Sad Story - Blog Posts

Sonic's Dilemma

I liked the scene after the credits of the second Sonic movie, where the Shadow capsule appears. Someone thinks that it was decided too early to add him to the cinematic Sonic universe. Well, I think it's just great! I hope that the third film about the blue hedgehog will be very spectacular and spectacular. And since Sonic's real blood parents were not shown in two films, I assumed that our blue hero could have been created artificially (however, this is also based on theories that Sonic was created on the ARK colony, which is also interesting to me), that is, practically being a brother to Shadow the hedgehog! Only my assumptions are written here, what the scene with Sonic and Shadow, who are blood brothers here, might look like. I hope you enjoy reading the fanfiction. And I also hope that there will be something similar in the film itself.

The ARK colony was pretty quiet until one of its corridors was visited by a guest. The blue hedgehog strode down the long dark corridor. His footsteps echoed faintly all along the corridor. "It's so quiet and empty here... I hope I'm going in the right direction," he mused to himself as he continued walking. A large metal door appeared in front of him, which immediately opened, letting the hedgehog go ahead. He went inside, and the door closed behind him. He found himself in a huge empty hall. There was nothing here except the floor, ceiling, walls and porthole. "So, don't panic, Sonic. You just took a wrong turn. Maybe we can still turn back?" he thought, until his thoughts were distracted by the sound of metal doors and someone's footsteps. Sonic got into a fighting stance when he noticed Shadow approaching him.

— Oh. You again? And why am I not surprised? — a black hedgehog with red stripes asked a question.

— I'm here to stop you and Robotnik! And you won't stop me! Sonic exclaimed.

"You underestimate me for nothing, faker. It's a shame," Shadow said, and there was a threat in his tone that made my skin crawl.

— Actually, this is not an underestimation at all, impostor! I know a lot about you and I can imagine what you are capable of as an opponent!

"Don't talk like you know everything about me!" — the red-eyed hedgehog shouted in anger to the green-eyed one, so that red lightning appeared on the skin. But then he took a deep breath, calmed down and continued the conversation:

— You assure me that you know about me. But are you so sure about this?

- Yes. You were created on the ARK colony 50 years ago, then soldiers came who killed many scientists here, and took the experiments for themselves and hid them in their top-secret base, including you in a capsule.

— This is only part of my whole story that you have learned, blue hedgehog. Let me tell it if you're so interested in it," said the black hedgehog, while slowly pacing around the blue one. The latter, watching his opponent, continued to stand in his stance so as not to be caught off guard. — Yes, my story begins from the moment I was created. And it happened even a little more than 50 years ago. My creator's name was Gerald Robotnik. He was a great scientist who sought to help people. But at the same time, he created various creatures that could help him in the interests of science. And I was among them. Maybe the creator had noble goals, but I would mildly call all these experiments not a very pleasant process. However, in addition to scientists and test subjects, I met my ray of hope in this cursed darkness. Her name was Maria. She was Gerald's granddaughter. Maria seemed to be the only one who really cared and cared about me more than these scientists. She was my only friend on the colony. — Shadow talked and went to the porthole, placing his right palm on it. — But she was taken from me. It happened 50 years ago when those damn soldiers invaded here! Then I took my friend in my arms to save her from the impending danger. However, I did not manage to do it. She pushed me into the capsule with a smile on her face and was about to press the lever so that only I would escape from the colony. And then one of those nasty soldiers ran into the room and shot Maria when she still managed to pull the lever. The moment I saw her bloody body, her sweet and kind face, her parting smile and tears, I swore to avenge her. I swore to destroy all this humanity! — A black-and-red hedgehog shouted, sparking with lightning, and struck the sturdy glass with his fist.

"I understand your pain, Shadow," Sonic suddenly said, and Shadow looked at him, ceasing to sparkle.

— Do you understand? No one can understand me.

— But I really know what it's like to lose someone you cared about... When I was very young, I was taken care of by an owl named Long Claw. She was like a mother to me. But then I accidentally brought a tribe of Echidnas to our house. Long Claw saved me, but she herself fell at their hands. I was alone for a long time, and then I met Tom, Maddy, then Tails and Knuckles. They became my new family.

— How can they be your family? They're not even related to you! You don't have blood in common with them! And you still call them family? Especially that echidna whose brothers killed your foster mother?

— Family does not necessarily have to be by blood. The main thing is for family members to love each other and be ready to stand up for each other, — Sonic tried to explain. Shadow just looked at him incredulously. — Besides, Knuckles is not to blame for this. And he and I let go of the difficult past so that we could live in the present. And I advise you to do the same. You can still fix this, Shadow. Come with me, and I promise you won't regret it," Blue continued, and then held out his hand.

