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Writersofig - Blog Posts
i keep crying
i keep crying at the littlest things, and i cry that i do that to myself. i let every little thing tear me down and break me until i feel like i'm worth nothing. but who do i have if i keep making these walls so my feelings don't get hurt. who do i have if i can't let myself experience anything?
i don't know. who DO i have? if i can't even believe in myself or anyone to not make me cry. and then again it's all me, always me and my feelings that i feel too heavily.
some days
some days i get so lonely, but i also get so tired from saying hello. so i stare at the wall. the nice, blank, non-talkative wall. and it stares back at me. shining the sun in its reflection, letting the moon take its color. and days pass by. and still, i sit there staring at the wall. waiting, watching, my life pass me by.
so there i remain. staring at a wall that won't hurt my feelings, won't say i'm not enough, and won't take me for granted.
Everyday
Today my mom asked me why I haven’t eaten all day. This cycle goes on everyday.
Today my dad asked me why I didn’t want to eat all day. This question gets asked everyday.
Today my sister knocked on my door, dragged me out of bed, and asked me why I haven’t moved all day. This happens everyday.
Maybe I’m broken. No, I know the choices I made have been decided.
Maybe I’m frozen. No, I know the world is still moving on without me.
I don’t eat because I want to be pretty. The answer is simple really— I sit in my room staring at my wall because I simply don’t want to exist anymore. And some part of me hopes that one less meal means one less day of my life. I linger for just one day where I don't feel terrible anymore.
I don’t move because I don’t want to get hurt, I don’t say anything because I’m afraid of being a bother. I see the way people ignore my eyes, see my smile and think, "oh they’re fine." I hear the way people are afraid to ask how I’m doing. I hear the way they fumble their words of reassurance. I can see their schedules filled with plans that don’t include me. Or maybe— it's all in my head again & people don't hate me, I do.
So here I sit, staring at the wall, hoping that maybe tomorrow isn’t like everyday.
A thank you letter to my sisters
Today you knocked on my door, and dragged me out of bed. You placed my cat in my arms, hoping I’d feel comfort instead of dread. It helped, for awhile, until you made me breakfast and coffee past noon. I yawned and cried, and you held my hand as I sobbed.
I gave you knives, scissors, & tweezers to place away for awhile. Telling you I can’t see them or I’ll harm myself & be hostile.
We’ve have our moments, and for them I am sorry. But I know if I fall I’ll always have my sister to catch me & carry.
Sisterhood is sacred, honest, & true. And forever may I be grateful of being blessed by you.
When I fainted, you placed me in bath water, & picked up my frail body off the floor. Heartbroken that the path towards healing was one that would feel evermore.
I remember when we were little and you would cover my ears with headphones, the vinyls playing loudly to fade out the screaming outside our doors. Playing games with me in the middle of the night while our parents roamed the streets looking for our missing brother. When I would get nightmares and you would share your half of the bed. When we had a fridge more than half empty and you would half a raw ramen and we would bite into them as they tasted like lead. When we would hide in the closet as they screamed at us to behave or they’d knock us out dead. When you reminded me to hold my pride as men would prey on me, praying we’d seek our revenge. When you handed me my favorite trinket as the ambulance took me away, holding my hand, & telling me I’ll be okay.
Many times have I failed finding sisterhood in others— and never does it touch the same. The lack of compassion is jarring, nothing can compare, or even aim.
There are too many who do not understand, the beauty of sisterhood & the chaos in its wonderland.
For my sisters I am grateful. Forever & ever.
May I try to live another day, just for my sisters.
I feel like everyone hates me
I feel like everyone hates me, I know it's in my head. Or maybe it's just the fact I've been boiling inside with anger bright as red. Or maybe it's a hidden animosity, where I tried so hard to be liked, that from the start it was set up for failure because I shifted myself outright. Maybe if I was louder they'd like me more? Maybe if I had more followers they'd think I was worth keeping around? Maybe if I was prettier they'd think I wasn't worth comparing? Maybe if I kept my tears quiet I wouldn't be so annoying? I'm sorry. I hope it's all in my head.
