Food Cravings....

Morning tea with a little cream

Recently I have fasted for a full 24 hrs - after that I gave in and rapidly ate some pizza (again) so I had a horrible stumach ache, gas and bloating. I feel terrible as I lack will power and self control. So today will be different. I'm gonna be good and fast untill supper time (let's see how long my will power will last)

Oh and the scale is down 4 more lbs so I'm doing good losing weight but I fear it's not fast enough. Oh well I'll just have to be patient and take the best of what I can get.

Fuck today is gonna be rough. I'm already feeling shaky and nausea due to the fatty sugary foods I ate. I'm also starting to realize that I don't deserve kindness as fat whore. I should be grateful for whatever kindness someone does to me and having sex is a luxury for me. It's a miracle anybody really wants me.... but I know I can redeem myself through fasting and food restriction.

Breakfast - 4 cups of ice water 💧0 Cal!

When will I start to feel light and weightless? I'm desperate for that attention skinny brings and I will not stop till I get there. If I have to pay my mental health for it then that is the price I am willing to pay. I want boys to look at me, I want girls to envy me. And I want my family to take back every little negative thing they have ever said about me back. I will no longer be the fat freind, the fat sister or the fat coworker. Ha! They will all watch me get thin.

And I WILL get there. They will all see. Every guy that has ever ignored me will finally be forced to pay attention. That will make things right.

For now on- Listen up fattie

860 calories will be the MAX that I can have. ABSOLUTELY NO CHEAT DAYS. Fatties don't deserve cheat days.

I will have to drink 8 cups of water each day to prevent me from eating.

I WILL chew my food 25 times before swallowing.

I will take my protein powder and supplements daily

I WILL get plenty of sleep at least 8 to 10 hrs per day. Beauty queens need their rest.

Hey guys im back and im going to start restricting again. I don't care about being beautiful I just want to feel light and thin!

Im gonna-

-Count my calories and weigh out my food 1,200 for me MAX

- Drink lots of water and decaf tea with splenda

-Take a multivitamin daily and extra vitamin c

-Add a protein shake supplement to my diet

- Fall out of love with food. It's gross and it weighs me down

Tonight I broke my diet and I ended up purging. I feel numb and empty. I haven't purged since I was 19 years old. I'm 23 now. I purged up so much my head aches and I the trash bag I used weighed so much. All I kept thinking was that I WILL get these 40lbs off of me. I will, I will and I will.

I played some of my favorite music to ease my anxiety while purging. I feel awkward 😕 I can't believe I'm purging again....

Things are gonna start getting tight around here-

This is my plan to lose weight-

I will eat only what is on my safe food list

I will eat no more than 500 to 600 calories per day - I mean it this time

I will take a multivitamin and eat some protein powder

I will drink lots of water

I will not worry about the pain of being hungry as hunger just means I'm losing weight. And it means I'm burning fat

I will stay away from my trigger foods

I will purge if I eat to much food or if I go over my calorie intake

I will distract my self if I'm hungry. I want to lose weight.

I'm gonna weigh myself daily as well when I wake up from my nap

So I broke my 24 hr fast today but.... I definitely stayed under 1000 calories and that makes me happy 😊