But the black man only grunted, and then turned to his brother:

— You know, I also wanted to offer you something...

— And what is it? Sonic asked him.

— You see, I've been wanting to meet you for a very long time. That first meeting of ours was by no means an accident. I've been looking for you since I was released from the capsule.

— Did you want to meet? Looking for me? For what? Did you want to kill me? — the blue hedgehog did not understand.

— Oh, no. No. Your murder is not in my plans. For now. The fact is that you and I are of the same blood, or, to put it more simply, we are brothers.

— What's that?! — Sonic shouted in shock.

— Yes, you and I are kind of brothers, family.

— But how? I was born on Mobius!

"They just erased your memories of the colony and sent you to another planet. Doesn't that explain why you don't remember your parents at all? Your real, blood ones?

— But if you and I are brothers, then we shouldn't fight among ourselves. I can help you. I'll help you deal with your grief, even though it won't be easy...

"I don't need any help with this, little hedgehog. I rather wanted to invite you to team up with me...

— Team up? For what?

— To destroy these hateful and pitiful people! Shadow growled, clenching his left fist, and his eyes turned bright red at the same moment.

— But you work with one person yourself... Then why are you working for Robotnik if you hate people so much? Shadow laughed ominously at his question, while Sonic looked at him in disbelief.

— Ha, ha, ha, ha! Really... Did you really think that I, a Ultimate Life Form, was working for this arrogant, narcissistic and arrogant little man? He works for me without knowing it! — ULF replied, and then continued, almost hissing. — These scientists cannot be trusted. They did nothing but perform various tests on me, as if they were playing with a defenseless animal. I hated them all. If it wasn't for Maria, I would have destroyed them all.

— But why do you want me to join you? After all, you know yourself that I am against killing a lot of people.

— When I met you, I noticed a lot of potential in you. You are very fast, agile, strong, and wield the very power of chaos. Together, we would have become invincible. Besides, aren't the soldiers after you? I'm sure they'll stop at nothing to catch you and kill you, as well as your strange family... Wouldn't you like to take revenge on them? So that they never touch you again, threaten you? Join me, and we will destroy them and others who deprived us of people close to us, make them pay for it," and with these words, Shadow extended his hand, as Sonic had done earlier. The blue hedgehog himself was thinking.

It really sounded good in its own way. If he agrees to the offer, he will no longer have to deal with the GUN soldiers, and then he will live peacefully with his family and his brother. Sonic has been wanting to know about his family for a long time. A real, blood family. Find out your origin. To feel like one's own. His thoughts were suddenly distracted by Shadow:

— Agree, brother, and we will become one family. Didn't we both want to have a family?

Brother. A blood brother. It's so good to have someone like you. However, does Shadow understand the meaning of the word "family", besides the fact that she is of the same blood? Will Sonic be happy with someone who is focused on revenge? Besides, the black hedgehog, if he hates people so much, he can kill Tom and Maddie. Those who sheltered and accepted the blue hedgehog into their family. And Tails and Knuckles? Although they are not of the same blood, they also love him as if they were brothers. Sonic, thinking about all the options, finally decided... At first he reached out to offer his hand, but then pulled it back. His kinsman looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"I can't,— Sonic replied.

— Why is that? — Shadow asked him calmly.

"If you're using Robotnik for your own purposes, why don't you suddenly want to use me?"

"Well, the doctor is just a pawn in my game, but you play a much bigger role than some kind of pawn. You're almost the same as me. Created by scientists, abandoned, left without an expensive creature.

— But we also have differences! I have those I can fight for, while you are alone, resentful of the whole world! — Sonic added, and from such words Shadow bared his teeth and growled. — Shadow, please, it's not too late to get off the warpath and take revenge. You can still find your happiness. After all, if you keep hatred, anger, anger and resentment in yourself, you will never get out into the world.

— I like this way! And I will not give up! You'd better answer me: "Are you with me or not?"

— No! You may be my blood brother, but my real family is the members of the Wackowski family! And if you dare to touch any of them, you WILL... TO HAVE... A CASE... WITH ME!!! — Sonic shouted. His eyes turned from green to blue, and he began to sparkle with blue lightning.

— Have it your way. You chose your own death, — Shadow hissed, also covered in lightning. With his eyes turning from scarlet to bright red, he glared at his brother.

