Enhypen Sunoo - Blog Posts

i cried!! alot!! out of sadness and happiness and bittersweetness. as someone who has divorced parents (not for the same reasons!!) ik what its like to have a slight hate for your half siblings even though its not their fault so i was vv emotional whenever yn and niki were brought up,, i love my siblings now thooo

you plus me | heeseung

SUMMARY: it's been six years since heeseung stopped being your friend and the thought of him tagging along an annual camping tradition makes you feel like the world is crashing around you. one misunderstanding and one trip later makes heeseung re-evaluate all he knows, and it makes you believe there might be life after love.

NOTES: first full length fic!!!!!!! enjoy :) x

PAIRING: heeseung x fem!reader (featuring enhypen)

WORD COUNT: 34.1K

WARNINGS: fluff, angst, mentions of poor relationships with parental figures, mentions of infidelity, bad friendships, smut in the form of: fingering, oral (f. receiving), creampie.

***

“Please don’t make me go.”

“Y/N, you already said yes. We’re only gonna be gone for a week.”

“I don’t think this is a good idea, Jungwon. You just said that Heeseung is gonna be there.” 

Your best friend sighs and sits down on your bed, inspecting the duffle bag you have that’s half-packed. Your clothes are haphazardly strewn all over your bedding while you plead with him to no avail. You’re so desperate that you consider getting on your knees to beg.

“I’m sorry for telling you now, but he was able to get people to cover his shift last minute and paid for a spot on the kayaking rental.” 

“If he’s going, I’d rather save us all the trouble and stay at home.” Jungwon watches you cross your arms over your chest. “Every time we’re in the same room, it’s just a matter of time before things become awkward.” 

“We’ll be outside in the suuuun,” Jungwon says, tilting his head to the side and giving you those amused eyes that he always gives you when he’s trying to convince you to do something with him. You scoff and look away. It almost works. 

“I bet that it’ll be worse since we have a few things planned with the guys already.”

“So what? You two don’t get along. Big deal. We’ve already made reservations to secure a spot on the campsite and set a deposit for kayak rentals.”

“Won, I think you and I view Heeseung very differently. He doesn’t just not like me. He hates me.” 

“Hate is a wrong word.” 

You huff. “I don’t think you grasp just how weird it is every time we’re together. You could cut the tension with a knife.”

“Seriously, Y/N. It’s one week. I’m sure you can survive that. You’ve never missed a camping trip and it’s the first time all of our friends are coming.” Jungwon deadpans and throws a shirt towards your chest, which you hastily grab after being startled by his sudden movement. You know better than to argue with him when he gets like this. “Just help me pack your clothes, dude. Jay’s gonna be here to pick us up tomorrow morning, and you don’t want to be under-packed.” 

You relent and grumble. “Are you still staying over?”

He nods. “My apartment’s in the opposite of where we’re going, and I didn’t want to make him drive an extra twenty minutes since he needs to pick Riki up. Just need to drop Maeumi off at my mom’s before coming back here. ” Your eyes fall for a flat second before you squash that feeling down.

“I didn’t invite you over, you know.” 

“No, but don’t pretend like you’re not excited,” Jungwon says with a laugh as he pulls your clothes out of the bag and starts to readjust the clothing you’ve folded poorly. Seeing your best friend smile tugs a bit at your heartstrings and you can’t say that you aren’t happy to have him with you. “We should get you packed now so you don’t stress out later.” 

Begrudgingly, you allow Jungwon to sort out your clothes for you and pull last minute items you’ve yet to pack. It annoys you watching him be so calm when you’re simmering with worry. But you know he’s right—you’ve invested some money into this getaway, and it’ll be the last big outing before you move away from Korea for a year-long job opportunity in Okayama before pursuing your Master’s degree. Jungwon knows you a little too well, and sometimes it irks you. 

The end-of-summer camping trip is always one for the books. For as long as you can remember, the two of you have been going camping just before everyone goes back to school to celebrate the beginning of a new academic year with your families. But this time, the trip wasn’t just about continuing an annual tradition. It was also to commemorate a new chapter in your life. 

You’re a year older than Jungwon. He’s known you since you were obsessed with learning how to double dutch, and you’ve known him since he first learnt how to ride a bike. The two of you started out as neighbors when you moved into the house next to his, and his family had adopted your own like old friends, eventually inviting you and your parents into their annual camping tradition. Even when dynamics changed and people left, the tradition was the only thing that remained a constant for you.

This is the first summer that your loved ones announced they wouldn’t be coming along. They all thought it was time for you to embark on new traditions with new people, and nobody seemed to mind the change that much except for you. Jungwon had been ecstatic about it since he invited his friend, Jake, to the camping trip last year. You’d been wary at first since Jake is friends with Heeseung, but he never brought up your confusing arch-nemesis and chose to have a great trip before you all started university again.  

Sure, you had a lot of fun. You might even consider last year’s trip as one for the books. But your mom pulling out of the camping trip and everyone around you agreeing that it was for the best made you feel like your world was crumbling around you.

When you graduated university three months ago (Jungwon swears he didn’t cry, but you know better than to believe him), the weight of leaving your home started to sink in. In the blink of an eye, Jungwon wouldn’t be a twenty minute drive, and hanging out with all of your friends wouldn’t be as easy as it once was. You’d be in Japan all alone.

This past summer has been a whirlwind as you tried to do everything under the sun, savoring each moment until you wouldn’t be able to anymore. Jungwon’s been a good sport about it, never once complaining when you drag him to your latest adventure. He deals with your sudden shift in mood from happy to sad, letting you cry on his shoulder and braving the cliche words you say when telling him you’ll miss him a lot. 

Unlike past seasons, this is the first summer you haven’t seen Heeseung very often. Lee Heeseung, who usually keeps his head down and minds his business, always seems to have a bone to pick whenever his eyes settle on you. It confuses you to no end, and he keeps his quips to a minimum when your mutual friends are around, but it doesn’t stop you from wondering what you must’ve done to make him act like that towards you. It’s a shame because that small childhood crush you always had on him was squashed the first time he ignored your presence. 

None of your friends comment on it much. They’re used to the dynamic between the both of you because it's been years of this. Elementary school saw the two of you become friends for the first time and middle school brought more friends into the group. It was in high school that things changed and Heeseung started ignoring you out of nowhere until one Thursday afternoon when he’d told you to leave him alone after pestering him about his change in behavior. 

The odd tension followed you into university and continued to seep into your life. You don’t think you’ve ever been in a room with Heeseung where he’s been anything but nonchalant towards you, often acting like you aren’t there to begin with. You do your best to put up with it and plaster a smile on your face, but six years have gone by, and you don’t think you can handle a seventh. All of your friends seemed to have moved past it. You don’t know why you can’t.

“Don’t think about Heeseung,” Jungwon says with a sigh. “In fact, don’t think at all. Let me handle everything and enjoy this trip before you move to Okayama, okay?”

“Okay, fine. But I want to see Maeumi.”

Jungwon snorts. “She’s gonna be real pissed when she doesn’t see you for a year, you know.”

“Don’t remind me.”

Jungwon knows you like the back of your hand and has seen what you bring on these trips enough to know what you like to have in your duffle. He packs things you neglected to pull out because your mind has been elsewhere. As much as he wants to flick your head and tell you to quit overthinking so you can help him, he did tell you to let him handle everything. 

Your best friend makes you triple check that the two of you didn’t miss anything before heading back to his apartment to fetch Maeumi. She jumps into your arms when you squat to pick her up and won’t allow Jungwon to pet her white fur body while she’s nestled against you. This fondness and the familiar jab of Jungwon’s elbow to your ribcage make your heart ache despite the sweet moment. You’re really going to miss home. 

Ever the concerned mothers your mom and Jungwon’s are, they send you with a tray full of sweets for the road. They make you tell them exactly when you’ll be picked up and by who (“Jongseong, Eomma,” Jungwon says for the umpteenth time) and when you plan to come back. His dad gives you a spare bucket hat for when you’re on the water and an old sweater from his college days when Jungwon complains about how you never pack enough layers. The gesture feels warm since you consider his father to be somewhat of your own.

Leaving them to go back to your house feels a bit bittersweet. A lot of your belongings sit in storage boxes in the garage from when you moved out of your campus apartment upon graduating. Jungwon decided to get an apartment for himself with the money he saved from his part-time job as a busboy at a local chain restaurant. Staying over with you makes it seem silly when you remember he used to live next door. 

It’s nine in the evening when the two of you get ready for bed. Jungwon puts your bags by the front door so neither of you would forget while you finish brushing your teeth. He grabs extra blankets from the linen closet and settles onto your L-shaped couch, pulling the fabric just underneath his chin. Your heart feels like it’s sinking in on itself when you think about how this might be the last time you’re able to be so casual around him. 

“Stop overthinking,” he says in the quiet of the night, as if he can hear the thoughts in your head. The living room lights are off and the moonlight is what’s responsible for illuminating the space. 

You refrain from throwing your pillow at him. “I’m not overthinking. You’re overthinking.” 

Jungwon snorts. “We both know that’s not true. I know you’re scared about Okayama and I know that’s why you’ve been on edge about Heeseung. You’re usually never this loud about it.” Like always, your best friend is right. 

“It’s hard not to.” Your meek voice makes Jungwon’s heart lurch. “Everything’s changed so fast. I feel like I didn’t get enough time to properly say goodbye to everyone.”

“You’ll be in Japan, not America. It’s not like we’ll never see you.” 

“Yeah, but I won’t be able to annoy you for boba and you won’t be coming over to have dinner with my mom and me." Jungwon frowns. Too caught up in making sure you were happy this summer, he hadn’t given it that much thought. “I know I won’t be far, but I’m scared that things will change too much.” 

For the first time today, Jungwon doesn’t know what to say to make you feel better. “I’ll miss you a lot.” 

“I know that, dummy. I guess…I feel like I’ve been dealing with a lifetime of shittiness and the universe wanted to throw another curveball at me.” Jungwon’s heart softens at your confession. He’s used to your quick jabs and sarcastic humor. Knowing you’ve more afraid than excited makes him upset. 

“The universe sucks,” he says, happy that it pulled a laugh out of you. “I’ll always be a phone call away and you’ll never have to worry about me ignoring you because we both know I’m gonna blow up your texts anyway.” 

“I can always count on you to annoy the hell out of me.” You can’t see his face, but no you already assume Jungwon’s sporting a shit-eating grin. Even if you both know the main reason why you’re afraid of living in Okayama, neither of you say it. You’re grateful that Jungwon doesn’t bring it up. “Still, though. You know how I am with change. I’m really scared that I’m going to hate it there and not have you to keep me company.”

“Life is crazy and unpredictable but that doesn’t mean you’re going to be miserable. I mean, you did a pretty good job of making sure both of us had happy childhoods even though I know you were hurting when we were younger.” 

“It’s really hard not to have expectations or think badly about the future when I feel like I took everything for granted.” 

“I know, Bug,” Jungwon says, using a nickname from your childhood he reserves for when he thinks you need an extra bit of comfort. “But you’re the best person I know. You didn’t do anything wrong. Life just…gets in the way.” 

“Yeah, I know.”

Jungwon is quiet for a moment. “Just please promise me you’ll try to have fun, okay?”

“I know I’ll have fun, Wonnie. I’m scared that I’ll have too much fun and be a sobbing wreck when we get back.” 

The two of you share a laugh. “Alright, fair. Promise me you won’t let Heeseung get under your skin.”

You groan. “If he doesn’t like me, that’s fine. I don’t need everyone to like me. But why go out of his way to act like I’m scum of the Earth?”

“Just ignore him, okay?” Jungwon pleads. “I know it’s uncomfortable but he paid for a last minute spot. I’ll tell him to be mature about it too.” 

And, well, part of you believes Heeseung will listen to Jungwon. Despite being on the younger side in your shared friend group, everyone seemed to listen to your best friend most of the time. Jungwon has an authoritative aspect to himself when he’s refrained from being the silly, happy-go-lucky guy you all know him to be. 

It’s quiet for a brief moment with the wind gently tapping on the windows behind you. “I don’t know why he doesn’t like me.” 

Truthfully, neither does Jungwon. “I’m sorry he’s putting you in a tough spot.” 

“Won, sometimes I really wonder if he hates my guts. He doesn’t talk to me and he never replies to my messages in the group chat. It’s like I don’t exist to him.”

“I think that might be a little extreme.” 

“It’s not and you know it.” 

Jungwon hums. “Well, at least you’ll get away from him when you move to Okayama.” Just like that, all of your worries come flooding right back.

“Yeah,” you say meekly. “I’ll have Okayama.”

You don’t see him, but you know Jungwon’s smiling since you agreed with him for the first time tonight. “That’s more like it. You have your whole future ahead of yourself, dude. Heeseung is just a blimp. In three weeks, he won’t matter because you’ll be having fun in Japan. Just think about that.” 

You try not to think about the fears and hesitations you have about starting anew. This time, you wouldn’t be going back to university after the camping trip. You’ll have a week and a half back home before you’re boarding your flight and saying goodbye to the place you’ve called home for the past two decades. Thinking about the future keeps you up until you hear Jungwon’s snores from the other side of the couch. 

Unsure of when your mom will be coming home, you snuggle further into the cushions and curl yourself into a ball before falling asleep. 

***

The next morning, Jungwon wakes up just before you do and you see him and your mom talking before they see you sit up. Barely noticing their hushed tones, you find yourself yawning more than normal and force the blankets off of your body. Your mom fixes you a cup of tea while Jungwon finishes packing, leaving you to freshen up and do the same. 

“You know, this trip will be good for you. I can feel it,” your mom says when you sip on your tea. It’s hot and nearly burns your tongue, but you don’t mind. Somehow, that sharp pain makes you feel even more alert than the strong brew. 

“You say that every year.” 

“Yeah, but this time I won’t be with you.” 

She laughs when she hears you huff. “Baby, I know you love it when I come on these trips but we’ll always have other ones. We’ll have next year too.” 

“I just don’t get why you and Jungwon’s parents don’t want to come on this one.” 

“Like we said all those months ago–it’s time for you guys to break tradition and spend some time with your friends before you move to Okayama. Next year, we can rent out the whole campsite if it means we can accommodate us, the Yangs, and your friends.” 

Frustration bubbles within you but you’re quick to shut that feeling. “I guess. It won’t be the same.”

“Jake’s going this year, right? You guys had a lot of fun last summer.” 

Well, she isn’t wrong. “Sure, yeah. I had fun with him.” Motherly instincts kick in and she bumps your hip with hers. 

“I know you’re scared about moving and seeing Heeseung. But you’re much braver than you give yourself credit for. Sometimes people are meant to be lessons and maybe Heeseung is the biggest one of all.”

You throw a fake-disgusted look at her. “Did Jungwon put you up to this?” She laughs and shakes her head, bringing you into her arms. Her lips on the crown of your head feel warm and you don’t shy away from her embrace. 

“No, but I carried you in my stomach and brought you to term. I like to think I know you pretty well.” 

You chuckle. “Yeah, I guess you do. I’ll try not to let Heeseung bother me too much.” 

“Jungwon’s pretty worried, even if he won’t say it. I told him to relax a little. This trip isn’t supposed to stress anyone out. It’s supposed to be a nice getaway before you go back to your normal life.” 

“I feel guilty for making Jungwon worry about me. I know he’s still friends with Heeseung, somewhat, even though nobody can figure out why he doesn’t like me so much.” 

“That old saying about boys being mean to their crushes is bullshit.” 

You pull away and gasp when you hear her swear. “Eomma!”  

“I used to swear like a sailor before I became a mom, you know.” Her eyes light up when she watches you giggle and from the corner of her eye, she can see Jungwon walking back into the living room. 

“Jay’s almost here,” he says, shoving his phone into his back pocket. 

“Does he want a cup of tea?” 

Jungwon shakes his head. “I think it’s better if we head out as soon as possible. We still have to pick up Riki and then we have a four hour drive to the campsite.” 

She looks at the two of you like she has stars in her eyes. Wordlessly, your mom pulls Jungwon underneath her other arm and kisses his forehead before kissing yours. “When did you two become so grown up, huh? It feels like just yesterday that Y/N stopped crying whenever she got papercuts.” 

Jungwon snickers. “She still does.”

“Hey!”

“And it feels like just yesterday that Jungwon stopped needing to sleep with a nightlight.” Jungwon’s cheeks turn pink and you snicker at him. 

“Time flew by fast,” says Jungwon. She lets the two of you go and the doorbell rings. “That must be Jay.” 

Indeed, Jay is standing behind the door and bows at your mom before she offers to help you both carry things to his car. They make small talk while the two of you put them into the trunk (he loves to cook while she loves to bake. Likewise, they enjoy talking about this with each other). Jay’s Jeep is far too expensive for you to wrap your head around, but you don’t complain when he offers to drive you in it. A yellow rubber duck sits on his dashboard and it never fails to bring a smile to your face whenever you see it. You wave goodbye to your mom and stick your body halfway out the window until you’re restricted by the seat belt.

“Can we get coffee on the way?” you ask, yawning into your palm. It’s eight o’clock and everyone’s agreed to arrive around noon for lunch and to relax before sleeping. 

“Yeah, good idea. Let’s pick up Riki and then stop somewhere.” 

Jay plugs his phone into the aux cord at a red light and turns on some music. You like driving with him because you always discover new songs you obsess over for the next few days. It brings a pang in your heart when you think about how this will have to stop when you move to Japan. The two of you have created many playlist blends and he’s curated a few for you. While you’re not as musically inclined like your friends may be, Jay is the only person who’s willing to break things down for you in depth so that you can understand them too. It’s nice, especially when he talks about his own musical talents. You can see why he loves music so much and you don’t mind if he sends you a million songs to listen to. He turns onto the freeway and you know you’re about to see Riki soon.

He’s about to be a first-year in the university you graduated from. He moved to Korea from Japan a few weeks prior to get a lay of the land and become more comfortable in his surroundings. Originally planning on enjoying your summer until he reached out to you, your mother chided your decision and told you to help Riki move into his new dormitory. 

It was the least you could do for your half-brother. 

Begrudgingly, you spent a lot of time making sure Riki felt comfortable and settled in when you could’ve been soaking up the sun. Maybe that’s why you were so adamant about hanging out with Jungwon whenever you could. Being around Riki made you feel drained because his mere presence was enough to remind you of why you started losing faith in people. 

The dorms aren’t too far from your house. The drive there is silent, save for the music coming from Jay’s stereo. It gives you plenty of time to think about what the next week or so might look like. Avoiding Heeseung is out of the question since there will be eight of you participating in the same activities together. You’re not worried about having to watch over Riki too much either. Before moving to Korea, he met Jungwon the first summer he spent a few weeks vacationing here and they instantly became friends. He introduced Riki to the people you’d be camping with too. Without fail, the seven of them were always up to no good when he was in town. 

Spending three weeks with him in your neighborhood felt like someone was trying to set your life ablaze. He was so young back then, barely speaking Korean until you had to translate conversations into Japanese for him. You tried to mask disdain for having to help him, but even then, Riki understood why you were hesitant to have him in your life. If he were in your position, he’d probably feel the same way about you. 

He didn’t come to Korea very often but started to when he had school recess for the holidays and summer breaks. Since he expressed an interest in attending university in Korea, it felt like the right decision to send Riki whenever school wasn’t in session. He’d stay with his paternal grandparents and saw you every so often when you were both invited to the same place. Neither of you made a real effort to keep up with each other on social media or over the phone. At this time, Riki followed you on Instagram and you hadn’t bothered to follow him back. In all honesty, you didn’t see the point. 

You held a lot of resentment over Riki for things you know you can’t blame him for. But with new life changes that came your way, Riki seemed like the perfect scapegoat. He feels it sometimes, the way you pull him in just to push him away when the moment gets too familiar. He shoves down his feelings, choosing to treasure when you laugh with him. 

The two of you are doing somewhat better nowadays. You followed him back on Instagram the night after you dropped him off at the airport at the behest of your grandparents. They insisted Riki arrive at the airport four hours early despite the flight’s duration equating to two and a half hours. You suspected they wanted to force you into spending a little bit of alone time with your half-brother and get to know each other. 

To your surprise, the two of you got along pretty well. Riki was a dweeb trying to mask himself as cool. You bought him ice cream (pretending like you didn’t see him smiling so hard that he forced it off of his face) and sat in your car for two hours to talk. He found out you were a genius when it came to mathematics, a subject he did not excel in, and you found out he’s in a hip hop dance crew and wants to study dancing in Korea. Riki showed you a few clips of him dancing and from the corner of your eye, you could see how happy he was to be sharing this moment with you. It made your heart twinge and guilt crept up your spine when you think of all the times you’ve blown him off. You said goodbye to him at the gate and he surprised you with the first hug he’s ever given you. 

Still, it’s a bit awkward when the two of you spend any time together without your friends acting as buffers. It irks you that Riki and Heeseung get along so well because they share similar interests and are often awake at the same time, especially during the midnight hour. Part of you wondered if Heeseung would tell you all about your “rivalry” and how the two of you didn’t get along. If he did, Riki never let you know it because he’s been the same Riki you’ve known since you first met him three years ago. 

You can tell Heeseung is a bit irritated, too, that your half-brother still chooses to be nice to you. In fact, you realize he’s annoyed at everyone about this, especially Jungwon. You don’t call him out on it because you know it’ll spark a useless argument that makes you and everyone else feel upset. How Heeseung has the energy and stamina to avoid you for hours on end is strange to you. 

You and Jungwon meet Riki at the front door while Jay gets out of the car to make room for his belongings and the lawn chairs his grandparents dropped off for this specific trip. There’s exactly eight of them and they somehow all fit into the rear with all of the other cooking gear he’s packed. You assume the other car has everything needed for pitching tents and fishing.

“Hi,” Riki says before you can acknowledge him. He steps forward like he’s about to throw his arms around you but stops himself. “Good morning.” 

“Morning, Riki,” you say while grabbing the duffle bag from his shoulder. “Let me put this in the car. You and Wonnie can load the chairs.” 

“Aye, aye, captain.” 

It’s Riki’s first time on the camping trip and you find yourself a bit more nervous with him coming. He’s not someone who’s been camping before and you wonder if any of the other guys are going to look out for him. Jungwon, for as responsible as he is, tends to turn into a younger version of himself when he’s with your half-brother. You furrow your eyebrows when you put his duffle bag in Jay’s trunk as he rearranges and waits for the two boys to load everything in before settling back into the car. 

Riki and Jungwon immediately hop in the backseat and you’re quite pleased that you don’t have to call shotgun. They talk about things you don’t understand while Jay starts the car and resumes manning the aux cord. That strange feeling of nervousness creeps back into your stomach. You turn around and startle Riki when you look at him. 

“Do you have everything you need?” you ask him. 

“Yes,” Riki says with a nod. “I have my water bottle, my Swiss army knife, and sunblock.” 

“Bug spray?” 

“Jungwon says he’s bringing a few bottles.”

“Swimming trunks?”

“C’Mon, Y/N. We’re gonna be camping by a lake. That’s the first thing I packed.”

“Toothbrush?”

“Second thing I packed.”

“Enough shirts and socks?”

“Okay,” Jay says, pulling your wrist to get you to look at the road. “Riki’s got everything he needs and if he doesn’t, I’m sure someone else would let him use or borrow it.”

“I’m just making sure he’s got everything so we don’t need to stop somewhere,” you mutter, slinking into your seat while Jay sighs. You don’t catch it, but Riki sits behind you with a happy smile on his face. 

“Relax. We’re trying to make the most before summer ends. You deserve that too.” You know Jay’s right. He smiles when you fix your posture and hands you his phone. “You know my passcode. Queue up whatever you want.” 

You do just that, especially since Jungwon and Riki are engrossed in a conversation about God knows what. You think of interrupting them to ask what they want to listen to but ultimately decide to play a few songs you and Jay could jam out to and some from Jungwon’s playlists. You also try to remember the songs Riki has danced to in his Instagram videos and the musicians he posts on his stories and add them to the queue too. 

“Thanks for letting us come on this trip,” Jay tells you with chatter in the background, not once taking his eyes off of the road. “I know it’s a thing you and Jungwon do with your families.” 

“Eh, it was bound to happen anyway. Jake was the only one here last summer and I knew it was a matter of time.” 

“Still, I know how you’ve been feeling lately and it must be overwhelming to have so many people around you right now.” Damn. Jay is almost as receptive as Jungwon is. 

You don’t bother lying to him. “Yeah, I think I’m just scared about starting my life in Okayama. I know a few people but it’s not like here. I thought it was what I wanted to do when I accepted the position but now I can’t help but feel like I made a mistake.” 

“It’s not a mistake if you believed in it enough to do it all those months ago. I mean, there’s a reason why you’re moving.” 

“I guess.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, dude. You’re like, a fucking wizard when it comes to numbers and even Jake is speechless. You know how he feels about math and physics.” 

That makes you laugh. “It feels kinda nerdy to love math so much but fuck it. It got me a paid year’s worth of employment before I earn my Master’s.”

“See? Not so bad, isn’t it?” You suppose it’s not. “Junwon, can you please tell the others that we’re about to stop for coffee then be on our way?” You see the notifications on your phone. 

wonton: we just picked up riki

jaeyunnie: who’s we

wonton: me jay and yn

jaeyunnie: AYOOOOOOO YN

you: JAEYUNIE :DD

jaeyunnie: idk why i thought jay was driving alone. whatever this is about to be the best camping trip of my Life. even better than last year

sun sun: is it just me or is jake always really fucking dramatic. also i’m lowkey offended i wasn’t invited last year …

jaeyunnie: shut Up u know nothing about me sunoo. and u were in bejing how tf could you have gone with us

sun sun: so much attitude 🙄

fanghoon: yn save me PLEASE. i’m in a car filled with animals

sun sun: HEY

jaeyunnie: who are you calling an animal big guy ?

you: sunghoon what makes you think i can do that 

you: jk come over here ~i will protect you~

fanghoon: Thank You. It’s Literally 8am

jaeyunnie: u guys need to become morning people

you: pass

sun sun: PASS 

sun sun: noona we are the same 🙂‍↕️

you: i know that’s right

wonton: we’re gonna stop for coffee before heading to the campsite 

jaeyunnie: oh shit we should make heeseung stop for coffee too

wonton: jay says to stop blowing up his phone in the group chat. we’ll text you when we stop for gas and when we’ve arrived. bye!!!

***

After one stop to fill up Jay’s gas tank (you paid for him as a thank you) and a snack run (Jungwon and Riki split the cost), the four of you are at the campsite in no time. You’re all somewhat grateful that it’s a little bit cloudy outside because the sun was killing you on the two-hour mark of your road trip. The weather is a little cooler and you tug on the sweater that Jungwon’s dad gave you.  

You see your other friends park just after you do. Jungwon and Riki are first to get out of the car and greet them like they haven’t seen the group in years while you and Jay take your time getting out of your seats. Since when did your joints become so stiff? You blame it on the fact that you woke up from a nap just a few minutes before you arrived. 

“This place was hard to find,” you hear Heeseung say from a distance. You try not to let it dampen your mood. 

“Where’s Y/N?” You’re sure that was Jake. 

“Waking up, probably,” says Jungwon. “She took a nap in the car and we just woke her up.” 

“The drive wasn’t even that long.” You assume your best friend gives Heeseung some kind of reaction before the latter apologizes quickly. 

Jake is by the passenger door as you open it and looks at you like a dog who wants to be taken out on a walk. He holds the handle to the door and bounces in his shoes until you push yourself out of the car. The loud slamming of the door behind you makes you wince. Jake pulls you into a hug faster than you can process. 

“I missed you dude,” Jake says. He puts his arm over your shoulder and slowly leads you to the group. “Did you have a good summer?”

“You know, despite the incredibly hot weather that made me feel like I would sweat to death, summer wasn’t so bad. How was Brisbane?”

“I missed the heat,” Jake says with a pout. “But it was pretty good to be back home for a month. I really missed my parents and my brother.” 

“I’m sure they missed you too.”

Jungwon spots you. “Your eyes are so puffy.” He takes his thumbs and tries to put more color underneath your eyes and onto your cheeks. Riki, Sunoo, and Jay have slipped away to start setting up camp.

Jake laughs beside you when you swat Jungwon’s hands away and lets his own arms fall when you lurch forward to give him a taste of his own medicine. He always liked that Jungwon was able to bring out a childish side to you because he’s always seen you carry yourself like you had to shoulder the weight of the world. Watching you chase Jungwon as he tried to escape your pinching fingers made him a bit more happier knowing you’d have friends like him to return to when you came back from Japan. 

Heeseung, however, rolls his eyes and speaks low. “She’s so childish.” 

“Dude,” Sunghoon sighs in exasperation. “We’re gonna be with her for a week. You need to quit making those comments.” 

Heeseung shrugs. “What? It’s not like she can hear what I’m saying.” 

“Yeah, but we can. We’re friends with her too, Heeseung.” 

The eldest tries to hold in his disdain. “Yeah, whatever. I’ll keep shit to myself.” 

“Just for now,” Jake encourages. “Y/N never starts anything with you but sometimes you say something that goes a little too far. No one is asking you to be her best friend.”

“Just remember it was Y/N’s mom and Jungwon’s parents who invited all of us,” Sunghoon reminds his friend. “We wouldn’t be here without them and if I recall correctly, you really wanted to come when you found out we were all planning to go.” Heeseung wants to argue and justify why he’s annoyed but can’t find a good enough reason. 

“You’re right,” he relents. “I’ll make nice but do not expect me to do shit for her.”

“We aren’t.” Sunghoon pats Heeseung’s back. “You’ve got this. It’s supposed to be a fun trip before we all go back to reality. All we want is one week where you two don’t create tension.” 

“I can do that.” Jake and Sunghoon share a look between the two of them when Heeseung isn’t looking and pray that he means it.

When Jungwon decides he’s out of breath, he accepts his fate and runs into Sunghoon’s arms when you outstretch your arms to pinch his cheeks and pull them apart like he’s made out of dough. The broken laughter coming from your best friend makes you laugh too. Everyone, save for Heeseung, laughs when Jungwon’s face becomes distorted due to your fingers. 

Eventually, you pull away from him and he starts to grab his duffle bag and the lawn chairs. The three of you follow suit once you realize you’re missing a few people. You lift your duffle over your shoulder and put on your hiking backpack while trying to hold more lawnshairs than you can carry. 

“Woah,” Sunghoon says as he catches a falling chair. “Let me help.”

“Thanks, Hoon. I don’t know why I thought I could carry two chairs at once.” 

“You’re strong but you’re also carrying a fuck ton of things.” 

He smiles at you and it makes you laugh. You haven’t seen much of Sunghoon over the summer because he’s been working nonstop at a local ice rink, teaching kids how to skate in back to back summer classes. Sunghoon is sometimes too tired to hang out after work or falls asleep on your couch whenever he hangs out with you to watch movies. Your mom thinks it’s a bit endearing and never has the heart to wake him up. Between Sunghoon’s impromptu sleepovers, Jungwon and Sunoo’s unannounced visits, Jay’s cooking and baking sessions in your kitchen, and Jake appearing out of nowhere every few nights for dinner, you’re starting to think your house might have an unspoken open door policy. 

Heeseung is the only one who doesn’t frequent your house if you don’t count Riki, who doesn’t spend enough time in Korea to become a permanent fixture. The only time Heeseung has been to your house is when he dropped Jungwon off after he had one too many to drink and he’d been adamant about going to your place because it was closer to the bar in comparison to your apartment. One awkward conversation later and Heeseung was out of your driveway. Jungwon woke up with a hangover the next morning and you were grateful your mother chose that weekend to take a girl’s trip with her best friends.

