Love Prose - Blog Posts

There was this moment yesterday morning around 6:30 am. It was after a rough night. A fair amount of people had called off from work, we were short staffed, and it felt like everything that could be going wrong. Was going wrong. Eventually we got over whatever hurdle we were facing, and we moved onto our next plane assignment. The flight was an international one, so they load the pilots up with food. Sometimes they dont eat all of it, they might give out whatever is left to the workers offloading the plane. There was Cheesecake on this particular flight that they didn't eat. I got dibs on it. It was a frustrating night, and I felt gross and sweaty. I was exhausted. But there was this moment where I was sitting in the bay door, watching the sunrise, eating on some of best chocolate cheesecake I've had in a while, and for some reason my brain went to that quote that Wanda said to Vision. "You are my Sadness, and My Hope. But Mostly You are my Love." We get these moments in our lives where we can get Angry and Upset, or where all we are is Sadness and what Pain we might feel. But there are others where we get those moments in the sun, at least in my experience, these precious moments despite whatever trial and tribulation I am going through, I can whisper in quiet satisfaction to the world or maybe to myself "But, Mostly you are my Love."

As got out of my car and bolted for the front door I prayed I wouldn't drop my keys because it was just pouring rain. Every inch of me was already covered by the time I got the door open. I realized I was laughing as I went to go shut it. I thought of you and your smile as I slid down the door frame and god do I miss you.

I think often how we overuse words. And how because of that, words that had potency and weight, sometimes now feel trite or even almost empty, half spoken without conviction. "Beautiful" it's almost as trite and vague as it comes now, it's lost it's meaning. There is no singular word that I can give to you to describe her radiance adequately. There is no word to define the way my heart rushed when her skin touched mine. I thought my heart would never be still again. It may have settled but my feelings sure haven't. It's still racing trying to find some sort of definition. It is like a gnat trying to quantify and calculate the breadth width and height of a mountain or some sort of decimal trying to comprehend all of creation.

Another love letter, I'll likely never send.

I think of people all day long. There are peoples whose names are written in the valves of my heart and with every beat and measure their meanings send my lifeblood through my veins. However, recently my thoughts are falling on you. I feel like I've wrote this letter-of-sorts to you a thousand times, and sent it to you none. For most people I can enumerate exhaustively every grievance or alternatively adequately admit any appreciation. But for you it has been consistently hard to find and define. For sometime I have been mixing up every word and position, it's definition and connotation trying to form something coherent. But I fear somewhere from heart to head, from head to hand, or hand to paper, it is getting lost in translation. Unfortunately I am acutely aware of my own mistakes, and I can say that I have committed many transgressions both purposeful and otherwise, big and small. And the greatest of these, at some point in my life I intentionally removed myself. For far too long I have remained silent and absent. Exclusive and Elusive. Now I am trying to write myself back into the narratives of many people. You are one of them. My thoughts and moments for you are variable and different, some are as the rosy fingered sky brings dawn to day, or as a quiet snow blankets a patient night. As the warmth of my heated seat reminds me of a shivering passenger. Or even now, as I'm writing this, your smile the sound of your laughter. I cannot say for certain if the formality of my words widens the gap, or closes the distance. But I know at least I've tried to convey some semblance of the reality that is, in a single trite expression "In my heart." I know that eventually, at sometime a bell will toll for my name, and my sins tallied. I can only pray that the ground remembers my name, and forgives me and just allows me to rest in the sun and grass, under my own vine. Then my body burned and ashes spread. But in a life, I can know this one victory. That I did not regret to shower the people I love with love. You are one of them. I would willingly give to you my days, hours and minutes. However I fear, that you, like most cancers put on shell, or an armor to protect something. And that's okay there is no fault or shame in that. You are allowed to be as guarded, defended or distance as you are comfortable with. You have opened yourself up to me before, and in that touching moment you impressed on to me an image. Something worth protecting. You are not fragile. You are sturdy. You've known pain, and adversity. What vision I received is one I will covet, cherish and hold sacred. You do not ever have to make yourself vulnerable to me, but I would like to make myself to you. If you give me the chance to, I'll give you those things my days, hours and minutes. If given your permission, I would be in your narrative. I see you, I hear you, if you would allow me, I'd hope to help you feel those ways. I am not here to defraud, defame, or even deshell you. My only motivation is to care, love and to get know you better. I only hope you don't misread my intention.

Stars have aligned.

And so have hearts.

Now when the sun sets in the horizon,

up comes the night.

Wild and beautiful,

with a mad sense of time.

As the world sleeps on,

souls meet at last.

Finally they've found eachother.

After eons of being nomads.

Stars have aligned.

And so have worlds.

Now when the moon shines in the sky,

down goes the light.

Sparkling and raging,

with a fierce sense of longing.

As the world stops to spin,

they hold hands at last.

© Moonyloonywitch

07/09/2021