Jukebox Musicals Are The Lowest Form Of Art Confirmed

I am never not thinking about the fact that Edward Fairfax Rochester had the audacity to dress in drag as a low rent fortune teller, harass his guests, find out if his crush likes him and in the end it actually kind of works

Of course Selina is into Battinson he literally has the personality of a wet cat

I relate to Steven Grant, because I too, am a coping mechanism for a mentally ill forty year old man

Coming back to this because these are all the other musicals that should be recast with muppets:

1. Rent

Everyone is a muppet except the evil landlord, self explanatory, done. (I don’t know enough about rent to cast this one tbh but I think Scooter would be an excellent mark)

2. The Phantom of the Opera

The count is the phantom (join me in a fantasy world where the muppets and Sesame Street gang cross over- or it could also just be Gonzo I guess I like the idea of him as a homewrecker) miss piggy is Christine, kermit is raoul and the only humans are Meg and her mother. Additional cast members could be scooter as the stage manager, per the usual, Fozzie Bear as that one Italian opera singer but instead of singing he just wants to tell his jokes, Gonzo as Carlotta in a wig and statler and Waldorf as themselves heckling the opera

3. Jesus Christ Superstar

Hear me out ok, this one may be controversial, but miss piggy is Jesus, the slightly jaded, undeniable star of the show, and kermit is Judas, undeniably in love with her, but tired of her hogging the spotlight and feels she’s turned her back on what the muppets are really about. Beaker is Peter because he also looks like he would nope out when shit goes down and deny miss piggy, and Mary Magdalene should be played by renowned Broadway actress Philips Sousa because I just think that would be really cool if she hasn’t already played that role

4. Sweeney Todd

In which the animal plays unhinged sweeney todd, judge Turpin is Sam the eagle, miss piggy is Johanna, kermit is Anthony, and miss Lovett is played by Janice, who while I think lacks the manic energy needed for the role, would be a good chilled out foil to animal and bring a new flavour to the character of the crazy character who’s so deluded they make their actions seem almost sane

5. Little Shop of Horrors

I’m sorry I know I keep casting them as the two leads but kermit and miss piggy were born to play Audrey and Seymour, it is a pair that cannot be topped. The only change this makes to the original is that we all know miss piggy takes no shit so I think the stuff with the dentist (still played by Steve Martin because you can’t improve upon perfection) is a misinterpretation and she actually beats the ever living shit out of him for disrespecting her. Rizzo the rat should play the slimey businessman who buys Audrey Two, Statler and Waldorf are collectively mr mushnik, the chorus should also be human but I think the piece de resistance would be the Swedish chef as Audrey two and all the world is his chicken, and all the world should be deeply, deeply, afraid.

Tell me in the comments if I missed anyone or you have any casting ideas yourself!!

This has definitely been pitched before, but petition for a remake of les miserables where everyone is a muppet except Javert

Don’t know if I trust the way Christopher Nolan writes women for him to be allowed to tackle anything Greek mythology related

Petition for a remake of Troy where they just let Achilles be gay

Not seeing nearly enough appreciation for the pure excellence that was 24/7

I mean the entire cast was just incredible and it basically stands on its own as a short film.

You get so invested in these peoples stories and the atmosphere is so tense and chaotic, and John Dee is just chilling

Even if he is just a smol guy in the corner eating his ice cream whilst everyone else is getting laid😂

When Francesca bridgerton is confirmed as a sapphic

I’m calling it now Poseidon is gonna be fucking Ryan Reynalds

Edit: well this aged like milk

Kenneth Branagh has the opportunity to do the funniest thing possible