Damien Haas - Blog Posts

Continuation

___________________________________

It was rare to get the whole Bat-family together for dinner, but Alfred had insisted. The dining room at Wayne Manor was filled with a chaotic mix of voices, clattering silverware, and the occasional verbal jab. For once, Bruce allowed himself a moment to enjoy it—until Jason leaned back in his chair, grinning like the Joker had just handed him a free pass to Arkham.

“So, Dick,” Jason drawled, raising his voice to cut through the chatter. “You gonna tell everyone about your new best friend?”

Dick, who had been mid-sip of water, choked. “What are you talking about?”

Jason smirked. “Oh, you know. The assassin who broke into your place and decided to play Mom instead of killing you.”

The table fell silent. All eyes turned to Dick, whose face flushed under the scrutiny.

“Wait, what?” Tim blurted, fork frozen halfway to his mouth.

“Oh my god, you weren’t going to tell them, were you?” Jason cackled.

Bruce set his knife down with deliberate precision, fixing Dick with a sharp, unreadable look. “Explain. Now.”

Dick sighed, already regretting this entire evening. “It’s not a big deal—”

“Not a big deal?!” Tim interrupted. “An assassin broke into your home!”

“And didn’t kill me,” Dick pointed out, raising his hands defensively.

“That’s not the win you think it is,” Barbara said, though there was a twitch of amusement at the corner of her mouth.

Stephanie was leaning forward, her eyes gleaming with barely suppressed laughter. “Hold up. Back up. They didn’t kill you, and instead, they… what? Offered to split the rent?”

“They made me breakfast,” Dick admitted reluctantly.

That was it. Stephanie doubled over laughing, pounding the table with her fist. “Oh my god, you charmed an assassin into meal prepping for you!”

Cass, seated beside Barbara, tilted her head and smiled. “They liked you.”

“I wouldn’t say they liked me—”

“They liked you,” Cass repeated, firm but amused.

Damian scoffed, crossing his arms and glaring at Dick. “That’s pathetic, Grayson. Allowing an enemy into your home and—what—offering to feed them?” His lip curled, but there was a faint crease of worry in his brow that didn’t escape Dick’s notice.

“I was tired,” Dick said, exasperated. “And I thought it was one of you!”

“That makes it worse,” Bruce said sharply, his tone cold enough to silence everyone. “You assumed the intruder was family and let your guard down. That could’ve gotten you killed.”

“It didn’t,” Dick said, meeting Bruce’s gaze evenly. “They left a note, and they stocked my fridge. That’s it. I’m fine.”

Bruce’s expression darkened. “I’ll install surveillance in your building tomorrow.”

“Bruce, no—”

“Actually,” Tim interjected, “we should bug the entire block. If they come back, we need to be ready.”

“They bought me groceries, Tim!”

“They were in your apartment,” Tim countered.

“You didn’t even know they were there, did you?” Bruce asked, his voice clipped.

“I was half-asleep!”

Jason was practically crying with laughter at this point. “This is the best thing I’ve heard all year. You, the golden boy, the people’s champion, managed to turn a hired killer into your personal shopper.”

“Technically,” Stephanie added, smirking, “they’re more like a life coach. They stocked your fridge because they felt bad for you.”

“That’s even worse!” Damian snapped, glaring at Dick. “Your incompetence is so obvious that an assassin pitied you.”

“Okay, Damian, I don’t think you’re in a position to lecture me about assassins,” Dick shot back, smirking.

Damian bristled but didn’t respond, his cheeks slightly red.

Barbara leaned back in her chair, shaking her head. “Only you, Dick. Only you could make an assassin reconsider their target because of how pathetically you live.”

Cass giggled softly, nodding. “They care.”

“Exactly!” Dick pointed at Cass. “See? Someone gets it.”

“That’s not a compliment,” Barbara said flatly.

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering something under his breath about irresponsibility and lapses in judgment.

“Honestly, you’re all overreacting,” Dick said, crossing his arms.

“Overreacting?” Tim repeated. “You didn’t even trace the receipt for the groceries they bought, did you?”

“Nope,” Jason said, answering for him. “Too busy enjoying the eggs, weren’t you, Dickie?”