You don’t invite Heeseung over like you do with the others. The only reason why you haven’t deleted his phone number is because of the big group chat you’re in to discuss plans. He never responds to your texts in it and you don’t respond to him unless absolutely necessary. Sometimes you catch him laughing at your messages only to retract it when he realizes it’s you who sent it. It’s been six years of dealing with this and as much as it confuses you, part of you has learned to tune out this behavior and focus on the other friends you do share. 

Sunghoon must know you’re thinking about his friend because he looks at you like he’s been trying to get your attention. “Sorry,” you apologize. “What did you say?” 

“I said thanks for letting us crash your trip. I know this is something you and Jungwon do with your families every year. Can’t help but feel a little special that we get to come along.” 

You coo at him. “Do you remember when you could barely look me in the eye, let alone tell me something as sweet as that?” Sunghoon rolls his eyes. 

“Oh, shut up. You know I’m an introvert.” You bump your hip with his. 

“I’m just messing with you. But in all seriousness, it’ll be fun having you guys around.”

“I’m excited to see what you and Jungwon do every year.” 

“Nothing too out of the ordinary. Swim, eat a lot of food, kayak, hike, the usual. But there’s one spot we usually go to, just he and I, that’s away from the main spot on the lake.” 

“How’d you find it?”

“Jungwon found it by accident when we were younger. He said it was gonna be our secret spot and told me not to tell our parents. I think the whole campground panicked for an hour or so until somebody found us in the clearing.” 

Sunghoon snorts. “Yeah, that sounds like you two.” 

“They told us to tell them where we’d be and promised to leave us alone if we gave them a heads up. It’s not really noticeable if you don’t know where to look, but it’s so beautiful. It leads to another part of the lake and it’s always so peaceful and quiet.” 

“In that case, I’m honored that you’re showing us.” 

“Eh, it’s about time we add new members to the club.”

“Oh?” He raises his eyebrow. “There’s a club now?”

“Mhm. Gotta pay me two fish to join.” 

“Like you know how to fish.” You bump your hip with his again.

“There are things you guys don’t know about me, Park. Just wait and see.” 

Sunghoon lets the conversation end when he finds himself at the campsite where Jay and Riki have started to organize things and make spots for tents. It’ll take a few trips for all of the supplies and camping gear to be fully unloaded so you each take turns until everything is sitting in a big pile, waiting to be sorted. 

“Okay, I’m a bit out of my depth,” says Sunoo, who kicks around a rock as he speaks. “I, for one, will need help pitching a tent.”

“I’ll help you,” you say, nodding for him to come over. 

“You can pitch a tent?” Heeseung asks like he doesn’t believe you. 

You nod and pick up a bag. “Yeah. I do this every year.” You don’t say it with any bite in your tone but Heeseung, who forgot this fact, feels like an idiot for making a fool of himself in front of his friends. He chooses to look away from you for now. 

“We have three tents we need to put up,” Jay says. “I’m thinking we pitch those now, have a snack and water break, and then start to organize before we eat lunch.” 

“Sounds good.” You agree. “I’d rather have everything set up so we can enjoy our evening. Besides, we should do this before it gets dark.” 

“Right.” Jungwon clears his throat and hands out each bag, assigning your friends based on the size of the tent. Everybody gets to work, clearing the flat ground of rocks and debris before deciding where your tents will go. You all hammer the groundsheet into the dirt before assembling the poles.

You teach Sunoo the basics and give him pointers when he struggles to connect the joints. He’s learning much faster than he gives himself credit for because in no time, he’s jumping for joy when he finally manages to grasp what he’s supposed to be doing. It’s nice to watch him be so happy over this, as Sunoo originally declined the invitation to go camping since he isn't a huge fan of the outdoors. But now it’s like you would’ve never guessed that because he’s pretty quick to pick up your lessons.

Your tent is pitched up in no time. You roam around like a camp counselor to see if anybody needs help. Jake, Heeseung, Jay, and Jungwon seem to know what they’re doing and have the biggest tent halfway set up. Sunghoon and Riki look like they need a bit of assistance. Sunghoon’s figuring it out quickly while Riki fumbles with his fingers. 

“You have to do it slowly,” you say from beside him. Riki hands you the attachments when you beckon him to hand it over and show him slowly. “Like this. See? If you do it slowly, they’ll catch easier and it’ll be smoother when we feed them into the tent.” 

“Oh.” Riki nods when your trick works. “Thanks, Y/N.” 

The three of you pitch up your tent too, with Riki handing you the pegs to hammer them into the ground after zipping the door. Sunghoon dusts off his hands on his shorts and takes a big gulp from his water bottle. Sunoo’s mom packed enough fruit and onigiri for a midday snack, and all eight of you feast quietly after exerting more power than anyone anticipated. You really need to start working out again. 

“Before we clear out and organize everything else, we should probably figure out who sleeps where,” Jungwon says. “That way, we can put our stuff in our respective tents and have that out of the way.” 

“Good idea,” Jake says. “How should we do this? Rock, paper, scissors?” 

“Sure, but I think Y/N and I should share a tent.” Heeseung rolls his eyes at Jungwon and you see it from the corner of your vision.

“What?” Riki asks. “Why?” 

“Because all of you get too comfortable around her and forget she doesn’t want to hear you snore or see your boxers in the morning.” Jungwon laughs. “It’ll be easier since we’ve been camping together anyway. She’s used to rooming with me and I’m used to waking up next to a Zombie.” 

“I hate you.” Jungwon merely smiles at you.  

“You just want to get out of sharing a tent with three people,” says Sunghoon. Jungwon nods. 

“That too.” 

“Rock, paper, scissors it is,” Sunoo says, getting his hands ready. 

They all battle one another until the rooming situation is sorted. You and Jungwon will share a tent while Sunoo and Jay share the other smaller one. That leaves Jake, Sunghoon, Riki, and Heeseung sharing the big one. You all throw your belongings in before helping Jay organize the portable stove, chairs, and other things that need to be stored properly. 

When all is said and done an hour later, Jay and Sunghoon start a barbecue. All of you are spent, sagging your bodies in the camping chairs that are positioned around the campfire. You know you’ll need to fetch some wood from the outpost if you all want to have a bonfire. But that can be a task for later.

“Your mom makes the best onigiri,” Riki groans as he shoves another bite in his mouth. “It reminds me so much of home.” 

Sunoo smiles proudly. “She’s the best, isn’t she?” Jake, who is busy stuffing his face with sliced watermelons, agrees. They pick at the leftovers from snack time and Jay chides them for it.

“Don’t spoil yourselves too much or you won’t have an appetite for lunch.” 

“He’s so bossy,” Riki says as he leans over towards you. “But it’s kinda nice having someone who does shit and takes charge.” 

You nod. “Mhm. Usually Jungwon and I are the ones spearheading everything but Jay’s got some camping experience. I’m fine taking the backseat.” 

“Do you camp a lot? Besides this tradition, I mean.” Riki watches you shake your head. 

“No, not really. This is as much as I can handle. It’s more like a gigantic lake house with hot showers and a few convenience stores miles away to replenish food if we run out of anything.”

“It looks like you know what you’re doing.”

“That’s because I do, Riki.” 

He blushes. “Right. Thanks for helping me with my tent earlier.” 

“Don’t sweat it. You’ll be able to do it without my help in no time.” That brings a shimmer of hope to the younger boy sitting next to you. 

Heeseung avoids looking at you when Riki purposefully sits beside you on the empty lawn chair. He doesn’t completely understand why the younger boy likes you so much. Heeseng thinks you’re a nuisance and that you overstay your welcome at hangouts. But Riki clings to you like you’re his lifeline and he gets that you’re his half-sister and all, but you weren’t the most welcoming to him when he started hanging out in Korea more often. Riki would never tell Heeseung the details about his past and he never tried to pry past what the youngest would reveal. Six years of avoiding you made him forget every single detail he once knew about you when you’d both been somewhat friendly towards one another. 

There were some days when you wouldn’t make room in your schedule to see Riki as often as he’d wanted you to and he lamented that to Heeseung. But every time he’d start to talk about how unfair it was for you to pick and choose when you got to see our younger brother, Riki would defend you every time. He didn’t get it, feeling the frustration bubble to the surface before realizing that it wasn’t his place to question why Riki acted the way he did. Sure, he was younger than Heeseung, but he respected family matters and didn’t care about you enough to figure you out anyway. 

He keeps these feelings to himself mostly. The friends you share don’t really understand why he has a distaste for you and he refuses to elaborate because the memory is too painful, and instead chooses to bury these feelings. It’s nobody’s business anyway. He certainly doesn’t want to start anything with Riki involved because he would feel guilty for putting him in an uncomfortable position, and because he knows he’d defend you regardless. Even though you’ve made progress to open up yourself to Riki, Heeseung still scoffs whenever he sees the two of you together. 

By the time lunch is done, all eight of you are crowded around a table built into the ground, feasting on meat and vegetables. Everybody thanks Jay for cooking and the seven of you agree to clean up after every meal so Jay doesn’t have to work twice as hard. You’re not sitting too far from Heeseung (to both of your dismay). Sunghoon purposely sat in between you both when he realized the other empty spots were filling up and didn’t want to chance an uproar during mealtime. 

“So,” Sunoo starts to say after closing the bottle cap on his cola. “What’s on the agenda for today? Personally, I think we should take it easy until tomorrow.” 

“I agree.” Jungwon nods. “We’ve done a lot and drove for a while. I say we relax and do whatever until dinner.” 

“I’m going to nap, that’s for sure.” You all snicker at Jay. Typical. 

“Me too,” says Riki. 

“Is anyone up for walking around the lake?” Jake asks. 

“I could go,” Sunghoon says from next to you. 

“Sure,” you finally say, “why not.” 

“I think I’ll hang back here.” Heeseung says it almost immediately and it stings a bit. “I’ll probably nap too.” 

“I want to read.” Sunoo changes the direction of the conversation before anyone can pick up on the awkwardness and you throw him a smile. 

“I think I’ll join you.” Jungwon pulls a book from his backpack and the pair begin to brainstorm where they should sit. Natural chatter falls back into place and you focus on eating, as your stomach has been grumbling pretty loud. 

Heeseung breaks the silence. “Can someone pass me the pineapple?” You don’t register that your arm has moved on its own accord and pass the container to him. Heeseung gives you a look you can’t decipher and it’s only then you realize what you’ve done. Sunghoon gulps. 

“Thanks,” Heeseung mutters, taking the pineapple from your hands. You’re pleasantly surprised he doesn’t make a comment about how he isn’t craving it anymore and watch him eat some from the corner or your eye. 

By nightfall, all of you are too exhausted to sit around the campfire. The hot shower stalls provide the kind of warmth you would go crazy without and you find yourself contemplating underneath the water longer than you’d like to admit. A plethora of thoughts run across your mind and they drift from the events of today, Riki, Heeseung, and moving to Okayama. Your friends don’t bring up the move and you’re grateful for that. 

When you return from the shower and from brushing your teeth, Jungwon asks if you’re okay. You lie and say you’re fine but exhausted and he lets it go, too tired himself to pry the truth out of you. The last thing you think about is Heeseung. You send a silent prayer out into the universe and ask that the two of you are able to make nice during this camping trip. Then, you fall asleep.

***

Everybody is up bright and early after a good night’s sleep. All of you agree today’s the best day for a short hike to get used to the terrain before you explore harder trails. You and Jungwon know the hike like the back of your hand and lead the group expertly through trees and dirt pathways. All of you have a backpack for your essentials, and each of you has packed a portable lunch for when you reach the top of the peak at the end of the trail. 

Halfway into the hike is not as uphill as you recalled it to be. The scenery is still breathtaking and you temporarily forget that Heeseung is burning eyes in the back of your skull. Last night’s prayer seems to be working, as he hasn’t said a word to you or argued with you when you started leading everybody towards the start of the hiking path. You’re not sure whether his feelings about you changed or if he knows you’re the literal expert since you grew up here, but you don’t think you care either way. 

Heeseung makes a false step and twists his ankle. You hear the commotion behind you and turn around. He stumbles and a sharp edge of a branch catches his thigh, creating a gash that starts to bleed. Everyone crowds around him when they realize it and make him sit on a large rock and he feels like shouting at you to back away when you start to walk towards him.

“Guys, I’m fine. It’s not that bad.” He feels more embarrassed than hurt. 

Jake looks concerned. “Dude, your leg is bleeding.” 

“It’s just a cut.” 

“Let me inspect it.” 

You pull your backpack off of you and take out your water bottle and first aid kit. You drop to your knees to inspect the wound and Heeseung refrains from coughing at the awkward position from where he’s sitting. You don’t seem phased by it, however, as you push up the fabric of his shorts and use your water bottle to clean the dirt from his wound. 

Your face is somewhat close to his leg and he jumps when your hand touches his thigh. The guys mistake his sudden movements as pain and rush to help stabilize him. Heeseung insists that he’s fine and brushes them off of him. He won’t admit that his fidgeting is because the last thing he expected you to do was patch him up. He figures Jungwon would be good at that kind of stuff, not you. 

Heeseung winces at the sudden contact of water in his wound. “Okay, maybe it hurts a little.”

“You won’t need stitches or anything, but I should get you cleaned up and put a bandage on it.”

Heeseung watches as you do your best to clean it with the wipes you have and ointment that will keep any debris out. The wound isn’t too gnarly but it’s no small papercut either. He watches as you expertly deal with the wound and keeps quiet, even though he feels uncomfortable and wishes he could turn back time to avoid any of this. It’s awkward to know your hands are on him because he feels like ants are crawling up his leg.

“I think we should probably go back and rest a little,” says Jungwon. “We can eat lunch there and maybe hang out for a bit.”

“Good idea,” Heeseung mutters when you’ve stepped away from him. Sunghoon and Riki each help him up and allow the eldest to use them as crutches as he limps back to the base. He mutters a quiet ‘thank you’ in your direction and doesn’t pay attention to see your reaction. You feel like you got your hopes up for nothing because he turns his back towards you before you can smile at him. Defeated, you try to put your best self on display and follow everybody back to your tents. 

Heeseung decides to rest on the chairs and eat his lunch there. You aren’t particularly eager to spend any time with him and figure he’d appreciate it if you weren’t around while he recovered. You take your sack of lunch and tell Jungwon you’ll be walking around the lake like you did yesterday. He tells you to be safe and then you’re on your way. 

“Hey, wait up!” You turn around to see Jake running until he’s caught up with you. It’s a bit unfair how he barely runs out of breath when he jogs. It’s definitely because he’s an athlete, but it’s still unfair. 

“Care to join?” 

“Can’t a guy accompany his friend on a nice, brisk walk?” 

That makes you laugh. “Yeah, sure.” You fall in a quiet tandem enjoying the silence and the environment for a while. “I had a lot of fun camping last year. I think my favorite part was kayaking or when Jungwon accidentally dropped his entire s’more in the fire.” 

You snicker at the memory. “His mom was so mad that he kept eating the marshmallows.” 

“Yeah, it was pretty funny. I still feel kind of embarrassed that I managed to flip over in my kayak somehow.” 

“Eh, it makes for a good story.”

“It’s not my fault Jungwon slammed into me!” Jake defends when you begin to laugh. “Seriously, Y/N. How the fuck do you put up with that menace?” 

“The same way you do, dummy.”

Jake bites into his sandwich. “I love Jungwon.”

“Me too.” 

“Our parents loved having you come too. Jungwon’s dad loves fishing with people.”

“I still can’t believe how many we were able to catch. I’m sad the guys weren’t there because they keep shitting on me for not being able to catch any when we go together.” 

You bump your shoulder against his. “They don’t know what I know. I’m sure my mom has pictures somewhere.” 

“How is she, by the way?” Jake asks. 

“Eomma’s doing alright. She just got a huge bonus at work for managing a really difficult client and completing this campaign she’s been working on. It stressed her out for months but I’m happy if she’s happy.” 

“That’s awesome. I’m happy for her.” 

“How are things with your family? How’s Layla?” 

“My parents are actually on a trip to the States to see some family and my brother just got promoted at his job. I’m super proud of him. He worked really hard for it. Layla’s doing okay too. She’s staying with my cousin until I come back.” 

“I miss her.”

“She probably misses you too.” 

The two of you settle into a comfortable pace and eat your lunches. There are no awkward moments with Jake. Something about his personality makes everyone around him divulge their deepest secrets and he always seems to know what to say, too. You haven’t been close to him for very long but you know him well enough to know that he’ll keep anything you say between the two of you. 

“I know you probably feel a little awkward with Heeseung around but you’ve been handling it really well.” Jake’s tone softens and he looks straight ahead as he talks, breaking the temporary silence. “I don’t know what goes on in his head half the time.” 

“I just wish I knew what I did so I can apologize and fix it. He gets mad every time I ask and accuses me of bringing up bad memories for him. I don’t know what to do, Jake. It feels like he gets along with everybody in my life but me.” 

“We all know Heeseung’s been through a lot and has trouble talking about them sometimes. He’s been in therapy but we had to really convince him to set an appointment.” 

You scoff. “Sounds like him.’ Jake doesn’t disagree. 

“I guess I understand that having to deal with shitty cards makes a person go insane.”

“Sure. I just wish I wasn’t the scapegoat.” Jake winces but tries not to let you see. 

“Sorry you’re going through this. Sunghoon and I made him swear to be on his best behavior.” 

“It’s a little awkward still but at least he isn’t picking a fight with me. Although, who knows how long that’ll last.”

“Have a little more faith in him, Y/N.” You deadpan and he holds his hand up in mock surrender. “Okay, next topic. How are you feeling about Japan?” 

Your shoulders slump. ”Awful.” 

Jake’s head quirks like he doesn’t understand. “What do you mean? You were really excited when you got the job offer.” 

“I know but…it doesn’t feel right anymore. My whole life is about to change and I don’t know how I feel about that.”

“You don’t have to know anything. In fact, I’d be a little worried if you had your shit figured out.” You punch his arm. “It’s really cool that you’re leaving Korea to pursue your dream. I know how hard it is to leave everything behind for a better opportunity.”

You look at him softly and nod because you know he empathizes with you. Back when you first met him, he’d moved from Australia to Korea because your university had one of the best physics programs in the world. He knew how to speak your native Korean but wasn’t confident in conversing back then, and you had your fair share of mentoring him in formal greeting and the basics when it came to interacting with people. Jake definitely understands where you’re coming from and doesn’t want you to feel alone. 

“We’ll always be here for you too,” he reassures. “We won’t be too far away and you can come home whenever you have the time and aren’t working.” 

“I know, but it feels like everything in my life is changing at the same time and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I wish I was a freshman again. I wish I could turn back time and really enjoy my life before I make a life changing decision.” 

“You’re really torn up about this, aren’t you?”

Nodding, you look at the ground beneath you. “There are so many things I’ve been dealing with over the past few years or so and it feels like I’m giving up on things if I just leave. Everything feels so scary, you know? I feel like I’m being suffocated every time I open my eyes. 

“On top of starting a new job in a place I’m not that familiar with, I’m leaving my mom behind. I’ve never lived farther than an hour away from her and I hate knowing that I won’t be able to see her whenever I want. Not to mention Riki studying in Korea means I’ll be spending even more time with him.”

Jake chooses not to comment and nods with his lips pressed into a thin line. He doesn’t know what’s going on between the two of you but has his suspicions after hearing your hushed conversations with Jungwon. Even before the two of you became as close as you are, Jake has always looked out for you because he knows Jungwon loves you like a sister. It was easy to tell that you’d fallen into some sort of depression as you graduated high school and barely managed to pull yourself out of it before graduating university. 

Riki has always been a sore subject for you. Jake doesn’t bring him up unless you do, no matter how much he adores the younger boy. The relationship you have with him is complicated but it tears him up inside to see Riki longing for you when the two of you are together. Jake knows there’s a great deal of tension that follows both of you too. He could feel it the first time you brought up having a half-brother and started to put the pieces together. 

“I love that Riki’s more comfortable in Korea. I really do,” you confess. “I love that my friends get along with him too, but part of me is scared that you’ll all forget about me since he’ll be here to take my place.” 

“You are not replaceable.” Jake looks at you when he says it. “You’re about to chase your dream, Y/N. None of us will throw our friendship down the drain just because we won’t be able to see you everyday. Riki is great but he’s not you.”

He’s pleased when you lift the corners of your mouth into a small smile. “Thanks, Jake. I don’t know where this fear came from.” 

“You’re dealing with a lot. It’s understandable. I don’t know much about what’s going on between you and Riki, and you don’t have to tell me, but you should know that he loves you a lot and would never think about dishonoring you while you’re gone.” 

“I know. I have a lot of pent up emotions and therapy feels like it isn’t working. I guess I should give myself some more time. But with the move, it’s been hard to focus on anything. I don’t want Riki to feel like I don’t want him in my life but it’s hard to make room for somebody you didn’t know existed until a few years ago.” 

Jake nods. “Yeah, I get that. It feels a bit weird making space for someone who calls himself your brother, isn’t it?” 

“He has every right to. I mean, he’s my half-brother. But I don’t know…I want to be at a place where I can look at him and not see how much my life has changed for the worst. He’s such a talented kid with a bright future and I hate that I project my feelings onto him.” 

“Baby steps,” Jake reassures. “You’ve been through a lot of shit. Both you and your mom have and you've both handled it really well.” 

“I’m glad it looks that way because I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread.” 

“Well, that’s what it means to be in your early twenties.”   

The two of you decide to head back to the campsite when it starts to get warmer. You throw your trash in garbage bins before trotting back and see that Sunoo and Jay have left to go back hiking on the trail that you were on earlier in the day. Heeseung seems to fare better with his wound, which you see he’s managed to replace (thanks to Jungwon, no doubt). But his mood seems to worsen when he sees you and Jake walking side by side towards the group. 

“How was the lake?” Jungwon asks, sipping on a cola.

“Pretty,” Jake replies. “There weren’t that many people there so it was a little empty.” 

“We should probably discuss what we want to do for the rest of the day and plan some stuff for later this week. It’ll be a little warmer later in the week so I think we should save that. There’s a great spot where Y/N and I go fishing. We could do that later in the morning.”

“Y/N, fishing?” Heeseung laughs. “I’d pay to see that.”

“What, you don’t think I can fish?” 

He shrugs. “I didn’t know you were a fan of the outdoors. You always had a nose in your textbooks so I thought that was it for you.” 

“Well, Heeseung, it’s not like the two of us know each other well enough to know these types of things.” He doesn’t seem to like that answer. 

“Fishing tomorrow it is!” Jake interjects. 

“I haven’t gone fishing in a long time,” Riki laments. “It’ll be nice to have trout for dinner.” 

“I think Jay brought a lot of seasoning and sides,” Jungwon says to the group. “We can always go to the market a few miles down for anything else.” 

You tune out the rest of the conversation, feeling a bit tired from the walk and the heat that’s starting to make you sweat. You’re eternally grateful that your tent is covered in shade and contemplate on taking a nap when Jungwon waves at you.

“You good, Y/N? You seem a little out of it.” You nod at Jungwon and take a seat next to the closest camp chair. You can feel Heeseung watching you and try not to slip as you sink down into the seat, crossing one of your legs over the other. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just have a lot going on in my head. I think I’m a little tired, too”

Heeseung scoffs quietly. “We’re camping. What could you possibly be thinking about that’s making Jungwon worried?” You curl into yourself as Jungwon chides his friend. 

“I’m moving to Japan soon,” you tell him. You’re not even sure that he knows this about you, figuring that one of your friends would tell him to you at some point. Neither of you communicate with one another unless you absolutely have to. You didn’t see the point in telling him. “I’ve been thinking a lot about that, I guess.”

An array of emotions seems to wash over him and, as always, you have a hard time trying to figure out what he’s feeling and thinking. “Oh. So you’ll be out of Korea?”

“Yup.” 

“When are you leaving?” 

“Don’t seem too excited,” Sunghoon says underneath a cough.

“In a couple of weeks. I leave a little after we get back home.” Heeseung merely nods. He doesn’t ask you why you’re moving or what part of Japan you’ll be living in and you don’t offer that information, feeling awkward with the tension ever since you and Jake arrived back at the campsite. Riki finishes eating and stands up to throw his trash away, providing something to look at in order to forget that Heeseung keeps trying to look away from you. 

“Y/N’s gonna be an engineer,” Jungwon brags on your behalf. “She’s taking a year off to work before getting her master’s degree.” 

“Damn,” Riki whistles. “You’re so smart.” You try to hide a smile. 

“What are you gonna be working on?” Sunghoon asks. 

“I’ll be assisting other researchers in software development, particularly for space and aeronautics.” You nod once, feeling tense underneath everyone’s stare. “I don’t know what I’ll be doing specifically but that’s why I’m moving to Okayama.” 

“That’s so cool!” Jake exclaims. Heseung rolls his eyes at his excited outburst and tries to avoid your eye. “You’re gonna be amazing.” 

“I hope so. It’s a great opportunity to work in my chosen field before I decide to continue in this career when I go back to school. I have so many interests within mathematics but this seems like the right place to start.”

“Shit,” Sunghoon says as he slowly claps for dramatic effect. “I knew you were smart but you’re a fucking genius.”

“I wouldn’t say genius–”

“You are, though.” Jungwon smiles at you and gives two thumbs up. “You’re the smartest person I know, dude. This company is lucky to have you.”

“So cool,” Jake says again. He bumps Heeseung’s shoulder with the back of his hand. “Isn’t that right, Heseung?” 

“Yeah, totally,” he says carelessly, giving you a half-hearted smile. His mouth doesn’t quite reach his eyes and you refrain from audibly sighing. 

“Don’t you think Y/N was always the smartest person in our year?” Heeseung nods. Jake nudges his friend again. 

“Yes,” Heeseung says with a great amount of venom in his tone. He shakes off Jake’s hand from his body abruptly, causing the younger boy to take a step back in shock. He looks at you and musters an insincere smile when he notices the rest of your friends watching. “Y/N is so smart.” 

His sarcasm deafens your ears and makes your blood feel like it could be boiling beneath your skin. The atmosphere around you changes. Riki and Jungwon try to pretend like everything is normal while Jake and Sunghoon give Heeseung wide eyes as if to tell him to knock it off. You look at your lap, uncomfortable with the silence that washes over. 

“Why’s it so quiet?” Sunoo asks from behind you. The group collectively sighs and you’re all thankful that he and Jay returned from their hike to cut the tension. 

“We were just talking about what we wanted to do for the rest of the day,” Jungwon says before anyone can speak. “Let’s take it easy tonight and go fishing tomorrow.” 

“Sounds good to me.” Jay takes a seat and takes a big gulp of water. “Let’s heat up some kimchi jjigae for dinner because I don't feel like cooking. Jake’s mom made enough for all of us to have seconds.” 

None of you disagree. Feeling yourself grow more tired the more your friends converse with one another, you manage to catch Jungwon’s eye and nod at him before heading inside the tent. 

***

It’s not unusual for you to wake up with what feels like a heavy heart but you’re having a hard time pushing yourself off of the uncomfortable ground to get ready for the day. Jungwon is asleep beside you with his knee digging into your side but even that isn’t enough to motivate you to leave the tent. 

You mourn the loss of your mom and his parents accompanying you  on this trip. As fun as hanging out with your friends are, having Heeseung constantly avoiding eye contact and muttering things underneath your breath has you feeling more on edge than you anticipated. It always feels like he’s waiting for you to mess up so he can get a word in or wait for the perfect moment to drop a subtle insult that only you can catch. Sunghoon and Jake in particular try their best to restrain him but that doesn’t do much. Eating dinner was awkward and you blamed your quiet nature on sleeping too deeply. 

Finally, you sit up in your spot and rub the sleep out of your eyes. It doesn’t seem like any of the other guys are up and you pull a clock out to read the time. It’s still early and the people around you are still waking up as well. Your movements seem to have woken up Jungwon, who yawns when he opens his eyes.

“Morning,” he croaks. “Did you sleep okay?”

“It was fine. Woke up a few times because of people stepping on twigs, though.”

“Yeah, same. I think Jake got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. Woke up to him walking by the tent.” Jungwon sits up and brushes the hair out of his eyes. “I’m so hungry thinking about all the trout we’re about to eat tonight.” 

“If you catch any.” He swats your arm. 

“I alway catch more than you.”

“Nuh-uh. Last year I beat you by two fish.”

“Y/N, I’ve caught more fish than you every year before that.” 

“Shut up.” 

You hear Jungwon laughing as you exit the tent to freshen up at the bathhouse. There are a few people milling about when you walk towards the structure. Your mouth feels a bit grimey from your morning breath and the cold water that hits your face wakes you up immediately. When you turn around after you’ve finished your morning routine, you collide right into Heeseung.

“Watch it.” 

“I didn’t see you. Geez.” Your heart continues thumping as you grip your toiletry bag. Heeseung rolls his eyes and slips past you. Anger rises within you but you decide that it’s not worth getting so worked up over at this hour. 

As time ticks by, the rest of your friend group emerge from their tents and gather around the campfire. You all wait for everyone to wake up and prepare themselves for the day, enjoying a nice breakfast with a cool breeze until you’re all ready to go fishing. You secure the bucket hat Jungwon’s dad gave you until it fits snugly over your head and forego a jacket, only packing the necessities while you wait for everybody else to gather their belongings before you’re all walking to the boathouse. 

The instructors are the same from last year. You and Jungwon make small talk and explain that neither of your parents are here on this trip and you tell them about Japan when they ask you about life after college. Each of your friends introduce themselves and after a quick introduction, they’re leading all eight of you out onto the dock. 

There are enough boats for two pairs of three and one for two people. It seems as though you were too preoccupied talking to the employees because you realize the only boat left is one shared with Heeseung and Riki. 

“Oh,” comes your meek voice in realization as you watch the two step onto the boat.

“You should man the engine,” the employee says as the two men get on before you. “You’re more familiar.”

“I can steer,” Heeseung says. “I’ve done it before.” 

“I’ve watched Y/N steer these boats for a decade, son. You’ll definitely want her to do it.” 

Heeseung relents. It’s a small victory, but a victory nonetheless, 

You step onto the boat. Heeseung sits at the far end while Riki sits in the middle, holding onto the seat as you get your bearings. The three of you wave goodbye to the employees at the dock and you start to drive the boat out into the lake to catch up with the rest of your friends.

The open clearing away from the port is more beautiful than you can describe. With open waters and enough room to roam around, there’s an array of directions to catch the most fish. The water is fairly calm with the exception of the ripples your boat makes. Riki and Heeseung don’t say a word as you steer them towards a clear path with minimal boats and see the other guys scattered around the large body of water. 

Neither of them argue with you about where to go, even though Heeseung is holding himself back. Bitter over having you steer, he knows it’s the logical answer since you know this place like the back of your hand. He instead chooses to bask in the sunlight and welcomes the spray of water on his face and body. The cool splashes are a nice contrast to the warm sunlight. 

When you start to slow the boat down, the water around you becomes still as well. You turn the engine off and wait for the contraption to settle beneath you. The sound of water rippling against itself is enough to make you feel more at ease and you don’t mind it when you see Heeseung start to assemble bait on the fishing poles.

“Why’d you pick this place?” Riki asks.

“I caught a lot of fish here last year. I hope we can catch more this year.”

“More than Jungwon?”

You smile. “Yeah. He and I have this unspoken competition.”

“What’s the prize?”

“There’s not really a prize. It’s just something we do.”

“What’s the point of competing if there’s no prize?” Heeseung interjects. You shrug.