And then two hedgehogs rushed at each other, and a battle began between them...

Дилемма Соника

Мне понравилась сцена после титров второго фильма про Соника, где появляется капсула с Шэдоу. Кто-то считает, что его слишком рано решили добавить во вселенную киношного Соника. Ну, а я считаю, что это просто классно! Я надеюсь, что третий фильм про синего ежа выйдет очень зрелищным и эффектным. И поскольку у Соника за два фильма не были показаны его настоящие кровные родители, то я предположила, что наш синий герой мог быть создан искусственно (впрочем это также основано на теориях, что Соника создали на колонии АРК, что мне также интересно), то есть практически являясь братом для ежа Шэдоу! Здесь написаны лишь мои предположения, как может выглядеть сцена с Соником и Шэдоу, которые тут являются кровными братьями. Надеюсь, что вам понравится читать фанфик. А также надеюсь, что что-то похожее будет и в самом фильме.

В колонии АРК было довольно тихо, пока в один из её коридоров не зашёл один гость. Синий ёж зашагал по длинному тёмному коридору. Его шаги еле слышно отражали эхо по всему коридору.

«Здесь так тихо и пусто… Надеюсь, что я иду в верном направлении», — размышлял он про себя, продолжая шагать. Вот перед ним показалась большая металлическая дверь, которая тут же открылась, пропуская ежа вперёд. Тот вошёл вовнутрь, и дверь за ним закрылась. Он оказался в огромном пустом зале.

Здесь, кроме пола, потолка, стен и иллюминатора, ничего было. «Так, не паникуй, Соник. Ты просто свернул не туда. Может, ещё можно повернуть назад?», — подумал он, пока его мысли не отвлекли звук металлических дверей и чьи-то шаги. Соник встал в боевую стойку, заметив приближающегося к нему Шэдоу.

— Оу. Снова ты? И почему я не удивлён? — задал вопрос чёрный с красными полосами ёж.

— Я здесь, чтобы остановить тебя и Роботника! И ты меня не остановишь! — воскликнул Соник.

— Ты зря недооцениваешь меня, самозванец. Очень зря, — произнёс Шэдоу, в его тоне послышалась угроза, от которой шёл мороз по коже.

— Вообще-то, это вовсе не недооценка, самозванец! Я многое о тебе знаю и представляю, на что ты способен, как противник!

— Не говори так, будто ты всё обо мне знаешь! — прокричал в гневе красноглазый ёж зеленоглазому, что аж на шкуре показались красные молнии.

Но затем он, глубоко вздохнув, успокоился и продолжил разговор:

— Ты уверяешь меня, что знаешь обо мне. Но уверен ли так в этом?

— Да. Тебя создали на колонии АРК 50 лет назад, затем пришли солдаты, которые убили здесь многих учёных, а эксперименты забрали себе и спрятали в своей сверхсекретной базе, в том числе и тебя в капсуле.

— Это лишь часть всей моей истории, которую ты узнал, синий ежонок. Позволь мне рассказать её, если так она тебя заинтересовала, — сказал чёрный ёж, при этом медленно расхаживая вокруг синего. Тот, наблюдая за своим противником, продолжал стоять в своей стойке, чтобы не быть застигнутым врасплох. — Да, моя история начинается с того момента, как меня создали. И произошло это даже чуть более 50 лет назад. Моего создателя звали Джеральд Роботник. Он был великим учёным, который стремился помогать людям. Но при этом он создавал различных существ, которые могли помочь ему в интересах науки. И среди них был я. Может, цели и были благородные у создателя, но все эти эксперименты я бы мягко назвал не очень приятным процессом. Однако помимо учёных и подопытных я встретил свой лучик надежды в этой проклятой тьме. Её звали Мария. Она была внучкой Джеральда. Мария похоже была единственной, кто действительно беспокоился и заботился обо мне, чем эти учёные. Она была моим единственным другом на колонии. — рассказывал Шэдоу и подошел к иллюминатору, положив на него правую ладонь. — Но её забрали у меня. Это произошло 50 лет назад, когда эти проклятые солдаты вторглись сюда! Тогда я взял свою подругу на руки, чтобы спасти её от надвигающейся опасности. Однако мне не удалось это сделать. Она толкнула меня в капсулу с улыбкой на лице и собралась нажать на рычаг, дабы только я сбежал с колонии. А потом в комнату вбежал один из этих гадких солдат и пристрелил Марию, когда она всё же успела нажать на рычаг. В тот момент, когда я увидел её окровавленное тело, её милое и доброе лицо, её прощальные улыбку и слёзы, я поклялся отомстить за неё. Поклялся уничтожить всё это человечество! — прокричал чёрный с красным ёж, искрясь молниями, и ударил кулаком по прочному стеклу.