“For the record,” Dick said loudly, ignoring Jason, “those eggs were excellent.”

Stephanie wheezed. “This is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. Dick Grayson: Assassins fear him, but also…kind of want to take care of him?”

Bruce sighed heavily. “We’re setting up surveillance.”

“You’re not—”

“We’re setting up surveillance,” Bruce repeated, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Dick groaned, dropping his head into his hands. This was going to haunt him forever.

__________________________________________

Jason had planned to crash at Dick’s place for the night—not that he’d told Dick. He’d gotten in late, his safehouse compromised by some bad intel, and while he could’ve gone anywhere, he’d ended up here. Grayson’s door was always open, whether Jason deserved it or not.

He told himself it was just convenience, but when he walked into the quiet, dark apartment, something felt…off.

The place wasn’t trashed, but Jason’s sharp eyes picked up on the subtle signs of a break-in: the faint scuff marks near the door, the window latch reset just slightly differently than Dick usually left it. His gut twisted. Someone had been here.

“You'd better not be dead Dick,” he muttered under his breath, his grip tightening on the handgun he’d pulled from his jacket. He scanned the apartment quickly, checking corners and closets. Everything was quiet. Too quiet.

Finally, Jason found himself standing in the kitchen. The fridge was humming softly, and the countertops were clear—except for a piece of paper folded neatly and tucked into the gap between the toaster and the coffee maker.

Frowning, Jason holstered his gun and picked it up. The sharp, precise handwriting immediately made his stomach drop. Assassins always had a certain way about them. His gaze skimmed the words, and his initial worry was quickly replaced by incredulity.

> "I was here to deliver a message, but your hospitality caught me off guard. Your fridge was so pathetic it offended me, so I ordered you groceries. Try to survive the next visit. You seem like a stand-up guy. —K"

Jason blinked. Then blinked again.

“What the hell?” he muttered, flipping the note over as if the back might offer some clarification.

He set the note down, opened the fridge, and stared. It was fully stocked—eggs, milk, fresh vegetables, yogurt. The yogurt was even the expensive kind. Jason let out a disbelieving laugh.

“Golden boy, you absolute idiot,” he muttered, shaking his head. The guy could charm just about anyone, but this? An assassin breaking in and deciding to do his grocery shopping instead of his dirty work? That was peak Dick Grayson.

But beneath the humor, Jason couldn’t quite shake his unease. An assassin breaking in to deliver a message was one thing. Leaving a note, making breakfast, and restocking the fridge was another. Who the hell was this person, and why hadn’t Dick called anyone about it?

When Dick finally walked in, fresh from patrol and looking like he’d spent the night dragging himself through a cement mixer, Jason was waiting for him. He sat on the counter, arms crossed, the note note in one hald and a bag of monster munch in the other.

“Hey, Dickie,” Jason called casually, but there was a sharp edge to his voice. “Anything you wanna share with the class?”

Dick froze mid-step. His eyes darted to the note in Jason’s hand, and he groaned. “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

Jason’s lips twitched, his smirk masking his concern. “Oh, don’t worry, I saw it. Read it. Even checked out the fridge. Wanna explain why a professional killer decided to play Gordon Ramsay in your kitchen instead of, you know, killing you?”

Dick sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s not what it looks like—”

“Not what it looks like?!” Jason barked, standing up and waving the note. “An assassin broke in here, Grayson. They were probably two seconds away from cutting your throat, and somehow, you convinced them to restock your pantry instead. What the hell, man?”

“They weren’t going to kill me,” Dick said defensively, though the way he avoided Jason’s gaze didn’t help his case.

“You don’t know that!” Jason shot back. “What if this is some weird psychological game? What if they poisoned your milk or something?”

“They didn’t poison my milk, Jay.”

Jason stared at him, jaw clenched, before running a hand through his hair and laughing—a sharp, disbelieving sound. “God, you’re lucky you’re so damn charming, or you’d be dead twenty times over by now.”

Dick tried to hide his sheepish smile. “That’s why you love me.”

Jason glared at him for a moment longer before the smirk broke through. “Yeah, well, someone’s gotta keep you alive. Speaking of, when were you planning on telling everyone else about this little incident?”

“Uh… I wasn't?"