“Dunno. It’s fun for us.” He doesn’t say anything after that. 

It’s quiet for a while. The sound of birds chirping and faint chatter in the background fill the atmosphere but the three of you silently agree to refrain from talking once you’ve all casted your reels. Riki, who is a bit excited to catch some fish, anxiously peers at the water below him every few minutes or so. He pulls back with a pout when he doesn’t feel a tug on his line. The awkward tension somewhat dissipates and you’re able to forget that Heeseung is a few feet away from you. He angles his face towards the water and seems to be in his own bubble as you hold your fishing rod. 

Growing up on this campsite means learning the virtue of patience and willing yourself to become more in tune with your surroundings. It was your father that first taught you that the most important rule to fishing was patience. He’d tell you the fishes could sense urgency and impatience from underneath the water, and therefore they knew not to take your bait. It made sense to you at a young age. Every time you’d be on the water with him, you’d force yourself to slow down and calm your thoughts until the silence felt like a welcomed embrace. 

That mantra of practicing patience seeps into your life now that your dad isn’t in it anymore. Jungwon’s father had volunteered to go fishing with you the first year your own chose not to go on the annual camping trip. Everyone could tell how difficult it was for you and your mother to attend, but despite hardship and the change in dynamics, she didn’t want either of you to lose any semblance of normalcy. You’d argue that was the hardest week of your life. Jungwon, who is usually very organized and detail oriented, chose to let you lead the trip activities between the two of you and didn’t complain once.

The two of you were in high school when your father left and Jungwon swears it was like somebody stole the sun from your eyes. Your studies became the sole focus of your life and even Heeseung was barely at the forefront of your mind anymore. He’d watch you become detached from everything that didn’t have to do with academics and extracurriculars. Focusing on college applications was the most important thing for you back then. 

Of course, Jungwon and all of your friends gave you a bit of space to process new feelings and the change in household. Your father moved away and wasn't living in the house anymore. It started to become an empty shell, where neither you nor your mother could stand eating at the dining table because it brought up unwanted memories. Your dad wasn’t here to help you with homework anymore and you could no longer hear your parents talk outside of your door until you fell asleep. The complete silence startled you. It still does sometimes, but you’ve learned that grief is about facing your hardships until it isn’t so scary anymore. 

These trips are bittersweet every year. Fishing is a reminder of everything you’ve lost. But lately, you’re starting to think about it as everything you could gain and then some.  

“The more you look down, the more the fish are gonna be scared,” you say, breaking the quiet atmosphere. Riki looks at you quizzically. 

“Really?”

“No, but you’re not gonna catch anything faster just by looking down.” His shoulders sag. 

“We’ve been here for so long and nothing has tugged on my line.” 

“Fishing is a game of chance. The fish choose to take your bait if it feels enticed enough.” As if on cue, your fishing rod starts to move. Riki watches you latch onto it while Heeseung turns back when he feels the boat rock underneath him and observes you too. You wrestle with it for a short while before reeling the fish above water and proudly hold it beside you. “Patience is the most important part of fishing. The fish finds you when you least expect it.” Heeseung snorts when you put the fish in the bucket. It takes a great deal out of you not to roll your eyes. 

“You’re so wise,” Riki mutters. 

“I don’t think I’m wise, per se. I just think there’s nothing else you can do when you’re in open water with nothing to distract you.” 

“I’m working on my patience. Moving to Korea made that pretty difficult for me.” 

“Well, you’re moving to a new country. It’s something you’ve never done before, you know? I bet packing was stressful.” 

“I hated every second of it,” he says as he rolls his eyes like you’ve brought out an irritating memory. “I triple checked everything before leaving. I hope I didn’t forget anything back home.” 

“Are you scared to start the semester?”

Riki thinks about it for a second. “Kind of. My Korean is okay, but I still have trouble saying certain words. The culture is different, too. I need to get used to that more. I guess I’m a bit sad that I had to leave my friends and family behind but it’s for the best, isn’t it? I wanted this.” 

You find yourself nodding in agreement. “Yeah. It’s hard to leave everything you know behind.” 

“I cried when I said goodbye to my dance teachers,” Riki admits with a laugh. “I think it was the first time I did that in front of them. We kept bowing to each other until I had to go. It’ll be weird finding a new studio in Seoul but I’m excited about it.” 

“You’re an incredible dancer, Riki. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll thrive here.” 

He tries to hide his blush. “Thanks. I’m happy that I know some people already but it’s not the same, you know?” 

“That’s how I feel about moving to Okayama. I know it’ll only be a year, but it feels like I’ll be there for a lifetime.” 

“Do you ever get scared that everything back home will change?” Heeseung, too, is curious about your answer. 

“Honestly? Yeah. Sometimes it feels like everything’s gonna change completely the second I step on that plane. I feel like everyone will forget me and move on.”

Riki looks back at the water. “I wonder if people back home think of me.” 

“They do.” He looks back at you.

“Everyone here will think about you too.” 

A beat passes between the two of you and you start to see Riki for what he is: a smart, sensitive person who disguises himself as somebody who can mask his feelings. What you learn is that your half-brother wears his heart on his sleeve but is careful about who he gives himself too. It’s something you’ve noticed in the time you’ve known him, but this trip is starting to make you think you two are more alike than not. 

“What about you, Heeseung?” Riki asks, turning to look at the eldest. “What are you gonna be doing now that you graduated?” 

“I, uh, start working at a record label pretty soon.” He clears his throat. Knowing you’re looking at him makes this boat feel smaller all of the sudden. 

“You majored in music production, right?” Heeseung nods. 

“Yeah. I’ve always had an interest in music so I learned how to produce during freshman year and started taking it seriously.”

“I’ll bet your perfect pitch helps you a lot.” Heeseung whips his gaze over to you when you speak and you feel your skin burn. You don’t know if you should’ve contributed to the conversation or not. 

“Sure does,” he says awkwardly, looking at the fishing rod between his legs. Heeseung remains quiet when Riki doesn’t prod him further and looks back at the water in front of him. Even in the forced proximity, you still can’t figure out why he chooses to be avoidant. 

Heeseung, on the other hand, finds that there’s much to contemplate about. His life has barely begun and yet he feels the weight of his future hanging in the balance. He’s just moved into his first apartment and will need to furnish it when he gets back from the camping trip. He’s got a mattress with no bed frame and a single loveseat his parents gave him. Aside from his gaming setup, Heeseung’s one bedroom apartment is completely bare. 

Looking at it makes him worry for his future and being around you. You, someone he’s always assumed had it easy because you were academically gifted, makes Heeseung feel like he’s got to step up his game. He hasn’t liked you ever since high school for reasons he justifies as perfectly valid. But high school was years ago and some of his anger has subsided. All that’s left is a faint annoyance and he'd rather be anywhere than next to you. He only said yes to this trip because of the other people who were going as well. 

He’s kept his feelings simmering beneath the surface and chooses to focus on anything but you when he hears you talk. It’s frustrating enough knowing you share a lot of mutual friends, even worse when some of his best friends are people you consider family. He hates that Jake is comfortable enough to hang out with you without anyone else present and loathes that Sunghoon actively wants to become closer to you after he realized the two of you share the same taste in cinema. He especially despises the fact that Riki looks up to you even though, in Heeseung’s eyes, you’ve done nothing to earn it. 

The young teenager met the eldest of the bunch at a bonfire the third time he came to Korea after your mom had forced you to bring him along. You told him absolutely no alcohol no matter if anyone else was going to be drinking and to say no if your friends offered him a beer. He watched you that night, the way you periodically looked at your half-brother but made a lame attempt to include him in conversation. Riki found fast friends in Sunoo and Jungwon after messing around in the shallow waters of the ocean. Heeseung decided that you didn’t deserve that type of respect from Riki at that moment. 

It’s been years since then and he’s seen the two of you grow, albeit slowly. Even in his blind hatred for your existence, Heeseung has always wondered why Riki vies for your attention. In fact, what is it about you that makes everybody fawn over you? Why do you always seem to be the center of attention? Does nobody care about what you did to him all those years ago?

It keeps him up at night to know that nobody around him understands why he’s so angry at you. Above the root cause, you have everything you could ever want. You were the smartest girl in high school and university, and it was no question about what your future would look like. You’d accepted a job opportunity right after graduating and it seemed as though things were merely handed to you without you working that hard for it. You didn’t have to ask for anything. It always seemed as though people could read your mind and always gave you what you wanted. 

Maybe coming to the camping trip was a mistake. He’s been walking on eggshells around you this entire time and feels like he’s suffocating every time his friends laugh at your jokes. Heeseung bites his tongue when he feels himself getting worked up and finds that nothing can get his mind off of you no matter how hard he tries. 

He wonders if you remember that day all those years ago. He wonders if you know just how hurtful words can be and how awful it is to be on the receiving end of utter despair and desperation. Heeseung has always known you to be somebody who knows exactly what you want, too. Teenage angst never stopped you from pursuing higher education. It seemed like you threw everything you had into academics and everyone rewarding you for it made Heeseung want to crumble. Nobody else thought of you the way he did. 

But this is something he’d rather keep to himself. For as much as he refuses to be your friend, he knows nothing good will ever come out of trying to convince everyone you aren’t someone who they should be friends with. After all, you’ll be working in Okayama and with any luck, you’ll make a permanent residence out of Japan. 

Heeseung is distracted from his thoughts when Riki manages to catch a rather large fish. With your help, he’s able to reel it in and watches the younger boy become awestruck at its sheer size. Heeseung watches you congratulating Riki and celebrates this excitement with him as you put the fish in the bucket for safe keeping. It should warm his heart to see a friend of his so happy, but seeing you smiling next to him makes Heeseung feel all the more irritated. The three of you head back to the dock after another couple of hours and a few more dishes later.

Jungwon catches more fish than you do. All eight of you manage to acquire enough for dinner and breakfast in the morning. Jay and Jake have volunteered to help with cooking while the rest of you prepare side dishes and talk about fishing adventures from your time apart. You smile at the group halfway through the conversation, fondness blooming in your chest when everybody is laughing after having eaten dinner. 

“God, I swear I almost fell into the water trying to wrestle with the trout!” Jake shouts amongst the chaotic laughter. “It felt like I was about to become one with the fish.” 

“I almost pushed his ass into the lake,” Jay snorts. “It was so fucking funny.”

“I’m surprised Sunoo caught the most fish out of all of us.” Jungwon shrugs and bites into his s’more. 

“You’re telling me,” Sunoo replies as he wipes chocolate from his lip. “That’s my quota for this trip, though. Don’t expect me to go fishing again.” 

“I’m not ready for this trip to end,” Riki says with a mixed sigh. “We’ve already been here for a couple of days and it feels like time is going by so fast.” 

“I start that consulting job the Monday we go back and I’m excited for it, but I’m also nervous. It hit me on the way back from the lake.” Jay rubs his face with his hands. “This adult shit is scary, man.”

“Do you guys remember when we were all freshmen and had that awful orientation leader?” Heeseung asks. Those who were in the same year as him nod. “That felt like just yesterday and now we’re about to be real adults.”

“Jay’s going to become a financial consultant, you’re working at a record label, Sunghoon’s going to open up his own cafe someday, and I’m about to start a fellowship at a research lab.” Jake shakes his head like he can’t believe it. “Not to mention Y/N’s moving to Japan for work. If you told me four years ago we would talk about the future like this, I would’ve laughed.” 

“It feels a bit weird knowing we aren’t going back to school.” Sunghoon looks at the younger boys and laughs. “Well, sorry to you guys.” 

Sunoo speaks up with a pout. “It’ll be weird not seeing you guys around campus. I’ll miss running into you on my way to class.” 

“Sometimes I wish we could stay in college forever.” Jay reaches over and picks out another marshmallow to put on his stick. “It sucked ass but it was nice living close to you guys.”

“I’m scared to go out there alone.” You tug at the zipper on your jacket and stare at your hands. “I feel like I’m going to mess everything up and fail. I’ll come home and have nothing to show for myself.” 

“Couldn’t have said it any better.” Sunghoon finishes off his s’more and wipes the crumbs off of his lap. “I wish everything was simple and easy. We really had it good back then, didn’t we?”

“Don’t get too caught up in growing up too fast,” Jake says as he pinches Riki’s cheeks for dramatic effect. The latter tries to dodge his touch but fails. He points to Jungwon and Sunoo. “You guys need to make every minute count.”

Jungwon laughs. “You sound like a Hallmark card.”

“Yeah, but one day you’ll be saying the same thing. You’ll go back to campus and you won’t see us walking around.” Jungwon remains quiet after that. 

“You’ll all be fine.” Sunoo nods once and it feels like he’s smiling at everyone individually through the fire. “Life is scary but there’s a reason why we believe in you.”

Jay nudges Sunoo with his knee. “Since when did you get so wise?”

“You could learn a thing or two from me.”

The tension dissipates. Everyone finishes up their desserts and helps tidy up the campsite. Jake and Sunghoon put out the fire while the rest of you put the chairs away and throw out any leftover trash in the nearby garbage bin. One by one, the eight of you start to grow sleepier as time ticks by. You all let your younger friends wash up first as you stifle yawns and prepare your makeshift bedding while you wait. 

It feels like forever to wait with Heeseung close to you. Everybody else bids you goodnight as you brush your teeth in the wash station and rinse your face of dirt and debris from earlier in the day. Heeseung is standing just a few feet away as he waits for you to finish up but knowing he’s watching you makes your heart rate increase. Your hands tremble as you turn the faucet off and it’s just your luck that you trip over yourself and hold onto Heeseung when you turn around to exit the washroom. 

“Watch where you’re going, Y/N,” Heeseung snaps. He shrugs your hands off of him and pushes you away from his body. 

“What the fuck is your problem with me?” If Heeseung is surprised by your sudden outburst, he doesn’t show it. Your typically calm, non-confrontational demeanor is nowhere to be seen. 

“Why can’t you walk properly?” he mocks. 

“You have been so passive aggressive towards me this entire trip. Hell, you’ve been that way since we were in high school. What the fuck is your deal and why can’t you man up and tell me why you hate me so much?” 

His expression sours. “You have some nerve asking me that.” 

“Why?! You won’t tell me what your deal is and I can’t fix it if you don’t communicate that with me. We have so many mutual friends who want us to get along and it’s fine if we’ll never be friends, but really, Heeseung, you’re acting like a child.” 

Heeseung’s nostrils flare and it feels demeaning the way he has to look you down in order to meet your eyes. The twinge in your heart flares when he makes no effort to talk to you further. The tension in his shoulders rises and falls with every second that passes by and you’re starting to wonder if there’s any way you can leave the trip early. 

He doesn’t say anything, though. Heeseung pulls away from you and enters the washroom, leaving you alone with your thoughts and the sound of water running. Years of pushing aside your feelings for the greater good of preserving the peace feels like they’re suffocating you with every step you take as you talk back to your tent. The cold chill of the night bristles through your hair and your watery eyes make you stumble before unzipping your makeshift bedroom. 

“Y/N?” Jungwon asks, half-asleep. He sees you wipe your eyes as you turn away from him and put away your dirty clothes and toiletries. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” 

He pushes himself up and hears the clip in your tone. With his eyes softening, Jungwon gently touches your shoulder and realizes that your eyes are red before you shut your flashlight off. “Come here.” 

It’s somewhere between a command and a plea. Jungwon doesn’t force you to speak as he pulls your body into his. He doesn’t care that your tears are falling onto his arm and he doesn’t mind that you’ve settled your weight onto his chest. Your silent hiccups make his heart lurch and the best he can do is let you cling onto him in your time of need. 

You don’t get like this often. The last time he remembers you letting him hold you like this was a few days after your parents’ divorce had been finalized. The tangerine-shaped pillow you had was the only thing keeping Jungwon’s back from aching as you spent what felt like hours sobbing between his arms, dirtying his shirt with your hot tears. His heart broke back then, too. He’s not used to seeing you without a smile on your face and every crack in your demeanor lets him know you’re a dam that’s about to burst. 

It can’t be easy to live knowing your father willingly left and chose to leave you behind. Nearly two decades of saying ‘I love you’ and championing his only daughter to be the best version of herself felt like it was all for naught the night he told you he wouldn’t be living with you anymore. You could barely stand watching him pack his belongings and take everything valuable with him. You were unusually quiet during this period of time, too scared to make a sound and make things worse than they already were. 

Jungwon knows you keep your heart locked away in a cage these days. Your friends know you like the back of their hands but it’s been getting harder and harder to coax you out of your shell. He knows it hasn’t been easy with Heeseung within your main friend group and wishes he could do more to quell your anxieties about spending time with him, even if your other friends are there to shield you from his silent torment. 

Your best friend softens a bit when you cling onto his arm, holding him like he’s your lifeline. He pushes his fingers through your hair the way he’s seen your mom do countless times and rocks your body back and forth until you’ve started to calm down. He hears your shallow breaths and holds onto you for the fear that you’ll think he doesn’t want to comfort you if he lets you go. 

“Sorry.” Your voice is brittle and it makes his heart break. 

“You never have to be sorry, Bug. Are you okay?” You shake your head. “Is it something one of us did?” You nod. “Was it Heeseung?” He hates that you start to tear up again. “I’m sorry, Bug. I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t understand why he doesn’t like me,” you hiccup. “I don’t know what I did. How can I apologize when I don’t know what I’ve done?” 

Jungwon sighs. He’s with you on this one. “You’re right. I don’t know what’s gotten into him recently but I’m fed up with it too.” 

“We don’t need to be friends but I want him to stop pretending like I ruined his life.” Your best friend nods against you and pushes his cheek against the crown of your head. “Sorry that I woke you up. I feel like a mess.”

“You’re not a mess, Bug. You’ve been tied together with a smile for so long. It’s only natural that you break down every once in a while.”

“You’re very smart, Wonnie.” 

He laughs. “I know. Do you want to cry some more or go to sleep?” Jungwon’s tone lacks any humor tonight. He’s concerned about you in a way that makes you feel like a porcelain doll and while you appreciate it when he pokes fun at you to show how comfortable he is with you, this feels just as nice. 

“I’m ready to sleep.” 

You pull away from him and settle in your sleeping bag, welcoming the calmness that washes over you. Jungwon chooses to stay up just a smidge longer until he’s certain that you’re asleep before he closes his eyes, wishing for better days ahead of you.

***

The trees always seemed taller when you were younger. They stretched for miles and touched the sky from your point of view, almost as if they  could reach the heavens above. You always wondered what it must be like to have lived as long as nature around you. The leaves and branches see all walks of life, from humans to animals, and keep many secrets hidden underneath its shaded areas. It almost feels like they whisper stories back to you when the wind shakes the weakest branches. You always try to listen. 

When you find yourself hiking on another path around the lake, it becomes easier for you to clear your mind and think about all that lies before you. The sounds of birds chirping amongst the blue sky make the environment around you seem picturesque. In all of your ears camping here, you don’t think you’ve ever appreciated it the way you are at this very moment. 

Your friends are scattered in front and behind you, each of them wrapped up in their own conversations. You can feel Jungwon look at you periodically but you silently let him know that you’re doing alright. He worries about you a lot and he has every reason to. Sometimes, you wonder if any part of you is holding him back because he spends so much time looking after you. It used to be the other way around with you watching after him at playgrounds and on your walk home from school. But with your father leaving as soon as you started trying to figure out who you were, it was like a switch had flipped. 

Your best friend has had a few girlfriends here and there but none of them ever lasted long. He reminds you that he’s young and isn’t looking for a life partner at this stage in his life, but you know he worries about you ever since the news of your dad leaving and Riki entering your life turned your world upside down. You wonder if you’re causing him too much stress. 

He always reminds you that you’re the reason he has so many people that he loves. You introduced him to the majority of your friends on this camping trip. You were the one who introduced him to his first girlfriend and why he finds so much hope in all of the small things. Jungwon admires your resilience and ability to stand on your feet after you’ve been knocked to the ground by an unseen force. Your tenacity pushes him to be a better person towards others and to himself, and he’ll remind you every chance he gets. Jungwon believes that you’re okay for now. You know he’ll be there to pick up the pieces if you need him to.

It brings you back to your future and how Jungwon won’t be physically present when you move to Japan. You’ve spent so much time with him and it made you happy when he was accepted into his bachelor program at your university. The two of you have always been close, whether it was because neither of you had siblings and found solace in each another or because of forced proximity from being neighbors, you don’t know. It feels like you’ll be saying goodbye to somebody who you’ve always leaned on. It feels like you’re leaving him the way your dad left you. 

Dealing with the overwhelming guilt of moving to Okayama, the city your father moved to when he left you and your mom, digs a hole deep inside of your chest every time you think about it. It’s probably why you push off discussions about moving whenever you can and change the subject when other people bring it up. You try not to get too irritated whenever your mom talks to you about packing and everything else that’s important when settling in a new country, like a work visa or financial burdens. But every conversation with her about your eventual move feels like a million needles are slowly pricking your skin. Every step feels heavier than the next. 

There’s Heeseung, too, who has been plaguing your mind ever since you awoke. It’s not unlike him to be cold towards you. In fact, you’ve dealt with tuning him out and learned to ignore his quiet scoffs, paying attention to anyone who would give you some of their attention. The accumulation of life stress and the inevitable move has made it so your heart rate can’t seem to be still at any time in the day. Heeseung doesn’t make it any better by snapping at you for treading carefully. This feeling reminds you of the time you tiptoed around your father when you found out about his infidelity being the reason why he chose to leave you and your mother for Okayama. It feels like anticipating a bomb going off. It’s never a matter of if, but when. 

You don’t remember when things changed but you remember it was abrupt and unannounced. One day, the two of you were laughing with bologna sandwiches for lunch and the next, Heeseung was ignoring you like the two of you had never been friends. His stare was just as cold as his tone when speaking. You could never catch his eye when you were with your group of friends and he refused to be alone with you. The hurt that came with his actions felt like a punch in the gut with all you were dealing with back home. 

The reason why it was easy to tune out his friendship was purely because of prioritization. Dealing with empty rooms and the house feeling like a ghost was haunting the walls was by far a greater sadness than losing a friend. But even so, seeing Heeseung laugh with your friends and watching him excel in everything you used to support him in made you feel like you were being left behind. It hurt to attend his basketball games because he no longer looked for your eyes in the stands. He didn’t acknowledge you when your group of friends would head to the nearby diner for a celebratory meal, and he didn’t call you to say goodnight and to thank you for coming to his games and open practices anymore. 

The ghost of your friendship lingered over you like an unwanted guest. It followed you into university after you committed to the same one and it seemed like neither of you could escape one another. Seeing him live a life that you weren’t a part of made your reality sink in–the few years he spent distancing himself from you wasn’t merely a fluke or teenage angst. Heeseung wanted nothing to do with you. You had to learn how to be okay with that. 

Still, you wish you were as tall as the trees around you. Maybe then Heeseung would tell you why he didn’t like you anymore. 

“Y/N, watch out!” 

The warning nearly comes too late. You don’t register a hissing sound until you see a reflection of scales and stumble backwards into somebody who seems to be caught off guard as much as you are. Jake’s warning saved you from a nasty bite from a snake that has slithered away back between the trees but your heart stammers in your chest as you curl yourself further deeper into the person behind you. 

You hate snakes. You’re petrified of them 

Heeseung, to his misfortune, is the person you’ve bumped into. He saw the snake just before Jake said his warning and felt his body freeze in the way yours didn’t. He didn’t have time to move aside and let Sunoo, who he was talking to, move to grab your body and pull you out of harm’s way. He feels your beating chest against his and looks down at you. Heeseung doesn’t think he’s ever seen you like this before. It makes his stomach fall. 

“Y/N is really scared of snakes,” Jungwon says as he walks up to the two of you, offering a quick explanation before Heeseung could say anything about you clinging onto him. “She got bit by one as a kid and it scared her pretty bad.” Heeseung doesn’t push you away. Instead, he lets Jungwon pry you off of his body until you’re able to blink and come to your senses. 

“Sorry.” You throw an apology his way when Jungwon rubs your back. The rest of your friends, who seem to know about your fear, try to give you some space instead of crowding around you. A part of him wants to scoff. The other part of him feels bad for you. It almost makes him feel guilty for being so short with you last night.

“We’re almost at the end of the trail anyway,” Jungwon says. “Let’s finish it and get some lunch.” 

When you all arrive back at the campsite, Jake pulls your water bottle out of your backpack and stands with you while Jungwon lets you stand right beside him in an attempt to calm yourself down. Jay and Sunghoon, not wanting to impede and make things uncomfortable, decide to go on another short hike and let you rest. The sight is a bit unnerving for Heeseung, who has generally only ever thought of you as this self righteous, confident person, to see you in such a state of shock that you could barely look him in the eye like you did the night before. He’s used to you avoiding and ignoring him but he isn’t accustomed to you scurrying away from anything or anyone. 

He’s a bit confused as to why he feels a little guilty for how he spoke to you last night. You were his friend before he decided you weren’t and that feeling of concern is starting to creep back in. Heeseung watches the way you flinch when Jake tries to rub your shoulder and how Jungwon is the only person who seems to know how to get you to relax after the snake incident. 

“Is she really that scared of snakes?” Heeseung asks Sunoo, who stands away from you to give you space. He pretends to be busy picking at his nails to let you have peace and not make you feel overcrowded with two of your friends already by your side. 

“If I tell you, are you going to use that against her?” Sunoo doesn’t typically question Heeseung like this. It startles him but he shakes his head anyway. 

“No,” says Heeseung. “I’m not. I’ve never seen her act like that.”

Sunoo must think the elder is telling the truth. “When Y/N was very young, a snake bit her ankle when her parents weren’t looking. She got scared and tripped over a rock or something, and her entire leg started to bleed and got a pretty bad gash from it. They rushed her to the emergency room and panicked because her leg was covered in blood.”

“That’s it?”

Sunoo glares at Heeseung. “It might not seem like a big deal to you, but that kind of stuff leaves an impression on you when you’re a kid, Heeseung. She’s been pretty terrified of snakes and blood ever since.” 

“Huh. I never knew that.”

“Don’t go barking up that tree. It’s bad enough that you hate her for no good reason.” 

Heeseung looks at Sunoo quizzically when he hears his friend’s harsh tone. “What’s the matter with you?” 

Sunoo scoffs. “Me? What’s the matter with you? I heard you and Y/N last night. You were an ass to her. She’s right, too. How can she apologize for hurting you if you never talk about what she did? 

“Sunoo–”

“Save it, Heeseung.” He straightens his posture. “You’re my friend and I love you, but you’ve been really harsh on Y/N for the past few years. I thought the two of you drifted apart but you clearly have a vendetta against her.”

“I do not have a vendetta against Y/N.”  

“Sure. Whatever you say. Just remember that Y/N’s the reason why you’re on this trip. One veto from her and Jungwon would’ve kicked your ass to the curb. You’re lucky she doesn’t say this shit to anyone.” 

Heeseung looks at his shoes, feeling the heat in his body creep up his neck. He knows Sunoo’s somewhat right. You’re half the reason why this trip exists at all. Even if Jungwon brought the friend group along, it’s you who this campaign tradition belongs to as well. Heeseung bites his tongue and tries his best not to argue with Sunoo. Deep down, the elder knows that he’s been a bit harsh to you and sometimes finds himself regretting the venom he aims directly at you. But then he remembers that incident from all those years ago and feels his anger bubble up inside of him. He pulls his friend away so that none of you hear him. 

“I have a reason not to like her okay?” Heeseung whispers through his teeth. 

“What reason could you possibly have that justifies how shitty you’ve been?”

Heeseung looks around like he’s afraid someone’s listening in. “Second semester, sophomore year of high school. You and Jake were with me doing homework right outside the front gate. We were waiting for my brother to pick us up from school when Y/N told Kim Chaewon that I would never amount to anything because I didn’t have any talent and had to flirt with girls to get them to listen to my music.”

Sunoo looks at Heeseung like he’s sprouted a second head, who looks at the younger boy like he’s waiting for confirmation or validation of sorts with his eyebrows raised as if expecting a certain outcome. Instead, Sunoo slaps him on the back of his head with his palm and scowls. 

“You are so stupid, Heeseung.”

“What the fuck did I do?!” Heeseung soothes the spot where Sunoo hit him. “It was messed up for her to say that. Why are you calling me stupid?”

“Y/N didn’t say that about you. Chaewon did.” 

Heeseung’s eyes grow comically wide. “I know what I heard.” 

“No, you don’t. I remember the moment you’re talking about. You left so fast and didn’t stop when Jake and I called out for you. Chaewon couldn't get another word out because Y/N tore her a new one. Why do you think they aren’t friends anymore?” 

“Well…Because Y/N said that about me. Chaewon was my friend, too.” 

Sunoo shakes his head. “Chaewon said that about you. Not Y/N.”

“That’s not possible…”

“How would you know? You weren’t there. You left before you could hear the full argument.” 

“Sunoo,” Heeseung says, voice quivering from a mixture of guilt and embarrassment. “Please tell me that’s not true.” 

“Do you know how stupid you look knowing you blew off Y/N, the person who defended you, and still talked to Chaewon?” Sunoo shakes his head at Heeseung. “You ended your longest friendship over a misunderstanding and then got closer with the person who actually said those things about you. Imagine how Y/N must’ve felt.” 

Heeseung’s mind starts to recount the days after your argument with Chaewon and how he’d gone out of his way to ignore you in the aftermath. He never gave you an explanation about his absence and why he pulled away, citing that incident as the reason why you didn’t deserve to know in the first place. He thinks about Chaewon and how he didn’t think twice about it because his mind had already been made up. He was still friends with Chaewon, taking pictures with her at parties and talking to her whenever their friend groups hung out together. Not once did he spare a glance to you. 

As his mind starts to wander into nostalgic territory, Heeseung feels his stomach plummet. The sudden urge to rectify his actions overwhelms him and he’s fighting tooth and nail not to cry on the spot. 

When he looks at you now, quiet and hidden within your shared friends, Heeseung can’t help but feel a bit guilty. He suddenly remembers the few moments where you showed a vulnerable side of yourself and allowed him to see you cry after a bad grade or when your middle school friends were being mean towards you. Heeseung recalls all the times he’s ever thought of you as somebody who puts on a brave face and stands back up after feeling the weight of the world crush you to the ground. He thinks about all of the times he’s ever made you feel insignificant to him and feels pins and needles in his footsteps. Heeseung finds himself walking towards you as he’s contemplating his feelings and Jungwon guards you, pushing you behind him. 

“Hey,” Heeseung says awkwardly. He tries to peek at you but doesn’t like seeing you look so helpless. Pathetically, he offers a meek apology. “Sorry about the snake.” 

“It’s fine. Sorry I grabbed you.” For the first time in a long time, Heeseung doesn’t feel annoyed by the thought of you latching onto him. 

“It’s okay. I, uh…wanted to know if you were fine.” Heeseung clears his throat. “Is there anything I can do?” His unfamiliar kindness confuses you and it confuses Jungwon too.

“You know, maybe it would be a good idea if you left the campsite for a while,” Jake suggests from beside Heeseung. “You’re a bit shaken up and you could probably use a change of scenery.” 

“That’s not a bad idea, actually,” Jungwon agrees. “You could leave for a few hours and come back once you’ve calmed down, Bug.” 

You pick at your fingernails. “I feel so stupid for being so scared.”

“It’s not stupid, Y/N.” Jake tilts his head and looks at you with a pout. “It’s something you’re scared of and with good reason. I would’ve been scared shitless if it was closer to me.”

“You could go into town and get some ice cream,” says Jungwon. “You should go to the beach by the highway for a little bit and get your mind off of it.” 

“I-I don’t really want to go alone.”

