House Vines

House Vines

Hufflepuff performing stand up comedy

Hufflepuff: So, I’ve got a drinking problem.

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw: light chuckles

Hufflepuff: I’m not old enough to drink, that’s the problem.

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw: all whooping and cheering

House Vines

Ravenclaw: If you got 5 apples, and you give 3 away. How many do you have left?

Hufflepuff: 5?

Ravenclaw: deep inhale

Ravenclaw: IF YoU gOt 5 ApPLeS aNd YoU GiVe-

What’s heavier?

Gryffindor: Got a question for you. What’s heavier? A kilogram of steel? Or a kilogram of feathers?

Time ticks

Gryffindor: That’s right. It’s a kilogram of steel. Because steel is heavier than feathers.

Gryffindor’s Show!

Gryffindor: What do you mean?

Slytherin: They’re both a kilogram.

Gryffindor: But steel is heavier than feathers...

Slytherin: Heh. I know, but they’re both a kilogram.

Gryffindor:...Wha?

Gryffindor’s Show!

A scale holding both a kilogram of feathers and steel stands before gryffindor. The scale is balanced.

Gryffindor: That doesn’t prove anything, because steel is heavier than feathers.

Hufflepuff: I know, but look. They’re both a kilogram. Right? So they’re the same.

Gryffindor: Ok, but look at the size of this. *points to the huge bag of feathers* That’s cheating!

Slytherin: *laughs* No, they’re the same weight!

Hufflepuff: *also laughing* it’s a kilogram!

Gryffindor: But steels heavier than feathers...

Gryffindor’s Show!

Ravenclaw examining the scale.

Ravenclaw: They’re both a kilogram.

Gryffindor: Oh no...oh, no, you, ah...no...

Hufflepuff: You alright?

Gryffindor: *sadly* I don’t get it.

Slytherin: Sorry...

Ravenclaw: Yeah...Don’t worry about it!

House Vines

*eerie violin music playing*

Slytherin: Hello Gryffindor.

Gryffindor: Hi Slytherin.

Slytherin: *looks down*

Slytherin: Those shoes look familiar. *smiles coldly*

House Vines

Gryffindor standing on the edge of one of the buildings in hogsmeade getting ready to jump.

Slytherin: unenthusiastically Don’t kill yourself.

Gryffindor: Planking on the edge I might!

Slytherin: still unenthusiastically while trying to grab griffindor Don’t kill yourself.

Gryffindor: Hanging upside down from the edge I might!

Slytherin: whilst pulling gryffindor by their feet That’ll ruin the trip, dude.

House Vines

Gryfindor: What did you get in your happy meal?

Hufflepuff: Chapstick, what’d you get?

Gryfindor: A new SKATEBOARD!

Hufflepuff: Wha-

Gryfindor: *while skating away* LATER PUSSY!

House shenanigans

Hufflepuff: holding a large box What would you say if I came home with four puppies?

Ravenclaw: lowers book slowly

Ravenclaw: Hufflepuff, What’s in the box?

Hufflepuff:

Hufflepuff: I think you already know.

House Vines

Gryffindor walks into class

Slytherin: Aww fuck! See I thought I was gonna have a happy day at school, but then you walked in.

Ravenclaw: What did gryffindor do?

Slytherin: Bitch go and exist.

Gryffindor:...

Ravenclaw: turns to gryffindor Why would you do that?

House Vines

Hufflepuff: You have a beautiful smile.

Ravenclaw: Thank you...You’re not that handsome.

Hufflepuff: Wow.

Hufflepuff: Thanks!

House Vines

Hufflepuff: What do we want?

Gryfindor: Weed!

Hufflepuff: When do we want it?

Gryfindor: Weed!

Hufflepuff: I already said that.

Gryfindor: What do we want?

Hufflepuff: Weed!-I’m confused.