I walk underneath your shadow
no matter where I walk it's under your shadow. right beneath yours, intertwined. I don't know whether to be grateful or not. whether or not it's something I need. but on days where I need your shadow to keep me away from the sun, you walk a little farther, never there when I need it most. these days it seems that through distance, as you walk each step a little faster and farther, I can no longer feel your warmth. and your shadow has been making me feel colder. so maybe it's time to just stop moving and let your shadow walk alone. because I think I'm ready for this shadow to finally be my own.
I have an issue with facing things head on
I have an issue with facing things head on, with sitting down and telling myself… okay this is what you do. I used to be good at it. I used to be the one people would go to when they needed a whole spreadsheet on what to do, on what classes to take, on what goals to set up for themselves. But something about UCLA drained me, even if it was just two years. It sucked what soul I had left. It stole my youthful energy, my aspirations of who I wanted to be, of my hope, my dreams, and most definitely my spirit. I thrived there, yes I did, but at the cost of my sanity. Everyday I walked those halls I could feel the pressure crippling me down to my core. My feet crumbling beneath me and my sense of self slowly being overshadowed by the ideals of an institution overthrown with wh!te supremacy. Unfortunately, it led me to the darkest pits I could feel in my bones. I wanted to fade away and never exist. Maybe it was my fault, a young girl moving to the big city in hopes of finally being free. Maybe it was all my fault that I never paced myself. Maybe it truly was all my fault, after the world shut down for a couple years I finally saw hope to escape, hope that masqueraded underneath a veil of thief. I won’t be ungrateful for being able to experience what I have, meet some amazing brilliant minds, but also I won’t be ever truly so blind to say this place didn’t leave me with the most of scars. Or maybe, this place exposed the scars that I thought I had already healed from. “I wish I did this differently, I wish I did that differently.” No. I did my best everyday, actually. I did what I never thought possible, actually. I’ve been working so hard to be where I am right now since I was a young teenage girl, so why… So why do I still feel— like a failure? Will this feeling ever go away? I’m so close to the finish line, yet my energy to keep running is gone, and I hate myself for it.
“I don’t ask for forever — I just ask for real”
I don’t want promises painted gold at midnight only to peel by morning. I don’t crave fairytales that fall apart the moment reality touches them. I just want someone who looks me in the eyes and says — “I can’t guarantee always… but I can give you honesty. I can give you the kind of love that doesn’t flinch when things get messy. The kind that stays soft even when life turns hard.” I want real. I want the kind of connection that doesn’t vanish when I forget how to smile or when I show my scars instead of my skin. I want fingertips that trace not just my body, but my brokenness — and still choose to stay. Don’t promise me forever. Promise me presence. Promise me truth, even if it’s inconvenient. Promise me warmth that doesn’t run when I collapse at 2 AM. I don’t ask for perfect. I just ask for real. Because real is rare, and rare is enough to be everything.
Is it your poetic gaze, those damn poetic eyes, or just my poetic heart, the very reason why every part of you each way you exist, is the most beautfiul possession that i can ever call mine....
-mauli ♡
What's meant for you will be all yours at the end. The constellations are in your favour, so my little star-bright, what are you worried about?
I just updated my fantasy novel! (Still working on editing the 1 part cuz I’m not very convinced. Will probably edit this newest one more too)
Me writing the most traumatic experience for my protagonist:
Uncalled for. Here's to the friends who save us in little ways, every day. #friends #friendshipweek #spreadthelove #words #poetry #mywords #mywriting #postoftheday#picoftheday #likeforlike #followforfollow #lovers #heartbreak #lessonslearnt #motivation #storiesthatcoach #lifestories #confessions #my2017 #laboursandleisures #writersofig #poetsofig #whynot #terriblytinytales #scribbledstories #scrawledstories #booksofig #beautaplin #authorsnote #love #dream (at Koramangala Social)
I do. Not all 'I do's are meant as promises. Some, are affirmations :) #words #poetry #mywords #mywriting #postoftheday#picoftheday #likeforlike #followforfollow #lovers #heartbreak #lessonslearnt #motivation #storiesthatcoach #lifestories #confessions #my2017 #laboursandleisures #writersofig #poetsofig #whynot #terriblytinytales #scribbledstories #scrawledstories #booksofig #beautaplin #authorsnote #love #dream (at Trinidad, Washington, D.C.)