Heeseung speaks before he can even think about what he’s saying.

“I’ll go with you.” Jungwon and Jake whip their head to their friend. 

“Heeseung–”

“I can drive us,” he says, mouth moving faster than his brain. “I won’t say anything, I swear. I’ll take her to the beach and ice cream if she wants to.” 

Jungwon hesitantly looks at Heeseung. “Are…Are you sure?” 

“Yeah.” He lies straight through his teeth. He doesn’t know if he can sit with you when his whole life has been turned upside down. But it’s too late to backtrack. “I’ve been feeling a little restless here anyway.” 

“I don’t know…”

“Jay isn’t here and he has his keys.” Jake looks at you and nudges your shoulder. “What do you want to do, Y/N?” 

You look up at Heeseung for the first time and he sucks in a breath. It’s like you’re devoid of yourself, fear and anxiety clouding your eyes like you’re petrified to even speak. He watches you lick your lips slowly as if contemplating carefully. “I want to go.”

“Bug, you don’t have to.”

“I know, Wonnie.” You touch his arm and he relents. “I think I need to leave for a little bit and calm down. I should walk on the beach, or something.”

“I can come with you guys.” Riki, who has been silent during this ordeal, speaks up and appears to the other side of Heeseung. “I saw the beach just before we got here. It looks pretty.” 

“That’s a good idea,” Jake nods, looking at you. He softens his tone. “Would that be alright with you?” 

You hum .”Mhm. Yeah, that’s fine. Let me get my wallet.” 

When you leave for your tent, Jungwon looks at Heeseung and stares at him with an expression he can’t read. The silence is deafening and he awkwardly coughs, looking away from his younger friend. 

“Don’t fuck this up,” says Jungwon with a clipped tone. “You’ve been a dipshit and she’s been putting up with it for the sake of everybody else. The last thing she needs is for you to make fun of her and make her feel even worse than she already does.” 

“I won’t, Jungwon. I swear.” 

“I’m choosing to trust you because you’re my friend too, despite everything you feel towards Y/N.” He nods at Riki. “You, keep an eye out for them.”

“I won’t do or say anything,” Heeseung promises for a second time. You come back a moment later, oblivious to the tension. 

“Be safe, yeah?” Heeseung hears the change in Jungwon’s tone when talking to you. “Call me if you need anything. Your phone’s charged from the portable, right?”

“Yeah.” You hold up your phone to show him. “I’ll let you know when we’re coming back.” 

The beach itself is nestled towards the end of the highway where the sand meets the trees. The small shops around it bring a sense of nostalgia, especially when Heeseung parks in front of a large, tattered orange sign that says “ICE CREAM SOLD HERE.” The three of you walk inside and Heeseung watches you look over the flavors. 

“They change the flavors all the time based on the season,” you say absentmindedly. The three of you are the only customers and he figures the employee must be in the back. 

It’s a bit strange to be spending time with you apart from everybody else. Even though Riki’s accompanying the two of you, he hasn't been alone with you like this in years. You seem to be doing a little better with distance put between you and the campsite. Heeseung hopes the drive wasn’t too terrible. His knuckles turned white with the grip he had on the steering wheel, too afraid to look into the rearview mirror for the fear of catching your eye. He wonders if you’d be able to read his mind in the way you once did. 

You make small talk with the owner of the shop who recognizes you before ordering. Riki and Heeseung follow too, the youngest trying a few flavors before settling on one. You go to pay for your own until Riki pulls out his wallet and pays for the both of you. Heeseung watches the two of you argue before the owner accepts Riki’s card. He’s pulled out of his thoughts before paying for his own cup. 

The beach is right next door and the three of you leave your shoes inside Heeseung’s trunk before stepping onto the warm sand. The sun’s high in the sky and Heeseung’s grateful that he chose to put on extra sunblock before leaving his tent. Riki follows you towards the water. He chooses to stay behind and give you both space even though his heart is telling him not to. 

Heeseung has always believed in telling the truth because it’ll always see the light at the end of the day. He’s a fan of honesty and it’s something he values in all of his friends. He thought he’d found that in you ever since the day the two of you started becoming friends and felt his world shatter around him when he thought you were making fun of his aspirations to become a music producer. You’d spent countless hours in his bedroom with him as he learned how to use proper equipment and went so far as to buy him a few things here and there disguised as birthday and Christmas gifts. You spent so much time listening to him grow as a musician in the comfort of his bedroom. The thought that you were pretending to care about him made Heeseung feel sick to his stomach. It wasn't hard for him to cut you off when he thought you betrayed him.

But now, life feels like it’s at a stand still. You stand before him and Heeseung’s throat closes up like he’s lost the ability to breathe. You might not even know that you’re the reason for his inner turmoil. You probably don’t care. Why would you when he’s pushed you so far from arm’s length? Heeseung sighs to himself and replays every single interaction he’s ever had with you after deciding to cut you out of his life. The guilt piles up on him before he can stop it from stacking until it eventually makes his skin feel like it’s been set on fire. He’ll have to sit with the fact that he’s made you out to be a cruel, terrible friend instead of the person who would defend him to hell and back.

What must you think of him now? For a long time, it took Heeseung great strength to push you into the far corners of his mind and stop seeking you out whenever you were near him. He trained himself to look away from you, the weight of your alleged words playing in the back of his mind whenever he felt the urge to talk to you like old times. Heeseung stopped communicating with you altogether, unfollowing you on all of your social media and physically removing you out of his life so he wouldn’t have to see your face when he least expected it. 

But now it feels like the last six years of his life have been a lie. He’s been living in his own world, wrapped up in a delusion that only he was able to clearly see. The memory was too painful to say out loud let alone tell a soul. Heeseung kept his heart guarded and offered a brief explanation whenever your mutual friends asked why the two of you weren’t close anymore and he’d shut you down if you tried to talk to him until your efforts ceased. 

When he looks at you now, all he feels is regret. 

Riki walks back towards Heeseung, who’s perched on a bench right on the sand. His ice cream is discarded in the nearby trash can and Riki eats whatever’s left in his cup before tossing it away. The two of them sit in silence. Riki basks in the salt air and relishes in the sound of birds chirping and waves crashing onto the shore. Heeseung can only hear his heart beating in his ears. 

“She’s doing okay,” Riki says, breaking the silence. “I think her shock and adrenaline are wearing off.” 

“Good,” Heeseung nods. “That’s really good.” 

“I could tell she wanted to be left alone after a little while. I hope she’ll be fine when we go back.” 

“I’m sure she will be.” 

Riki nods and looks back at you. “Have you ever seen her get like that?” 

“Maybe once or twice. We stopped being close in high school.” 

“Oh, yeah. Right.” 

“But she always bounced back,” Heeseung adds quickly. “Like you said, she’ll be fine.”

“I didn’t even know she was scared of snakes.” 

Heeseung laughs. “Me either.” The silence permeates until Heeseung speaks again. “Can I ask you a question?” 

“Since when have you ever asked me if you could ask me something?” 

“Fair point.” Heeseung rubs his palms against his thighs. “I don’t really know where to start.”

“The beginning is usually the best place.” 

“You know how I feel about Y/N. How I felt about her. I told you so many times to stop expecting people to treat you the way you want to be treated if they didn’t put in the effort to make you feel welcomed.” Heeseung looks at the younger boy. “Why did you keep defending?” 

“Are you asking me because you’re worried about Y/N or because you have some weird thing with her?” 

“I’m asking because I’m starting to think I was wrong about her.” Riki must think Heeseung is telling the truth because he nods after a moment. 

“How much do you know about Y/N’s family life?”

“I know she has a mom and that Jungwon’s parents are like her own. I also know her parents got divorced and that her dad left just before she graduated high school.” 

“Right.” Riki coughs nervously. “How much do you know about our relationship?” 

“You two are half-siblings.” 

“That’s all?” 

Heeseung shrugs. “I never questioned it.” 

“Okay, yeah. That makes sense.” Riki looks down at his lap like he’s trying to figure out what to say. “I don’t really know if this is my place to say it but I want you to know so you can stop thinking Y/N’s the Devil.” 

“I don’t think she’s the Devil.” 

Riki chuckles. “Sure. To put it simply, she's my half-sister because her dad cheated on her mom with mine. He’d go on business trips to Japan a few times a year and they hit it off after they met. One thing led to another and they started meeting up whenever he was back in town. 

“They had me a year after they first started their affair and I guess he was able to keep his life in Japan a secret until Y/N found pictures on her dad’s laptop. She saw pictures of us on vacations when her dad was supposed to be on work trips. I think she told her mom about it and that’s around the time I found out he had another family too.” 

“What was going through your head back then?” 

“Well, my mom told me my dad had to live in Korea for work. I believed it until I was seven, maybe? I’d always ask her questions as I got older but she either brushed me off or told me things that didn’t add up. He’d come more frequently the older I got. We didn’t talk on the phone much when he was over in Korea, though, so seeing him in person used to be extra special. 

“Then I found out that he had an affair because he came to live with us full time when I was twelve. My mom told me everything when he moved in and I felt like my entire life was a lie. I couldn’t look at either of them the same.” 

“Wow…I can’t imagine going through that.” Heeseung’s words hang in the air. 

“Yeah. It was hard. I hated Y/N for a while. I hated that she got to see my dad more than I did when I found out. My friends used to make fun of me because he wasn’t around for my dance competitions and showcases. I always defended him and said he was working in Korea to make a better life for us. It’s what I believed at the time.” 

“And your mom let you believe all of that?”

Riki shrugs. “I guess so. She hated Y/N and her mom. She always talked down on them when my dad moved in and I felt that my anger was justified too. My mom hated the fact that my dad still wanted to keep Y/N in his life and wouldn’t fully abandon her the way he did hid with his ex-wife. Some of his paycheck would go towards Y/N’s college fund and my mom tried everything in her power to stop him from giving her money but he gave her an ultimatum, so she stopped complaining. 

“He took me to Korea once. I was fourteen, I think. I met my dad’s parents and we stayed with them for a while. I don’t know why he took me there since I could barely speak the language but he said he wanted me to get to know where he grew up and integrate myself in the culture since he was trying to be a present father. That was the first time I met Y/N. I had my mind made up and decided I hated her the first time I saw her. She couldn’t have been older than seventeen. I hated that she looked just like me. 

“When we met for the first time, we didn’t really get along. Both of us didn’t talk and our dad tried so hard to form a bond between us but it didn’t work. I didn’t want anything to do with her because all I could think about was how she got to spend so much time with him while I only got to see him for a week or so a few times a year.” 

“What made you change your mind?” Heeseung asks. 

“When we got back to Japan, my mom kept saying all of these mean things about Y/N and her family,” Riki continues. “I wasn’t her biggest fan but the stuff she was saying was cruel and untrue. I knew it was pure jealousy and realized that my mom helped break up a perfectly good family. I mean, I knew it was my dad’s fault for cheating on his wife and leaving Y/N also, but coming to that realization made me think about how Y/N must’ve felt when she found out.”

“Wow…I didn’t know any of this.”

“As far as I can tell, Jungwon’s the only person she’s told.” Riki sighs and pushes his fingers through his hair. “Anyway, at that point, neither one of us cared to keep the relationship going. I didn’t call her and she didn’t call me. But the more my parents started living their lives like they hadn’t made two people fall apart, the more I started to feel sorry for Y/N. I can’t imagine finding out your dad cheated on your mom and then willingly left you for another family. Our dad brought me back to Korea a few times after that for winter and summer breaks to stay with his parents. He said he wanted me to experience life abroad. He’d bring me to family events and I always felt so out of place.”

“Wait, seriously?” Heeseung asks in disbelief. 

“Yeah, if you can believe it. I felt so guilty coming to these things. It was actually Y/N’s mom who told her to start being more open to me. I can’t explain how awful I felt when I realized she was making an effort to include me even though I was someone from her ex-husband’s affair. When my dad was trying to get back in everyone’s good graces, Y/N’s mom was making sure I had enough food and water.

“I slowly started to realize that Y/N was hurting too. She had everything I wanted but it felt like I was the one who took that away from her. I thought, maybe if my mom wasn’t pregnant with me, her dad would’ve never continued the affair and she would’ve never found out he cheated.”

“That’s why you defend her, isn’t it? Even when I thought she was being unfair?” 

Riki laughs. “Yeah, man. I’ve known about her longer than she’s known me and I’ve known about the affair longer than she has. I’ve had more time to get used to it. I don’t blame her for pushing me away. If I found out I had a half-sibling because my dad cheated on my mom, I think I’d react the same way.” Heeseung’s heart feels much heavier than it did prior to this conversation. “We’ve been getting better. She texts me first every now and then and she keeps up with my dancing stuff. It’s not like we’re total strangers anymore. I mean, she likes me enough to let me be friends with you guys. It’ll just take some time.”

“Do you want her to be in your life? And do you want to be in hers?” 

Heeseung watches Riki nod without a second doubt. “Absolutely. I love Y/N now. She’s my sister even if she only thinks of me as her half-brother. I know we’ve had it rough in the past but she looks out for me. Y/N’s smart and confident in all the ways I wish I could be. I love listening to her talk and I love learning new things about her. I always wished for a sibling and even though this isn’t how I imagined it going, I’m happy.” 

The two of them sit in another round of silence. Heeseung does his best to process everything Riki has just told him but it feels like there’s too much information for him to digest all at once. He never knew any of this about you, too caught up in his own feelings about the misunderstanding. While he was giving you the cold shoulder, you were crumbling apart because your dad left for another family. If he knew any of this back then, Heeseung thinks he would be sympathetic. But he can’t turn back the clock. He watches you stand by the water with your empty ice cream up in your hands and wonders what you’re thinking about. 

“Wait,” Heeseung says, cutting the silence for the umpteenth time. “You’re from Okayama.” Riki nods. “You’ve lived in Okayama until you moved here.” 

“Yeah, that’s right.” 

“And Y/N’s moving to Okayama for work.” Riki nods solemnly. “You’re telling me Y/N’s moving to the city your dad moved to when he left her?” The younger boy nods again. “Shit.”

“With everything going on in her life, I don’t expect her to have it all figured out. Sure, it hurt when she didn’t want to spend time with me but I don’t think I can really be mad at her when this is how her life is. Okayama is a big city but the world is pretty small.”

“That’s fucked up. That’s really, really fucked up.” 

“I’m pretty sure she’s scared about running into our dad. Lord knows I came to study in Korea because I didn’t want to be around him anymore,” Riki scoffs. “I know that I have my own shit to deal with and that I’ll probably need to find a therapist when I start school but for now, I’ll focus on Y/N. I’m happy she let me come on this trip because I know how much camping with Jungwon means to her. I can somewhat empathize with her about moving to a place that didn’t feel like home because of your dad.” 

Heeseung looks at Riki and doesn’t expect him to look as tranquil as he does, but he looks at you like you’re the person giving him this grace and maturity. “Fuck, Riki. I’m really sorry that you had to deal with this. Do the other guys besides Jungwon know?”

“Not as much as you do, they just know something happened with my parents and that’s why I don’t want to go back to Okayama. I don’t think Y/N’s told anybody else, so please don’t tell her you know.”

“I won’t,” Heeseung promises. “I swear on it.” 

“Good. I trust you and you’ve been a good friend to me.” 

“Sorry for giving you a hard time about her too.” 

“It’s fine now. Just…promise me you won’t be so harsh on her. She’s been through a lot and I can tell she’s really not happy about the move even though the job opportunity is really good for her career.” 

“Of course.” 

You walk back towards them and the two boys stand up and pretend as if they weren’t speaking in depth about you. Heeseung, for the first time, smiles at you without restraint and it makes you feel confused as you shake off the sand and head back into his car. 

On the entire drive back to the campsite, Heeseung lets Riki control the music and thinks about their previous conversation. He had no idea this is what you were dealing with and always thought you stopped talking to him because you didn’t think it was worth being friends either. He doesn’t remember much about the last few years of high school, apart from avoiding you when you were around, but now he wishes he would’ve paid more attention. Even though what’s past is past, Heeseung wishes he could turn back time and stop himself from making a false assumption. 

He parks the car sooner than he realizes and Riki hands Heeseung back his phone. You step out of the car and look far better than you did before the impromptu trip. Heeseung can’t help but jog after you. 

“Hey,” he calls out. You’re pulled out of your thoughts when you hear his voice and look at him, perplexed. “Are you feeling better now?” 

“Um, yeah.” You look at Heeseung like you don’t know what he wants from you and he’s starting to hate that he’s made you feel this way for so long. 

“Good. That’s good.” Heeseung clears his throat. “I, uh, wanted to apologize for what I said to you last night. That was out of line. I’m really sorry.” The gears turn in your head and he can see you processing his apology slowly. 

“Yeah, well, if you have a problem with me then you should either tell me why or leave me alone.” Your words lack any venom like they did last night but they’re replaced with something more raw and callous. He almost wishes you would yell at him. 

“I know.” He really does. “But I really am sorry. For everything.” Heeseung can’t find the words to elaborate how he feels, not when he sees your shared friends in front of him. 

You look at him and he feels like you might as well be looking into his soul. Without another word, you leave him with his thoughts and rejoin the rest of the group. 

***

It’s nearing the end of the trip and Heeseung feels like he needs to get you alone to apologize for a million things. Guilt courses through his body when he’s awake and it only ceases when he’s asleep. He does his best to keep a straight face when he’s around everybody else and he’s sure they’re all picking up on the fact that he hasn’t been avoiding you like he did when you all first arrived. 

But it’s hard to get you alone. He knows you likely wouldn’t hear him out if he asked you to talk. Even so, he doesn’t know if he knows everything he wants to say. Heeseung is sure everyone else will want to know why he asked to talk to you and make a big deal out of it too, but he can’t say he blames them when he’s the one who has put so much tension between the two of you. Being nicer towards you with intention is not normal for Heeseung. He wishes that weren’t the case. 

It’s a warm day outside and everybody’s agreed to go kayaking in the lake. The water is calm and there are a few families and groups who’ve decided to do the same thing. Everybody fastens life vests and hops into their own kayak before setting out on the water. 

Heeseung wants to enjoy being out on the water but his mind keeps coming back to you. He wonders deeply about the past he shares with you and what would’ve been if he hadn’t made those assumptions all those years ago. He knows he’s always been a bit too prideful for his own good, putting himself above the opinions of others without thinking twice. He’s got tough skin and likes that he’s developed a sense of confidence and identity, especially because he wants to pursue a career in music, but now he wonders if he’s too confident. 

The reason why your words hurt more than he’d care to admit is because he harbored a pathetic crush on you ever since you wrote him a letter for his thirteenth birthday. He’d just gotten the hang of making music on GarageBand and by the time his birthday rolled around, Heeseung wanted to show some of his friends what he’d been learning after school. October came quickly and he invited his closest friends to his house for some cake and to jump in the large bouncy house his parents rented for him. The warm afternoon is forever etched into his memory because everyone Heeseung cared about in his first year being a teenager was there to support the beginning of his music interest. 

Heeseung remembers the gift he unwrapped from you and your parents. It was a CD of his favorite album and one of those plastic statues with an award title etched into the base. It read “BEST MUSIC PRODUCER” on it and Heeseung thought it was the best gift he received that year. What made that warm afternoon even more special was when you pulled him aside to give him a handwritten note. He remembers your shy voice telling him not to open it until everybody was gone and said you wanted to give the letter to him in private when nobody else was looking because your parents didn’t know you’d done this. He kept that card on his desk until everybody left, promising to read it as soon as he was alone. 

You wrote to his yearning heart, the side of him that wanted to make music so badly that he’d sit in his room until the late hour with a lamp shining over his desk to write songs until his hand hurt from holding his pen. Heeseung would hunch over his desk during school and scribble down lyrics in the margins of his assignments. It always felt like he was the only person who felt this way most times and felt like his peers couldn’t understand why he loved making music so much. Reading your letter made Heeseung feel less alone, as if you were always watching over him and seeing his passion when he thought nobody else could. 

That note alone solidified his blooming crush and suddenly, every love song he wrote was dedicated to you. Details about you were weaved into his songs–the sound you made when you laughed, the stickers you used to collect, and the number on your childhood home–it all became important to him. It was almost like Heeseung could talk to you through his music without saying a single word. He could let his songs do the talking for him. 

Of course, thinking you were the one who said he didn’t have any real talent made his hopes and dreams shatter into a million pieces. He always felt like your champion and that pursuing his passion wasn’t so scary if he had you by his side. The world felt like it was crashing all around him to the point where he considered giving up on making music altogether. For that, he would never forgive you. But it’s different now. Heeseung knows you’re not to blame. The culpability doesn’t lie on your shoulders, even if that’s what Heeseung thought for all these years. 

Heeseung roams around the lake in silence, letting the birds chirp uninterrupted. The sound of his boat sailing against the water beneath him does something to soothe his aching heart for the time being. He sees you not too far ahead with Sunghoon a bit behind you when he sees you reach for the paddle that fell from your grip. His heart stops when your kayak tips over when you've reached too far. 

He wastes no time and rows his boat with all his might after hearing your yelp. His arms burn as he pushes through the water but before he can get any closer to you, Sunghoon has jumped out of his kayak to help you back to the surface. He’s able to drag you to the shore nearby and takes off your life jacket when the two of you are sitting on the edge of dry land. Heeseung manages to haul your kayak and paddle while Jay, who also saw the incident, grabs Sunghoon’s. The two of them wordlessly make their way to you and Sunghoon.

Heeseung sees and hears you coughing but he’s also aware of the fact that you’re situated between Sunghoon’s arms. He’s got you securely wrapped between him as you regain your breath. It’s selfish to even consider the idea that he might be jealous but he can’t help it, especially since you’re gripping onto his arms like he’s your lifeline. 

“Shit, Y/N,” Jay says as he takes his life jacket off. Heeseung does the same and parks his boat to get out of the water. “Are you okay?”

“Mhm,” you mutter, catching your breath from the water that’s still lodged in your throat. “Jesus, I didn’t think that would happen.”

“You gave me a heart attack.” Sunhoon laughs from behind you but doesn’t push you away just yet. Heeseung watches you.

“I got your boat and paddle,” he says pathetically, feeling awkward when the three of you look at him. “I’m glad you’re okay.” 

“Thanks.” You cough when you speak and Sunghoon rubs your back gently. “Why does this shit keep happening to me?” 

“Maybe Heeseung’s bad luck,” Sunghoon snickers. There’s no real animosity in his tone but Heeseung feels upset nonetheless. 

“Sorry,” he finds himself apologizing. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” you tell him, leaning back against Sunghoon as you catch your breath. “I think that’s enough kayaking for today, though.”

Jay laughs. “Yeah, you can say that again. I’m getting hungry anyway. Sunoo and Riki are probably complaining about that too.” 

At dinner, the eight of you sit around the fire as Jay, with the help of Riki and Sunoo, prepare and serve the food. The warm food satisfies everyone and everybody takes turns swapping stories about kayaking, and everybody laughs when Sunghoon recounts the story of you tipping over your boat. Riki keeps your plate full and tries to give you more meat but you shake your head. He pouts and you eventually relent, and that makes Heeseung smile.

He can feel Jungwon looking at him. The younger boy sits next to Heeseung and looks at him every so often, especially when you start talking or when the topic of discussion falls onto you. He ignores it to the best of his ability because he’s sure his friend has picked up on the fact that he’s not acting like he’s not interested anymore. When Jungwon pulls him aside when everybody leaves to get ready for bed, he isn’t surprised. 

“What’s up with you?” Jungwon asks quizzically. “Don’t act like you don’t know what I mean either, Heeseung. You were acting weird at dinner.” 

“To make a long story short, the reason why I didn’t like Y/N all this time was because I thought she was the one who said I would never make it in music. Sunoo told me it was Chaewon, not Y/N.” 

Jungwon’s eyes open comically. “That’s the reason you didn’t like Y/N?!” Heeseung smacks his shoulder and shushes him. “You know if you just, like, told any of us why you were so mad at her, we could’ve solved this and you wouldn’t have lost a friend.” Ouch. 

“Yeah,” Heeseung replies, looking at the ground below him, “I know. I feel like an idiot and I feel guilty. I want to make it right with her but I’ve acted like such an ass. I told myself it was for the better.”

“You really were an ass,” Jungwon agrees. “Did you know she almost pulled out of this trip when she found out you were going?”

Heeseung’s shoulders slump. “I fucked up, Won. You’re her best friend and I put you in an uncomfortable position too. I’m sorry. I want to make things right but we haven’t had a real conversation in years.” 

“You’re going to have to do a lot more than apologize.” Jungwon sighs and beckons Heeseung to sit down on a log next to him. “She doesn’t hate you, Heeseung. Y/N’s sensitive, you know? She’s sensitive in the way that she feels things pretty deeply and doesn’t push things aside anymore. Back in high school, she went through something pretty life changing that forced her to shut down and all she wanted was to reach out to you but you iced her out.” 

“I feel awful. She has every right to hate me.”

“That’s the thing, Heeseung. Y/N doesn’t hate you. She doesn’t understand what she did that made you pull away and she’s hurt that you won’t talk to her about it. She’s done all she can trying to get through to you but she’s given up because that didn’t seem like it was going anywhere.”

“Can I ask you something?” Jungwon nods. “If…If I talked to her, apologized and tried to tell her what was going on at the time, do you think she’d forgive me?” 

Heeseung waits for his friend to answer. “I think she would appreciate that you put in the effort to be there for her. She still cares about you even if she says she doesn’t.”

“I don’t know about that.” 

“I do. I’m her best friend, Heeseung.” The elder nods. “What I’m saying is this: All Y/N has ever wanted was for you to make an effort for her. When you stopped being her friend, she wondered for months if she was a bad person because you didn’t talk to her about why you pulled away so suddenly. Apologizing doesn’t mean the two of you will go back to the way you used to, but she’ll appreciate that over distancing yourself because you feel guilty.” 

That last part hurts to hear but he understands. “Do you think Y/N and I could ever be friends?” 

Jungown nods. “Yeah, actually. I can tell that you’re being upfront with me right now. You know how she is. She values honesty and loyalty. Of everyone in our friend group, Y/N is the one who’s really good at communicating and giving advice about that kind of stuff. She doesn’t need you to go above and beyond for her. It might take time but I know she’d appreciate it if you at least made an effort to talk to her and clear up some stuff.” 

Heeseung is lost in thought and barely hears Jungwon tell him he’ll try his best to let the two of you talk tomorrow night after dinner. He doesn’t know how to thank him other than to pull him into a tight embrace and cling onto the younger boy like he’s got something to lose. Jungwon seems to understand where Heeseung is coming from–he, too, has had his fair share of arguments with you–so he hugs him back as if to say everything will be alright. 

When you wake up the next morning, a weird feeling settles in your chest. Jungwon is fast asleep when you leave the tent to get ready for the day after failing to fall asleep. The sun is already up and you don’t know what time it is, but the morning is cold and the sweater you have on protects you from the chill nicely. 

You see Heeseung at the wash station and grip your toiletry bag when he spots you. Awkwardly, you step into the bath house and turn the faucet on as he brushes his teeth, motioning yourself to do the same thing. He watches you from the mirror as you keep your eyeline straight in front of you. He wants to say something to you, perhaps “good morning” or “how did you sleep?” but nothing seems good enough. You, on the other hand, feel like Heeseung may as well put you under a microscope. 

“Can I help you?” 

He looks at you as if he’s been caught with his hand down the cookie jar. “N-No. Sorry.” You sigh and resume brushing your teeth when he spits and rinses his mouth of the toothpaste. “I mean what I said I was sorry. I really am.”

“For which part? Cussing me out or avoiding me since high school?” You sound tired. 

“All of it,” he says quietly. You keep your head straight while he looks at you. “I have no excuse. I’ve been acting like a dick towards you and I feel awful.” You don’t say anything. “I…I thought you were the one who said I wouldn’t make it as a producer. I didn’t know it was Chaewon who said it and that you were the one who defended me. I was stupid and angry, and I took it out on you without knowing the whole truth. 

“I didn’t find out until Sunoo told me yesterday. I didn’t talk about that with anyone since we were friends, you know? I was so hurt but I didn’t know that it was my fault for making myself feel like that…And in turn, I made you feel like you didn’t have a place in my life. I’m so, so sorry that I treated you like you didn’t mean anything to me when you did.” 

You don’t look at him as you finish your morning routine. He stands there awkwardly, waiting for you to say something. 

“I went through a lot of shit back then,” you say, turning to face him. “My dad left just after you stopped talking to me and all I wanted to do was talk to you about it. You always knew what to say to make me feel better but then you started ignoring me like I never mattered to you. Do you know how badly that hurt to have one of my best friends stop giving a shit about me? 

“I watched you hang out with our mutual friends. I watched you do really cool things with music but I did all of that on the sidelines because you never included me, even though I was the only person who really supported you., I don’t think you really get that there were so many people back then who just wanted to be your friend because a few of your songs blew up on the internet. I watched you keep them close while you pushed me aside without giving me the chance to make up for whatever I did to make you upset. 

“I’ve spent the last few years trying to be okay with the fact that you didn’t want to be friends anymore. I tried so hard to accept that you and I would only be people who saw each other in passing. But that hurt. It hurt so much to think you didn’t care about me for one second and didn’t care that I was upset too.” 

Your confession hangs in the air and Heeseung feels like crying when he sees that you’ve started to tear up. You wipe them away aggressively, too embarrassed to be seen weeping in front of him. 

“I’m sorry.” Heeseung’s voice cracks. “I am, Y/N. You were so good to me and I took that for granted.”

“Yeah, you could say that.” 

“I can’t make excuses for myself back then but I want you to know I own up to everything. I’m sorry that I let you feel like that and wasn’t mature enough to talk to you. I know I’m too late, but you deserve an apology. You deserve more than that.” 

Heeseung thinks you’re going to storm past him like he did a few nights prior. He thinks you might spit in his face and tell him to go to hell. But all you do is stare at him in silence. 

“I’ve wanted to hear you say that for a long time,” you tell him. “So thanks for that. I feel beyond hurt by everything you did and everything you’ve ever said since we stopped being friends. All I have ever wanted was to be in the same room and not worry about if you wanted me there or not. This entire trip has felt like walking on eggshells around you.” He lets you step around him and out of the bath house. 

“I don’t hate you either, Heeseung. I know you probably think that I do but I don't.” 

***

The rest of your friends can tell something’s going on between the two of you but choose not to comment on it. Everybody is off doing their own thing, as today is the last day of camping, and nobody wants to accidentally spoil it. You and Jungwon decide to head over to your “secret spot,” just the two of you, for old time’s sake.

“I’ll miss you when I leave Korea,” you say as the two of you sit on the ground. “I don’t know how I’m gonna do any of this without you, Wonnie.”

“I know you’re scared of the future and about your dad asking to see you, but you’ve got to know that you’re stronger than any of us. You’re like, a superhero, or something.” 

“Now you’re just being corny.” 

Jungwon laughs. “Yeah, maybe I am. But seriously, Y/N, I’ve always liked that you were able to find some of your optimism again. You make me feel like things will get better for me too. I can’t sit here and pretend I know what you’re going through, but I’ll always be here for you. My parents will too.”

“I still remember the look on their faces when my mom broke the news,” you snort. “They looked like they were ready to go to prison for murder.” 

“I’ve never seen them so angry. I felt like castrating your dad.” 

“Didn’t we all?” 

“But at least we got Riki out of it.” You smile fondly. Jungwon wants to tell you he’s proud of how far you’ve come, but decides to keep that to himself for now.

