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37: it's all yours

NOTE a gift from me 🤍 a long chapter. thank you for waiting!! 🤍

This is surely a nightmare.

You swore you could cry from the sheer feeling of dread alone.

'What the actual fuck is this? Why are we here? Hello? What is this? This is surely the wrong stop. I wanna scream. Why here oh my god?'

Even though you were still inside your manager's car, it was visible how gray the skies were. Rain wasn't present, at least not yet, but the clouds looked so heavy, as if they were carrying a heavy burden.

They looked just about ready to burst.

You found it laughable, how even the heavens above seemed to reflect how you were feeling.

Your manager took the liberty of opening your car door for you, mainly because you were taking too long. "Get off."

You looked up at her, holding tightly to your seatbelt and refusing to let go.

"I don't wanna get out."

"Why are we here in this haunting place anyway?" You forced a smile, which she returned with a suspicious one. "I told you, didn't I? The CEO of Cypressus wants to meet you."

"Here?"

"Why else would we be here?" She questioned back, now also removing your seatbelt for you. "If you don't get out, we would be late for our appointment. That's not a good impression to make for a VIP, [Name]."

"Why are we meeting at Ayato's family house?" You cried out.

"Oh, this is his house? I didn't know. I just followed the address their CEO gave me."

This is eerie. Something about this is not right. Why —

"Stop thinking. Clear your mind, we have someone to meet."

The immense friction between the ground and your shoes (caused by your manager literally dragging you) can be heard, aside from you and your companion's quick banters. Well, it was actually mostly you crying out questions and her attempting to make you shut up.

Going through the short path on the way to the estate's gate, you noticed that barely anything has changed. As expected, their residence was well-maintained. Given the amount of staff and resources they have, it would be even weirder if they did not manage to keep the estate in its pristine state.

The only difference between your previous visit and now?

No personnel of the Kamisato clan is on sight.

Perhaps they are all inside? Or all of them have day offs today? Or maybe they all decided to file a leave on the very same day? Maybe the CEO of that famous bubble tea shop rented out the whole place to meet you? Wait, is a family residence even available for rent —

"We're here," your manager stated as both of you arrived at the gate.

"I really don't wanna do this."

"You're just gonna talk."

"'You're'? You mean me? Not 'we'? Are you leaving me alone?" You were on the verge of crying. It wasn't that you were sad. It was out of nervousness. Thank Celestia that no matter what heavy emotion you feel, you tend to cry.

Sad? Crying. Anxious? Sobbing. Angry? In tears.

Amidst your internal chaos, your beloved manager simply shrugged. "He requested to talk to you personally, not me."

"And you obliged?"

"It's for your own good."

"You sound like my mother."

"You think I don't notice that you're stalling?" she eyed you. You then felt both hands on your shoulder, forcing you to face the estate that brought you so many memories all at once. A little push, and voila!

You're all alone now.

It was not until you heard the heavy sound of the gate shutting that you turned around. "What the fuck?! Manager?!"

"Best wishes!" She yelled from the other side. Best wishes? Really? It's not like she's sending me off to get married, right?

... Right?

You stayed as still as a stone for a few minutes. Was this place really deserted? And where the heck is Cypressus' CEO? Is he inside? Should you go inside? Do you even dare to enter?

You gave your wristwatch a glance and realized you're already a few minutes late beyond call time. Maybe you really should stop wasting time outside and go in.

You were only able to take a few steps along the stoned path before you heard the main door creak.

It was a sound that could be heard anywhere, and yet... this specific noise, in this very place... it made your heart drop.

What you saw was even worse.

You could've died.

Out came a tall, fine man in an all white outfit consisting of a simple button-down and slacks, still oh so refined as ever.

How many days has it been? Or maybe even weeks, since you last saw each other?

Your heart was confused.

Those enchanting lavender eyes of his remained on you. They were magnetic, yet repelling all the same. Magnetic in a sense that you want nothing to do but just run straight into his arms, because you missed him so damn much. Repelling, because at the same time, you also want to run away for fear of confrontation.

Fear of falling even deeper.

Fear of falling into the depths, until no return.

Your lips slightly parted. It was hard to breathe — this instance, this atmosphere, his presence. It was too much. Too much for your little brittle heart to handle.

"[Name]," he uttered.

Fuck. And now you heard his voice? You were surely on the road to damnation.

Meanwhile, you weren't aware, but the man in front of you was likewise, dying. Dying to get close, dying to touch you, hug you, kiss you.

Dying to be with you, again.

Ayato silently rejoiced that you did not run away immediately at the sight of him. He feared that once you saw him, you would instantly go away, far and out of his reach. Thank the archons she stayed.

As he made his way towards you, you stayed still. You didn't even know how you managed to keep the eye contact with him. And then you notice.

