cutting your skin

But words make the cuts

Sink all the deeper still.

Anything to end this pain

Anything to cut the chains

Holding you hostage to the demons inside

If heaven is real that’s not where you’ll go

Because this pit can’t be climbed out of

The walls are too sharp

And trying only broke your will.

Every moment of this hell

Is too much, it’s a crushing weight

Anything at all

To end this pain.

Life isn’t fair

And god, don’t you know it

You’re so tired

And the waters are deep

So maybe it’s time

To set you free.

I am not your daughter

I am not

I am not

I am not your daughter.

I am not

I am not

I am not your son.

There are so many times

I want you to see

How I am not

The person you think

But every time I open my mouth

You close off your heart

And now I’m always

In the wrong.

I will listen

I will speak

And I want you to hear me out

I am not

I am not

I am not your daughter.

I am not

I am not

I am not your son.

I will explain this to you

Till my face turns blue

And the stars go out tonight.

Give me a chance

To let you know

This is how I am.

I will listen

I will speak

And I want you to hear me out.

I am not

I am not

I am not your daughter.

I am not

I am not

I am not your son.

I won’t pick a side

For your own comfort

And let myself fade away.

I will learn

The language you speak

And I will preach this back to you.

I will listen

I will speak

And I want you to hear me out.

I am not

I am not

I am not your daughter.

I am not

I am not

I am not your son.

The Way I've Learned To Live

The way I’ve learned to live

Isn’t what I ever expected

When I was little and the world

Still held all the beauty I had needed.

I’ve learned about myself

In ways I hadn’t ever guessed

Were even possible for me.

The way I’ve learned to live

Is preservation above all

Keep my sanity and my life

My heart and my soul.

But oh, I’m losing it

I’m losing this careful hold

Every time I bite back words

I know I need to say.

The way I’ve learned to live

Is to stay silent when others think

That I am like them, because safety is in numbers

My hands are bleeding from the painful grip I have

The only thing suspending me

From falling down and down.

The way I’ve learned to live

Is preservation above all

Keep my heart and my soul

My sanity and this life

But oh, someone help

I can feel myself slipping

And now I tumble

Down and down

The way I’ve learned to live

Is the way I’ve learned to die

Someone help, someone help

But oh, I’m losing it.

How Many Ways To Say

How many ways

Can there possibly be

To tell you how I feel

Again and again?

I’m running out of words

Someone wind me up again

I’m so tired, I’m so tired

Of looking at the pages

That are my sole escape

My mind is buzzing

With things I wish I had the courage to say.

And I’m still wondering now

How many ways

Can there possibly be

To say how I’m not normal?

How many times

Must I scream

I am not a daughter

Before I’m finally told

That nobody wants to hear it?

Stop lying to me

Stop telling me you understand

Because I’m so tired

Of this body

And the way it’s winding down

I’m running out of words

Someone please tell me 

How many ways

Can there possibly be

To tell you I’m not ok?

And now you’ve scared me

Now I’m silenced

And yet you think it’s fine

I’m not ok, I’m not alright!

Someone tell me that’s ok

Someone tell me I’m not a freak

Even if I don’t believe

How many ways

Can there possibly be

To say I’m so damn tired?

I am nothing, I am nothing

I am not your daughter

I’ve never been but now I wonder

How many ways

Can there possibly be

For you to say

You don’t care?

Cause I’m running out of air

And I’m running out of words

Someone wind me up again

How many ways

Are there to say

That I am not your daughter?

If I Could Be Anything

If I could be anything

On this planet earth

I wouldn’t be a human

I’d be something free.

I wouldn’t be a human

No matter what you say

When the sky is so enticing and

My mind so trapped here now

I might choose to be a bird

And fly away from here

Or an insect with a view

Limited to me.

If I could be anything

I wouldn’t be a human

I’d let myself see

The world from the oceans

So blue and so deep

And I’d let myself sink

Away from humanity

Because if I could be anything

I wouldn’t be a human.