“I love him, you know. Even if I don’t really say it. I think it was hard for me to be able to say I loved him without feeling guilty. I thought I was betraying my mom if I gave Riki a chance and seeing her step up to be a parental figure when my dad was too busy mingling with our side of the family was hard. We’ve never talked about it but I know she doesn’t hate Riki. She wouldn’t have forced me to spend time with him if she did.

“He’s such a bright kid and he’s so talented. It makes me happy when people recognize that too. He taught me a lot about prioritizing my feelings. Learning to re-evaluate my life when Riki showed up made me feel, I don’t know, more mature? Like, I can be upset and still care about people because we all make mistakes and none of us asked to be here.” 

Jungwon lets a beat of silence pass before speaking. “Did Heeseung talk to you?”

“This morning. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I saw him acting a bit different at the bonfire last night and asked him if anything happened. He told me why he was so mad at you for so long and said he wanted to apologize.”

“Men are so fucking stupid,” you sigh, bringing your knees to your chest. “I don’t understand why he didn’t talk to me in the first place.”

“Me either, honestly. But at least he’s making an effort. Isn’t that what you said you wanted?” 

You nod. “Yeah. Feelings are complicated. I’ve been angry for so long. I always thought I’d yell at him and give him a piece of my mind, or something. I thought I would hate him and tell him to forget about me. But when he apologized, he said it in a way that made me believe he meant it. It didn’t feel like he was bullshitting me. I felt stuck.” 

“What did you end up saying?” 

“I told him how hurt I was during that time and said I wished he was there for me like I was for him when I was dealing with my dad. I told him how I wished we could’ve talked it out.” 

“That’s a good start.” 

“I don’t think we’ll ever go back to the way we were but I also know Heeseung. I know it took a lot out of him to set aside his pride and put somebody else first. I don’t really know what I’m gonna do now. All I know is I’m tired of being upset and I want to feel okay.”

Jungwon nudges your shoulder with his. “You’ll be just fine. The universe moves for you, Y/N. There’s no way you won’t have a happy ending.” He watches you hide a smile. 

“You are such a sap.” 

“It’s what you love about me.” 

“Unfortunately.” You’ll really miss him. “I gotta take it one day at a time, right? Heeseung is going to be in my life for a long time since we share so many friends. Riki loves him too, and I guess I can’t hate Heeseung too much for looking out for him. I don’t think I have any room to think about it when I get back because I’ll be doing some last minute packing and getting ready to move.” 

“It’ll be over before you know it. But even then, you’re going to have the best time in Okayama. Fuck your dad and all of the bad shit.”

“Yeah,” you laugh. “Fuck my dad.” 

The end of the trip is bittersweet. You start to tear up when you see the campsite completely empty and move slowly to pack everything in the cars. Heeseung notices but doesn’t say anything, offering to grab whatever’s in your hands when he sees you looking out into the clearing for extended periods of time. He doesn’t pretend to know what you’re feeling but he knows he doesn’t like it when you cry.

He watches you get into Jay’s car and wishes that you could be comfortable sitting alone with him. While Jake mans the aux, Heeseung thinks about what might happen when you move away. Will the two of you remain how you are or will you grow apart? Is there any room for him in your life now that you’re off to explore a different part of the world? Will he ever be able to push past the gnawing feeling of pushing his pathetic crush on you down until he no longer thinks of you like that?

He’s never admitted it, but those feelings he had towards you all those years ago never really went away. Heeseung doubled down on his irritation because doing otherwise would allow all of those romantic feelings to overwhelm him. He kept his head down around you because he knew one look at you would be enough to throw his inhibitions away and he was afraid he would risk everything he’s ever wanted just for you to tell him you love him too. Now that he knows everything was a misunderstanding, the grave loss weighs on him. He’s got a million thoughts running through his mind and none of them seem to make any sense. These romantic feelings didn’t lie dormant for all of these years, right? 

The next week and a half feels like it passes by too quickly for the both of you. You finish packing the morning of your going away party that everyone helped set up and plan. Your mom, along with Jungwon’s parents, all of your friends and their parents, and Maeumi, presentes you with the kind of happiness you never want to forget. Even Heeseung, who shows up and gives you a letter when no one else is looking, makes you feel like you would be dearly missed. You’re not sure that you enjoy being the center of attention, but everybody’s kindness makes you feel like you deserve to be. 

It’s late when they leave and socializing makes you feel far more exhausted than you anticipated. Your flight is midday tomorrow but you try not to think about that. Heeseung’s letter sits on the edge of your bed and the green envelope–your favorite color–stares at you like it’s begging you to open it. And open it you do. 

Y/N–

I don’t know where to start. I’m sorry, first of all, for treating you the way I did. I was a sorry excuse for a friend. I should’ve talked to you instead of jumping to conclusions and it doesn’t matter that we were both young. Friends annoy each other but they don’t disrespect one another. I’m so sorry that I made you doubt yourself. 

I’ll miss you a lot when you’re in Japan. We didn’t get the chance to talk it out and I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me after you leave. You deserve people who will be there for you. But please know I’ll always be rooting for you. 

Lastly…I don’t know if this is my place to say this but here goes nothing. Back when we were close, the one thing I loved about you was how passionate you were about life. You loved to learn and explore new things, and you always made me feel like I could feel that way too. I know you’re scared about Okayama for a number of reasons but you’re the strongest person I know. You’ll be just fine, even if you don’t feel like you will be. I’ll be here for you whenever you need me. I mean it.

- Heeseung

For the first time in a while, you allow yourself to cry over Lee Heeseung and surprise yourself when you realize that you want him back. 

***

At the airport, your mom helps you check in your luggage and asks if you’ve got everything you need and makes you double check everything. It’s reminiscent of the way you did with Riki before the camping trip. You’re happy despite feeling a bit annoyed that she’s making you take off your backpack. You don’t totally mind it, though. She gives you a hug that feels like it could last a lifetime and letting her go is the hardest thing you’ve ever done. 

Everybody else gives you love, too. Sunoo is the first to hug you and makes you promise to bring him back some skincare and souvenirs the next time you’re able to get back to Korea. Jake embraces you next and gives you some words of encouragement while Jay does his best to pretend like he isn’t sad by complaining about how there will be one less cook in the kitchen. You throw your arms around him anyway and pretend not to hear him sniffle. Sunghoon traps you in a bear hug and makes you promise to take as many photos as possible and says he’ll look forward to seeing them. He, too, pretends like he’s not about to cry. You push your head onto his shoulder and give his hand a squeeze before he lets a few teardrops fall. 

Jungwon is the most emotional of them all. He wipes away his free falling tears and crushes you in a hug, burying his head in your neck. “You better come back, asshole. I can’t believe you’re gonna leave me to chase your dreams. That’s so selfish of you.” You think you might cry too but laugh anyway. 

“I love you so much, Wonnie.” He squeezes you like he’s afraid he’ll forget what it feels like to be in your embrace until Jake pries him off of your body. 

Riki stands awkwardly with his eyes to the floor and his hands in front of him. The taller boy feels as though his shoes are glued down but you see the way his gaze flickers as if he’s trying to figure out what to do next. It doesn’t take much out of you to throw your arms around him and push yourself into his chest. 

“I’m going to miss you a lot, Riki,” you tell him.

“Really?” You nod. 

“I know I haven’t been the best towards you but you need to know that I’m so proud of you, okay? I loved getting to know you. I loved that you came on the trip and I’m so fucking happy that you’re my brother. Out of everybody who could’ve popped into my life, I’m so glad it was you.” 

Everybody watches Riki melt in front of them as he envelopes you right into him. You feel the weight of his shoulders relax and for the first time, you feel like you’re starting to wonder if this is what it feels like to have everything figured out. 

“I’ll come visit you,” he promises. “I’ll come home for winter break.”

“Stay with me. We can do all of the corny shit siblings do. I’ll even pay for everything.” 

Riki laughs but doesn’t let you go. “You’re the best, you know that? Even though it took you some time, I always thought of you like my sister. I’m really happy to be around you.” 

The waterworks begin and Riki does his best to comfort you when he feels tears on his shirt. He feels somewhere in between empty and fulfilled knowing the two of you have made amends, but knowing you want to work towards the future is enough to make him confident that everything will be alright. He lets you go when he feels your arms loosen around him and aggressively wipes his own tears away. 

When you look at Heeseung, the last thing he expects you to do is acknowledge him. He came to the airport because he wants you to know he meant everything in the letter he wrote. He stayed up all night to check for your texts but you hadn’t said anything, and while he knew it was an emotional day for you because of all you were dealing with, a selfish part of him wanted to know what you thought about it. 

You surprise Heeseung and yourself by engulfing him in a hug. The familiarity of his embrace makes you feel nostalgic and you can’t help but cry right into his chest. Heeseung doesn’t hesitate and brings his arms to wrap around your fragile body as you silently weep against him. He holds you tight and gently rocks your body like he used to all those years ago. You don’t fight back either. Instead, you push your head deeper into him and hold him until your tears have stopped. 

“I read your letter,” you say quietly. “We have a lot to talk about but I appreciate everything you said, Heeseung. I tried to hate you but I could never bring myself to feel that way about you.”

“I’m really going to miss you. Can I be selfish?” Heeseung asks with a sob in his throat. “I wish I apologized sooner and I wish we had more time. But please, promise me that you’re going to try to have fun in Japan, okay? You’re the best person I know, even if I didn’t make you feel like it. I’ll always live with that regret but knowing you’ll forget about me and make a life for yourself is enough.”

“I could never truly forget about you, Hee.” That nickname you used to call him makes Heeseung’s heart beat faster. “I don’t want you out of my life. All these years I felt like that’s what I wanted but I don’t want that now. Be happy without me too, okay? Forget about me and follow that dream of yours.” 

Heeseung laughs sadly. “I don’t think I could ever forget about you.” You step away from him and wipe your eyes for the umteenth time. 

“Write a song for me, then. And don’t be a stranger, okay?” 

“Okay.” Heeseung swears on it. “I won’t.” 

A beat of silence passes before all seven of your friends push you into the middle of their group hug. It brings another round of tears to your eyes and Jungwon’s the one who lets you cry into him until your mom tells you it’s time to start boarding. Everybody gets one final goodbye before you disappear into the plane. 

You smile at your phone when you settle into your seat. 

lee heeseung: I miss you already 

You miss him too.

***

Okayama is a dream until it isn’t. You settled into your apartment and had one month before you started your job and went to all the places Riki recommended. You started to understand him a little better after moving and both of you find it hilarious that you two ended up living in each others’ hometowns. You can’t choose your siblings but you’d choose Riki in every lifetime. 

You call your mom every so often and update her on life. Your friends keep you in the loop and FaceTime you when they’re out together. It makes you feel like you’re back in Korea and while it isn’t the same, you appreciate the effort anyway. You’ve made friends with your neighbors and a few girls you met when you went out drinking with your cousin the week you moved and it made braving a whole new country feel less daunting. Jungwon calls you everyday and you tease him for being such a clingy friend, but you both know you love it. You inform him about everything from the boring details to juicy work drama, and it feels like you’re sitting in his bedroom wearing face masks and eating junk food. 

Heeseung has been a constant fixture in your life, too. You texted him the moment you landed and he kept the conversation going. You talk about everything, the past especially, and start to feel like things might be okay. Those butterflies that you had for him in high school made an appearance after three months in Japan and part of you wondered if you were a fool for bringing him back into your life after everything. All of your friends back in Korea tell you Heeseung is miserable without you and when they tease him in the big group chat, he doesn’t deny it.

The friends you made seemed divided–one half thought you should leave him in the dark while the other half swooned over his dedication to making things right. You don’t really know what to think or how to feel, but you know you’re happy. Between phone calls and late night texts, you were always left with a smile on your face before bed.

Riki came back to Okayama for winter break and spent two weeks in your apartment. When the two of you weren’t bickering as siblings do, you both stayed up way too late watching anime and watched him dance at his home studio. Riki even got you to attend a few classes (he tried not to laugh at your poor coordination skills but appreciated the effort anyway). You prefer to be in the audience. 

Life seemed great until your dad made an appearance just before Christmas. He knew you were here from a single text message he never responded to before you moved to Okayama. The weight of his silence prepared you to be in Japan without him but his sudden appearance made you feel like everything changed for the worse. Riki went back to his childhood home to see his family and asked you to come with him after your dad had forced him. Your brother knows the intricate dynamic and you don’t blame him for anything. Seeing your dad with his new family after sparse texts since he left felt like a punch in the gut. It soured your holidays and Riki spent the rest of his trip apologizing even though you told him there was no reason for him to be sorry. You dropped him off at the airport and told him you’d see him in the summertime. 

The holidays came and went but the feelings you’ve carried since then haven’t disappeared, which brings you to the present. Heeseung is standing in the doorway of your apartment in Okayama, looking at you with those big, round doe eyes you always loved. 

“Hi,” he says breathlessly. 

“Heeseung…What are you doing here?” He scratches the back of his neck. 

“You’ve been going through a lot, you know? Every time we talked on the phone, you sounded like you were a thousand miles away and it killed me to know I couldn’t do anything to make you feel better after the holidays with your dad. Jungwon and I have been talking about how much of an ass he is and how much we wish we could be here for you and the next thing I knew, he was encouraging me to buy the next flight out to see you,” Heeseung says in a single breath. “But honestly? I just really, really fucking missed you.”

“You flew all this way here? For me?”

“Yeah.” Heeseung says it like it’s a no-brainer. “Although, now I feel kinda stupid. I realize I’m putting you in a tough spot. But you know what? I think it’s worth it to know that you’re okay.” 

He looks at you but you don’t say anything. Heeseung can see the gears turning inside of your head while you process his arrival. You look so cute in your sleep shorts and oversized shirt. He loves it when you call him via FaceTime because he gets to see all parts of you–getting ready for work and winding down as you are now. It makes him feel like you’re pulling him right back into you. 

You don’t really need to say anything. You lurch yourself onto him and press your lips against his like it’s something you’ve been waiting to do for the longest time. You probably have. Heeseung wraps his arms around you and lets his mouth melt against yours and doesn’t complain about your boldness either. He welcomes it, even. 

“You’re so stupid,” you mutter against him, pulling him into your apartment and locking the door behind you. You kiss him repeatedly and he puts his hands on your waist as if to let you know he’s right there with you. 

“Why am I stupid, baby?” Heeseung’s voice paired with that nickname makes your knees buckle.  

“You can stay with me.” He feels you smile against your lips. “Please just…stay here and don’t go.” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

Heeseung drops his backpack onto the floor and lets you capture his mouth again. You taste so fresh with your cherry lip balm. He moans right into your mouth when you push him against your countertop and the feeling of his hands on your body makes you grow hotter as the seconds pass by. The ache between your legs starts to overwhelm you as his plump lips kiss you over and over again before he pushes them against your neck. It’s too much in all of the right ways and you’re too aroused to even think straight. You start to pull yourself away from Heeseung and he’s about to ask if he’s going too fast when you grab your hand and lead him to your bedroom. 

“Y/N, wait,” Heeseung tries to say in between kisses. He loves the feeling of your warm mouth against him and feels himself starting to get worked up but he doesn’t know if you’re thinking straight. Even though the two of you have talked nearly everyday, Heeseung doesn’t know if this is moving too fast. 

“I’m done waiting.” You pull away from him and reach for his hand, pushing his lengthy fingers past your shorts and underwear until he feels the wet slick starting to pool at your folds. Your hand moves his back and forth as he looks at you like you’ve stunned him with a laser gun. Heeseung’s dick jumps in his pants and it takes him a second to move his fingers on his own accord. “I want you, Heeseung. Don’t you want me too?”

His resolve crumbles. Heeseung nods with his mouth parted as he pushes his fingers inside you, your wetness allowing him to reach your depths immediately. You push yourself on your toes and put your hands on his chest, clinging onto him like you’re afraid he’d let you go if you don’t. He thrusts his fingers with intention and hears your quiet whimpers when he leans his head down next to your mouth.

“Yeah,” Heeseung says, lips touching the shell of your ear as his voice ripples through your body. “I want you.”

He pulls his hand away from you and smiles at the short whine from the loss of his touch. Heeseung loves how much you need him and he’s sure you can see how much he needs you too. A surge of confidence jolts within you as Heeseung looks down at your body like he’s ready to eat you alive. You peel off your shirt and shorts, leaving you in your underwear as Heeseung pulls his shirt over his head with a single hand. 

“Lie down,” Heeseung beckons. You do as he says and he sinks down to his knees and pries your legs apart, looking directly at you as he speaks. “Good girl.” He pulls your garments down your legs and the cool air hits your center as Heeseung looks down at you. 

You don’t have time to think about anything when he peppers soft kisses on your skin. His lips journey from the inside of your knee and he presses one small kiss to your slit before repeating the process on your other leg. Heeseung allows himself to get lost in the way your body reacts to his feather-like touches before descending down onto your folds. 

Heeseung’s tongue feels like the closest thing to magic. He takes his time when licking you with his warm and wet muscle, canvassing every ridge with expert movements. You rake your fingers through his hair and tug gently at his soft roots, pulling a moan out of him that delivers a delicious shock up your spine. He puts your feet on his shoulders and plunges his tongue inside of you and grips your flesh with his fingertips until you’re coming undone on his mouth. 

“So fucking good,” he mutters to himself more than he does to you. He laps up your release and you find yourself a bit embarrassed that you were able to come so quickly, but the way he touches you makes it seem as though he already knew how to push your buttons. “You’re so sweet, Y/N. I could eat you all day if you’d let me.” 

Heeseung trails his lips up your stomach and kisses you so tenderly that you feel as though your body must be made out of soft cotton. His lips find your left nipple and lets his tongue swirl over the bud before sucking on it with a gentle motion. He repeats the process on the other nub and flicks it, enjoying the soft sounds that come from you. Heeseung buries himself right into your neck but he doesn’t kiss the skin like you think he will. Instead, he kisses you twice on your open neck before moving his body so that he can look down at you. 

He bites his lip. It makes you feel exposed but somehow, it makes you feel all that more confident. It’s like Heeseung is looking right through you with all of your worries and faults laid out for him to reject. But he doesn’t. Likewise, Heeseung allows you to see him in his vulnerability and he’s ready to pack up his things and leave if you tell him you don’t want this anymore. But you don’t. 

He descends on you once again, this time his lips pushing against you in a slow and sensual kiss. You feel the way he moves against you and savor the sounds your mouths make together. Heeseung brings his hand to brush strands of your hair away from your face as he kisses you and the gentle touch of his fingertips feels like it was always meant to be there. 

“I need you.” Your back arches right into his chest as you speak. “Don’t make me wait, Heeseung. Please, I just…I need you.” 

“I’ll never make you wait. Never again,” he promises. Heeseung manages to rid himself of his pants and boxers and pushes himself between your legs until his dick is situated between your folds. Your arousal, paired with the precum oozing from his slit, provides the perfect balance of wetness that coats the entirety of his cock as he glides himself against you. 

When his tip catches your hole, the sounds of your moans overpowers his refrain. He pushes inside of you slowly inch by inch, savoring the way you feel for the fear that he might never be able to do this again. You look so beautiful underneath him with his dick completely sheathed inside of you and when your legs wrap around his body to encourage him to move, Heeseung doesn’t deny you of your pleasure. 

Neither of you have ever had sex like this–the feeling of pure rawness echoes throughout the room between your breathy moans and the sound of skin pushing against one another. Your body is warm in the way he always imagined and his hands touch every inch of you as if to commit your silhouette to memory. In this moment, Heeseung feels as though the two of you are kindred spirits who found each other.

“You’re so good for me,” Heeseung whispers into your neck as he thrusts into you. “So fucking tight and wet.” He feels your arms wrap around his shoulders to keep him trapped between you but he can’t say he minds all that much. 

“I-I’m so close,” you say in a broken moan. 

“Already, baby?” Heeseung says to tease you as he brings his head up to look down at you again. He pushes his hips against you faster and that surprised gasp you let out makes his balls clench. 

“S-Shut up.” 

Your arms fall to the mattress as you claw at your sheets. Heeseung plans his elbows on either side of your head as he focuses all of his willpower towards fucking you with fast deep strokes, loving the way your mouth parts slightly and how your eyes are closed shut. His muscles flex as he pushes himself until you’re coming with a loud moan, and finds himself releasing inside of you the moment he feels you gushing around him. 

You feel Heeseung press his tender lips against your forehead as you come down from your high while he continues to rock you through your release. Your cheeks are hot from the pleasure and the room is suddenly too warm with Heeseung on top of you. When you open your eyes, he’s looking at you like he’s seen a halo above your head. He can’t really help it. Heeseung leans down to press a soft, gentle kiss against your lips to convey a job well down. 

“I came so fast,” you whisper bashfully. You bite your lip but Heeseung tugs it away from your teeth to kiss you again. 

“Me too.” Heeseung kisses your nose and relishes in the way you scrunch your face. “But it’s okay. You deserve to feel good. I don’t care how long or short it takes.” He places his hand on your face and rubs the apple of your cheek with his thumb. 

“I really missed you.” 

“I missed you too, dummy,” Heeseung says before flicking your nose. He holds your jaw in place before kissing you again. 

“We’re gonna have to do a lot of making up, you know,” you mumble against his lips with a smile. 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Mhm.” You push against his lips. Heeseung pushes his half-hard dick inside of you as your back arches right into him. He’s there to catch you this time, his arm supporting your spine underneath you. “Fuck!” 

“My baby,” he whispers into you. “Let me make it up to you.” 

You let him.

***

EPILOGUE: THE FOLLOWING SPRING

“For fuck’s sake, get your big ass head out of the way.”

Jay smacks Jake’s shoulder. “You can see just fine, stupid.” Sunghoon hits both of their shoulders. 

“Both of you, stop moving so much. You guys almost knocked my camera.” They mumble a quick apology before finding another thing to discuss. 

“I feel like I’m surrounded by children.” You sigh as Heeseung wraps his arms around your waist and lets his chin sit atop the crown of your head. He feels your body relax against him and smiles. 

“Well you are, technically. Riki just stopped wearing diapers.” 

“I hate you so much, Heeseung,” the younger boy whines without any true malice. You laugh and squeeze Riki’s hand. He can’t find it in himself to be too mad at either of you. 

“Do you guys see Jungwon and Sunoo?” Sunghoon asks with his camera at the ready. “I want to make sure I take as many pictures as possible.” 

“I don’t think they’re coming out yet,” says Jay. 

“Duh.” Jake provokes him in a way you missed while you were in Okayama. It brings warmth to your heart when you see them bicker. 

Jay turns to you. “Y/N, have you given a second thought about moving in with Jake when you come back? I think you’d be better off if you kicked him to the streets.”

“Hey!” Jake tackles Jay until he’s got his older friend’s neck between his arms. None of you pay too much attention and choose to wait for Jungwon and Sunoo. 

“Our friends are another breed,” Heeseung mumbles against you as he kisses your cheek. “Are you sure you want to move back and be roommates with Jake and Jungwon?” 

“Mhm. I miss you guys so much.” 

“But you miss me the most, right?” 

“Yes, baby.” You bring his hand up to your lips and kiss the back of it. “I missed you the most.” 

“There they are!” Riki shouts. 

Jungwon and Sunoo, clad in their caps and gowns, saunter their way out of the stadium before spotting your group. They make a run for it and push past the onlookers who search for their loved ones as well. Sunoo clings onto Jake while Jungwon finds his perch in Riki’s arms as Sunghoon captures the beautiful moment on his digital camera. 

“We fucking did it!” Jungwon shouts as he pulls away. “Sunoo, we did it!” 

“About damn time,” Sunoo replies as he rolls his eyes with a smile. “I felt like I’d be there forever.” 

“We’re so proud of you both.” Jay smiles and moves to hug each of them. “You guys are amazing, seriously.” 

“I can’t believe you’re leaving me.” Riki bumps hips with Sunoo. “That seems unfair.” 

“Life is unfair.” There’s no real bite to his tone, just a bittersweet future. Sunoo hugs the taller boy. 

“Oh my God,” Jungwon says with his hand pressed to his mouth. “Y/N is crying.” 

“No I’m not,” you say, even though you definitely are. Heeseung squeezes you tighter against him. “Shut up, Jungwon. I’m not crying.” 

“You so are!” Riki shouts. 

“I’m not crying. Seeing my best friends graduate college is not a good reason to cry, okay?!” 

Jungwon and Sunoo sport shit-eating grins. Heeseung lets you go as they engulf you in a hug while the younger of the two feels your hot tears on his cheek. He laughs and this moment starts to feel a bit nostalgic to him, as he acted the same way you did upon seeing you in your cap and gown. 

“Hey,” he says in a softer tone, pulling away from the two of you. “Thanks for being here. I know taking time off was a little hard but we’re so happy you could come.”

“Yeah,” Sunoo agrees. “Talking to you over the phone isn’t enough. We missed you, you know?” 

You tear up again and wipe your nose before falling into them again. “I missed you too.”

“Oh God,” Sunghoon laughs. “If Y/N’s crying then I know we’re in for it.” 

“Hey!” Heeseung jokes, nudging his friend with his shoulder. “Don’t talk about my girlfriend like that.” Although, he can’t really disagree with Sunghoon. 

“You’re all so stupid for making me cry in public,” you say as you wipe your tears from your eyes. “I’m gonna look back at these pictures and my eyes will be all red and puffy.” 

“I feel like you and Heeseung might as well be our parents,” Sunoo says as Heeseung pulls him into a hug.

“Wait, you guys should totally take a family photo.” Jake steps forward to arrange the four of you like a family portrait with Jungwon and Sunoo between you and Heeseung. “There. Sunghoon, take a picture. This is so going on the fridge when we move in together.” 

Heeseung moves back next to you as the rest of your friends look at the photos on Sunghoon’s camera and take turns taking pictures of him with the graduates. He kisses your cheek and pulls you back into him. 

“You ready to come back to all this chaos?”

“More than ready,” you affirm. “I loved Okayama, even though I had to deal with my dad and all of that stuff. But I missed my life here and the masters program over in Seoul is a good fit for me, you know? Plus, your apartment isn’t too far from mine.” 

“I can’t wait for you to move back.” Heeseung kisses your cheek again. “Your mom and I talked logistics about helping you move into the new apartment. Knowing you, I’m sure you’ll have another suitcase coming back with you.” 

“Shut up.” 

“You know I’m right.” 

You blush and mumble. “Yeah…You’re right.” 

“Your mom and Jungwon’s parents talked about renting a bigger camp space this year, too. I think they’re planning on having one huge trip this year now that most of us have graduated.” 

“I can’t believe our last trip was almost a year ago. That’s insane because it feels like I moved to Japan just yesterday.” 

“I solemnly swear I will never be as stupid or dense as I was back then.” When you turn around to look at Heeseung, you know he’s telling the truth. You don’t answer him verbally and choose to silence him with a pretty kiss. It’s enough for the two of you. 

“Oi, love birds,” Jake calls, looking at you. “We should find their parents. Your mom called me and I think she was crying.” 

You frown. “Why didn’t she call me?”  

“She said you were probably crying too,” Jake snickers. 

“Is it too late to back out of being roommates?” 

“Nope. You’re stuck with me.” 

Heeseung squeezes your hand. 

“And me.” 

As you look around, you can’t help but feel as though this was always how it was meant to be.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

***

comments and reblogs are appreciated! xx

## enhypen masterlist

S — smut F — fluff A — angst C — crack

OS

› devilish kinktober '21 day 16 [S]

OS

› into it kinktober '21 day 3 [S]

OS

› church kinktober ‘21 day 10 [F,A,S]

TIMESTAMPS

› [06:30 AM] [F & A]

OS

› swim kinktober ‘21 day 4 [S]

nothing to see here ... yet

nothing to see here ... yet

nothing to see here ... yet

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

full masterlist

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Today [y.jw x reader] ࿐ྂ

synopsis: you both didn't know that your casual meet up with your best friend would result to this, but could you really blame Jungwon when you seem so different today?

╰┈➤ pairing: yang jungwon x reader

⋆·˚*genre: childhood best friends to maybe more?

˚ ༘⋆warnings: none! (all fluff i swear)

masterlist

How come today you seem like a woman and not my friend? What is this mysterious feeling? Also, were you always this pretty? Especially today

Did Jungwon eat something strange this morning?

No, he fully remembers; all he had was cereal and toast. But why do you look so different today?

Did you try a new hairstyle? No, he definitely has seen you wear the same hairstyle at school before

Were your clothes new? Not that either; he swore he bought that shirt with you

Is it your makeup that's done well?

"Hey! I've been asking you for the 20th time if you want anything." Your voice suddenly snapped him out of his thoughts; he turned to you before smiling

"Oh, I'll just get my usual!" He said, putting his hands in his pockets after realizing you both have been standing in line for who knows how long

"Okay then, you seem... tense. Is something bothering you?" You asked after placing your orders and leading him to your usual spot

"Huh, oh no no, nothing at all! What makes you say that?" He asked nervously as he sat in the booth facing you

Something is definitely bothering Jungwon; he keeps getting this strange feeling ever since he picked you up this morning

The way you called him in the same tone you use every day made his stomach do backflips

But he can't point his finger on what exactly this feeling is

Is he drunk?

"You look like you're deep in thought. Come on, what's wrong?" You said leaning towards your table, showing him a concerned expression

'You're what's wrong. Why do you seem so different today? You don't seem like the little girl who once cried after realizing snakes don't have arms. Are you not my friend? Why do you seem like a woman now?' He thought as you await his answer

"Why are you prettier today?" He blurted out not thinking straight, making you both widen your eyes

"I mean, it's just, you look so different today, that's all! Like, that's not a bad thing! It's just you look like a woman now..." He tried explaining himself, while his ears went completely red, making you let out a giggle

"Of course I'm a woman now; we're both grown up, Jungwon. You got prettier day by day too, you know?" You commented, making him chuckle, hiding his flustered face with both hands.

Why do you look prettier today?

I’m falling for you right now

Why do I see you as a woman today?

I’m slowing falling for you

[author's note: First scenario so far what do we think^^? I was listening to iKON's old songs and honestly they are such great plot ideas! wrote this half asleep as well naurr]

That waist looks too empty, I need to fill it up with pretty marks💜

Good Boy Gone Bad

Fandom: Enhypen

Member: Jakexoc

Genre: Angst

AU: nonidol!au

Trigger warning: Toxic relationships, heartbroken Jake, alcohol, cigarettes, mentions of drugs, use of curse words, verbal fights. Let me know If I should add anything!

Summary: Jake writes a diary in which he explains his first heartbreak from his first love.

Word count: 5.257

A/N: This is for @emeraldenha​ ‘s unlikely collab! Go check out the other works that have been submitted. This is my first collab ever and I know there’s room for improvement but thank you so much Ri for letting me participate <3

this is my first post after a very long mental health and work/college break, I was recently diagnosed with some conditions so I’ve been coping with that but hopefully my updating schedule get more consistent from now on!

Hi, my name is Jake Sim, I am currently twenty-two years old and today I’ll tell you about my first love at eighteen 

It all started that morning during math class, I had already seen her a million times before. Her beauty was something straight out of a fairy tale, even if some things didn’t exactly fit the “I just stepped into a magic closet and now I have to save the world” aesthetic. I had never heard or read of a princess that had prominent dark circles under her eyes adorned with clumps of mascara. I had never seen a princess that used vulgar language like her. I had never heard of a princess that reeked of cigarettes and cheap perfume, but I got used to it.

I got used to the curse words that she uttered in every single sentence. I got used to her friends being all over her. I got used to hearing her nightly adventures that took place almost everyday of the week. But I also got used to her giggles every time her best friend Jiung said anything. I got used to the way she smiles at the small doodles she scribbles on Sunghoon’s arm when he’s in the mood. I got used to hearing her talk to her friends about her struggles, she was human after all.