— Я понимаю твою боль, Шэдоу, — внезапно произнёс Соник, и Шэдоу посмотрел на него, перестав искриться.

— Понимаешь? Меня никто не сможет понять.

— Но я правда знаю, каково это потерять того, кто был тебе дорог… Когда я был совсем маленьким, меня опекала сова по имени Длинный коготь. Она была для меня как мать. Но потом я случайно привёл в наш дом племя ехидн. Длинный коготь спасла меня, но сама пала от их рук. Долгое время я был один, а потом я встретил Тома, Мэдди, затем — Тейлза и Наклза. Они стали моей новой семьёй.

— Как они могут быть твоей семьёй? Они даже тебе не родня! У тебя с ними нет общей крови! И ты всё же называешь их семьёй? Особенно ту ехидну, собратья которой убили твою приёмную мать?

— Семья не обязательно может быть по крови. Главное, чтобы члены семьи любили друг друга и были готовы постоять друг за друга, — попытался объяснить Соник. Шэдоу лишь недоверчиво взглянул на него.

— К тому же Наклз не виноват в этом. И мы с ним отпустили тяжёлое прошлое, чтобы можно было жить настоящим. И тебе советую поступить также. Ты ещё можешь всё исправить, Шэдоу. Пойдём со мной, и я обещаю, что ты не пожалеешь об этом, — продолжил синий, а затем протянул руку. Но чёрный лишь хмыкнул, а после обратился к собрату:

— Знаешь, я тоже хотел тебе кое-что предложить…

— И что же? — спросил его Соник.

— Понимаешь, я очень давно хотел встретиться с тобой. Та наша первая встреча была отнюдь не случайностью. Я искал тебя с момента своего освобождения из капсулы.

— Хотел встретиться? Искал меня? Для чего? Ты хотел убить меня? — не понимал синий ёж.

— О, нет. Нет. Твоё убийство не входит в мои планы. Пока что. Дело в том, что мы с тобой одной крови, или, если проще сказать, являемся братьями.

— Чтоооо?! — крикнул Соник в шоке.

— Да, мы с тобой своего рода братья, семья.

— Но как? Я же ведь родился на Мобиусе!

— Тебе просто стёрли воспоминания о колонии и отправили на другую планету. Разве это не объясняет, почему ты вообще не помнишь своих родителей? Своих настоящих, кровных?

— Но если мы с тобой братья, то тогда мы не должны между собой драться. Я могу помочь тебе. Помогу справиться с горем, хоть это и не будет легко…

— Мне не нужна в этом помощь, маленький ёжик. Я скорее хотел предложить тебе объединиться со мной…

— Объединиться? Для чего?

— Чтобы уничтожить этих ненавистных и жалких людишек! — прорычал Шэдоу, сжав левый кулак, а его глаза в то же мгновение стали ярко-красными.

— Но ты же сам работаешь с одним человеком… Почему ты тогда работаешь на Роботника, если так ненавидишь людей?

Шэдоу на его вопрос зловеще рассмеялся, Соник же недоуменно посмотрел на него.

— Ха-ха-ха-ха! Неужели… Неужели ты думал, что я, Совершенная Форма Жизни, работаю на этого самонадеянного, самовлюблённого и высокомерного человечишку? Он сам, того не зная, работает на меня! — ответил СФЖ, а дальше продолжил, почти прошипев. — Этим учёным нельзя доверять. Они только и делали, что проводили надо мной различные тесты, словно играли с беззащитной зверушкой. Я их всех возненавидел. Если бы не Мария, то я бы их всех уничтожил.

— Но зачем ты хочешь, чтобы я присоединился к тебе? Ведь ты и сам знаешь, что я против убийства множества людей.

— Когда я тебя встретил, то заметил в тебе большой потенциал. Ты очень быстр, ловок, силён и владеешь самой силой хаоса. Вместе, мы бы стали непобедимы. К тому же, разве солдаты не охотятся за тобой? Уверен, они ни перед чем не остановятся, чтобы поймать тебя и убить, впрочем как и твою странную семейку… Разве тебе бы не хотелось им отомстить? Чтобы они больше никогда тебя не трогали, не угрожали тебе? Присоединяйся ко мне, и мы уничтожим их и других, кто лишил нас близких нам людей, заставим их заплатить за это, — и с этими словами Шэдоу протянул руку, как ранее это сделал Соник. Сам синий ёж же задумался.