Jason paused and then grinned, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms. “So you're saying Bruce doesn'tknow about this?”

“No.”

“Well, he’s gonna,” Jason said gleefully. “Because there’s no way I’m keeping this to myself.”

“Jason!”

“Relax,” Jason said, smirking. “Think of it as a bonding experience. Bruce will yell at you, Tim will freak out, Damian will call you pathetic, and I’ll be here to laugh through all of it.”

Dick groaned, burying his face in his hands. “You’re the worst.”

Dick Grayson barely registered the creak of his apartment door as he stumbled in, shoulders sagging under the weight of another grueling night. Three jobs and a patrol shift in Blüdhaven would do that to a guy. He kicked off his boots, dragged himself toward the couch, and froze mid-step.

Someone was already here.

For a split second, instinct had him reaching for the escrima sticks he kept stashed near the door. But then he caught the faintest whiff of something familiar—coffee beans? The expensive kind. And the faint rustle of someone shifting in the dark. He relaxed. Probably one of his siblings. Jason liked breaking in unannounced when he was in a mood, Tim treated locks like they were a mere suggestion, and Damien was Damien.

"Tim, if you're raiding my coffee stash again, at least leave some for me this time," Dick grumbled, flopping onto the couch without bothering to look.

Silence.

"Jason? Did you lose your keys, or are you here to eat all my leftovers again?" He paused. "Duke, if that's you, I—okay, actually, no idea why you'd be brooding in the dark, but it's been a long day, so I'm just gonna roll with it."

The silence stretched on, but Dick was too exhausted to care. Whoever it was, they could wait until morning. "Look, I’m on your side. Or, I will be in the morning when I’ve had some sleep." He yawned, dragging himself up off the couch and toward his bedroom. "I’ll make breakfast. We’ll talk then. Pancakes or eggs, your call. Just...try not to trash the place while I’m out, yeah?"

The figure didn’t move, and Dick didn’t wait for an answer. He fell into bed and passed out almost immediately.

---

When Dick woke up, the first thing he noticed was the sunlight streaming through the blinds. The second thing he noticed was the smell of coffee.

He frowned. Coffee? He hadn’t made any.

Dragging himself out of bed, he shuffled into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. There, on the counter, was a steaming mug of coffee and a note. Beside the note sat a printed receipt and a bag of fresh groceries.

Dick blinked, reaching for the note first. The handwriting was sharp and precise:

> "Not one of your siblings. Sorry for the confusion. Came to deliver a message, but your ‘brotherly’ assumption and hospitality caught me off guard. Your fridge was so pathetic it offended me, so I ordered you groceries. They should last a week. Try to survive the next visit. You seem like a stand-up guy. —K"

He stared at the note, then at the receipt. The assassin—or whoever they were—had bought him eggs, milk, bread, fresh vegetables, and even a few snacks.

Setting the note aside, Dick opened his fridge. Sure enough, it was freshly stocked. His two protein bars and box of expired cereal were still there, now dwarfed by the bounty of fresh food.

He shook his head, a grin tugging at his lips. “Only me,” he muttered, sipping the coffee. It was good. Better than what he usually bought.

Dick leaned against the counter, rereading the note. Whoever this “K” was, they clearly didn’t know how to keep things impersonal. And while the whole “message from an assassin” thing was technically alarming, he couldn’t help but feel amused.

“I guess I should be worried,” he mused aloud, glancing at the groceries again. “But hey, at least they care about my nutrition.”

It was the weirdest start to a morning he’d had in a while, but for Dick Grayson, that wasn’t saying much.

Chat I'm cooked

I quite literally am so infatuated by Damien haas

when i know i chose the right youtube channel to support !!!! 🇵🇸🪽🤍

My Avengers.🇵🇸🕊️🫡

smosh the sitcom was sooo incredibly well put together and an all together hilarious live show!! ALSO smosh taking a week off is really testing me and it’s only monday!!!!! just gonna be a long week of rewatching old content!! but the break is EXTREMELY well deserved because they put so much work into a truly amazing show. smosh is truly so dedicated i just aajsnksnsnd don’t have words for how amazing smosh content has been recently!! 🤍🤍🤍



Ok but DAMANGELA 2T1L WHEN??? 😩

"you guys are not normal about damangela" yes but not in the way you all are insinuating. i rotate them in my brain like a rotisserie chicken when i need to calm down. try it. it's freeing. do not be limited to the confines of normalcy.