Finding a Keeper in 2017 - how difficult do you think it is? Comment below :) #keeper #words #poetry #mywords #mywriting #postoftheday#picoftheday #likeforlike #followforfollow #lovers #heartbreak #lessonslearnt #motivation #storiesthatcoach #lifestories #confessions #my2017 #laboursandleisures #writersofig #poetsofig #whynot #terriblytinytales #scribbledstories #scrawledstories #booksofig #beautaplin #authorsnote #love #dream (at Dreamland beach, Bali)
A 2017 Love Story. Hey guys! Just a few more minutes until Valentines' Day 2017 is over - so here is just one more snippet in honour of the same. Let me know what you think of this in the comments! xx TeenxAdventurer #Valentinesday2017 ##library #younglove #a2017lovestory #words #poetry #mywords #mywriting #postoftheday#picoftheday #likeforlike #followforfollow #lovers #lessonslearnt #motivation #storiesthatcoach #lifestories #confessions #my2017 #laboursandleisures #writersofig #poetsofig #terriblytinytales #scribbledstories #scrawledstories #booksofig #beautaplin #authorsnote #love #dream (at Bangalore, India)
A 2017 Love Story. Hey guys! Over the next few hours until Valentines' Day, there are going to be a string of posts (I'll post as often as I can :P) Please let me know what you think of these in the comments! xx TeenxAdventurer #Valentinesday2017 #younglove #a2017lovestory #words #poetry #mywords #mywriting #postoftheday#picoftheday #likeforlike #followforfollow #lovers #lessonslearnt #motivation #storiesthatcoach #lifestories #confessions #my2017 #laboursandleisures #writersofig #poetsofig #terriblytinytales #scribbledstories #scrawledstories #booksofig #beautaplin #authorsnote #love #dream (at Love Is Life)
A 2017 Love Story. Hey guys! Over the next few hours until Valentines' Day, there are going to be a string of posts (I'll post as often as I can :P) Please let me know what you think of these in the comments! xx TeenxAdventurer #Valentinesday2017 #younglove #a2017lovestory #words #poetry #mywords #mywriting #postoftheday#picoftheday #likeforlike #followforfollow #lovers #lessonslearnt #motivation #storiesthatcoach #lifestories #confessions #my2017 #laboursandleisures #writersofig #poetsofig #terriblytinytales #scribbledstories #scrawledstories #booksofig #beautaplin #authorsnote #love #dream (at Love Is Life)
The least of my worries #words #poetry #mywords #mywriting #postoftheday#picoftheday #likeforlike #followforfollow #lovers #heartbreak #lessonslearnt #motivation #storiesthatcoach #lifestories #confessions #my2017 #laboursandleisures #writersofig #poetsofig #whynot #terriblytinytales #scribbledstories #scrawledstories #booksofig #beautaplin #authorsnote #love #dream (at Bangalore, India)
Precious #nanotale #microfiction #authorsnote #parents #toddlers #cuteness #short #words #poetry #mywords #mywriting #postoftheday#picoftheday #likeforlike #followforfollow #lovers #heartbreak #lessonslearnt #motivation #storiesthatcoach #lifestories #confessions #my2017 #laboursandleisures #writersofig #poetsofig #whynot #terriblytinytales #scribbledstories #scrawledstories #booksofig #beautaplin #authorsnote (at Dreamland)
Wind in my Hair #words #poetry #mywords #mywriting #postoftheday#picoftheday #likeforlike #followforfollow #lovers #heartbreak #lessonslearnt #motivation #storiesthatcoach #lifestories #confessions #my2017 #laboursandleisures #writersofig #poetsofig #whynot #terriblytinytales #scribbledstories #scrawledstories #booksofig #beautaplin #authorsnote #love #dream (at London, United Kingdom)
So one of my friends gave me a challenge to write more six word stories. Hope you like 'em! #sixwordstories #words #poetry #mywords #mywriting #postoftheday#picoftheday #likeforlike #followforfollow #lovers #heartbreak #lessonslearnt #motivation #storiesthatcoach #lifestories #confessions #my2017 #laboursandleisures #writersofig #poetsofig #whynot #terriblytinytales #scribbledstories #scrawledstories #booksofig #beautaplin #authorsnote #love #dream #productiveday #profoundimpacts (at Bangalore, India)
