Shit My Players Say - Blog Posts

Corpse Wrangler sounds so fun

Necromancer?

More like "Cowboy for Corpses"!

2020

Two years later and I still hate my dnd group.

((For those unaware: this is actually a redraw of an old comic I did when I was first getting into digital art here))

(Reblogs > Likes)

I hate my dnd group

Some absolute bangers from my dnd sesh tonight:

DM, in response to Jonathan taking a puff of weed mid-session: “Are you ripping a bong in Strahd’s castle??”

DM, after Jonathan asks in-game if Strahd is British: “He gives you a confused look like ‘what the fuck are british people?’“

Dm, watching a player be weird across the table: “What are you throating over there? Is that a piece of asparagus?”

Said player: “You dont got the asparagussy.”

Jonathan, in response to ‘What can I do that you cant?’: “You can…not tank a wooden stake to the heart.”

Jonathan: “Youre a bad neighbor!”

Aenrice: “IM A FIRBOLG, IM THE TARGET OF A HATECRIME.”

Aenrice: “Dont die.”

Jonathan: “Probably not.”

Jonathan, when Strahd doesn’t believe him: “No, I can actually speak dog.”

DM, imitating Jonathan: “That vampire bussy got me actin up.”

Jonathan: “I told you we shouldn’t have done it but you were all ‘no i want some of that sweet vampire dick-“

Aenrice: “THAT WAS YOU-“

Jonathan’s Player, out of nowhere: “You could totally turn an ice cream scooper into a pipe.”

Jonathan, in reference to fucking Strahd: “You said no, he said yea, we took the highest bidder.”

Arenus, jealously: “I cant believe you would even think about doing something like that with him.”

Jonathan: “Dyou wanna fuck?”

Arenus: “No!”

Jonathan: “Then shut up.”

NPC: “Stay safe traveler!”

Jonathan: “Maybe”

Aenrice’s Player: “Aenrice looks at your four-barreled blunderbuss, then at his one barreled blunderbuss, and says ‘Yours is bigger than mine.’”

Jonathan: “Aint that the usual.”

Jonathan: “Strahd, me boy, yer a feckin fool.”

Jonathan: *Exorcises Strahd while speaking fake Italian like a Terminal Montage video*

Jonathan: “Exorcise, no treadmill.”

More out-of-context dnd quotes

* “ignite the wolf”

* “What if we kissed in the Ravenloft castle and we were both evil?”

* “Three votes for swamp of death”

* “You sound a bit hoarse” “I’m a cow, thank you very much”

* “Too angry to die”

* “I just wanna die and become a chat box on Microsoft”

* “The frog is a better antagonist than Strahd”

* “Why don’t we let the ranger do ranger shit?”

Running a new out-of-context D&D quotes thread

Starting off with a few gems from our Curse of Strahd Campaign 2 years past:

• “A wolf in every pot and an organ in every room”

• “knights of the burning werewolf”

• “Eravan, that little punk ass”

• “No margaritas in Barovia”

• “At least before it was just fog. Now it’s snowy fog.”

• “Things going badly in Barovia”

• “Insight check on the vibe”

• “Sticks work as weapons if you stab hard enough”