Это действительно звучало по-своему хорошо. Если он согласится на предложение, то ему больше не придётся иметь дело с гановцами, и тогда он будет жить спокойно со своей семьёй и своим братом. Соник давно хотел узнать о своей семье. Настоящей, кровной семье. Узнать своё происхождение.

Чувствовать себя своим. Его мысли внезапно отвлёк Шэдоу:

— Соглашайся, брат, и мы станем одной семьёй. Разве мы оба не хотели иметь семью?

Брат. Кровный, родной брат. Так хорошо иметь похожего на тебя. Однако понимает ли Шэдоу смысл слова «семья», помимо того, что она одной крови? Разве станет Соник счастлив с тем, кто сосредоточен на мести? К тому же, черный ёж, если так ненавидит людей, то может убить и Тома с Мэдди. Тех, кто приютил и принял синего ежа в свою семью. А Тейлз и Наклз? Они хоть не одной крови, но они также его любят, как если бы были родными братьями.

Соник, размышляя все варианты, наконец таки решился…

Сначала он потянулся, чтобы подать руку, но затем отдёрнул её. Его сородич озадаченно взглянул на него.

— Я не могу, — ответил Соник.

— Почему же? — спокойно спросил его Шэдоу.

— Если ты используешь Роботника в своих целях, то почему вдруг не захочешь использовать меня?

— Ну, доктор является всего лишь пешкой в моей игре, а вот ты играешь гораздо большую роль, чем какая-то пешка. Ты почти такой же, как и я. Создан учёными, брошен, оставлен без дорогого существа.

— Но у нас есть так же и различия! У меня есть те, за кого я могу сражаться, в то время как ты одинок, обиженный на весь мир! — добавил Соник, и от таких слов Шэдоу оскалился и зарычал.

— Шэдоу, пожалуйста, ещё не поздно сойти с тропы войны и мести. Ты ещё сможешь найти своё счастье. Ведь если ты будешь держать в себе ненависть, злость, гнев и обиду, то никогда не выберешься в свет.

— Мне нравится этот путь! И я не отступлюсь! Лучше ответь мне: «Ты со мной или нет?».

— Нет! Хоть ты мне и брат по крови, но моя настоящая семья — это члены семьи Ваковски! И если ты посмеешь хоть кого-то из них тронуть, то БУДЕШЬ… ИМЕТЬ…ДЕЛО… СО МНОЙ!!! — прокричал Соник. Его глаза из зелёных стали голубыми, а сам начал искриться голубыми молниями.

— Будь по твоему. Ты сам выбрал свою погибель, — прошипел Шэдоу, тоже покрываясь молниями. Своими глазами, ставшими из алых в ярко-красные, он злобно посмотрел на своего брата.

А затем два ежа кинулись друг на друга, и между ними началась битва…

Just… woah.

Several years ago, when things were bad, as they are now, I made a comic about art and community in the face of hate. Today feels like a time to reshare.

Aww... cute 💕

I couldn't find the creator of this image, but i wanted to post it

He doesn’t know what to make of it.

It’s ugly and it’s not, it’s beautiful and it’s not, it’s simultaneously everything he could have wanted and everything he dreaded.

She was leaving him.

She was leaving him, and wasn’t that fantastic? Wasn’t that horrible? Wasn’t that everything he could think of, alone but together with himself and a bottle that he could’ve sworn had fused to the callouses on his fingertips, had been superglued there and never ever left.

She was leaving him.

He still had his wedding ring, stuck to his finger in a different way than when you try on a ring and have to take it off with soap and water and time. It was stuck by the adhesive of his own mind. Trapped. He couldn’t take it off, couldn’t bare to pry it away.

She had taken hers off long ago, so why was his still stuck, like the bottle to his callouses and to his lips and permanent streams of saltwater that clung to his cheeks for days and days and days? Why?

All of his breaths were shudders and all of his thoughts were endless strings that never had a conclusion, an essay with an infinite word-count. He could still see the amber spilt on the floor through watery eyes, and still found it ironic that he was back to crying over spilt milk and spilt Jack Daniels and spilt tears and he was crying over everything and nothing and whatever was in between, so why did it matter anyways?

He clenched the bottle even tighter in his hand, and he wasn’t sure how much of it was alcohol and how much of it was his own tears at this point, and he knew he had to stop.