No. 1 Fan #parents #support #love #microfiction #trends #words #poetry #mywords #mywriting #postoftheday#picoftheday #likeforlike #followforfollow #lessonslearnt #motivation #storiesthatcoach #lifestories #confessions #my2017 #laboursandleisures #writersofig #poetsofig #whynot #terriblytinytales #scribbledstories #scrawledstories #booksofig #beautaplin #authorsnote #dream (at Bangalore, India)
Madman #NationalAchieversConference2017 #NAC2017 #inspired #RajivTalreja #BrianTracy #microfiction #entrepreneurs #motivation #love #philosophy #words #poetry #mywords #mywriting #postoftheday#picoftheday #likeforlike #followforfollow #storiesthatcoach #lifestories #confessions #my2017 #laboursandleisures #writersofig #poetsofig #whynot #terriblytinytales #scribbledstories (at National Achievers 2017 Conference)
Bestsellers #bestsellers #microfiction #words #poetry #mywords #mywriting #postoftheday#picoftheday #likeforlike #followforfollow #lovers #heartbreak #lessonslearnt #motivation #storiesthatcoach #lifestories #confessions #my2017 #laboursandleisures #writersofig #poetsofig #whynot #terriblytinytales #scribbledstories #scrawledstories #booksofig #beautaplin #authorsnote #love #dream (at India)
Fifty three :) May not post as often the coming week... a little caught up with exams and all 😅 but you have a great week! #words #poetry #mywords #mywriting #postoftheday#picoftheday #likeforlike #followforfollow #lovers #heartbreak #lessonslearnt #motivation #storiesthatcoach #lifestories #confessions #my2017 #laboursandleisures #writersofig #poetsofig #whynot #terriblytinytales #scribbledstories #scrawledstories #booksofig #beautaplin #authorsnote #love #dream (at India)
Natural #words #poetry #mywords #mywriting #postoftheday#picoftheday #likeforlike #followforfollow #lovers #heartbreak #lessonslearnt #motivation #storiesthatcoach #lifestories #confessions #my2017 #laboursandleisures #writersofig #poetsofig #whynot #terriblytinytales #scribbledstories #scrawledstories #booksofig #beautaplin #authorsnote #love #dream #lovers #family #keepdreaming (at Bangalore, India)
Repost from @readabookchallenge So glad to be collaborating with some amazing minds 😄 #words #writers #authors #reading #writing #stories #myjourney #microfiction #terriblytinytales #loveall #trends #readabookchallenge #writersofig #poetsofig #wordsofthesoul #lessonslearnt #booksbooksbooks #readtillyoureyesarered #amazingwords #wordsthatchangetheworld #inspiration #motovation #philosophy #vcsocam #noedits #instalikes (at Bangalore, India)
Scales of Karma #onelasttime #2016inanutshell #karma #dogood #whatgoesaroundcomesaround #dogoodanditwillreturn #writers #31122016 #message #newyearseve #terriblytinytales #microfiction #trends #shortstories #livetotell #lessonslearnt #storiesthatcoach #loveall #dreamers #writersofig #poetsofig #whynot #laboursandleisures #smritimenon (at Bangalore, India)
So yes I'm going to post this and regret it right away but then again i can't really control my mind half of the time. Maybe posting this would make me hapoy for 3 seconds but yeah 3 seconds is worth it! Enjoy .🐧 . . .image source- pinterest . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . .. . . .#poetrycommunity #poetry #poetsandwriters #poetryhealsme #poetrylovers #poetry #poetryisnotdead #poetrybliss #poetsofinstagram #poetsofig #writersofig #writingcommunity #writersofig #writerslife #writersofinstagram #writingcommunity #writer #poemsporn #poemsbyme #writersmanor (at Why wHy whY WHY?) https://www.instagram.com/p/CSXO7XvJj4t/?utm_medium=tumblr