Im Very Tired - Blog Posts

Even in Lawless Lands We Still Have Faith: Prologue

I have been wanting to make my own rendition of the 'Blind Faith Au' i had posted a small thought about it in an earlier post i made and wanted to give it a shot! :D

this is inspired by 'Who needs trust when you have faith' by ItsBasilnotBasil on ao3 it's amazing you should go check it out if you've never read it before :)

“NO! You don’t understand!”

Ford frantically grabbed onto the journal, trying to snatch back his journal from the hold that Stan had on it as he clearly was too immature to have his life’s work in his possession. Especially since he seems to be so hung up by Stanford’s simple request.

“You said you wanted me to have it, so I'll do what I want with it!”

Stan wrenches the book away from Ford as he says this. He doesn’t get it, he doesn’t get any of this (not that he’d tell Ford that), Ford calls him up here to buttfuck nowhere, which he used the last of his money to even get up here to begin with. Just to tell him to go fuck off with his dumb fucking book and never come back. Well fuck that if Ford is going to give him this book he’s going burn it, if he’s so hell bent on no one else getting this book. 

“MY RESEARCH!”

Ford launches himself at his brother, throwing Stan and himself to the ground close to the switch, the journal flying across the room. Stan lies prone for a sec feeling his stitches on his side pull uncomfortably, before hastily getting up when he watches Ford scramble to get the journal. Stan shoves his brother into the ground as he runs past and snatches the journal off the ground. It was then he turned to say something, maybe say something witty or snarky or maybe to tell Ford that ‘fine he would leave’; Stan unfortunately wouldn’t know because as soon as he does turns he gets body slammed into the door behind him and onto a very sharp desk-consol-thing. On top of him was Ford’s anger consuming his face as he tried to wrench the book away from Stan.

“Want it back you’re going to have to try harder than that!”

Stan shoves all his body weight into his brother landing them both onto the floor. An electrifying whirl begins; crackling and sparking, the machine rising in pitch and frequency as the two brothers shove each other around the room not noticing the noise at all. 

Stan and Ford are now back at the entrance of the control room both tugging at the journal. From an outsider's perspective one could almost mistake the two for dogs fighting over leftover scraps; bearing their teeth and barking hoping with some vindication that their words would hurt the other.

“YOU LEFT ME BEHIND YOU JERK, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE US FOREVER YOU RUINED MY LIFE!”

“YOU RUINED YOUR OWN LIFE!”

THUMP

CKSSSSSHH

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!”

“STANLEY!”

Ford watches as his brother slumps over, much like when a puppet's strings are cut. The fresh smell of burning flesh permeates through the air encircling around Stanford; reminiscent of a boa constrictor suffocating him. Ford stares at the now bright almost luminescent brand, no burn that he put on Stanley as Ford stumbles to get up he frantically utters an, “Oh my gosh imsosorryareyouo- OW”

He was then interrupted by a hard punch to the face causing Stanford to flail backwards onto the lever in front of the portal. The sounds of its whirling, crackling and high pitched humming expand and crescendo filling the basement with its music. The sound once again, going unnoticed by the two. 

Stanford slowly gets up from where he fell; eyes never leaving Stan's lurking form as he stalks closer to Ford hand gripping onto his shoulder. Looking eerily close to that of a predator cornering its prey.

“Some brother you turned out to be…”

He steps closer

“You care more about your dumb mysteries than your family…”

There’s a pause. They stare at each other and for that one moment, it seemed that Stan was trying to search for something in his brother's eyes. What he was searching for, Stan wasn’t too sure, sadness? A look that told Stan, Ford didn’t hate him? Again he didn’t know, but whatever he was trying to find in those all too sharp eyes was not there, only a burning hatred and anger was found. So in his own unfiltered anger Stan moved…

“WELL THEN YOU CAN HAVE THEM”

And made the biggest mistake in his life.

Stanley pushes his brother…

It feels as though time was both moving all too fast but also excruciatingly slow, like time itself was playing an awful game of tug-of-war as Stan watches his twin float up and into the portal. He’s saying something but he can’t hear it nor whatever Ford was yelling, over his own head buzzing so loud.

I need to move, i need to save him, i don’t know how but I need to move NOW

But his body seemed to be against him as it just. Won’t. MOVE. It was as if something was blocking him from making that leap, that jump to help his brother get away from that damn portal.

I can’t just stand here,

I need to move,

I NEED TO SAVE HIM

As Stan forced his foot to step forward, it was then whatever was keeping him there dissipated. Like a barrier was broken. Not that he was all too concerned on what that meant as his first and only priority was getting Ford away and safe from the portal currently trying to suck him in. 