He had always known he needed to stop. He knew he needed to stop the first time he took a secret sip from beer in the fridge and the first time he had a serious hangover and the first time and the first time he met her and the first time she left him and the first time she came back and the first time she left a second time.

So many firsts. To him, the milestones didn’t matter a single bit. To him, all that mattered was that he didn’t have to care about what really did matter. And he was incredibly proficient at that in particular.

So he was good at knowing when to quit, but he was never quite as good at quitting. He was still stuck on that one time she smiled at him and she had looked so genuine, so real, and how she had looked just as real and tired when she said that she wanted a divorce and that she had had another.

She had another, didn’t she? Of course she did, she was always good at back-up plans and back-up-back-up plans. He knew it when she had a beer spilt on her shirt that neither of them liked (like the Jack Daniels on the floor and the milk knocked over to the ground and his heart to hell fires). He knew it when she came home with her lipstick smeared and with her eyes wild, he knew it when she stopped looking him in the eye and started looking at the wall behind him.

(The last time she looked him in the eye she told him straight to his face that she had another.)

(The last time he looked her in the eye he didn’t say a word.)

He stood up and slipped on the whiskey and prayed to whoever was out there that he wouldn’t be able to get up. It didn’t work.

It never worked, did it? Whoever was out there doesn’t care much for people like him anyway, and he could hear in the back of his head the whisper screams of ‘alcoholic’ and ‘acute mania’ his own screams weren’t loud enough. The shards of the bottles scattering everywhere when he smashed them to drown them out hid under his couch and beneath the coffee table to escape him and he understood why, because he was running from himself too, like her.

He didn’t know if there was a God anywhere.

Quelaag and The Fair Lady

I carried Hypertana sad story I voiced literally everyone

the hypertana experience featuring a friend I dragged into this mess

(obligatory not a hypertana shipper or a shipper in general, we just played this ironically)

You know how water has a majestic quality to it? How, in the middle of the day, when the light hits it, it almost shines? The sun reflecting off of the facets of inconsistency on the surface, creating a glittering spectrum. It’s awesome. It’s beautiful. It brings a smile to your face and warmth to your chest. It is not what I am seeing now.

It is midday, nearly one in the afternoon. The sun is directly overhead, hitting the water just right. But I have never seen a less majestic sight. It is dull. It is sad. It is cold.

In the middle of January it should be frozen. But global warming has given us an astonishingly warm winter and all around me people walk by with only light jackets and scarves. The Chicago River remains fluid. I am conscious that I am giving the river more thought than I ever have in my life, despite visiting the city countless times in my childhood. I am avidly working to avoid thinking about today. Focusing on anything and everything else. But there’s only so long that can last. Only so much about the bland, gray water that I can expound on before there is nothing else. And I am left alone with reality.

I couldn’t sleep last night, tossing and turning for hours before I finally gave in and got up at four in the morning. I was alone in the living room, on the sofa. Eve was asleep upstairs, probably would sleep late; she’s had a tough week. I let her sleep as long as possible before kneeling beside her bed, what used to be our bed, and hesitantly speaking her awake.

Eve loves the city. Our first real date was to a concert at Soldier Field. We were married at the Chicago Botanic Gardens nearly two years ago. She loves the fast pace and the excitement, but she said she didn’t want to live here. “You’d be miserable!” she told me. “You’re an old-fashioned guy; the city would sweep you right up.”

So we lived in the suburbs, in Woodstock where it’s quieter and more stretched out. There aren’t very many places you can walk to and you don’t really know your neighbors that well, but it’s nice. You’re not boxed in, you’re free. And it’s a good place to raise kids.

That’s what we were going to do, Eve and I. We were going to raise kids in the suburbs of Chicago. That was the dream. I had a stable job at a business firm; Eve was working as a stagehand at the Woodstock Opera House. It didn’t pay that much, but she enjoyed it.  She would come home excited, the light in her eyes burning, dancing, every time a new show came. She’d sneak me in the back and find me a seat off to the side during rehearsals so I could appreciate the art. That’s what she always said, anyway.

“The real show is nice and all but it’s the rehearsals that you’ve got to see. Not too early where they’re fuddling around and not too late where they’ve got it all ironed out. But in the middle where they’re just trying and designing, seeing the way certain things sound and how powerful they are. That’s the real art. That’s the show I want to see.”

There was a one stand-up comedian that Eve particularly loved. There aren’t really rehearsals for comedians so she let me sit in on the real show one of the nights. We were still laughing about some of the lines when Eve let out a cry and doubled over. We didn’t know what it was and she was pregnant at the time so I rushed her to the emergency room. Forty-eight hours later and we were back home but without the baby. Something had gone wrong, she’d had a miscarriage.