I’m sorry, but why is other anon saying we’re not normal about damangela? It’s not like we’re stalking their family’s accounts trying to get info about them, or invading either of their privacy. We literally just acknowledge moments in videos that we enjoy and gush over that for a bit. If anything, I feel like we’re among the more normal fans tbh.

I think a lot of people just think that damangela in general is weird for some reason so they're probably biased tbh. I also think people are more wary about straight ships in general for some reason. Like they think that they are more likely to happen than most of the queer (or married) ships so they think that people who do ship damangela really think they are together?? It seems like the general public started catching on to them around the time of the shourtney wedding too so maybe they think *we* think they're the next shourtney or something?? Idk tbh lol.

But yeah I agree! We're just acknowledging cute/fun moments between them and then people who ship them more might gush a little longer, but then that's it. We keep it pretty tame and normal imo. I honestly don't see how damangela fans are any different than fans of any other smosh ship but clearly some people disagree lol 🤷‍♀️

I mean...

Just a little throwback pic... I just needed this on my page... no reason 👀

What if we all kissed? No.

hachi machi thats-a-one a-tight a-shirt 🫡

I just realized that BOTH of Damien and Angela's reddit stories were posted in July so that means we're gonna get Damien and Angela back on the couch and get another Reddit Stories in July!

I love Damien’s unflinching support for Angela’s one-sided rivalry with him.

lil shaymien thing i did a while back :3

Just Angela batting her eyes at Damien

GUYS! My origin story!! 😭🥹

I love being the only one submitting posts cuz y’all always know it’s me. Just your resident annoying Damangela anon✌️ /hj

It’s fun seeing my inbox full of “submitted by”s lmao I love it

Sharing more videos of Damien, because I don’t understand the hate on this man…he is one of the core members that brought Smosh where it is now…I’ll try to look for more especially older ones too…

What is your favorite Damien bit/quip/one-liner?

"oh damien's laugh is still kinda the same" 🥹

x

Apparently Smosh cut this scene from YouTube (for copyright I assume?) but I happened to screen record it before they did cause I loved it so much lol

*edited to add the slightly longer clip with Damien/Gus licking the marker, cause I realized they cut that part too :( And we all deserve to have that forever*

I really don't get all the hate for Damien that I'm seeing, I honestly thought most people loved him? He's always been one of my favorites of the cast, especially since I personally related to him cuz Im also autistic. But yeah, I always thought he was a fan favorite. It's wild to me anybody would think the rest of the cast hates him or anythin like that, it's very clear to me that they don't??

No literally like I always thought Damien was a fan favorite too so I was so surprised to see so many people hating on him on twitter. Damien is also one of my favorite cast members just because he's funny and talented and provides something different to dynamics at smosh. A lot of people at smosh give more loud chaotic energy and playful bullying (which I love don't get me wrong like Angela is ALSO one of my favorite cast members), but Damien provides more nerdy energy and witty comments and supportiveness (the other smosh members are supportive too but ykwim lol) that just gives something unique to the videos sometimes. I always enjoy videos with him in them and I like how they sometimes give us a different vibe. Like I love the super chaotic gas leak energy videos, but if we got that every day, it would be too much yk? I like the variety in vibes. That's also why I like Arasha and Trevor because they provide different vibes than some of the more chaotic members like Angela and Chanse. That's a little side tangent but yeah! I love Damien! I thought we all loved Damien. Of all the cast members, I was surprised someone as nice as Damien would get SO much hate. I mean I don't think any of the main cast members rn deserve any hate but still lol

And it seems so obvious to me that all of the cast loves him too, so idk why people think the rest of the cast hates him or something. Like obviously Shayne, but also Angela, Tommy, Amanda, Ian, Keith, Arasha, Chanse, Courtney etc. all seem to really like him too. Like I know Shaymien is an obvious duo and I talk about Damangela a lot, but Damanda is also an iconic duo (I mean Team Rocket hello!!) and him and Tommy are a great duo too (never forget Hooey and Beef Beef lol). If smosh really wanted they probably could make him and Angela or Tommy or Amanda an iconic duo there, but they just aren't trying to push it like they are with Shaymanda or Changela or anything so people just *think* he doesn't have any "good duos" there. Hell, him and Arasha have had some good moments in the recent games videos they've been in, and then in that Party Animals videos, him and Chanse had so many good moments that there were a couple people here shipping them for a few days too lmaoo. Also those couple "Damien and Ian trying and ranking every item at a fast food place" videos from like 5 years ago made me realize how good of a duo they are too.

