//myfic - Blog Posts

It’s lonely at the top

Part 1 | part 2 | here / final part

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wc 1,698 | Steddie | angst with a happy ending!

“You need to give him some space,” Robin said over the phone. Eddie frowned. It’s been three days. He missed Steve. He nearly leaped over the couch to answer the phone, assuming it was him. Robin was the next best, he guessed. “You really hurt him.”

“I know,” Eddie said. “And I’m sorry. I really am. Will you tell him I’m done with the parties? Done with Trick? He means more to me than being liked.”

“Yeah,” Robin huffed. “You sure showed him that.”

“I mean it,” Eddie said honestly. “I do. I’m done with it all.”

“I think you need to tell him that yourself,” Robin said.

“How can I?” Eddie asked. “You won’t let me talk to him.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to you,” Robin corrected. “You need to let him be ready to accept you.”

Eddie sighed, pressing his forehead against the cabinet where the phone hung. He wished there was a way to tell Steve how sorry he was. As much as Eddie wanted to take the Green line to Robin’s dorm and talk to Steve, he can’t cross that boundary. But he needed a way to pour out his emotions, to let Steve know that he’s loved. That Eddie’s sorry. “Can I — Can I send him a letter? That way when he’s ready, he knows I’m there for him?”

There was silence on the other line as Robin thought it over. “Yeah, okay,” she said. “Just address it to me. He’s not …”

“Supposed to be there,” Eddie nodded. “Yeah. I figured. Thank you, for being there for him.”

“Yeah. Look,” Robin huffed. “If he does let you back in again, and you fuck up again. It’s your balls, Munson.”

“Understood,” Eddie said. “I promise. Never again.”

Robin hung up with a click. Eddie sighed, running his hands over his face. He fucked up. Bad.

He guessed there was no time to start writing like the present.

💌💌💌💌

“Steve, someone at table 13 requested you personally,” Jenny, the hostess said. “He’s — uh — a little scary. So if you have issues, get Rod.”

“Thanks, Jenny,” Steve said, pulling his order book from his apron. He wasn’t sure who would request him at 3 pm. Most of his early birds on Saturdays stop by the diner for brunch and he barely saw a soul until 5.

When they first moved out to Chicago, Steve had no clue what he was going to do for work. He was attending Harold Washington College to get his associates in early education, and then potentially apply to UIC. Then one day, he got off a stop too early and saw the help wanted sign. It was easy for him to pick up, he made decent tips, and it worked with his schedule well. Plus, he was able to take home food at the end of his shift.

Robin’s been enjoying the pancakes lately.

Plus, Steve loved when it was slow and Eddie would —

He closed his eyes, letting the thought disappear. He missed Eddie. His heart ached any time he thought about him. But he was afraid that Eddie didn’t miss him in the same way.

He took a deep breath and plastered on a fake smile as he greeted his table.

“Hi, welcome in. I’m Steve. I’ll be taking care —“ Steve stopped as he looked at the patron. He felt his lips turn into a frown. “Trick?”

“Patrick’s fine,” Trick winked. “I mean, we’re in your court, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, sure,” Steve nodded. He pressed his lips together, feeling like he couldn’t stop staring at the black and blue circles under his eyes. “What happened to your — uh —“ he gestured to his own face. He winced. Trick didn’t like him in the first place. He wouldn’t give Steve the time of day. Why would he bother to tell him about an injury like that. “Sorry — shouldn’t have asked that. What can I get started for you?”

“Your boyfriend, actually,” Trick smirked. It was like ice water was dumped over Steve as the words washed over him. Trick’s smirk dropped. He leaned over the table. His voice dropped to a whisper. “Hey — hey, sorry. I didn’t mean — It’s cool. It’s — Eddie and you — are cool, I mean.”

Steve wasn’t sure if he felt any better or worse. All he could say was, “Oh.”

“Yeah, uh —“ Trick ran his fingers over his buzzed hair and exhaled. “Half of our friends are gay or lesbian or queer. It’s — that’s fine. Promise.”

“Oh,” Steve repeated. He sat on the other side of the booth, across from Trick. “Okay.”

“I just —“ Trick looked up to the ceiling before turning his attention back to Steve. “We shouldn’t have judged you. We saw you and immediate thought you were gonna be some straight jackass like we’ve dealt with our whole lives. We built this community of accepting outcasts, and outcasted you while doing so.”

Oh.

Steve wasn’t sure what to think.

When Eddie and him started to date, the Corroded Coffin boys treated him similarly. But Eddie called them out on that before it got bad.

Before it got like this.

“I guess what I wanted to say was sorry,” Trick said. “For pushing you out. And name calling.”

Steve furrowed his brow. “I don’t recall any name calling?”

“Yeah, you weren’t around for that,” Trick winced, gesturing to his nose. “Eddie made sure I knew that was wrong.”

“Eddie,” Steve breathed. “My Eddie?”

“Yep,” Trick said. “I hope he gave you a big apology for everything. So, tell me. What do you got that’s good to eat here?”