“It’s fairly normal, it happens a lot more than you’d think,” the doctor told me. Like that would make me feel better. Like that would make it easier. Like that would help ease the devastation in Eve’s eyes.

She was off for a long time after that. Less enthusiastic about things. Like she’d been muted. I figured she just needed time, that she’d be back to normal soon. And maybe, if that had been all we had lost, she would have. It’s impossible to tell.

A couple weeks after that, the company I had been working for went through cutbacks. They had to lay off a grand total of eight-two workers throughout all their locations. Through no fault of my own, as I was assured by my ex-employer, I was one of them. Eve was more upset about it than I was. I had been the main supporter of the two of us, bringing home the money as she pursued her art interest. We had planned for her to give that up and be a stay-at-home mother once our child was born. Maybe that’s why she took it so hard. Just one more piece of our life, our plan, our future, fading away.

As Eve got more and more detached and it became obvious that finding another job would not be an easy task in this economy, I got increasingly more stressed. I wanted things to be normal, to be easy. I hadn’t signed up for this. This moody version of the woman I had fallen in love with. She was downtrodden, she was crushed, she was drowning and there was nothing I could do. And every work opportunity I pursued was another door shut in my face and it became evident that we’d have to move if I couldn’t find work soon, our house was too expensive.

So I made a bad decision. One that I’ve regretted constantly since then. I had been visiting my father; he and his brother were second generation immigrants from Italy. My father’s brother, my uncle Tito was there and he told me he had some work for me.

“It’s not necessarily…legal work. That’s why I was hesitant to bring it to you earlier. But it’ll fix all your money problems, I guarantee it.” Turns out he’d gotten himself in some sort of money counterfeiting gig where all you had to do was make the stuff and then exchange it to a middleman for cash so you never had to use the fake bills yourself. I refused at first. But things weren’t getting any easier and eventually I called him up and told him I was in.

Tito helped me find the equipment and he taught me how to make passable currency and how to get in touch with his buyer. And so the far room, the room that was going to be the nursery, became a workshop for counterfeiting. I developed quite a knack for the trade and my uncle was correct in that it did solve our financial problems. But not Eve. No, it didn’t fix her. She still looked to be drowning but like she was resigned to it. Like she knew she couldn’t fight the current and so had given up.

She knew about my new “job,” obviously, I was working in our house, not to mention the sudden increase in our funds. But aside from the initial “are you sure this is a good idea?” we never talked about it. And that was worse. That was much worse. It was like she wasn’t surprised that I had stooped to this level.

Weeks went by. Months. She and I barely spoke anymore. And I hated it. I hated what I had become. What our marriage had become. What had become of her, of Eve, of my angel. I had taken to sleeping on the couch downstairs and I would only see her at meals or pass her occasionally in the halls. It’s like we were strangers.

Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. I snapped. I had been working and just finished my next batch of bills, they were hanging up to dry. I ventured into the kitchen for a drink and she was there. Sitting at the dining table, silently staring at her folded hands in front of her. She looked up as I came in and her eyes were glassy with absence and in that moment I remembered the countless times she had laughed there, we had talked here. Times when the kitchen was filled by teasing and happiness and love.

It was too much. I have never yelled so much in all my life. I yelled and she stared and I screamed and she flinched and I begged, cried, pleaded, and she whispered.

“What’s become of us?” It was so quiet I could barely hear it over the beating of my frantic heart. “I’ve called my sister,” she murmured. “I’m going to live with her in the city for a while.”

You could’ve knocked me over with a feather. I knew she was unhappy, obviously, I knew she needed something different but I didn’t know she would leave me. The idea had honestly never passed through my mind. That’s what marriage is, isn’t it? Agreeing never to leave? Never to give up?

Of course she was right. I needed to get my life on track, she needed the companionship of her sister to piece herself back together, and we could both use some time apart. There’s nothing worse than being faced with something horrific that you know will tear at everything in you until there’s hardly anything left but knowing that you have to go through with it. Because it’s the right thing. It’s the good thing. It’s what you need to do.

She was to leave two weeks from then, who knew when she’d be back. I took my counterfeiting equipment to my uncle, told him I was out.

“You can’t just…be out. They’ll come after you,” he said. Let them come. It’s been a fortnight, I haven’t heard from them. Besides, what could they possibly take from me now? I’ve gone back to scanning the paper for work. My first two interviews were disasters but the third one seemed promising. They said they’d give me a call in the next couple weeks.