He is a remarkable actor, but you've seen his genuine smile plenty enough to know that everything he's outright expressing is feigned. His lips may display a slight curve, but his eyes... They never lie. In them were weariness, sadness... longing.

Ayato now stood directly in front of you. "Hey," his voice cracked. "I missed you."

"Hi," you forced out a smile too.

It was a long time of looking at each other in silence, with faux smiles plastered on. No one dared to make a noise, nor an action.

Until Ayato couldn't take it anymore and pulled you into a tight hug.

His head sunk on your shoulders. You could feel all of his weight on you, as if he was deliberately sharing with you how exhausted he was from everything. How spent he was, and how your appearance at his house today was his only saving grace in a long time.

You froze.

You felt him shift slightly — no, he was shaking.

"Love," desperation was evident in his voice. "I —"

Ayato couldn't even talk. The composure he tried so hard to muster while waiting for you crumbled, just like that. One glimpse of you, and he broke. Are you now thinking how pathetic he is? Do you despise him now? Of course you do. Why wouldn't —

He felt your fingers caress his hair.

A simple gesture. Yet when it was combined with so much pining, sorrow, and despair... he couldn't stop himself anymore from sobbing in your embrace.

His last attempt at faking collectedness was hiding himself even further into the crook of your neck.

"Why are you crying?" You spoke softly. "I should be the one doing that," you joked.

"I know." Ayato's voice was muffled. Despite the situation, you can't help thinking how cute he was like this. Of course, you definitely prefer him being his usual cool self over him being a broken mess.

But it was a wonder, getting to see him like this, and getting to experience a new side of him.

The two of you stayed like that for a while: him trying to hide his crying in your shoulder (although his faint noises ratted him out) and you continuing to run your fingers through the tufts of his hair.

It wasn't awkward at all, contrary to what one would expect. Rather, it was warm and comfortable, not until he pulled himself away.

Your eyes travelled down, together with him.

"I'm sorry," his voice was low as he looked up at you. Kamisato Ayato, the renowned celebrity, the man with sharp lavender eyes, the scheming man that you've grown to love, the man that you would put above everything, even yourself, just fell to his knees. Groveling. Pleading. Begging.

But what exactly was he sorry for? Weren't you the one who owes an apology? After all, you were the one who suddenly announced that you two 'broke up' — as if there was even really something going on — without even waiting a response from him.

Then you ghosted everyone.

So really, what was your darling actor sorry for?

He held your hands, eyes still on you. "For everything, love. For dragging you into this whole mess. For being an asshole. For being such a stupid fuck."

Ayato breathed.

"For being a damned coward who is afraid of rejection and can't even express his feelings genuinely that he urged you into entering a faking relationship with himself just so he can experience having one with you."

What?

"So please," he leaned his forehead against your thigh, now looking down. "Forgive me and let me fix everything."

"Ayato —"

"Let me fix everything, with me by your side. With us, together."

With that, he was forced to look up as you pulled him. Ayato was still holding your hand even after the change in position, refusing to let you go.

"Ayato." This time, it's you whose voice wavers. "We can't. You know we can't. At least I can't."

"[Name]," he whined. "Love, please."

You took in his appearance. He looked like a mess, everything about him was. His disheveled hair, his teary eyes, his inconsistent breathing.

And yet, you still found him flawless.

"You don't have to forgive me right away. Fuck, you can even torment me. I just want us to be like before, maybe even better," Ayato beseeched.

"I can't believe you still want me," you forced a laugh. "I left you. Announced a break up. I fucking ignored you. All without notice."

"And I deserved all of it."

"No you didn't! You treated me so, so right," tears were now seeping. "You were everything I could ever ask for, love. And what was I to you in return?"

You sobbed.

You hated how memories of everything flashed in your mind.

How he was the perfect fucking lover despite everything being fake, how he never slighted you at the very least, how unfair you were to him sometimes (most times), how he would do just about anything you want, how you kept steering away from him without a word, how unreasonable you were after seeing a single fucking tweet online.

How you left him hanging.

"I was someone who was swayed easily! I was unfair. I kept doubting you, even if I didn't have the right to. You were perfect, I was flawed. You —"

"I wasn't perfect. I know that. Because if I was, you wouldn't have to suffer like how you've been," Ayato frowned. He knew he was the one to blame, and yet... why were you blaming only yourself?

He does not like it when you talk that way about yourself. If you could see yourself through his eyes, he wonders, would you still look at yourself as someone so low and unworthy? He attempts to change the topic subtly. "We're both human. We aren't flawless. A perfect fucking match, [Name]. So why don't we just be with each other —"

"— but I hurt you!"

"And I don't give a fuck." He breathes. "Heck, I would even let you do it again — infinite times more if you wish. Pain me. Hurt me. Break my heart all you want — it's all yours, love."

"But for God's sake, [Name]... please don't leave me."

privacy — ayato x reader smau

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