Maybe this all sounds cliché to you but it doesn’t to me, well, it didn’t. I really thought she was the one destined for me. I thought I could change her, she just needed a little guidance. I thought all of the rumors I heard about her were fake and were only made up by people that were jealous of her undeniable beauty, but I guess not. They were right.

“Sim! Eyes up!” My coach shouted at me onces I missed the ball for the fifth time in the game. It was just a practice game but apparently it was still too important for my coach. I should have remembered this phrase when I started falling for her, fuck, how could I?

“Hey, everything alright?” It was Riki, he’s a year below me but we get along well, he’s a good guy. 

“Huh? Oh yeah, all good. I’ve just been thinking about a Spanish assignment I have to finish, that's all.” At the time that was partly true, I had just barely started to realize that my more than normal fixation with that girl was not quite normal. 

“Ahh, well I’m sure you’ll do alright. There’s this girl in my class that’s a native Spanish speaker and we’re sort of close, I can ask her to help you if you’d like.” She’s a native Spanish speaker too.

“You know what? That would be great, you have my number if you have to reach out to me.” The coach blew his whistle to let us know that practice was over. “Thank you, man. I appreciate you.” And just like that, we parted ways to go home.

I should’ve told him I didn’t need the help, I could have avoided the trouble that came after but to be honest, as top of the class, class president, tutor and captain of the football team I was collapsing with so many duties and I have to admit, Spanish is not my forte. 

The next day Riki came up to me and told me that the girl he talked to me about was willing to help, he told me her name Lucía, and gave me her number saying that she wanted to talk to me, that I should reach out to her. And so I did, she replied shortly after and told me we should meet up after school in the café a couple blocks away. 

I had never heard of someone named Lucía at school so I was pretty nervous to meet her, I didn't really know what to expect. I spent the entire day thinking about my introduction and what I was gonna ask her when we met. I was so immersed in my own thoughts that I did not realize all the stares I was receiving, never noticed them to be honest.

“Man, why?”  My closest friend back then, Jay, asked me. He ripped right out of my thoughts.

“Huh?” I mumbled, utterly confused as to what he was talking about.

“What do you mean huh? Why did you do that?” He asked me again. I now had a feeling that I had fucked up in some way, shape or form. 

“Bro, I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about” I explain now urging him to tell me what was wrong.

“You really don’t know? Ok I’ll explain then. So basically you were walking down the halls when Victoria, you know her, called your name like fifty times and even put herself in front of you to get your attention and you just blatantly ignored her. You know what they say about her, you can’t really mess with her, man.” Jay explained and suddenly all the stares I got throughout the day made total sense. 

“Wait, Victoria? From our class?” I asked even though I already knew what Victoria he was talking about with the last comment he made. 

“The only Victoria from our class Jake, the one that looks like she doesn’t shower. I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t though, she smells like a fucking drug addict.” Jay ranted.

“Don’t say that dude, you don’t know her. Who knows? Maybe she’s in a bad situation, don’t just assume things like that without knowing that person.” I defended Victoria, after all she’s the girl I’ve been talking about, she’s the reason I fell in love for the first time and had my first heartbreak. She’s the reason I’m writing this. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry. She just gets on my nerves sometimes.” Jay admitted. “But why did you ignore her?” He asked again.

“Oh yeah, I didn’t notice her honestly. I was too busy thinking about someone I’m meeting today. Her name is Lucía and she’s gonna help me with my Spanish assignment. Do you know her?” I asked Jay out of curiosity.

“Lucía? Doesn’t ring a bell to be honest, how is she? Physically I mean” He replied.

“No clue, I’ve never met her. Riki asked her to help me ‘cause she’s a native speaker and she agreed.” I stated.

“Oh, well update me on that and good luck on that assignment. To this day I’m infinitely thankful I took French instead of spanish.” He laughed softly. I can really see why everyone has a crush on him, he’s really attractive.

After that we parted ways and I started thinking about the whole Victoria situation. How did I not notice? Was this study session causing me that much anxiety? I had taken my meds that day though, It shouldn’t have been that bad. I’m sure Lucía isn’t bad, not if she had agreed to help a stranger, me, out. 

I made my way to the café and when I finally entered I realized one crucial detail. 

I had no idea what she looked like.

What was I supposed to do? Should I call her? Text her? Stalk her socials and see if i can find a picture of her? I started to think of all these different scenarios and for some unknown reason I decided that the last option was the best, damn I was so stupid.

I typed her name on the Instagram search bar, ‘lucia’ and I clicked on the first profile that popped up, I knew it was her ‘cause of the mutuals we had and she had ‘belift highschool’ written on her bio. Luckily she was not private and so I clicked on her last posted picture, she looked so put together and clean. She had this preppy vibe to her to the point one would just assume she’s smart. A little further down her profile she had a couple of pictures with her friends and I recognized a guy named Sunoo there. I just knew he was a part of the school choir and participated in the singing competitions the school organized every year and he was a great singer. 

Lucía looked really familiar, I may have seen her roaming around the school before and I just didn’t notice. One thing that was consistent throughout her profile is that she has a cold aura to her, I can’t explain it but she just didn’t seem overly friendly and that worried me, just a tiny bit.

After I had taken in her face, I looked around a bit more to see if she was there and upon further inspection I concluded that she hadn’t arrived just yet and so I sent her a text telling her that I was already there and that I would wait for her on a table at the back next to the window, she immediately replied with a simple ‘omw.’

And so I waited for about five minutes setting the things I would need for the essay up until I heard the bell of the entrance ring, I looked up and I saw her in all her perfect glory. She was wearing a lavender sweater vest paired with a matching plaid skirt. Her hair was perfectly pin straight and she had hair clips clipping her hair away from her eyes in an elegant and effortless way. she really did live up to her Instagram theme.

She scanned the room for a bit before her eyes landed on me. She gave me a quick up and down and started walking towards me.

“Hi, I’m Lucía, nice to meet you.” She greeted me.

“Hey, I’m Jake, nice to meet you too. Thank you for being willing to help me out.” I greeted her back and thanked her for her kindness.

“No need to thank me.” She said as she sat down on the opposite side of the table. “What do you need help with? What’s the essay about?” She asked me.

“I have to write a fantasy story but I’ve been having a lot of trouble with grammar. It also has to have some specific things that Mr. Fernández told us, I wrote them down.” I explained.

“Oh, I thought it was going to be harder than that, I think we can finish today and don’t worry about the grammar, I’ll help you with it.” She said with that cold tone even if what she was saying was nice.

We spent two hours working on my assignment, the story had to be at least 5.000 words long so, of course we didn’t finish it but we were pretty proud of what we came up with before she had to leave. Her sister had called her ten minutes before letting her know she was on her way to go pick her up, I couldn’t exactly make out what they were saying considering that they were speaking Spanish and had an accent that Mr. Fernández didn’t share, looking back I now realized that they’re probably from different countries and I was too dumb to think about that. 

When Lucía told me she was leaving soon, she helped me pack my things up and agreed to meet up the next day. Lucía wasn’t as cold as she came across at first, she just had to warm up to you in order for her to show her true personality, she was still as eloquent, elegant and put together as always tho, just laughed a little more carelessly. 

Her sister texted her and let her know that she was parked right outside and sure enough, she was. I walked her outside to make sure she got into her sister’s car safely when I saw a familiar side profile on the passenger seat, that perfect nose was unmistakable

Park Sunghoon.

What was he doing there? He was probably friends with Lucía’s sister but I couldn’t recognize her. She was wearing a cap paired with the darkest sunglasses I had ever seen and before I could take a closer look, Lucía had already closed the car door and the unknown sister roared the engines from her gorgeous car back to life and the last thing I saw was Lucía’s and Sunghoon’s arms waving goodbye as the car drove down the streets. 

Huh.

***

This was my routine for almost a week until Lucía texted me and told me that she couldn’t make it to the café for whatever reason and politely asked me if I was comfortable enough to just go to her house instead. I had absolutely no reason to decline the offer so after school, I waited for her outside school and once together, we made our way to her house making small talk on our way there.

I expected her to live in a similar situation as mine, by that I mean a comfortable household where they didn’t exactly need anything but would appreciate it if they won the lottery some random day. That kind of family where both parents would work full-time jobs, arriving home at 6pm wishing they didn’t have work in something like finances or banking and had instead chased their dreams of acting or singing, or maybe even becoming well renowned painters. 

I was wrong.

I was oh so very wrong.

She lived in a mansion

A FUCKING MANSION FOR FUCKS SAKE OH MY. I did not expect her to be…rich, I mean she looked the part but I was always taught to not assume things about someone based on appearance but shit. The house was gorgeous, it was minimalistic but it didn’t seem dead, you could tell a happy family lived here or at least that’s what it seemed like. 

After my short paralyzation, Lucía took me upstairs to her bedroom. We passed many rooms on our way there and I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to go back on my own. It was like a maze and it may have been my imagination but she mentioned at least six bathrooms and about ten bedrooms. When we reached hers I noticed that it looked as clean and pristine as she did but it did have small decorations hinting at what she liked, I’m pretty sure I saw a Gojo figurine on a shelf. She had two candy wrappers on her bedside table and one half-empty glass of water. 

“You should do that too, you know?” She said out of the blue after catching me looking all over her room. 

“Do what?” I questioned.

“Keep a glass of water on your bedside table throughout the night, it’s supposed to absorb demons and bad entities, you have to flush it in the morning after you wake up though, I’ll do that now, be right back.” She cleared up as if it was the most normal thing in the world to have some cold demon tea every morning waiting for you. She didn’t seem like the superstitious type but then again, don’t judge a book by its cover.

After she came back with the now demon-less cup, she placed it on her nightstand and made her way to where I was sitting on her desk. She took a stool from somewhere in her room to take a seat and just like that we continued with the writing in hopes of finishing that very same day. We worked hard and long, when I thought my creativity was running low, Lucía came in clutch and suggested great ideas for the story and before we knew it, we were done.

“Where do you get all these ideas?” I asked, genuinely curious. I wanted to know.

“I used to read a lot before and my sister writes as a hobby. Sometimes when she’s in a slump she asks for help and we work it out together. It helps both of us honestly. I used to only value book-smart people but after understanding what it takes to be a creative person I now know that it takes just as much effort to come up with a good story or piece of art as to solve an equation. It just takes different skills and not everyone is gifted with them, some people, like me for example, think maths is the easiest subject at school but I’ve failed history twice. My sister is the complete opposite, she aces every history test she has ever done, same with english, but you give her one biology textbook and she crumbles. I think it’s important to acknowledge those types of differences for us to find something we’re good at and something that we like as well. Wow, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to ramble on like that. You should’ve stopped me Jake.”  Well that was a speech! but it was nice to hear her be so passionate about something like that for once, never thought she would open up to me like that ever. From this I can only assume her sister was criticized for this, I can only imagine how that impacted her and Lucía.

“Don’t even worry about it. You two must be pretty close then.” I calmed her nerves and pointed out hoping I hadn’t crossed any boundaries especially knowing we weren’t exactly close.

“Yeah, we are. We used to be closer before though, we’re still close don’t get me wrong but, she’s kind of letting herself go at this point. I don’t know why I’m telling you this, sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable.” She explained her sister’s situation.

“It’s okay, I’m here to listen. I do have one question though, who’s your sister?” I asked out of pure curiosity.

Lucía opened her mouth to say her sister’s name. Just as she produced one single vibration on her bottom lip with her top teeth the door burst open and in came the smell of that cheap perfume I'm a bit too familiar with and the one and only, my future heartbreaker and my past lover.

Victoria.

Fucking Victoria,I should have guessed as soon as I saw that one Gorillaz shirt I saw her wear yesterday peeking out of the door from one of the many rooms we passed. I should have guessed when I saw the bunny eras she wore once on her Instagram hanging from Lucía’s door. How didn’t I?

“Sim? Hi. Lucía, you know what mom says about boys or girls in the bedroom. Keep the door open please, I don’t wanna deal with her temper tantrums again. Also, why is the teacher’s pet here?” She acknowledged me first but she wasn’t… rude? I always expected her to be mean or something, for now she only seemed a bit cold but not as much as her sister.

The sisters engaged in conversation, Lucía answering all her questions and assuring she wouldn’t have to deal with their mom. They fell into a nice chit-chat about their day speaking in Spanglish, them making that silent agreement so that I wouldn’t assume they were speaking ill of me in a different language. 

“Sim, don’t ignore me like you did today again please, I was pretty embarrassed and I just wanted help with the physics homework. Do you think you can help me out? Don’t worry if you can’t.” She admitted, she seemed so genuine and she may have been but I’m pretty sure this was the last truth she ever told me.

“Yeah! Yeah sure, I’ll help you out.” I replied a little too enthusiastically for my liking and I’m pretty sure it didn’t go unnoticed by the two sisters. Now that I think about it and see them standing close to each other, they look really similar. They did have differences though, Victoria’s nose was slightly more up-turned that Lucía’s but it lacked the ‘button’ effect that Lucías nose had. Lucía’s dark circles under her eyes were not nearly as dark and prominent as Victoria’s and she had ‘cleaner’ makeup than her. Victoria’s eyes were slightly lighter too but the redness of them made this go unnoticed. 

I said goodbye to Lucía, thanking her for putting up with me and helping me out that week and I made sure to make a mental note to give her something in return. When Victoria and I made our way to her room, a loud silence fell upon us but Victoria made sure to quickly turn it down by talking about what exactly she was struggling with. We arrived at her room and she quickly got her things out, I never would have imagined she worried about having decent grades. As she got her things ready, I looked around her room and saw that it was much more decorated than Lucías room and it wasn’t subtle or minimalistic at all, it was also definitely messier than Lucías too. Her walls were covered with posters ranging from band posters to animation one, some even being Playboy magazine covers. They were very different.

She sat down on her bed and invited me to do the same and I immediately realized that her notebooks weren’t color-coordinated, some even being the same color. The edges of the pages being folded over each other by how carelessly they were treated but Victoria didn’t seem to mind. All her notes were taken with the same blue colored pen. no highlighter, no pretty lettering, no clean handwriting and no decorations. 

When I finished with my analysis of her, I fell into my tutor act and started hearing her out and helping her to the best of my abilities. Mid-way through our study session she asked me if I wanted to smoke, I declined of course, I didn’t smoke back then and just the mere thought of how dark and dirty someone’s lungs could get scared me shitless. Just as abruptly as we started, we were done. She was a fast learner and was willing to do her part of the work just fine. 

Getting to know this nice side of her made me realize that maybe, being friends wouldn’t be that bad, of course I was wrong but how did you expect 18 year-old Jake to know that? I was just an innocent kid.

We agreed that I would tutor her every week for some money in exchange, she persisted in paying me even after I reassured her it was fine.

As you can imagine, we continued to meet up. We started talking at school and honestly, it was all fine, it was all great even. Victoria introduced me to her group of friends Sunghoon and Jiung, who I mentioned before, Jongseob, Yeonjun, Ryujin, Yuna, Karina and Chaeryeong, there were probably more but those are who I remember the most, some were even younger than me. They all had the same vibe to them but I knew most, if not all, of them were heavily involved with music. When I was friends with them I got to hear a couple of their songs and they were pretty good, even if we’re not close anymore I hope someday they’ll make it into the industry, they were nice to me. 

We started meeting up after school, I started to fall back in all my schoolwork and my parents started to worry. They talked to me and told me that they were there for me if I ever needed their support, that made me so fucking sad, I was dissapointed at myself for worrying my parents but… I didn’t stop.

I started drinking with Victoria, just the two of us but she made me feel safe. I knew I wasn’t at risk if I got drunk with her by my side, she promised to take care of me and she did, for a while at least. After I got used to drinking she convinced me to try smoking, I have no idea how she did that, she’s just so charming and persuasive, she was so dangerous but I never listened to my own body. My body was telling me to stop, all this was getting too much. I developed some very ugly coughing that lasted for a while. My parents insisted on getting me checked but I tried my best at lying to them and telling them it was just allergies and that the coughing would eventually fade. My coughs drew blood from my throat more times than I cared to admit but I did it for her.

I didn’t want her to leave me because I didn’t drink, because I was boring or because I asked her not to smoke when I was around. I don’t know why I stayed. You know what? Scratch that, I do. I was madly madly in love with this girl, so much so that I compromised my future for her, I sacrificed my health for her. I let myself go and for what? We weren’t even together. She didn’t even like me like that. 

I was tired of waiting for her to hint at me that she liked me back or at least reciprocated the tiniest bit of my neverending unconditional love for her. I was sick and tired of waiting. I was sick of seeing her flirt with everyone at the party but me. I was tired of seeing her all lovey-dovey with Chaeryeong, for fucks sake she probably had more feelings for her than for me but I was too blinded by what I had seen before to see that. 

This reminds me of a conversation I had with Jay when he noticed I was slipping.

“Dude, you gotta open your eyes. Look around! What good does Victoria bring you? And don’t give me some bullshit excuse, not again.” He reproached me as a good and worried best friend. That’s the thing I regret the most, taking Jay for granted.

“She brings me happiness Jay! I love her, I truly do and it’s not my fault you don’t understand that.” I shouted back much more aggressively than him but I was getting tired of this, of all of this. 

“She’s using you.”

“She’s not.” I corrected.

“She is! Everyone knows she likes that bimbo from class H.” 

“She doesn’t Jay! Why can’t you understand? I’ve never seen them interact before in my life and even if they had, what Victoria and I have is mutual.” I kept lying to myself, I knew damn well Jay saw them together all the time, they did have French together after all. Hell, I wasn’t even sure what bimbo out of all the ones I knew he was talking about. 

“Jake please, I don’t want you getting hurt.” Jay pleaded with me, he was desperate for his friend. He didn’t want me getting hurt but I just saw this as a selfish action. I thought he was just jealous of me, how could I be so blind?

“You haven’t seen what I’ve seen.” I croaked out, my voice shaky at this point and my throat raw from the screaming and back and forth arguing.

“AND YOU DON’T FUCKING SEE WHAT I SEE JAKE! LOOK IN THE MIRROR, LOOK AT YOUR TEACHER, LOOK AT YOU FUCKING PARENTS FOR FUCKS SAKE. I’VE BEEN TRYING TO GET SOME SENSE THROUGH YOUR THAT THICK SKULL OF YOURS BUT YOU JUST WON'T LISTEN!” He fell silent. “Please, please Jake. Get out of there.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No, It’s not my problem no one wants to be with you. It’s not my problem you’re jealous of me. It’s not my problem that no one fucking likes you. Fuck you Jay.” I could barely get these words out. I knew what I was saying was the worst thing he ever heard from me. I hurt my best friend and not slightly, I carved into his beating heart and brain that no one loves him. It was as If his eyes held his heart at that very moment, I swear I saw his heart break through his eyes and I saw the tears build up on them before my own vision became too blurry to even distinguish the doorframe. 

Even after this, I continued seein Victoria and I could proudly say we were in an official exclusive couple. I was happy. The girl that I devoted my entire being to accepted my love confession and agreed to be with me but that feeling very deep in my heart didn't let me be happy. I knew it was wrong and that I hurt people in the way but I had spent so much time on her that I couldn’t bring myself to turn back, not then. 

As I’m sure it won’t surprise you, I found out she was only with me because she felt terribly sorry about me, how did she fucking dare? I gave her everything. She somehow found out about my fight with Jay and she felt pity toward me. While she was with me, she continued to date around. The only thing is she was extra careful that I wouldn’t find out and it worked, she successfully cheated on me with multiple people for two years. She didn’t see our relationship as a romantic one, she saw it as some type of charity work as if she was helping me out in some way. I gave her my all. She was my first everything, if I ever tried something for the first time, it would be because of her, hell she even got me to try Mary Jane once. I hate her for it, I really do. She took advantage of me in so many ways and she jsut acted all stupid and oblivious about it. She broke me but didn’t even bother to but my pieces close to each other, she left me broken all over the floor, stepping over me and on me whenever she could.

I wished she had just stayed as a hallway crush. I wish Riki had never asked me what was wrong. I wish I had never gone to Lucías house. I really fucking wish I had never said those things to Jay. I wish I had told my parents the truth and I really wish I had a genie to grant all these wishes.

Some years have passed but the heartbreak and regret remain. Amazingly, my grades were good enough for the college I wanted and the first day of classes I saw Jay. I explained everything you just read and apologized profusely, I still apologize to this day but we are closer than ever. Riki told me Lucía went back to her native country, Chile, he told me she missed it there but he also told me Victoria got into some big trouble for messing with something… I can’t say what it was though. I’m pretty sure Jiung and Jongseob are pursuing careers in music. 

I will never forget Victoria in the worst way possible. I hate her with all my heart and I will always always resent her for too many things. I know a lot of the responsibility is on me but still, spare me some slack, I was eighteen and I had never had any female contact in my life. I’m happy I can somewhat joke about it now. It still hurts but I have to move on and that’s what I’m working on right now. 

Well, that was the story, a bit boring if you ask me but it’s my life. I would have added a star wars and harry potter crossover but apparently that is “not credible” and “stupid” acording to some Park Jongseong.

I always thought I would fall in love with someone like me, a stereotypical “good person”, responsible, sporty, preppy, smart, clean, put together, basically Lucía. All the girls I had ever been interested in before were like her, granted, I was never in love before but the possiblity of me being attracted to the complete opposite of me seemed very unlikely. 

Of course the universe had to prove me wrong.

Sincerely,

Sim Jaeyun.

“We’ll see about that” Part 4

<previous | next>

Fandom: Enhypen

Member: Jay x reader

Genre: fluff, angst

Reader’s gender: female, she/her pronouns

AU: idol!au (reader is in a rookie girl group, made up names of the other members, Jay is an idol in Enhypen)

Trigger warning: jealous Jay, verbal fights (Reader x Jay, Jay x Sunghoon), cursing, very very brief mention of drinking. Let me know if there’s anything I missed!

Summary: Jay starts to notice that Sunghoon, one of his closest friends, has been getting very friendly with his crush, only problem is that he can’t tell him to back off because they’re not together, plus both groups have a dating ban so it’s not like he can act upon his feelings anyways

Word count: 2,215

A/N: Hello!!! I’m backkkk!!! I’m sorry for the very late update but i had a very shitty mental health period but i think i’m feeling better? idrk but here is the update at last. AGAIN IM VERY SORRY 

--

What?

What is this?

You just woke up and the first thing you see on your phone is a... unusual text message from the Park Sunghoon but, you can’t possibly know what is usual for him, you have never texted him in your life but after all he is know to be an introvert, that’s why the text message surprised you to say the least.

From: Hoonie <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

“I really liked talking to you today:) do you think we can hang out soon? I miss you”

This text... it’s odd? Your confusion is justifiable. What were supposed to reply to this? Why did he even send this in the first place? Did he really want to hang out with you? Should you say yes to him knowing you have a preference towards his bandmate that just so happens to be the crown asshole of the year? Should you give Sunghoon, the sweetest boy you’ve met recently, a chance?

You didn’t know what to do with all these questions, you had no answers and no one around to help you so you went to look for someone you knew could help even if it meant years of bullying to come.

“JIN-AE!” You shouted, in hopes she hadn’t gone out on an early morning run like usual and to your surprise, she hadn’t hence the scream she let out after yours.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT SO EARLY IN THE MORNING Y/N?!” Jin-Ae yelled back, knowing that everyone else was awake and getting ready for the day.

“I need your help with something real quick” you replied, hoping she wouldn’t dismiss your request.

“Fine, give me a minute I’ll be right there, let me finish cooking breakfast.” she exclaimed.

“I’ll help you out.” you said in hopes you could talk to her sooner.

You made your way to the kitchen and as you passed the rooms of your friends, you saw them all getting ready for whatever event you had to attend but forgot about, you shrugged it off. Whatever it was, it could wait. 

You all had separate rooms, your company had told you that it was to avoid fights between the members of a newly debuted group but if you ever wanted to share rooms in the future, they could easily move your dorms and sort out the sleeping arrangements but you were all doing just fine with your own personal space.

“Oh wow it smells nice, what are you cooking?” You asked once you entered the kitchen where Jin-Ae was waiting for you.

“Just some toast with whatever leftovers I found in the fridge.” she replied mindlessly.

“Okay, what can I help you with?” you asked to be of help to your leader.

“Can you put the bread in the toaster and get the coffee maker started?” Jin-Ae requested.

“Yeah sure.” you said, so you started with it. You got the bread out of the bag it came in and started putting it in the toaster but your toaster only fit four bread slices so you couldn’t do it all at once.

“What was the thing you wanted to ask me about?” Jin-Ae questioned once she remembered why you were helping in the first place.

“Oh right, so Sunghoon texted me last night when I was asleep but he asked me to hang out soon, what do I do?” You asked her in hopes that she had an answer.

“But how did he ask you? That’s important, show me the text.” So that’s what you did, you showed her the text and by the way her eyebrows went to her forehead and her eyes almost popped out of her skull, you assumed it was a little out there.

“Okay, definitely not what I expected. ‘I miss you’? really? he literally met you yesterday bro” Jin-Ae said in disbelief at Sunghoon’s boldness.

“Maybe he was drunk texting? I don’t think he drinks though” You tried to understand his behavior while waiting for the toasts to be done so you can put more bread in the toaster.

“I highly, highly doubt it. Hey, who knows? Maybe you charmed your way into the Ice Prince’s heart.” Jin-Ae said, back to her usual teasing tone.

“Well he is a nice guy, he’s sweet and funny too” you pointed out.

“There you go, tell him you’re free on Saturday or something and go out with him. He’s Jin-Ae approved, far better than that ass Jay.” Your leader said while rolling her eyes at the American's name.

“Okay, okay I will, let’s finish breakfast first though” You said and Jin-Ae agreed, telling you that you only had to agree if you wanted to and that she wasn’t pressuring you into going out with him but you already knew that, still, you appreciate that she told you so.

You both fell into a comfortable silence while preparing breakfast for the rest of the members, both of you doing different things and just humming softly to whatever song came up on your leaders playlist

“Ahh it smells nice here” Naoko said, her voice being soft and dreaming, she sounded like what you thought a mermaid would sound like if they were real, your fans always pointed out that that was one of her many charms. “What are you guys doing? Oh, you’re making breakfast” She pointed out once she saw Jin-Ae making scrambled eggs. “Do you need help with anything?” She asked, wanting to help even if she was still half asleep but you just told her she could go and wake the rest of the members up since neither you nor Jin-Ae needed help with your tasks.

After Naoko came back to the kitchen with the rest of the members trailing behind her, Soo-Yun suggested they helped set the table up while you and the oldest of your group finished preparing breakfast and they all agreed excitedly with the exception of a groggy and sleepy Jun that half-heartedly started clearing up the kitchen island for all your to seat.

Just when your group was done setting up the table, Jin-Ae finished heating up the foos and the last two pieces of toast popped up from the toaster, you placed the fresh toast on a plate and took them to where your members were sitting at, when the girls saw this, they stood up and helped Jin-Ae take everything to the kitchen island so they could all eat at the same time.

“Thank you for the food!” You all said in unison once you all sat down and placed what you were going to eat on your plates, and just like that the kitchen filled up with the quiet chit-chat from you and the noise of your knives and chopsticks clanking against the ceramic of your plates.

Once you were done eating, you each loaded up the dishwasher with the plates and utensils each of you used and later went into your rooms to get ready for the day.

You were the first to shower because you wanted to go out on your own today to walk around the city. You stepped out of the shower, wrapped the towel around your body and brushed your teeth. Once you were done, you made your way to your room to get dressed for the day. You decided on simple and comfortable clothes, adding a cap to hide your face in case dispatch was around and decided it was alright to invade your alone time. Once you were all dressed up and ready to go, you gathered your things, keys, phone, earphones, hand sanitizer, etc, and made your way to the door of your dorm.

“I’M GOING ON A WALK! IF YOU NEED ANYTHING JUST TEXT OR CALL, BYE” You shouted in hopes that at least one of your members heard so that they wouldn’t be worried. Just as you were about to close the door, Jin-Ae ran to it to hold it open.

“Hey, don’t forget to text Sunghoon back, I think he might really be interested.” Jin-Ae reminded you knowing you had already probably forgotten.

“Oh yeah! I won’t, don’t worry about it. I’m looking forward to seeing him.” You said, reassuring your leader. With that said Jin-Ae gave you a nod and waved you goodbye as she closed the door so you could be on your way.

It’s a busy day at the city apparently, there was a lot of people walking on the street, more that you expected but it didn’t bother you because they were not interrupting your plans and, most importantly, no one seemed to notice you or follow you around which relieved you, it made your day more enjoyable. You noticed that the weather was on the colder side, it was winter after all but you didn’t mind it one bit, it was one of your favorite seasons.

Winter.

Winter.

Coats.

Cold.

Snow.

Ice.

Ice Prince.

Sunghoon.

Sunghoon!

Right! I have to reply to his text! But what are you supposed to reply to that? He told you he missed you but you had only met him once. You thought about it for a while until you decided on what to say back to him.

To: Hoonie <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

“heyy! I really liked hanging out with you too honestly and we can defo hang out soon, just tell me when you’re free and I’ll check my schedule :)”

You pressed send and immediately put your phone away so as not to stress over your poor choice of words. Just as you were looking back up, you spotted a cafe, specifically one that Ava would not stop talking about since the first time she went so you, naturally, decided to go in and give it a try. The decoration was lovely, it felt romantic but not in an obnoxious “red hearts and chocolates” kind of romantic, more like a classic kind of romantic, it felt like the kind of romance you read about in old books, it felt like the love that Mr. Darcy had for Elizabeth and you loved it, someone could fall in love here.

You got to the counter to see what they had on the menu, it all looked amazing but you settled on an orange cake and a tea, nothing too heavy because you just had breakfast and you weren’t really that hungry. You chose a seat by the back of the cafe, you didn’t want to be spotted. You had to wait for your food and drink so in the meantime, you took out your phone and you saw that you had a notification from Sunghoon and it was from six minutes ago, he was a fast replier.

From: Hoonie <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

“I’m free today actually, but if it’s too soon don’t worry about i have other days off that can work too”

You should reply, he does seem excited to hang out.

To: Hoonie <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

“today works! I have a day off and i was planning on taking a walk around the city, you can join me if you want”

That should be good, right?

Apparently it was because not even a minute later Sunghoon responded.

From: Hoonie <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

“&%7r3″#0¿¡”

“Sorry about that, my hand slipped”

“And yes! I wanna join you! Our dorm is a little hectic and I would love the calm that you bring”

“I mean the calm that being away from the dorm brings not you”

“But you too don’t get me wrong I love being with you”

“No, not love sorry I don’t love you”

“Wait that sounded so bad let me just- 🚊🚶🏻‍♂️"

To: Hoonie <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

“hoon, you’re rambling”

“just shut up and get over here, I wanna see you already”

“I’m at the Greenhouse Café”

“don’t forget to bring something to hide your face”

From: Hoonie <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

“Oh, I’m pretty close, I’ll be there in like ten”

“Wait for me please :)”

And so you did, you waited for Sunghoon and for your food to get to you. You liked Sunghoon but you knew he wasn’t that comfortable with you just yet because the Sunghoon you have seen is not the same Sunghoon you see in every new episode of “En O’clock” but you really wished you got to see that first hand some time in the future, he’s just naturally funny and charming, you loved it.

