Tw Hallucinations - Blog Posts

What if:

c!dream remembers how almost the entire server watched as he lost two canon lives; and that no one said anything to stop him being murdered.

c!dream has recurring nightmares where the server watches again, but this time it’s as c!quackity takes his sanity.

C!dream becomes so sure that there are other people in the cell when c!quackity visits him. That the people he once called friends are watching him be tortured. Sometimes he sees them out of the corner of his eye, other times he can only feel them watching. Sometimes he begs for their help, pleads with the mirages his mind has conjured. C!quackity will occasionally indulge these hallucinations, pretend to interact with them, make c!dream detail exactly who he’s seeing. Other times he taunts c!dream with the knowledge of his tenuous grasp on reality, question the logic of certain peoples presence, and do anything he can to remind c!dream that he’s alone, that he only has c!quackity now.

C!dream tells c!techno how many witnesses there had been to his torture. C!techno tells him it wasn’t real, that no one could have watched his suffering and stood idly by. C!dream is so grateful, he’d been so confused when everyone, even his best friends, had done nothing as they watched him be murdered. But it hadn’t been real... right?

For those who’d like to minimize the impact of solitary confinement, here’s two excerpts from an article compiling accounts of those who were subjected to it.

‘From its earliest use in this country, we've known what isolation does to the minds of human beings. The first all-solitary-confinement prison in the U.S., in Auburn, New York, was shut down in 1822, after only 18 months of operation, when the governor visited and saw that every one of its 26 prisoners had become psychotic.’

‘Within the first week, I started talking to myself. I would think I was seeing stuff out of the corner of my eye. I would turn my head real fast, like I saw something in my cell. The hallucinations—it's not something a lot of us talk about, but all of us had them real bad. You see somebody else in your cell. You hear voices on the stair or coming through the vent.-Nelson’

Toothache

Mirror mirror why do you show

The train that can’t be coming that slow

I feel the rumbling under my feet, in my bones and in my teeth

Mirror mirror why do you lie

Showing me a girl when I can’t fly

I feel the ache, the tears and all I’ve ate

Mirror mirror why have you forsaken me

Why don’t you show me what I could see

I see your cracks and blood and flack

Mirror mirror what have you done

What can I do to make us one

I see them here, dead and free

Why do I see them in your face, but only death stares in my place

Hi! Op Loki here in the explain-inator! Welcome those who are curious enough to step foot into the ‘keep reading’ box! I suffer from insomnia and occasional hallucinations during said insomnia episodes, which often can be somewhat useful in helping me pinpoint which part of my mental state caused this little bout of insomnia. Recently (for when I wrote this) I’ve been suffering from bodily autonomy issues due to my education’s strict policies and many people demanding my time and effort for their own conveniences. I usually have a hard time saying no to these people because they’re usually closer to me, and it got to the point where it was like ‘hold on a minute, this is *deadname*, not Legion/Loki’. When I thought about myself. And, well, the hallucination wanted to highlight the unstoppable passage of time, my autonomy issues, and the inherent dysphoria that comes with being LGBT in general. And, to do that, it chose time, mirrors, and vampires. But who am I to question- would this be Apollo? Thanks, Apollo, ik I’m still new to worship, but this helped. A lot. And Ares, for giving me the strength to fight.

i’m hearing music (in the living room?) but everyone is asleep so it’s prolly not real

ooky spooky, edd's gone insane.......!

cw: eyestrain, delusions, puppets n auditory hallucinations

(i accidentally posted this instead of saving it as a draft n i dunno how to take it back, so have an early treat LOLLZ)

wemp, poor man doesn't have friends </3