Follow Your Passion: A Seamless Tumblr Journey
never thought id have body dysphoria over my boobs lmao
as a child, one of my biggest insecurities was my boobs.
not because i wanted them gone,
my friends used to make fun of me because my lack of curves and ive always been a lover for biggest breasts so id always wish for them, wishing that throughout puberty that I’ll have like C or D cups.
but.. that never happened. my current breast size is around a like large b cup, small c cup (tried to figure it out at victoria’s secret and they said the same thing)
i used to be so disappointed in them until i started appreciating my body.
like my thighs and butt which are quite thick and where my body weight specifically only ever goes to lol
my face, my arms, my hands, my eyes,
even my skintone and my textured 4c hair
and with the help of my ex and ex friends,
over time,
i slowly started loving my breasts.
fast forward to now.
im no longer who i used to be.
i no longer am the person i was for 18 years.
and although whenever i look at myself, i feel happy with my body,
i just wish a few things were different.
i look at my face and wish it was longer, skinnier, more masculine.
i look at my eyes and wish they were smaller, more masculine.
i look at my hands and wish they were longer, slender, more masculine.
i look at my hair and wish it were longer, and healthy so i could keep it out to make me more masculine.
i look at my thighs when i wear pants that define them and wish they were hidden, that my thighs didnt inherently make me feminine.
and then, i look at my breasts.
the two pieces of flesh that i have longed to be bigger,
and i kind of find it ironic,
seeing how a trans med once told me that because i hadn’t experienced gender dysphoria (at the time), i probably wasnt trans.
i am trans.
i just dont experience the same dysphoria that others do or in the same way.
i feel euphoria whenever someone acknowledges who i truly am and i always feel weird whenever they dont (like when i was getting my hair dyed, my hairdresser had a daughter who called me “sister” and whenever she would, id feel weird. or whenever my hairdresser referred to me as my mothers daughter. they dont know that im out so i don’t blame them)
i am happy with the way my physical body looks, i just wish others still see me as who i truly am with them. a man who just happens to have a higher voice, curves, small breasts, and “birthing hips”.
i still plan on getting top surgery tho lol
hearing trans women talk about their love for their boobs always make me feel so happy for them and i wish i could give them mine lmao
my stereotypical trans name was elliot with the nickname as eli when i first came out back in 2020/2021
(i detransitioned due to transphobia but again, story for another day)
and it stuck with me
it isnt the name i use today but i use it in other ways
like the email i made when i came out includes it
i dont like it for me anymore but it was the name that helped me discover who i truly am
so
i dont mind the name elliot / eli
if i planned on changing my middle name,
id probably make it that
what i’ll probably do is tell people that my middle name is eli but not change it
my middle name means too much to my family, especially my mother that i cant imagine changing it
(but thats a story for another day)
so, a few years ago, i realized just how bad my home life really was. i ended up moving in with another relative, but recently things fell through and i had to move back in with my monster mother. but, i am finally moving out and getting my own place! i'm going to be able to attend pride events for the first time! i'm going to be able to celebrate the holidays for my religion! i'm finally going to be free of the judgment and abuse i've dealt with my entire life. i am free. or at least, i will be in six days