While you were stuck in your own thoughts, the staff of the cafe had their eyes stuck on a young gentleman that looked like a prince, how could they see him? Well, he was not wearing a cap, not even sunglasses and his beauty is not something you can just look away from, so naturally, they followed him with his eyes, he was looking for you. That’s when you looked up and saw him standing in all his glory, the fist thing you noticed was how good he looked, the second thing you noticed was that he looked too good in that navy blue shirt you’re sure he stole from Jay, and the third thing you noticed was his lack of camouflage.

“Sunghoon! Are you stupid?” And that was the first thing you said to him, you were about to take it back but couldn't when the widest smile spread across his face and then he made his way towards you.

Tags?: @imliterallyhighrn

“We’ll see about that” Part 3.5

<previous | next>

Fandom: Enhypen

Member: Jay x reader

Genre: fluff, angst

Reader’s gender: female, she/her pronouns

AU: idol!au (reader is in a rookie girl group, made up names of the other members, Jay is an idol in Enhypen)

Trigger warning: jealous Jay, verbal fights (Reader x Jay, Jay x Sunghoon), cursing, very very brief mention of drinking. Let me know if there’s anything I missed!

Summary: Jay starts to notice that Sunghoon, one of his closest friends, has been getting very friendly with his crush, only problem is that he can’t tell him to back off because they’re not together, plus both groups have a dating ban so it’s not like he can act upon his feelings anyways

Word count: -

A/N: Hello! you’re probably wondering what this is, so I’ll explain. Basically this week has been very very rough and my mental health is not doing good so I wasn’t capable of writing a new chapter but I didn’t want to leave you with nothing so I decided to do a couple of fake twitter interaction of the fans and how they reacted to reader and sunghoon interactions. This is very last minute and I’ve never done this before. THIS IS NOT GOING TO TURN INTO A SMAU, it’s just something i put together last minute. Let me know of you like it or absolutely hate it to come up with something new if this ever ever happens again<3<3<3

“We’ll see about that” Part 3

<previous | next>

Fandom: Enhypen

Member: Jay x reader

Genre: fluff, angst

Reader’s gender: female, she/her pronouns

AU: idol!au (reader is in a rookie girl group, made up names of the other members, Jay is an idol in Enhypen)

Trigger warning: jealous Jay, verbal fights (Reader x Jay, Jay x Sunghoon), cursing, let me know if there’s anything I missed!

Summary: Jay starts to notice that Sunghoon, one of his closest friends, has been getting very friendly with his crush, only problem is that he can’t tell him to back off because they’re not together, plus both groups have a dating ban so it’s not like he can act upon his feelings anyways

Word count: 3,220

A/N: Heyyy I just wanted to thank you for the support on this series. It's been really fun tysmmm!!! Also, I got the roommates of of twitter so idk if those are right

---

Jay Park was staring directly at Sunghoon and you, he had this analyzing stare combined with furrowed eyebrows, you always thought his eyebrows were a very distinctive feature of his but right now, the only thing that they were achieving was making you feel small at his intense stare. He looked annoyed but, of course you didn’t know if that was true or he just looked like that when waiting. Finally, you were snapped out of your thoughts by Jay yelling something.

“Sunghoon! hurry up, the others are waiting for us.” Jay said in a rather loud voice because of the distance between him and Sunghoon. 

“I’m coming, I’m coming, wait a minute.”

This made your friends look at the scene behind them and they were all surprised at what they saw. You being in direct eyesight of Jay was not something that they thought they were going to see soon. That’s when Jay acknowledged your presence.

“Hey” Jay said, this time referring to you.

You’re not someone that fazes easily, and you didn’t want to seem like one of those girls in the books that freeze when their crush talks to them, so you talked back immediately.

“Hi, I’m y/n” You introduced yourself because that’s what you thought was fitting to do when you meet someone new but apparently you were wrong cause the only thing Jay did was give you a half-assed nod and you were just standing there with a blank expression on your face just processing what just happened and that’s when it hit you

The embarrassment.

You shouldn’t feel embarrassed about this cause it’s not your fault but you just know that your friends are cringing at this moment, you were already preparing yourself mentally to bear with their teasing that you knew was going to happen after being almost entirely ignored by your crush, if you can even call him that, while Sunghoon just stood there completely oblivious of your small interaction with his team member, he was busy with your phone. A couple seconds passed by and Sunghoon finally spoke to you.

“Okay, here’s your phone.” He said with a small smile decorating his face. “Don’t check what I saved myself as ‘til I leave.” he added when he saw you were turning your phone on to do just that.

“Fine I won’t check it if that's what you want” you promised.

“Alright I really have to go now, it was really nice meeting you, I’m really looking forward to hanging out again sometime in the future if you’re up for it” He admitted.

“It was nice meeting you too and sure, let’s hang out some day” You gave him a small smile to indicate that you did, in fact, want to hang out with him.

“I’ll text you then”

“Sure”

And with that being the last words of your conversation, he made his way towards your friend group and made sure to politely say goodbye to them. When he was done with that, he walked towards the car that Jay was driving and as he was opening the passengers door right behind Jay, he turned around and waved at you for the last time that day and you returned the gesture with a smile slowly creeping it’s way to your face and just like that, Sunghoon got in the car, closed the door, and Jay drove off without sparing you a glance. Huh, you wondered if that was his car he was driving, or was it a company car? You’ll never know.

When Jay’s car was finally out of sight, your friends ran up so fast, you barely had time to register the fact that they were even moving toward you in the first place.

“Y/n, I’m so sorry but that was so embarrassing for you” Soo-Yun giggled, barely being able to hold in her laughter.

“Please, I was trying so hard not to laugh when he completely ignored you.” Jun added, making your ears heat up from the embarrassment but it didn’t go unnoticed by Naoko and Mi-Sun.

“Awe y/n, you got embarrassed? Don’t worry, it’s not your fault your bias is kind of an asshole.” Naoko tried reassuring you even though she knew you didn’t care about their light teasing because, let’s be honest, if it was another one of your members in your place you would be laughing in their face.

“Yeah, take me for example, I got completely ignored by Wonyoung today.” Mi-Sun blurted out trying to sympathize with you as best as she could even though she knew that your situation was way worse because Wonyoung wasn’t rude at all, she just didn’t notice Mi-Sun.

“It’s not a big deal honestly, I’m not gonna be butt hurt because some idiotic gobling didn’t bother to open his stupid ass mouth to utter simple words.” when you finished your sentence you realized you did, in fact, sound butt hurt but who can blame you? It is your bias we’re talking about. “Plus, I did end up winning in some way today.” you added to distract the rest from what you just said.

“What do you mean by that?” Jin-Ae asked not really understanding what you were saying but she did assume that it had to do something with Sunghoon having your phone in his hands a couple minutes ago, and she was right.

“I got Sunghoon’s number!” you exclaimed, smiling so hard that your cheeks started to hurt, you couldn’t help it, you were genuinely happy about it.

“No way! I don’t believe it! Show me, show me!” Ava almost shouted from the excitement, she seemed more ecstatic about it than you. You passed her your phone so that she could see his contact number for herself, but you forgot one little detail; you hadn’t checked what he had saved himself as but it was too late now, they were all gathered around your phone as if they had never seen one before.

“Hoonie? with how many hearts?” Jun started counting under her breath and you could faintly hear her in the silence that had built itself from the shock that your members had given themselves from Sunghoon’s contact name. “…nine, ten, eleven, twelve- TWELVE? REALLY Y/N? you just met him, give him three days at least.” Jun finished, rolling her eyes, and failing to keep her serious expression as she laughed at her sarcasm.

“And the hearts with the number three at that, not even emojis” Naoko laughed at that.

“Guys, I promise I didn’t do it, I haven’t even seen it yet.” you said in a desperate effort to save yourself from even more embarrassment.

“Yeah sure, sure, convince yourself of that if that makes you happy” Jin-Ae teased as she gave you your phone back and sure enough, there it was displayed on your screen the following:

“Hoonie <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3″

You weren’t planning on changing it anytime soon though and your friends knew that.

Just then, when you were going to defend yourself some more, one of the chauffeur's from the company came to pick you up and that was all it took for you to leave whatever you were going to say behind as you all got inside of the car.

---

“What were you talking about with y/n?” Jay questioned Sunghoon looking at him through the rear-view mirror.

“Huh?” Sunghoon uttered, not having been paying attention to Jay, being much more occupied typing and deleting a text for a certain someone that he had met today, not sure how to start a conversation with you.

“Y/n, you were talking to her when I went to pick you up” At this, Sunghoon looked up at the back of Jay’s head. The mention of your name made him grin, but Jay didn’t notice, he was too busy looking at the road.

“Oh yeah, I met her today, her group was invited to Music Bank, and she was really nice.” Sunghoon grinned, Jay could hear the smile on his voice. annoying, he thought.

“Why didn’t you tell me that she was a guest at Music Bank?” Jay asked with his eyebrows furrowed and his lips, is that a small pout forming on his lips?

“Well, honestly I didn’t know, I didn’t bother reading the papers that Music Bank gave me and I didn’t really know who y/n was when I saw her. Why do you ask though? Wait, how do you even know her?” The self-called ‘Hoonie’ interrogated his team member.

“Pfft, are you really asking me that?” Jay incredulously asked.

“Yeah?”

“Picture Perfect is all Sunoo has been talking to us about, did you forget?”

“No, not at all, but I just didn’t really realize that the group from my paper and the group Sunoo talks about all the time were the same so I just-” he got cut off.

“You assumed I wasn’t gonna associate it either? Believe me Sunghoon, y/n is a very hard face to forget.” Jay interjected in an almost hostile tone and chuckled dryly. “And Sunoo never shuts up about her either '' He added playfully so that Sunghoon wouldn’t think he’s mad at him.

Before either of them noticed, they had already arrived at the grilled meat place they had agreed to meet that morning to celebrate one of their many award show wins of the year. They both got out of the car once Jay had found a place to park. When they entered the restaurant, the hostess asked them if they had a reservation.

“Uhh yeah actually we’re here with them” Jay replied when his eyes landed on various colorful heads.

Once the hostess, who’s name they learned was Kyung-Mi, realized who they were pointing at she guided them to the table with the rest of the members and left to give them some time to decide what they wanted to order.

“Hey guys” the eldest, Heeseung, greeted the newcomers, being the first one to acknowledge their presence. After that, an echo of various greetings could be heard amongst the boys.

“How was shopping, Jay? Did you buy anything?” Jungwon asked Jay wanting to know about his day.

“Yeah, actually I found that jacket I was telling you guys I wanted the other day, remember?” Jay questioned.

“The blue one?”

“No.”

“The green one?”

“No,”

“Oh, the red one, right?”

“No.”

“Ahhh the purple one!”

“Yeah, that one!” Jay exclaimed, happy that Jake had finally guessed the right color.

“Ohh yeah I remember that one.” Sunoo assured, knowing full well he had no idea what purple jacket Jay and Jake were talking about. “Did you buy me the sweater I asked for by any chance?” Sunoo asked Jay, curious as to whether he had found the sweater he had seen the last time he went to the mall but couldn’t get.

Jay only nodded in confirmation, being too busy with the menu that Kyung-Mi gave him.

Once Sunghoon and he had decided what to order, they called a waitress over so that she could take all their orders. Sunghoon thought it was very nice of them to have waited for them to order. Once the waitress was done writing everything down, she politely excused herself and left to give their orders to the kitchen. At this, Ni-ki thought he was going to start some small talk.

“Sunghoon, how was Music Bank today? Did you have guests today or was it a performance with Wonyoung?”

“Oh, Music Bank was great today, I was actually gonna tell you about this, but don’t freak out, Sunoo I’m looking at you” Sunghoon said, giving Sunoo a pointed look.

“Why would I? You’re acting suspicious, Hoon” Sunoo chuckled.

“Believe me, you will freak out” Jay said with a knowing smirk and at this Sunoo gave him an uneasy look.

“Ok so basically, I didn’t really know who was gonna be today’s guest cause I didn’t really inform myself about it. I arrived on set, and I saw TXT and thought ‘ok cool, it’s just our friends’ but then Kai told me that another group was there that he had really liked but he didn’t have time to elaborate ‘cause they called us, we were gonna start filming. So, we walked there and guess who I saw there?” Sunghoon started recalling his day to his members.

“ITZY?” Heeseung asked.

“No stupid it has to be someone Sunoo really likes.” Ni-ki playfully shoved his elder.

“Kep1er? I really like Kep1er, they just debuted and Bahiyyih is Kai’s sister so it would make sense, right?” Sunoo guessed.

“I like your logic but no”

“Wait, wait, wait, it’s a group Sunoo likes, and they have to be promoting to be on Music Bank, right?” Jungwon looked at Sunghoon for confirmation.

“Yeah, that’s right.” He affirmed.

“Wouldn’t that be Picture Perfect? The ones that just debuted?” Jungwon said, proving his smarts.

“NO WAY! DID YOU MEET PICTURE PERFECT BEFORE ME?!” Sunoo almost yelled which caused some of the members to shush him while the others were laughing at his exaggerated reaction.

“I did” Sunghoon mocks Sunoo by sticking his tongue out.

“No fair, I’m the one that stans them. You barely paid attention when I put their videos on the tv back at the dorm” Sunoo pouted.

“I know but I have to admit that they’re really talented. I hadn’t really seen their performances but when I was in the car, I watched a couple and their stage presence is amazing, especially y/n’s” Sunghoon expressed his admiration toward the group, more specifically, you.

“Don’t tell me you have a crush on y/n,” Heeseung said dreadfully. “We all know how your last crush ended” He continued.

“Hey! At least she didn’t reject me for my personality, she just doesn’t like men so you can’t blame me for that one, she would’ve rejected all of you.” Sunghoon defended himself.

“Sill, your misery that week was embarrassing.” Heeseung argued.

“It’s not like I like her, like her. I just think she’s pretty and nice.”

“That’s what they all say,” Jake joked. “But yeah, I believe you, I mean, you just met her today and you’re not one to rush into things like that.”

“Thank you, Jake” Sunghoon jokingly said.

“Do you have her number?” Jungwon asked, having this gut feeling that he did have your number.

“Shit! I forgot! I do! I have to text her”

“You have her number too?! unbelievable” Sunoo exasperated.

“She asked me first though so don’t hate me for that one.”

“Did she?” Jay questioned, speaking up for the first time since the beginning of the conversation about you.

“Yeah, I don’t know why, not complaining though.” 

“Maybe she just wanted it for... future references or something” Jay added, trying to convince himself of that but failing.

“What do you mean?” Sunghoon asked, confused.

“Ugh ignore him, he’s probably just jealous that you got the phone number of his bias” Sunoo dismissed Jay’s annoyed comments.

“I didn’t know she’s your bias, I’m sorry Jay. I wouldn’t have given her my number if I knew you liked her”

“I don’t like her though, she’s just that, a bias, nothing more and nothing less. It’s really not that deep so don’t worry about it.” Jay tried hiding his slight annoyance, key word: tried. Sunoo, Ni-ki and Jungwon could see right through it.

Ni-ki, being very well aware of the tension between Sunghoon and Jay, decided to change the topic drastically by mentioning that their manager told him that they would be filming a new episode of ‘En-O’clock’ that week, that seemed to be enough to steer the conversation away from you and the members started speculating on what crazy or weird thing they were going to film, that was something they always looked forward to. Before they knew it, their food had arrived and Jay started grilling the meat, everyone was enjoying that night leaving the tension behind and celebrating their success so far, they were all proud of themselves and each other.

When they were all done eating, they gathered their things, paid for the food and left after saying goodbye to the hostess. They decided to walk on the streets during the night, they walked for a couple minutes when they came across an ice cream shop, even though it was 10:24pm and it was 10°C they still chose to get some ice cream as dessert, they deserved it.

The first one to order was Ni-ki and he decided on strawberry, Heeseung was next and he chose Chocolate Marshmallow, next was Sunoo who obviously chose Mint Chocolate and Sunghoon did not fail to make a disgusted face towards his choice of ice cream. Sunghoon ordered next and he told the man behind the counter that he wanted Coffee, which seemed fitting. Jungwon was next and his choice was some good old plain vanilla, it’s never wrong. Jake wanted something a bit more refreshing, so he went for Lemon Sorbet and Jay, after a good five minutes of contemplating, chose Pistachio

When they all had their ice creams, they decided to go to a park nearby to eat them sitting down so they wouldn’t accidentally drop them. When they all arrived at the park, they all sat down on some benches that were positioned in a circle. Perfect.

They started with small talk, but they ended up talking about their days in I-Land. They reminisce about the fun moments, the sad ones and the scary ones, the nostalgia filled the night air, but this is what the members enjoyed, relaxing, and talking amongst themselves. Being able to have free time was something they greatly appreciated because they didn’t get moments like this very often.

12:00am eventually rolled around and they decided it was time to go back to their dorms, all very satisfied with their night. They took turns in the bathroom to shower, wash their faces and brush their teeth, it was a routine they have familiarized themselves with from all the times they’ve done it.

Once they were done, they all went to their rooms to get some sleep so they wouldn’t feel too tired the next day. 

Sunghoon was the last to lay on his bed amongst his roommates Jungwon, Sunoo and Ni-ki. He picked up his from where he had left it when they arrived from their night out and checked the time. It was already 12:47am so he decided that it would be for the best to try to fall asleep right away, so he got started on that. Whenever he wasn’t feeling tired or sleepy, he would start imagining hypothetical scenarios in his head to distract himself from his thoughts so he could rest so that’s what he started doing, only thing is that this time it did not work. His thoughts started drifting more and more until they landed in one thing, or, more precisely, one person.

You.

Sunghoon couldn’t sleep because of you. That was when he remembered that he had been meaning to text you earlier, but he didn’t want to distract himself from the quality time with his best friends, so that’s what he did, he texted you and because he was tired, he really didn’t think too deeply on what to say and he just pressed ‘SEND’ and immediately fell asleep with a soft smile decorating his lips.

“We’ll see about that” Part 2

<previous | next>

Fandom: Enhypen

Member: Jay x reader

Genre: fluff, angst

Reader’s gender: female, she/her pronouns

AU: idol!au (reader is in a rookie girl group, made up names of the other members, Jay is an idol in Enhypen)

Trigger warning: jealous Jay, verbal fights (Reader x Jay, Jay x Sunghoon), cursing, let me know if there’s anything I missed!

Summary: Jay starts to notice that Sunghoon, one of his closest friends, has been getting very friendly with his crush, only problem is that he can’t tell him to back off because they’re not together, plus both groups have a dating ban so it’s not like he can act upon his feelings anyways

Word count: 2,763

A/N: Hello!! Thank you for reading the first part. I really hope you enjoyed it. I know that this part is late but I’m currently with covid and I haven’t been feeling my best but I’m slowly getting better yayy :). Anyway, what I wanted to say is that I know Jin-Ae teases the reader a lot but it’s never serious it’s just how their dynamic is and boundaries have been set beforehand so Jin-Ae knows what and what not to say, reader also teases Jin-Ae but we’re gonna see that later on. Ok that’s it, I hope you like this part!!!

---

“Oh, sorry I just got a little nervous that’s all” you replied looking down at your feet.

Sunghoon chuckled lowly 

“I make you nervous?” he asked with a smug grin planted.

“What?!” you exclaimed, taken aback. “No that’s not what I meant I-” you got cut off.

“No? Then what did you mean by that?” he asked, still with his grin that was starting to annoy you, since when is he so cocky?

I- never mind that now, Wonyoung told me you were looking for me and here I am, now tell me what’s up” you said with an air of confidence that Sunghoon was not expecting after your rambling from a couple sentences ago.

“Uhm sorry” he cleared his throat “I just wanted to congratulate you on your debut and all your stages so far, I’ve been watching them, and you guys really have something” he complimented your hard work, but you were still confused about something.

“Well thank you I really appreciate it but why are you talking to me and not Jin-Ae or everybody?” You asked, curious as to what he was going to say.

“Why Jin-Ae?” he seemed genuinely confused.

“Cause she’s the leader?”

“Oh well it’s just...” he put his hand behind his neck rubbing it nervously, trying to think of a response and you just waited in complete silence. “I just thought- well you stood out to me from the rest of your members, don’t get me wrong, you are all great but there is just something about you that caught my attention and I can’t tell what it is, I mean i can but I won’t tell cause that would be embara-” he was grinning down at the ground with the last sentence but you cut him off before he could finish.

“Sunghoon?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re rambling” and it was your turn to give him a smug smile.

“Eish!” you both started laughing and that’s what finally broke the tension between you two, it was Sunghoon the one that started talking.

“I’m sorry for acting like a douchebag earlier, I just wanted to seem cooler like Jake” he confessed, and you giggled at that. “He carries himself like that, you know?”

“What do you mean? You’re already great, you don’t have to act like Jake to seem cool, no, scratch that, you don’t have to act like anyone but yourself. You are already really appealing, for real. Your personality is amazing, and I personally think it’s what makes you, uhm approachable.” You hesitated at the last sentence because you didn’t quite know what to call him. In reality you wanted to say that his personality was one of the main things that made him attractive but, you thought that maybe, just maybe, it was a little too soon for that yet, you didn’t want to seem too forward but maybe in the future you would find yourself telling everything that, for now, remain unsaid.

“What?! My personality is what makes me approachable? Not my good looks?” he gasped, acting shocked as if you had just told him that he was the most repulsive creature you had ever seen in your lifetime.

“BRO NO I DIDN’T SAY THAT OMG” you shouted at him with a playful laugh. “I’m just saying that you being attractive is intimidating and you’re hard to approach, that’s all” you continued, lifting your hands in surrender.

“Ok you just bro-zoned and called me attractive in the same sentence, you are so confusing, bro” he said with an incredulous smile, with his head looking down at the floor.

You both smiled at each other for a while, for you, it lasted for hours though you knew it had been only a couple minutes. What broke the silence between you two was your phone ringing. You took it out of your pocket to see the caller ID and it was none other than Ava. You, being fluent in English and her being from the USA, you picked up in English, also, you didn’t want Sunghoon to hear your conversation like you had done with his.

“Hello Ava? What’s up?” You asked, curious as to why she was calling you so suddenly.

“Hey y/n, the girls and I were just wondering where you were, we’re all ready and we’re supposed to be leaving in five minutes”

“Oh, I’m still with Sunghoon but I’ll be leaving now, sorry about that” you replied with a sheepish smile even though Ava couldn’t see you from the other side of the big studio where Music Bank was filmed at.

“No don’t worry, I’ll tell everyone that you’re on your way” she said, ready to end the phone call so she could see you as soon as possible to get all the details from your talk with Sunghoon.

“Okay, okay, I’ll see you in a minute, bye” You finalized.

You placed your phone back in your designated pocket which you, years ago, deemed appropriate that your right back pocket of your pants would be the only place you would put your phone away, and if that option wasn’t available because you were wearing a skirt, you would put it in the right front pocket of said skirt, and if that wasn’t an option either then you would put it in whatever pocket you had available at that point.

“Hoon I’m sorry but I have to leave now, my friends are calling me to leave” you said with a tired smile, the fatigue of your long week had just started to kick in.

“Hoon? We’re already on a nickname basis? I’ll take it, I’ll take it, sweetheart” he replied, emphasizing the last word in his sentence.

“Please never call me that again” you said with an evident cringe shown on your face.

“You got it, Princess”

“Sunghoon, I swear-”

“Okay, Okay no more I promise” he said with a very satisfied, smug smile.

"Alright, if you say so. I have to go now Sunghoon, but it was a pleasure meeting. I hope we see each other soon" you said, wearing a polite smile across your face.

"Bye y/n, it was a pleasure for me too" he reciprocated and that's when you bowed so you could make your way towards your friends as soon as possible. When you arrived at the changing rooms, you were immediately quizzed on what Sunghoon wanted. Why did he want to see you?

“So? How did it go with Prince Charming?” Soo Yun questioned you.

“Mmmh, don’t you mean Ice Prince?” Jun corrected Soo Yun. You were grateful that their questions were not being as invasive as you expected them to be, so you made sure to silently thank her, of course, your gratefulness, only lasted a couple of seconds because your one and only leader had to come and ruin the tranquility as always, she assured everyone that it was one of her charming points but you weren’t too sure yourself.

“I bet he confessed his undying love to her and then claimed that they were soulmates meant to be together for eternity.” Jin-Ae teased, all in good fun.

“Yeah, he did actually” you said in a very sarcastic tone but your dear friends were not bright enough to catch it. At this point you didn’t care what your friends were saying because you knew no one was gonna hear them as a result of that you were all alone in the changing rooms, so you just let them have their fun for a while.

“WHAT?!” they all exclaimed in unison. That startled you to say the least.

“Omg guys?! No need to shout, wow” you said, very stunned to say anything more.

“Okay okay but, what do you mean? Did he really confess?” Jun asked, very curious as to what you were going to say.

“Guys It was just sarcasm, of course he didn’t confess his ‘undying love’ for me but, I have to admit that some of the things he said were... suspicious I guess.” You said in lack of a better word.

“Suspicious? Nah you’re gonna have to elaborate on that one, pretty girl” Mi-Sun said, speaking for the first time since you arrived but you had noticed that she had been silently paying attention, huh, your love life may be more interesting than you thought.

“Alright so basically, Sunghoon told me that he wanted to congratulate all of us on our debut and stages blah blah blah, but it was weird at first cause when I walked up to him he was on his phone and I didn’t want to interrupt him so I just waited for him to notice me but that was a bad idea cause he got a call, from Sunoo might I add, and then I really didn’t want to interrupt him so I may or may not have heard literally half of the conversation and the only thing that Sunghoon was talking was about some girl he met that was really pretty apparently? I don’t even know at this point but, anyway, long story short, he noticed me and hung up and said the debut thing, but, AND HEAR ME OUT ON THIS ONE I PROMISE I’M NOT A DELULU” you were talking very fast, and the last sentence made your friends cackle, laughing at your exasperation rightfully so. “It was weird, as I was saying before, cause like, he was acting all cocky and flirty and we all know he’s too much of an introvert and a shy person at first to just act like that when he’s meeting someone for the first time so I kind of called him out on it very subtly and-”

“Bro you can’t call out someone like that when they’re trying to act cool in front of someone, especially if that someone is someone they may be interested in, that’s a total blow to the ego” Mi-Sun said. “Plus, I don’t blame him for trying to act cool in front of someone as pretty as you,” She added with a reminiscing smirk.

“Okay I get it, but it was throwing me off and after that he started acting like the Sunghoon I had seen before on their videos and everything. After that he told me that he wanted to seem more like Jay and I was sooo confused as to why, so I obviously complimented his personality but then he started getting really playful and, this is the delulu part, I’m not stupid, I know that was his attempt at flirting cause then he called me confusing? if that’s not the confusing part I don’t know what is. Then, no no wait” You stopped Soo-Yun before she talked so you could finish your explanation. “I accidentally called him Hoon and in response he called me SWEETHEART AND PRINCESS LIKE, WHAT IS THAT BUT AN ATTEMPT AT FLIRTING?” you were exasperated at the end of your explanation because you had not had time to really process what had happened with Sunghoon and now that you laid it out, you realized how suspicious Sunghoon had been acting.

“Okay yeah definitely not delulu but maybe he thought you were gonna be ugly and then he saw you and was shocked at you being pretty? I mean that’s what happened to me when I first saw you” Mi-Sun said while she was slouching on the chair she was supposed to be sitting on.

“Or maybe he’s a fan and you’re his bias?” Soo-Yun questioned.

“He doesn’t really seem like a girl group stan though” Jun said with an analyzing face, she was deep in thought.

“No, he looks like he secretly is but the only one that knows is Sunoo” Naoko affirmed. “He looks like he stans ITZY, damn I love ITZY so much I wanna meet them so bad.” And everyone agreed with both sentences because they were both very true.

“Back to the point y/n, I’m sure if you give, whatever this mess is, sometime everything will be solved and sorted out sooner or later, don’t stress too much about this and, might I add, that we all know you prefer Jay anyway.” Jin-Ae said, giving you good advice. One thing that Jin-Ae never fails to be is a good leader, she will always be there to guide you through anything, and you really appreciate everything she has ever done for you so that you would tolerate all the teasing that comes with being friends with her because you would never exchange her for anything.

“Yes, I do, Jay is my bias after all, but he doesn’t even know I exist, ugh that was not even the point but whatever, we’ll just see what happens I guess” you said, ending the discussion. When you all agreed on that, Ava told you that the driver was outside to take you back to the dorms, so you all made your way to the exit. Once you were all outside, you saw Sunghoon wearing a jacket that you had only ever seen before on his twitter posts, waiting for someone, probably his driver, you thought. 

“Oh look, who’s there y/n” Ava pointed out Sunghoon’s presence. “Did you get his number so you can contact him later on?” She asked just to make sure you hadn’t forgotten to do something as important as that.

“Oh, no actually, should I go ask him?” 

“Yes, you dumbass, how are you gonna ask him on a date if you don’t even talk to each other” Naoko said, laughing at your obliviousness.

So, you took Naoko’s advice and walked up to Sunghoon.

“Hey Sunghoon, sorry to bother you on coming onto you like this but I was wondering if I could maybe get your number? It’s ok if you don’t want to though.” you said shyly but very straight forward anyway,

“Yeah, no, yeah, for sure!” He said very excitedly with his eyes wide open and nodding excessively, maybe the effect of one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen asking for his number but regardless, you got taken aback at his eagerness. He shoved his phone into your hand so you could put your number in. While you were typing in the number, Sunghoon got a text notification, and you couldn’t help but read it by accident. The notification was from Jay, you obviously knew who Jay was and you didn’t second guess it either; the text read ‘omw’, on his way? To where? Was he planning on hanging out with Sunghoon? No, it’s none of your business, don’t dwell on it, you’re not going to reach an answer either way so why waste brain cells? You finished typing your number onto Sunghoon’s phone and when you were done you texted yourself so you could save his number as soon as possible so you didn’t have to go through the brief scare you get when a random number texts you. You gave Sunghoon his phone back and told him to save you with whatever name he wanted, at the same time you pulled out your phone from the right back pocket of your jeans to check the text and passed him your phone this time.

“Here” you said, giving him your phone. In return he gave you a puzzled look so you explained further.

“Save yourself in my contacts, choose whatever name you want” You instructed him as a wide grin appeared on his face while realization hit.

“Whatever I want?” he asked again just to make sure he didn´t misheard you.

“Yes, whatever you want”

“Okay” he said with a smile looking down at your phone. You thought those smiles where so cute on him, he looked so happy and shy whenever he smiled like that

You could see how he hesitated ever so slightly before giving an affirming nod and typing whatever name he had come up with as his contact’s name on your phone.

Your phone.

He liked that he has your number, he likes it a lot.

Just when he was about to say something to you, a car pulled up on the street right in front of where you were standing very close to Sunghoon. That made Sunghoon look at the car and his grin fell from his face because it was his ride, if his ride was here that meant that he had to leave and he didn’t want to leave you just yet, but it couldn’t be helped when whoever was on the driver’s seat, lowered his window and looked directly at you two and that’s when you saw him

Jay

Jay Park.

“We’ll see about that” Part 1

next>

Fandom: Enhypen

Member: Jay x reader

Genre: fluff, angst

Reader’s gender: female, she/her pronouns

AU: idol!au (reader is in a rookie girl group, made up names of the other members, Jay is an idol in Enhypen)

Trigger warning: jealous Jay, verbal fights (Reader x Jay, Jay x Sunghoon), let me know if there’s anything I missed!