Determination rushed into every fibre of his being as he ran past the caution line and jumped, gravity sliping immediately allowing Stan to float towards his brother. Luck seemed to finally be on his side as fords body hadn't gone through the swirling vortex of light yet; though he was getting dangerously close, he wasn’t too late. Stan was moving quite fast thanks to the jump he made earlier and he was able to grab onto his brother’s outstretched hand gripping for dear life. 

Unfortunately that’s when Stan’s luck dies off, because although Stan was able to grab onto his brother’s hand, he was a little late to try to wrench his twin out and onto the ground away from the portal. Ford’s body had started to be consumed by the portal. Not that Stan seemed to notice nor did he care as he holds tight onto Stanfords hand and uses his lower body to propel against the portal frame so that he can reef Ford out of the portal.

Come on come on come on please work pleasepleaseplease

Ford’s yelling something, he should really be paying attention but he can’t seem to focus. Stan’s pretty sure he says something back; maybe to yell at him back, to tell him to fuck off and let him help him, or maybe to say that he was sorry? It didn’t matter though, none of it did, all that mattered was fixing his mistake and getting his brother safe.

The buzzing in his head is getting louder.

Come on body work for me here, I need this to work please just let me fix it, 

Let me fix my mistake PLEASE

But it was no use, the gravitational pull was too much, at this point ¾ of Ford’s body has been consumed by the portal and was progressively more pulled in as Stan tries desperately to pullpullpullwhyisntthisworkingpleaseicantloosehimagagainbecauseofmymistakes–

But it was no use as more and more of Ford's body was slowly getting consumed by the swirling vortex that made up the inside of the portal. There was a look that will haunt Stan in his sleep as he watches the last bit of Stanford's face was swallowed into the jaws of the machine.

Before he could even attempt to mourn, Stan, whose hand had been holding onto Ford’s hand orwhatwasleft was fastly getting consumed as well by the portal. 

In the matter of seconds to the world but hours to Stan, he too was consumed by the portal.

Mere milliseconds after the last of stan is in the portal, a bright blinding burst of energy dispersed outwards evaporating the portal. Leaving the basement with an empty space where the structure should have been. As if it never existed in the first place.

The only trace that anything happened down there was a blindingly white crack on the ground in the center of it all.

Slowly growing in size as it consumes

And consumes

I’m not TECHNICALLY diagnosed with lupus yet, because I have to see the rheumatologist for more tests. But my ANA is crazy, I definitely have some kind of autoimmune disorder, and I tested negative for RA and Sjögren's syndrome, so like. It’s PROBABLY lupus.

And I’m tired of saying I have “something” or “some weird autoimmune thing” or whatever. I just wanna put a name on it, and right now, that name is lupus.

I miss viktor arcane dearly

Complete word vomit but like what if viktor decides that whatever the 'arcane' is too dangerous or comes at too high a cost and starts The Glorious Evolution from there?

Maybe he feels responsible for whatever the weird magic orb thingys are and decides that all of this mess (not just with the hex core but also with zaun and piltover) was due to human error so now he thinks he has to help people by getting rid of their 'flaws' like they're ability to make the kinds of mistakes he made in s1.

We know he already doesn't want the hex core to be around anymore so why would he suddenly become infatuated with it?? Like sure maybe it has an influence over him, but I seriously doubt it would last all season

Plus viktors whole Thing is helping people why would he stick with the hex core and all it's bs if it means either vaporising people or shimmer? Viktor is smart that's like the first thing we know about him I feel like he'd find a way out of the hex core's thrall

Idk I just don't really want to watch hex core bs for like a quarter of next season, I'll still probably like it tho

6 a.m. Sanders Sides thought

So I was thinking about Steven Universe and started comparing the Diamond's to the different sides like Patton would be Pink, Logan would be Yellow, Virgil would be Blue, and White would be Deceit (technically he's not a side) but it seems kinda fitting. I'm not sure who Roman would be maybe he would be Pearl? Also, Steven would obviously be Thomas. @thatsthat24

the Japanese term ryoutoutsukai (両刀使い) refers to someone who dual wields swords. it's also slang for bisexual.

that is all

I was at stop and shop and i was staring at a can of monster just to read the nutrition facts and my dad decided to get it for me

Ive been staring down this can, it has 160mg and apparently im supposed to have like less than 100 mg per day

Whenever i have caffeine its always a gamble between "will i stay up for a very, very long time or will i pass out in like 5 mins?"

Is caffeine supposed to make you tired bc ive had a couple cups of coffee and i usually feel so tired after

Anyways im off to chug this thing, wish me luck

One day I’m going to regret making this