Steve took Trick’s order — one strawberry milkshake and an order of fruit loaded French toast — sent it to the kitchen, then went into the bathroom. He shut the door behind him and pulled out Eddie’s letter from his apron pocket. The first letter arrived last Monday. And he received a letter every day that he’s stayed with Robin.

With a shaky breath, Steve opened the letter.

💌💌💌💌

Dear Steve, there’s nothing in the world that I can do to make this up to you. But I will try every day to make sure that you don’t ever forgotten again. You are the stars that light my way home, the sun that brings warmth into my light, and the moon that shines love over me. To experience your love is something truly unreal. And to think I put you on the back burner for a taste of popularity? It was like the Ring of Power overtook my mind. I got lost in the feeling of being admired by many, I forgot what it’s like to be loved by one. I’d travel to Mordor and back for you. Through the Gap of Rohan and through the Mines of Mora.

In a world where everyone could know my name, I’d only want to know yours.

My apologies will never be enough. Love, Eddie

💌💌💌💌

I hope you are well. I hope your classes are going good and that you’re excelling. I know you are. You’re so fucking smart, you blow me away with every new piece of knowledge you brought home. I hope that basketball at the YMCA is going good. I’m sorry I missed your last couple of games. There is no excuse. I hope one day you’d allow me to be by your side again, cheering you on.

You deserve the world, baby. Nothing will stop me from showing you that. Everything from the water in the rivers to the trees in the forest. From the canyons in Arizona to the mountains in Colorado. It’s yours. It’s all yours. You deserve everything. You deserve the best. And I promise that I will prove that.

Forever in love, Eddie

💌💌💌💌

I’d move heaven and hell

Just to see you smile again

Or remember how it felt

To have you in my arms

When I begged God for mercy

In the depth of hells

It was nothing compared

To begging for the mercy of you

To hear you laugh, to see you smile

To counting the stars across your skin

To pick up where we left off

To start all over again

I’d move heaven and hell for you

💌💌💌💌

Steve folded the letters, slipping them back into the envelope and set them on his nightstand.

He laid back down, turning to his side. Eddie’s side of the bed was empty. Like it has been for four days.

After Steve read the first letter, he found his way back to their apartment. Eddie was hope and nearly wrapped his arms around Steve, stopping as if there was an invisible barrier in between them. Eddie stopped, respecting that boundary at the threshold.

It was Steve to crack.

Steve who took that step over the threshold and fell into Eddie’s arms, burying his face into Eddie’s neck. Eddie wrapped his arms around Steve, holding him tight. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” was all Eddie could say.

They agreed they needed to slowly integrate back into each others’ lives. Communicate when they’re feeling alone and listen when one’s feeling distressed. Nightmares seemed easier to deal with, but they were going to work it through.

Eddie said he would sleep on the couch until Steve was ready for him. “No matter how long it takes, sweetheart,” Eddie said, pressing a kiss against Steve’s knuckles. “When you’re ready for me, I’m here.”

And Eddie truly meant that. They could go back to just friends and Eddie would accept it. He would be heartbroken, but to have Steve in his life again?

That’s worth everything to Eddie.

Eddie was jostled awake, feeling the couch cushion shift underneath him. The blanket on his body lifted up and a familiar weight settle on his chest. He felt at home again. Eddie tugged the blanket back over the both of them, one hand around Steve’s waist and the other tangled in his hair as Steve laid his head on Eddie’s chest. Eddie pressed a kiss to Steve’s temple, taking a silent vow to never lose him again.

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

Daenys VI

The dance of the Golds and Reds

The dance of the Golds and Reds

Chapter 12 is out

Princess Rhaenyra of house Targaryen heir to the iron throne

Princess Rhaenys Targaryen

The queen who never was

Lady Laena Velaryon

Chapter 11 is out

The dance of the Golds and Reds

Tyshara Lannister

Former lady in waiting to Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen

Cerelle Lannister

Former Lady in waiting to Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen

Chapter ten is out

Chapter nine is out

 Millicent Belmore

Former lady in waiting to the late queen Aemma Aryn

Lady Ruby Stokeworth

Lady in waiting to Queen Daenys Targaryen

The Dance of the Golds and Reds

Daenys Targaryen Queen of Love and Beauty

The dance of the golds and the reds

chapter 8 is out

King Viserys I Targaryen at his 2nd wedding

Queen Daenys Targaryen at her wedding

Tyland Lannister master of ships

Jason Lannister heir to casterly rock

Lord Tyrek Lannister , Lord of casterly rock

Lord Otto Hightower hand of the king

Lady Alicent Hightower

King Viserys I Targaryen ( son of prince Baelon and Princess Alyssa Targaryen

CANTO: INFERNO [a cyberpunk 2077 fanfic]

