This Hurts My Soul - Blog Posts

Nightmares

"When an actor seriously takes on a character, there is a period of time before you let that character go. And it may be well after the job is over. I don't think I've ever fully let BJ go… and don't particularly care to." - Mike Farrell

Sighs.

Im back

Au where ford actually kept track of Stan a little bit more than in canon. I’m talking the man would cast spells and ask the mail box “is my brother alive” or “where is my brother”

But of course because I love myself some angst, Fords questions were worded in such a way that he ONLY knew his brother was alive—but being alive doesn’t equal being okay. He gets his brothers location, but being realistic do you think Ford would think that he’s traveling so much because he’s running away or because he’s successful and LIKES to travel. “Oh look Stanley’s taking a vacation in Colombia. Although that’s a long vacations it’s been months… he must be pretty rich thanks to his products!” (Because remember ford had seen Stan’s commercials, so ford follows his line of logic to be that Stan is pretty successful.)

Of course one day Ford finally asks a slightly different question, one that crumples the narrative he created in his mind, “How is Stanley doing?”

And that’s when he learns that his brother is currently being transported to a hospital. That his brother is on the verge of death due to malnutrition, hypothermia, and because of an infected untreated wound. That his brother hasn’t been okay the last few years.

He learns that he asked all the wrong questions.

the dog that weeps after it kills is no better than the dog that doesnt. my guilt will not purify me