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Incorrect Criminal Minds Quotes - Blog Posts

1 year ago

Reid: I am in pain.

Emily: Do you mean emotionally or- Oh god that’s a lot of blood!

Reid: Pain. Yes


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1 year ago

Hotch: Just be careful, Reid!

Reid *heading out the door*: I'm always careful, Hotch!

Reid: It's everything around me that's careless.


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1 year ago

Emily: Aaron and I are getting married!

Tara: Don’t share your personal problems with everyone else.


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2 years ago

Reid: Define dream

Emily: Dream - The first thing people abandon when they find out how the world works

Garcia: That’s too dark!


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2 years ago

Morgan: So, what do you think about that plan?

Rossi: Whatever floats your titanic

Morgan: The titanic sank

Rossi: Yeah, just like your IQ did when you came up with that plan.


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2 years ago

Emily: It was love at first sight, I knew my life would never be the same again.

JJ: She’s an idiot, and apparently I find that attractive.


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2 years ago

Emily: Do you think I’m ugly?

Reid: It’s not about looks, Emily. What’s valuable is on the inside...

Emily: Reid...

Reid: For example, someone's heart.

Emily: Aw... Stop it-

Reid: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know.

Emily: Seriously, stop.


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2 years ago

Reid going on a long tangent without stopping:

Emily: I think you’re still suffering the effects of Rossi’s party last night.

Reid: All I drank was red bull!

Emily: How many?

Reid: 18


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2 years ago

Hotch: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

Emily: It’s not a joke.

Emily: *sniffles*

Emily: I’m a legit snack.


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2 years ago

Reid: Did you win? Or just not die?

Reid: Either way, hooray.

Emily: ...Is ‘no’ a valid answer?

Reid: The hooray is redacted and you frighten me


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2 years ago

Just some random Incorrect Criminal Minds Quotes.

Tara, holding in their laughter: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it’s doing?

Reid: A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language.

Tara:

Tara: Water you doing?

———————

The BAU team every time Gideon does something against the rules: I regret getting dragged into your heterosexual tomfoolery.

———————

Morgan: Hey Reid, do you have any hobbies?

Reid: Swimming..

Morgan: Really? That’s cool. I never expected you to-

Reid: In a pool of self hatred and regret.

———————

Luke: You have an impressive pain tolerance.

Reid: Thanks, it's the trauma.

———————

Luke: Isn’t it weird that we can’t ride any other animal except horses. Like if horses weren’t a thing, humans would be fucked cause we couldn’t ride any other animals. Like riding animals wouldn’t really be a thing. We should probably be more grateful to horses.

JJ: Elephants.

Luke: Blocked.

Matt: Camels.

Luke: Extra blocked.

Garcia: Donkeys.

Luke: Ultra blocked.

Reid: That dick.

Luke: ...Followed.

———————

Morgan: Reid, it’s the third time this week you’ve had a mental breakdown and its Monday.


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2 years ago

Morgan: How many hours did you sleep last night?

Reid: 4 surprisingly.

Morgan: Straight?

Reid: No bisexual, why?


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2 years ago

Reid: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?

Garcia: How tall is Luke?

Reid: Around 5 feet and 8 inches.

Garcia: Then 5 feet and 8 inches


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9 months ago

Emily: Wait. People actually tell their crushes they like them?

Derek: What the hell do YOU do?

Emily: I die? What kinda question...


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1 year ago

Emily: I have the sharpest memory! Name one time I’ve forgotten something.

Derek: You left me in a Walmart parking lot like, three weeks ago.

Emily: I did that on purpose, try again.


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1 year ago

Emily, pointing: Can I sit there?

JJ: That’s my lap…

Emily: That doesn’t answer my question.


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1 year ago

JJ: I feel like doing something stupid.

Emily: I’m stupid! Do me!


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Therapist, on a meeting with Reid : And what do we do when we are sad ?

Reid : Get a new PhD.

Therapist : No-

Morgan : Flirt with cute girls.

Therapist : ...What ? Wait, where did you come from ?

Garcia : Buy way too much cute stuff to forget.

Hotch : Work way too much.

Rossi : Hyper focus and be paranoid about killers.

Therapist, clearly not ready for this, or for people popping out of nowhere : Wait-

Emily : Fake death while getting high.

JJ : Close up and be completely silent.

Therapist :

Therapist, throwing their files on the ground : ...Nope. I quit.


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Hotch : Do you want to talk about your mental state, Prentiss ?

Emily : No.

Reid, spinning around in his chair to face them : I do !

Hotch, sighing : I know, Reid.

Reid : I'm sad !

Hotch : I know, Reid...


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10 months ago

Emily : What are you, five ?

Morgan : Yeah, five heads taller than you.

Emily :

Morgan :

Emily :

Morgan : ᴾˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ᵏᶦˡˡ ᵐᵉ


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10 months ago

Morgan : You know what sucks ?

Reid, without looking up from his chess game : Vacuum.

Morgan : No- In a metaphorical sense ?

Reid : Black hole.

Morgan :

Morgan : You know what isn't cool ?

Reid : Lava.

Morgan : ...I swear there's a special place in hell for you. Smartass.

The rest of the team in the jet : giggles, Hotch fist-bumping Reid.


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10 months ago

Garcia, pouring honey into her tea : hell yeah get into that leaf juice you sexy bee sauce

Reid : ...Do you take constructive criticism on your sentences

Garcia : No.


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11 months ago

Morgan : Listen, it's no big deal, we can cross that bridge when we get there.

Garcia : No, YOU listen. I overthink everything, I'm already on that bridge, so we need to figure it out now.


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11 months ago

Reid : Remember when "A series of unfortunate events" was a book series and not my life ? Because I don't.


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