“It’s all fractals, growth, expansion, Johnny: when Rache Bartoss unleashed R.A.B.I.D.S., do you think he believed they were fully alive?” “Know he was probably fuckin’ them,” a ghostly, holographic twin of her own beer bottle is between his hands. He turns it, as if unable to figure out how he’s conjured it. Takes a drink that tastes like a memory of one he’s had over fifty years ago. “Ain’t that the goddamn dream.” “Yes, Johnny, every netrunner wants to fuck a program.” She pats his thigh and leans back on her elbows. The astroturf burns her skin with the pressure. “That’s not my point, though. Point is, you make a thing more complex, more intelligent, more human, fuck, let’s just put a human inside a computer now. Fully. Why the fuck not!” Her hands in the air, the gesture so much like his own that it makes him want to shove her. “And then what? As they get more human than human, as they start coagulating into Roko’s fucking basilisk, as we imagine a bigger and bigger boot to swallow before it even becomes reality, what kind of delusion are we making real?” “You’re so full of shit.” He pauses. “You saying you want to fuck me?”

-> ch.04 // : liberty in actions of the will

Valerie Cunningham, grand-niece from Alt's Father's side finds her paths crossed with a rockerboy's engram as a city that threatens to swallow them all is standing on the precipice of hell.

rating: explicit // trigger warnings: dead dove/all // main ships: johnny silverhand/V // keywords: toxic relationship, codependency, survival horror, cyberpunk dystopia, cosmic horror

CANTO: INFERNO [a cyberpunk 2077 fanfic]

Main ships: V/Johnny Silverhand

The landfill exhaled. A slow, toxic breath of methane and melting polymers rose from the waste as rain drummed against shattered dataterms and decaying food packaging. He breathed in through her lungs, stretched out through her limbs, felt the wind cooling blood on the side of his head from where the bullet lodged in her temporal plating. The pulse in his borrowed fingertips was thready; the only thing familiar was the crust of guitar string callous across them. The ground swam in and out of focus, the neural bridge between V's reality and his flickering like a dying holofeed. The bullet wound wept a sluggish rhythm onto the collar of her vest – left, right, left – like a faulty metronome. Johnny counted each drop through the haze of the Relic's intrusion. Fourteen beats per minute. Too slow. Her fingers twitched in the muck. Move, you stubborn little shit.

-> ch.03 // : a hound would stand between two does

Valerie Cunningham, grand-niece from Alt's Father's side finds her paths crossed with a rockerboy's engram as a city that threatens to swallow them all is standing on the precipice of hell.

rating: explicit // trigger warnings: dead dove/all // main ships: johnny silverhand/V // keywords: toxic relationship, codependency, survival horror, cyberpunk dystopia, cosmic horror

CANTO: INFERNO [a cyberpunk 2077 fanfic]

Main ships: V/Johnny Silverhand ; V/Songbird (Song So Mi)

"How's it feel to take me for a ride," she manages, hoarse. "Like the rush, you fucking infection?"Thump, thump. "Preem, thank you. Always wondered what it was like to change bandages while strapped to a suicidal wet cat."V hisses, "Where are the blockers?" "Loved the part where you seemed to dig for your carotid artery like you're lookin for treasure-""Where are my blockers, Johnny?""Real brilliant move, right there, gotta admire the dedication to the fastest Darwin award for self-surgery-""Where the FUCK are my blockers?!""Down the fucking toilet, you smooth-brained specimen, where the fuck else would they be? You think I'm gonna trust you not to take our body and fling it out of the nearest window?"

-> ch.02 // : that you should free yourself from fear

Valerie Cunningham, grand-niece from Alt's Father's side finds her paths crossed with a rockerboy's engram as a city that threatens to swallow them all is standing on the precipice of hell.

rating: explicit // trigger warnings: dead dove/all // main ships: johnny silverhand/V // keywords: toxic relationship, codependency, survival horror, cyberpunk dystopia, cosmic horror

CANTO: INFERNO [a cyberpunk 2077 fanfic]

V has no time to think of what a future could even look like. Here, in the churning belly of the city, the pace is heartbeat-fast until the last squeeze of the hand of Capital finds its way into your trachea and plays a dirge on your vocal cords. She's a street kid, orphaned at sixteen: who fucking isn't. Her friends have been dying as long as she remembers living and her parents' brains have been dissolved into syntax many hours before she's found their bodies bloating over in their running chairs. This was ten years ago. This feels like yesterday. Dirt poor, in over her head, the struggle to survive turns to desperate measures as she stumbles into a dying Jackie Welles who promises her a fortune in eddies, if only she slots a stolen biochip in her brain. Johnny Silverhand's name is a curse in her family, spoken between liturgies addressed to a dead Blackwall god. And the terrible noise of time approaches, the most violent sound in the world.

-> ch.01 // : through a dark wood, the right way blurred and lost

Valerie Cunningham, grand-niece from Alt's Father's side finds her paths crossed with a rockerboy's engram as a city that threatens to swallow them all is standing on the precipice of hell.

rating: explicit // trigger warnings: dead dove/all // main ships: johnny silverhand/V // keywords: toxic relationship, codependency, survival horror, cyberpunk dystopia, cosmic horror