Summary: Jay starts to notice that Sunghoon, one of his closest friends, has been getting very friendly with his crush, only problem is that he can’t tell him to back off because they’re not together, plus both groups have a dating ban so it’s not like he can act upon his feelings anyways

Word count: 3,067

A/N: hi! so this is my first fic ever, I thought I could start my blog with an actual writing instead of waiting for a request cause that would take too long lol. If there’s any feedback that you want to give me, please do. I would really appreciate it cause I want to improve as much as possible and if you feel like there’s something wrong or offensive with the fic, please let me know and I’ll do better next time. I had the idea for the fic last night, but I was too lazy to turn on my computer but here it is, hope you like it!  (also please keep in mind that all the group members of the reader are made up and are not modeled after anyone in specific and they don’t have any face claims. Reader is the third oldest. Jin-Ae, Soo-Yun and Jun are Korean while Naoko and Mi-Sun are Japanese and Ava is American. Reader is from wherever you want her to be. Also the group name was made with a random word generator :) that’s it, enjoy!!)

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You were getting ready for the third interview of the week, you had debuted two weeks ago alongside six other girls that you would consider your sisters. Their names were: Jin-Ae, Soo-Yun, Jun, Naoko, Mi-Sun and Ava with Jin-Ae being the oldest and Ava the youngest. 

You have always seemed to be closest to Soo-Yun and Jun cause you three share the same age and you met in the auditions, you instantly bonded over the nerves that you were feeling at that moment because there were a lot of people watching the auditions and you really, really didn't want to mess up. Once you passed the auditions, you met Ava, she was really shy and wouldn’t talk to you unless you spoke to her first but one day you were assigned as dance partners for some work as a trainee and that’s when you started getting close cause you would see each other almost every day and then you introduced Ava to Soo-Yun and Jun and you three almost adopted her, she was very lonely, she was far away from her home and she didn’t have anyone to go to when things got hard so, you three made a promise to take care of Ava all the time and treat her as family.

You met Naoko, Mi-Sun and Jin-Ae when you were told you were going to debut, you had seen the girls around but never had had a proper conversation with them, so you were really hoping they were nice and got along with everyone else, and they did. You had to do a couple of chemistry exercises where you would bond because your company really wanted your group to be successful and they knew they wouldn’t get that if there was any bad blood between the members. The exercises worked wonders and before you knew it you were performing your debut stage, hundreds of lights shining on your face with big screens behind you decorating and illuminating the dance floor. You were all sweating a lot from dancing and singing and, might as well add you weren’t used to all the cameras pointing at you, especially the one that was recording your fancam because it would definitely capture all your mistakes. 

After the debut stage, your group and new had to mentally prepare yourself for all the promotion that you had to do, that meant Mnet stages, Inkigayo interviews, KBS presentations and other things you didn’t even want to think about. That brings you here, to Music Bank, where Wonyoung from IVE and Sunghoon from Enhypen where currently MCing, you were so excited to meet Sunghoon cause he’s part of one of your favorite groups ever and you have always admired him for being able to choose between being an idol or a figure skater which seems so hard cause he put years of effort into figure skating only to realize he wanted to be an idol. Admirable in your opinion. 

“Hey y/n, what selcas should I post tomorrow? The ones from the day at the park or the ones that I took just now?” Naoko asked you absentmindedly, snapping you out from your thoughts.

“Huh? Oh! I think you should post the ones from Music Bank when it airs and the ones from the park today when we get out of work” you replied, still a little dazed from the interruption. 

“I think you should just post the ones from Music Bank today, that’s what Stray Kids do all the time, they just post their pictures before the interviews air” Mi-Sun says as she overhears the conversation, chuckling lightly at her own example. “That way you can save the other pictures and post them when we’re on a break from work” she adds 

“Yeah, yeah you’re right, I’m gonna do that” she concludes in a pensive tone.

“Ok everyone! Be ready in 10 please, we start recording in 20 and we need you all on set by then!” said, very loudly, some lady that you can only guess is the producer or some sort of assistant. 

“Alright guys, move your butts and let’s get going, we don’t wanna make a bad first impression,” groaned Jin-Ae as she rose from her seat for the first time in an hour. “Especially not you y/n, judging by the fact that it’s Sunghoon we’re meeting,” she said in a sly tone.

A choir of “oohs” and “aahs” echoed across the room, everyone inside, except for the hair and makeup ladies, who were tidying up their things, knew what was going on.

“Oh, come on Jin-Ae, you told me you weren’t gonna mention it today, plus, it’s not like I have a crush on the guy, I just think he’s cute” you muttered lowly the last part, but it didn’t go unnoticed by Ava though she chose to keep quiet cause she knew how much you didn’t like talking about these kind of things in public.

“Yeah, yeah whatever you say” Jin-Ae said, wearing a smirk, in a dismissive but playful tone. “Now let’s get going or we’re really gonna be late” she added seriously 

And just like that, you were on your way to the first segment of the show, the first thing you were going to record was the interview part on those little stairs with another group, but you didn’t know what group you would be with, so you were eager to find out. You had your suspicions that it had to be a rookie group too.

“Treasure?” You thought “No, I’m pretty sure they haven’t debuted yet. Maybe TRENDZ? But didn’t they come here not that long ago? Ugh this is so nerve wracking” You started thinking about all the possibilities, who could be here? What other groups are promoting? do they even have to be promoting to be here?

“Hello! It’s really nice to meet you all!” you heard a high-pitched voice say, you had been looking down at the floor thinking about what group you were going to record with, so you immediately looked up to not seem disrespectful. When you focus your vision on whoever the voice belonged to, you realized that it came from none other than the MC herself, Jang Wonyoung. You had never really paid attention to her, but you realized she was as pretty as the tabloids said and you were in awe at that.

“Hi! Nice to meet you too!” you all said in unison. “I’m Jin-Ae, the leader of Picture Perfect, it’s truly a pleasure to be here” she said genuinely. “Thank you so much for having us.” you added in a grateful but composed voice.

“That’s very nice of you,” Wonyoung replied with a beautiful smile that would make anyone stumble over their words. “I’ve been watching your stages and I’m really amazed at them, you guys are so coordinated, it’s truly incredible to see, and your concept is so different from what we usually see in girl groups, very refreshing and bold really.” She rambles on and on about how much she enjoys your music and content in general and you can’t help but feel much more confident than what you did before talking to Wonyoung, you really needed this conversation. 

“Wonyoung you’re so sweet, thank you so much, it really means a lot coming from someone as experienced as you” Jun replies.

“No need to thank me, I’m just saying what everyone is thinking.” she says with a grin. “Anyway, we’re just waiting for Sunghoon to finish with hair and makeup and when he’s done with that, he’ll bring TXT with them” she adds but is quickly interrupted.

“Sorry, what? Did I hear that right? TXT?” Ava asked wide-eyed from the information she just heard.

“Uhm yes? Are you ok?” asked Wonyoung, genuinely concerned and confused at Ava’s reaction.

“YES-” she clears her throat, composes herself and tries again. “Yes, I’m okay, I’m just a very big fan of Tomorrow x Together and I didn’t know they were coming here today” Ava chuckles nervously towards the end of her sentence.

“Oh that’s okay, no need to be nervous, they are some of the sweetest most humble guys you’ll ever meet, and I might as well add that they were very excited to be here today with all of you cause they’ve seen and heard so much from you that they can’t wait to see it all live themselves” Wonyoung added in an effort to calm Ava down but it failed seeing that Ava started freaking out even more when she saw the infamous kpop group, walking on the hallway on her direction.

“Hi, it’s a pleasure to meet you everyone, I’m Ava and I’m the maknae from Picture Perfect, I don’t know if you know me or us, but I’m really excited to be meeting you, I’ve been a fan of your work since pre-debut...” And Ava went on and on rambling about how much she loved them, but she grew quiet once she noticed that all eyes were on her and that she hadn’t introduced herself to Sunghoon yet. “I’m sorry” she said bashfully.

“No don’t apologize it’s ok, I’m really glad you like us cause, personally, I’ve been checking out your work and it’s really good, especially for rookies, like I’m sure that if you had more exposure, you would be topping the charts already” Soobin complimented Ava to show his gratitude towards her dedication.

Ava was speechless at that, she didn’t know how to react and so you, being one of her closest friends, decided to step in. 

“Uhh thank you Soobin and hi! to everyone!” you chuckled awkwardly. “It’s nice to finally meet you all and hi Sunghoon, thank you for having us here” you added.

Sunghoon froze, he didn’t know what to say, he was speechless and rightfully so cause you were one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen. Granted, as an MC, he should have informed himself a little about who was going to come to the show but truthfully, he had been having a very busy week with all the projects he had been working on so he didn't have the time to look anything up, he just saw the name “Picture Perfect” and “Tomorrow x Together” on the papers he had been given followed by a list of names of all the members that he had to learn but, of course he didn’t bother with the names of TXT cause he obviously already knew them. 

“Sunghoon? Don’t just stare at her, talk, don’t be creepy” Wonyoung whispered so as to not embarrass her friend.

Sunghoon shook his head, as if that would help him clear up his thoughts.

“Umm hi, hi hello, pleasure to meet you” Sunghoon mumbled with a shy smile painting his beautifully blushed lips.

“Okay guys, we need you all on the stage, we start rolling in two minutes” The same lady that was in the dressing rooms before exclaimed.

And so, you all made your way to the designated set where the interview was going to take place, the two MCs were reviewing the questions that they had to ask and the lines they had to say, especially Sunghoon, who was very lost with all that. Once you were all placed where you had to be, the lady started yelling commands again to some of the crew members and when she made sure everything was in place, she directed her voice towards you.

“Alright, we’re on in 3,” she started counting down and you could see Wonyoung and Sunghoon fixing up their hair, Wonyoung was next to TXT while Sunghoon was next to your group. “2, 1...”

“The guests we are going to meet today photograph really well,” exclaimed Sunghoon with a small smile.

“And we also have here with us fourth generation leaders that we’re sure you know and love,” added Wonyoung with her beautiful eye smile.

“Picture Perfect and Tomorrow x Together, welcome!” said the two in unison

And the interview went on for three minutes where your group explained your name and your concept in a simple way and TXT talked about an upcoming project of theirs. When you were all done you said your thank you’s and retired backstage to get into more comfortable clothes so that you could go back home.

“Well, this was fun, sucks that we couldn’t do a stage though” Naoko groaned, exhausted from the week that was finally coming to an end.

“Honestly? I’m low-key glad we didn’t have to perform” You confessed 

“Why? Did Sunghoon make you that nervous?” Jin-Ae questioned you with a smirk dancing on her face.

“Please! Do you really think some guy would make our ace nervous? Y/n is better than that” Soo-Yun assured Jin-Ae.

Just when those words left her mouth, a knock on the door of the girls dressing room could be heard and everyone stopped what they were doing because they weren’t expecting anyone, but it was Mi-Sun who walked up to the door to answer it.

“Oh, Wonyoung hi, what are you doing here? Is everything alright?” Mi-Sun stammered from the surprise of seeing Wonyoung on the doorway.

“Hi, I’m actually looking for y/n? They told me she would be here” Wonyoung replies without noticing how Mi-Sun’s grin falters slightly.

“Yeah, she’s here,” Mi- Sun replies. “Y/n, Wonyoung is looking for you” she uttered, directing her voice towards the inside of the dressing room.

You walk up to the doorway while Mi-Sun retracts from it, mumbling a quiet “Bye” to Wonyoung.

As you passed her on your way to Wonyoung, you gave her a weird stare cause it’s not often she does things like this, so you made a mental note to ask her later when you two were back at your dorms alone.

“Hey y/n sorry to bother you but I just wanted to let you know that Sunghoon was looking at you- for you, i meant he was looking for you, yeah” she informed you, tripping over her words because she wasn’t quite sure what she wanted to say

“Why?” you inquired.

“I really don’t know, he just told me to tell you that he will be waiting outside the studio waiting for you when you get out, he told me he has to tell you something important” Wonyoung went on to explain. “He didn’t want to barge in here” she added so that you could understand the reasoning behind him waiting for you and it not being in a creepy sort of way.

“Oh sure, I’ll be on my way in like ten minutes or so, thanks for letting me know.” you gulped, still wary of the situation but not doubting that Wonyoung had good intentions.

“Good! I’ll text Sunghoon to let him know you’re going, goodbye! rest well!”

“Thank you! You too!”

“What did Wonyoung want you for?” asked Jun curiously.

“She wanted to let me know that Sunghoon was looking for me” you stated but it came out sounding more like a question than an answer

“Sounds like the Ice Prince has a crush” Jin-Ae playfully commented knowing it ticked you off.

“Oh, come on Jin-Ae cut it off already, you know he doesn’t want anything like that, he probably just wants to know about us as a group” you replied, mildly annoyed at her.

“If he wanted to know about our group it would have made more sense that he was looking for Jin-Ae though” Soo-Yun added her input to the conversation, and you could hear other members agreeing with her.

“Well, I don’t know, we’ll see what he wants when I’m done with him. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere to be” you finalized with a soft smile on your face so that the rest of the girls didn’t think you were mad at them.

With that said, you were on your way to the exit, where you were told Sunghoon would be waiting for you and sure enough, there he was in all of his bleached-blonde platinum haired glory that reflected a green hue because of the “EXIT” sign hanging up above his head, he looked gorgeous looking down at his phone, so gorgeous that you couldn’t help but freeze so you could admire him a bit longer. You stood there, contemplating his beauty, his posture, his grin, everything, but you had to admit that you did prefer him with his dark hair, it looked softer, but you still imagined what it would feel like to run your hands down his fried hair, even if it wasn’t a pleasant feeling, you wanted to know.

You were stirred out of your trance by the sound of a phone ringing, more specifically, Sunghoon’s phone ringing. You saw how his eyebrows furrowed from the unexpected phone call but they immediately softened up once his brain processed the caller ID.

“Sunoo?” you heard Sunghoon question.

Sunoo? As in Kim Sunoo? Of course, it’s Kim Sunoo you dummy, he’s Sunghoon’s group member. 

“What’s up? Why did you call? You don’t usually call so randomly” You observed how he was looking down while walking slow steps without a destination. You decided you were going to walk up to him once he was done with his phone call.

“Huh? How did you know? I didn’t even know that much” He sounded confused, and you wondered why.

“Yeah, I get it now she’s great, plus she’s pretty like, really pretty. I understand the fuss around her” Sunghoon chuckled to himself and you could hear a very faint “I KNOW” from the other side of the call you couldn’t help but giggle lowly but apparently it was not low enough, that caused Sunghoon to turn around quickly and he immediately met your eyes, you were making eye contact, at that point Sunghoon was completely ignoring what Sunoo was saying and he quickly interrupted him with a swift “I have to go, I’ll call you back” and he hung up, all while looking intently at you. You were the first to speak.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, I just didn’t want to interrupt your conversation, it looked important” You lied. “You see, Wonyoung told me that you were looking for me and that you were waiting here but that must have been a mistake I-” you chattered 

“Y/n” Sunghoon interrupted you with an almost cocky grin.

“Yes?”

“You’re rambling” 

a/n: hiii, so this is my first fic ever and as you could tell by the title, it’s gonna have multiple part. I know this part is a little boring but it’s basically an introduction to the characters so you could get to know them a little and I promise the drama will start soon :))))

ok so i’m currently writing a jealous jayxreader fic and it’s getting soooo long idk whether to split it up or just do it all in one part i’m so confused this fic writing thing is so hard props to the writers out there

w- what do you mean heeseung has red hair and niki is silver now

.. OH MY SHAYLA 🥹

okay, I’m just gonna say it: WHAT THE FUCK. Our seven are already being overworked with SO MANY clear signs of exhaustions, and according to Jungwon, they’re practicing for their next comeback (mind you, the last one was literally 1-2 MONTHS AGO??) WHILE THEY’RE ON TOUR?!?! And now you’re saying the company wants them to still have their concert WHEN A TYPHOON IS GOING TO HIT JAPAN. Especially after the TXT mistreatment incident and the ILLIT/Newjeans drama, oh my god, HYBE really DOES NOT LEARN.

for belift to still make enha have a concert in japan when it’s been announced that a typhoon is going to hit the entire country.. speaks volumes about what that company prioritises.

bcs how r u gonna send ur artist to have a CONCERT in the same country that the citizens of are going to supermarkets to restock on their products for a few days as they need to stay inside their houses and not leave. how are you risking your artists’ safety like this.

please boycott if you can. boycott and spread awareness about enhypen’s situation. since this company is so money greedy i’m so sure they’ll have to do SOMETHING bcs of the boycotts.

and GIVE ENHA A BREAK.

Literally was SO pissed when I saw Jay was sick..

STOP OVERWORKING OUR BOYS, HYBE?? First it was TXT and now Enha, let my ults take a freaking break! Engenes can wait for a comeback as long as our boys are healthy, spread this around.

#LetEnhypenRest

ENGENES jay is in the hospital AGAIN and will not participate in the Japan tour, and the boys are visibly tired and showing signs of colds according to Sunghoon, colds spread easily between them then quickly everyone will be sick!!! we can't let Enhypen have another comeback, as fans we will do everything we can to prevent this from happening, So today don't comment anything other than requests for Enhypen to rest and for Belift to reschedule the comeback use the #LetEnhypenRest, go to ALL social media and spread the message:

— @BELIFTLAB

How long do you intend to see your artists presenting health and physical problems without giving them a break? This routine of flights, commitments and shows NEEDS appropriate breaks. They are your artists, where is the care? This is inhumanane.

#LetEnhypenRest

@HYBEOFFICIALtwt @BELIFTLAB

We see the excessive overwork & exploitation of ENHYPEN. Their health & well-being are being sacrificed for your benefit, and we won’t stand for it. It’s time to end these inhumane working schedules and give them the rest they need.

#LetEnhypenRest

I know, this is like my 1373729293th post on blonde Sunoo BUT CAN YOU BLAME ME????

[SUNOO] Weverse con 🩵🤍

NO CUZ BLONDE SUNOO >>>>>>>>>>

[SUNOO] ㅎㅎ

Jungwon you silly billy goose kitty

[ENHYPEN] What am I doing these days! 🙋‍♀️ Thinking about the choreography of Fatal Trouble

OMGOMGOMG ENHA’S NY CONCERT YESTERDAY WAS SO FUN AHAJAJJAJAJASJ MY THROAT HURTS FROM SCREAMING SM AAAAAAAAAAAA LIKE IT FELT SO UNREAL

BLONDE SUNOO HAS ME ROLLING OMFG HE’S SO PRETTY 😭

© 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐁𝐨𝐦𝐛. do not edit/crop logo

na minha mente ficou uau montei e deu vontade de chorar.

It Was Never Just Fun (three)

part one

part two

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟPairing: fwb!rikix female!reader

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟGenre: angst, suggestive

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟWarnings: curse words

──── ୨୧ ────

riki had never known silence could be this loud.

The kind that rings in your ears. Sits heavy on your chest. Makes you realize just how fucking empty everything feels without the person you love.

And y/n?

She had been his silence for a month now.

No texts. No calls. No second chances.

And the worst part? He knew he had no one to blame but himself.

y/n never thought she’d get over riki.

She thought the ache of missing him would sit in her chest forever, that the ghost of his touch would always linger on her skin.

But then, one day, she woke up, and it didn’t hurt as much.

And that terrified her.

Because it meant she was finally letting go.

And deep down, she didn’t want to.

She just needed a reason to hold on.

But riki never knew how to give her one.

So she forced herself to move on.

Or at least, she tried.

riki didn’t hesitate this time.

Didn’t overthink. Didn’t run. Didn’t let fear keep him from doing the one thing he should’ve done a long time ago.

He showed up at her door, heart pounding, hands clammy, breath shaky.

And then—

He knocked.

Nothing.

He knocked again.

And this time—

The door opened.

y/n stood there, hair messy from sleep, wearing the hoodie he had left at her place months ago.

And fuck, he had never missed someone more.

She blinked at him, slow and unreadable. “riki?”

His throat tightened. “Hey.”

A beat of silence.

Then she exhaled, crossing her arms. “What are you doing here?”

He swallowed hard. “I need to talk to you.”

She stared at him for a long moment. Then—

“riki, don’t—”

“No,” he cut in, voice cracking. “Just—please let me say this.”

She went quiet.

So he took a breath and said everything.

“I fucked up, y/n. I know that. I knew that even before you left. But I was scared. Scared of ruining things. Scared of not being enough for you. Scared of what it would mean if I let myself love you.”

Her breath hitched.

But he wasn’t done.

“I told myself it was just fun. That I could keep you close without really having you. That I could kiss you, touch you, want you—without giving you the one thing you always deserved.”

His voice broke.

“And I was so fucking wrong.”

y/n’s eyes were glossy now, lips slightly parted.

But she still didn’t say anything.

So he took a step closer.

“I love you, y/n,” he said, voice raw. “I have for so long, and I don’t want to be scared anymore.”

Silence.

Then—

“You’re an idiot.”

His heart dropped.

But before he could say anything, y/n moved.

Her hands fisted in his hoodie, yanking him down, and suddenly

She was kissing him.

riki froze for half a second before melting into her, his hands cupping her face, his heart hammering against his ribs.

She pulled away first, her forehead resting against his, her fingers still tangled in his hoodie.

“You took way too long to say that,” she muttered.

His lips twitched, breath shaky. “I know.”

She exhaled. “You’re lucky I love you too.”

His eyes burned. “Yeah?” he whispered

She nodded, her voice softer now. “Yeah.”

riki wasn’t sure how long they stood there, breathing the same air, foreheads pressed together, hearts racing.

But it still didn’t feel close enough.

Not after everything. Not after losing her. Not after spending a month trying to pretend he could exist without her.

He wasn’t running anymore.

So he kissed her again.

Slower this time.

Less desperate. More sure

y/n didn’t hesitate, she melted into him, her hands still curled into his hoodie, pulling him closer.

His fingers ghosted over her waist before gripping her hips, anchoring himself to her. His heartbeat was wild, erratic, but for the first time in weeks his mind wasn’t loud.

It was just her.

The way she sighed against his lips, the way her fingers traced the back of his neck, the way she kissed him like she had been waiting for this too.

She pulled away just enough to whisper “I hate you.”

His lips barely brushed against hers as he murmured, “No, you don’t.”

Her hands slipped under his hoodie, nails dragging lightly over his skin. He shivered.

She smirked. “Okay, I wanted to hate you.”

His jaw clenched. “I know.”

Her expression softened. “You really scared me, riki.”

He exhaled sharply, guilt gnawing at his chest. “I know that too.”

She searched his face, eyes flickering between his, as if trying to find something. “And you’re sure?” she asked, voice quieter now. “You’re not just saying this because you miss me?”

He tightened his grip on her waist, shaking his head. “I’m sure.”

She studied him for another long second.

Then—

“Prove it.”

He swallowed hard. “How?”

y/n’s lips parted, but instead of answering, she tugged him inside.

And riki followed without hesitation.

The door barely shut before Naomi was on him again, kissing him harder, more needy this time.

riki groaned against her lips, hands gripping her thighs as he lifted her, letting her legs wrap around his waist.

Her back hit the wall, a soft gasp slipping out, and something about the sound made riki’s head spin.

Because for the first time, this wasn’t about blurred lines or ignoring feelings.

This wasn’t about pretending it was just fun.

This was real. They were real.

And he was never fucking letting her go again.

The next morning, riki woke up before her.

The sun filtered in through the curtains, casting a golden glow on y/ns bare shoulder, she was still sleeping, her face turned into the pillow, her breathing slow and steady.

And riki just looked at her.

Really looked at her.

And for the first time in his life, he wasn’t scared of what came next.

Because he had already made his choice.

And it was her.

──── ୨୧ ────

masterlist

ahhh it’s finally overr the ending was supposed to be wayyyy different but I switched it up last second, I hope you guys liked it!!

reblog and comment <3

Unspoken Desires

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟPairing: riki x female!reader

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟGenre: suggestive, angst?

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟWarnings: none

──── ୨୧ ────

riki didn’t know why he was still standing at the edge of her apartment complex, hands shoved deep into his pockets, heart hammering like a drum in his chest.

He had walked away, hadn’t he?

He had left.

He had told himself that was it.

But now, with every step he took away from her, he realized just how wrong he was.

He couldn’t forget her.

He couldn’t stop thinking about the way she felt against him, how she tasted, how the world had melted away the second their lips collided.

He was hungry for her.

His body craved her, ached for her. And he couldn’t escape the gnawing feeling that corrupted him

y/n had just finished dealing with errands, her body tired and sore, when she heard the knock at her door. It was a familiar sound, but this time it made her heart skip a beat.

She stood still for a moment, unsure, her mind racing. She hadn’t expected him. Not now. Not after everything.

But the knock came again, more urgent this time.

Slowly, she moved toward the door, her hand resting on the doorknob. She hesitated for a moment, her breath catching. Was she ready for this? Was she ready to face him after everything they’d been through?

She exhaled shakily, steeling herself.

With a deep breath, she opened the door.

riki stood there, his eyes searching hers. There was no anger in them, no bitterness—just something raw, something he couldn’t hide. His face softened when their eyes met, but neither of them said anything at first.

y/n could see the conflict in his gaze. The same ache she had felt. And in that moment, something inside her broke, the walls she had carefully built around her heart cracking just enough to let him in.

She stepped back, silently inviting him in. She didn’t need to say anything. The door was open, and so was she.

riki took a hesitant step forward, the weight of his own emotions making each movement feel like a thousand pound burden. He crossed the threshold, and for a moment, neither of them spoke.

It was as if the simple act of being in the same space again had already begun to fill the gaps that had been left in their lives.

Without a word, y/n closed the door behind him. They stood there for a beat, the air between them thick with unspoken thoughts but y/n could feel the familiar pull toward him, the one that had never really disappeared.

The moment stretched, thick with tension, as riki’s lips brushed against y/n’s skin. Every kiss, every touch, every move made his body ache for more

Her hands slid up his chest, fingers trembling as she gripped his shirt, tugging it off with desperate urgency. His heart pounded against his ribcage as he followed suit, pulling her shirt over her head, revealing the bare skin he’d missed more than he could admit.

He could feel her pulse racing beneath his fingertips, just like his own. They were moving in sync, a rhythm they had never lost, even after the distance, even after the time apart.

y/n’s eyes locked with his—dark, heated, full of need—and in that instant, riki knew there was no turning back. They were both too far gone to stop.

“Tell me you still want me,” y/n whispered, her voice a breathless plea.

riki didn’t think twice. He crashed his lips against hers, his hands roaming down her body as if he were memorizing the feel of her.

“More than anything,” he muttered between kisses. His voice was thick, heavy with desire. “I never stopped wanting you.”

y/n’s hands slid down his back, pulling him even closer, if that was possible. Her body pressed against his, and riki could feel every curve of her, every inch of her.

He couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think.

All he could do was feel.

Her lips parted for him, and he took the invitation, deepening the kiss, pushing her against the bed. He could hear the sound of her breath hitching, feel the way she arched against him, desperate for more.

“Riki…” Her voice trembled, fingers now working at the waistband of his pants.

He groaned, pulling away just long enough to look at her. The hunger in her eyes mirrored his own, and for a split second, he almost lost himself in it.

“y/n…” His voice was strained, barely a whisper. “Are you sure?”

Her answer came in the form of a fierce kiss, one that stole his breath and made his mind spin. She didn’t pull away. Didn’t hesitate. She wanted him.

And that was all the confirmation he needed.

He kissed her again, his hands trailing down her sides, urging her to move with him. Every inch of her body was like fire, like something he could never extinguish, something he would never be able to walk away from again.

They didn’t slow down. Didn’t stop. It was like they were racing against time, against their own resolve, against whatever might come next.

The world outside didn’t exist.

There was only y/n.

And there was only riki.

And they were completely, utterly lost in each other.

Unspoken Desires

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟPairing: riki x female!reader

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟGenre: suggestive, angst?

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟWarnings: none

──── ୨୧ ────

riki didn’t know why he was still standing at the edge of her apartment complex, hands shoved deep into his pockets, heart hammering like a drum in his chest.

He had walked away, hadn’t he?

He had left.

He had told himself that was it.

But now, with every step he took away from her, he realized just how wrong he was.

He couldn’t forget her.

He couldn’t stop thinking about the way she felt against him, how she tasted, how the world had melted away the second their lips collided.

He was hungry for her.

His body craved her, ached for her. And he couldn’t escape the gnawing feeling that corrupted him

y/n had just finished dealing with errands, her body tired and sore, when she heard the knock at her door. It was a familiar sound, but this time it made her heart skip a beat.

She stood still for a moment, unsure, her mind racing. She hadn’t expected him. Not now. Not after everything.

But the knock came again, more urgent this time.

Slowly, she moved toward the door, her hand resting on the doorknob. She hesitated for a moment, her breath catching. Was she ready for this? Was she ready to face him after everything they’d been through?

She exhaled shakily, steeling herself.

With a deep breath, she opened the door.

riki stood there, his eyes searching hers. There was no anger in them, no bitterness—just something raw, something he couldn’t hide. His face softened when their eyes met, but neither of them said anything at first.

y/n could see the conflict in his gaze. The same ache she had felt. And in that moment, something inside her broke, the walls she had carefully built around her heart cracking just enough to let him in.

She stepped back, silently inviting him in. She didn’t need to say anything. The door was open, and so was she.

riki took a hesitant step forward, the weight of his own emotions making each movement feel like a thousand pound burden. He crossed the threshold, and for a moment, neither of them spoke.

It was as if the simple act of being in the same space again had already begun to fill the gaps that had been left in their lives.

Without a word, y/n closed the door behind him. They stood there for a beat, the air between them thick with unspoken thoughts but y/n could feel the familiar pull toward him, the one that had never really disappeared.

The moment stretched, thick with tension, as riki’s lips brushed against y/n’s skin. Every kiss, every touch, every move made his body ache for more

Her hands slid up his chest, fingers trembling as she gripped his shirt, tugging it off with desperate urgency. His heart pounded against his ribcage as he followed suit, pulling her shirt over her head, revealing the bare skin he’d missed more than he could admit.

He could feel her pulse racing beneath his fingertips, just like his own. They were moving in sync, a rhythm they had never lost, even after the distance, even after the time apart.

y/n’s eyes locked with his—dark, heated, full of need—and in that instant, riki knew there was no turning back. They were both too far gone to stop.

“Tell me you still want me,” y/n whispered, her voice a breathless plea.

riki didn’t think twice. He crashed his lips against hers, his hands roaming down her body as if he were memorizing the feel of her.

“More than anything,” he muttered between kisses. His voice was thick, heavy with desire. “I never stopped wanting you.”

y/n’s hands slid down his back, pulling him even closer, if that was possible. Her body pressed against his, and riki could feel every curve of her, every inch of her.

He couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think.

All he could do was feel.

Her lips parted for him, and he took the invitation, deepening the kiss, pushing her against the bed. He could hear the sound of her breath hitching, feel the way she arched against him, desperate for more.

“Riki…” Her voice trembled, fingers now working at the waistband of his pants.

He groaned, pulling away just long enough to look at her. The hunger in her eyes mirrored his own, and for a split second, he almost lost himself in it.

“y/n…” His voice was strained, barely a whisper. “Are you sure?”

Her answer came in the form of a fierce kiss, one that stole his breath and made his mind spin. She didn’t pull away. Didn’t hesitate. She wanted him.

And that was all the confirmation he needed.

He kissed her again, his hands trailing down her sides, urging her to move with him. Every inch of her body was like fire, like something he could never extinguish, something he would never be able to walk away from again.

They didn’t slow down. Didn’t stop. It was like they were racing against time, against their own resolve, against whatever might come next.

The world outside didn’t exist.

There was only y/n.

And there was only riki.

And they were completely, utterly lost in each other.

————————-

masterlist

♥︎♥︎