So this morning, I let Eve sleep as late as possible and then we boarded the train. The 10:48 to Chicago.  I had offered to drive her but she had hurried to assure me she would be fine on the train. She probably was afraid of being trapped in the car with me when I was so desperate and broken. And she didn’t have that much stuff anyway; she was only bringing a small duffle bag. I did insist on riding with her, to keep her company, to keep her safe. She allowed that, though the ride was silent.

I sat us on the second story on the far side so I could keep my eye on the rest of the car. Just in case Tito was right about my old employers. But there was no problem. Eve watched the news on her phone and I listened to music, unraveling slowly. The panic was welling up inside me. I couldn’t imagine a life without Eve. I still can’t. At times, the only thing preventing me from begging her to reconsider was the group of girls giggling a few seats down from us.

Eve’s sister Heather’s house is only an eight minute walk from the train station. I knew this. Eve knew this. But she didn’t say anything as I led us the long way, strolling around the city for nearly half-an-hour before ending up in front of the house. There was so much to say but I was being strangled by my emotions and I couldn’t find the words. So we walked in silence. When I glanced at her, she was looking around. Probably enjoying the city like she always has. I was just trying to enjoy these last few minutes with her. Trying to savor them. To remember them.

This won’t be the last time you see her; it’s only for a little while. I thought to myself for the hundredth time. But nothing would quell the turmoil, the twisting feeling that I would lose her. That we would reach Heather’s house and I would leave her there and never see her again. So we kept walking.

Eventually we arrived. We stood at the door without knocking and I turned to her. Eve, my wife, my love, my savior. For a moment, standing in that doorway, I saw a piece of the old her. She was looking at me hungrily, memorizing me with her eyes as I was frantically trying to memorize her with mine.

“You… you know where to find me,” I murmured, my voice raspy from disuse. She nodded. “Eve, I…” I intended to tell her I loved her, one last time before she left but before I could finish, Heather wrenched the door open. How she knew we were standing out there is beyond me. She gave me a reproachful glare as she took Eve’s bag from my hand, simultaneously ushering her little sister into the house.

As Eve crossed the threshold she looked back at me one last time.

“Garrett,” she murmured, her eyebrows knitted together but whether from concern, sadness, or pity I couldn’t tell. Then she was gone and her sister was giving me one last scornful glance before closing the door. I stood there on the doorstep, staring at this last of many barriers between Eve and I. This one I hadn’t put up and I had no idea how to take it down.

Eventually I walked away, walked to the bridge, staring over the edge at the Chicago River rushing past. Dull and sad and cold. Like me.

A Feeling too Familiar

She twiddles and twists her fingers together. A nervous toying she did when she couldn't speak. Or if she didn't have words. The wind came in short bursts, but paired with the cold drizzle of rain made her hands freeze. She didn't mind the cold of her hands, it was common that her thin fingers became chilled easily. The voice beside her caught her attention. "Are you cold?" She blinks and looks up.

His gaze was warm, and a faint smile graced his lips. He had been speaking, she knew he had but she wasn't paying attention. Not to all of it. "Oh, not really. It's just my hands get cold fast so I play with them to warm them up but nothing bad." She spoke quickly, not wanting to stutter to seem any colder than she was. Her two jackets and thick jeans were enough to keep her body warm.

"Oh, well let me see them." He paused his walking, making her stop as well. He opened his hand, she hesitated, feeling her heart beat faster. Not too fast, she thought. A smile brightened her face and she laid her hands in his. His eyebrows raised in shock. "Wow your hands got cold fast!" He chuckled and her cheeks became pink. She eyed the way his hands engolfed his, and then her face became darker with a red shade. He lifted hers and his hands and brought them to his mouth, cupping both their hands and breathed into them.

She laughs and pulls her hands away. "Gross! Now your breath is gonna be all over my sweaty hands!" He laughed with her and he gave a small shrug.

"Gotta warm you up somehow. Here, let me see one of your hands." She raised a brow at him and he scoffs. "I won't breathe on it." She huffed and held her hand out. He took it with his other hand and tugged her down the street. "Lets go, once we're inside we can warm up some more."

She nodded, glancing at their hands. For a moment they were silent, then she spoke up. "So, your nickname came from a candy?" He chuckled, unknown to her that he was a bit embarrassed about it. He started explaining the story, and she forgot why she was nervous before. She smiled up at him as he told his story and she listened, her fingers gently rubbing his palm only once in a while.

How long will these feelings last, before she's lonely once again.