All that to say that Damien clearly gets along well with a lot of cast members and they all really like him. For some reason, some people just think that if dynamics aren't shoved in your face all the time and extremely obvious, then they don't exist and he's secretly hated by everyone. Idk I just think he's neat and I feel like other people also think he's neat

so we agree this photoshoot was extremely whoreish of him to do, right?

a small treat for the damien girlies (gender neutral) 😉😉

movie credits: "my super psycho sweet 16" (2009)

REAL! We need more pictures of them together!

It's also so weird to me how smoshtwt threw a fit because he posted pictures with Angela in them like two times. Like girl bffr

I think a big part of Smosh community, particularly on Twitter, is straight up vile. Much of the Damien hate is rooted in not liking his "vibes", or "the way he speaks". Like I've seen people unironically tweet saying Damien should just shut up and not talk because it annoys them when he talks. I've seen these same people claim that Angela hates him, or how Damien is trying to take advantage of Angela to make himself more popular because he's become a forgotten Smosh member or some stuff like that. Genuinely horrid shit that they spout with zero shame. Absolute losers.

So much of it is rooted in ableism because of him being autistic. It's fucked up and the people who act like that need to grow the hell up. Didn't your parents ever tell you that if you don't have anything nice to say, you shouldn't say anything at all?

When you are actively a 'hater', I consider you to be more of a fan than an actual fan, since it's all you ever talk about. These people talk about Damien and Damangela more than the actual people who stan Damien and ship Damangela to begin with! Then they turn around and complain that those people are mad at them and talking to them and it's just like... no shit? You expect people to just let you run your ableist little mouth and not have someone tell you to shut the hell up? You don't get to just talk trash about people scot free, my guys. It's beyond immature, it's beyond pathetic, and one day you're going to look back at your behavior and be embarrassed as shit and I hope that day comes sooner rather than later.

The only ship that gets shit on so hard is Damangela, because as far as I can tell everyone has decided on their own that Angela is a lesbian, and she isn't. She also cares about Damien very much. Did you guys all miss her on Perfect Person saying she sought him out drunkenly just to tell him emphatically how much she loves him and appreciates him? People have made up that she hates him just because their dynamic isn't in your face and it's ridiculous, and knowing what I know about Angela, she wouldn't appreciate people deciding she hates one of her friends. It's not cool and it's childish to do.

Sorry for the length and the rant but I'm so, so tired of this behavior. It's just middle school bullying all over again.

I saw another anon talking about not really getting all the Damangela hype so, I think what a lot of people get wrong about how Ang reacts to what Damien says is- It's all on camera. In front of HUGE groups of people on a set. There's no way in hell I'd be openly flirting with anybody in that kind of scenario! if I can be slightly delusional- I don't think she knows how to talk herself out of a lot of the scenarios he puts her in. Not in a bad way! but in a "brain is not working, handsome man just said something sweet and is paying so much attention to me" way! and her best response is to ignore or deflect

She obviously has a big soft spot for him (almost bigger than his for her), with her constantly reassuring him when he does things well, yes-and-ing his jokes, and forcefully pulling him into convos. (and practically standing on him in tntls😊)

I can kind of see where people are coming from with "she's just like that!" "she tries to make everyone feel good!" but there's too many little things she does that makes it apparent she truly cares a lot for the guy

A great example is him flirting with her as Todd. She had no idea what to do. She's admitted on the Pretty Gay podcast that she kind of struggles with flirtation and how to react to it sometimes, or how to reciprocate, whether it's a playful thing or something with intention behind it.

It's just very clear when you watch them together that they really care about each other to me. It's far more subtle than say, Shayne and Damien's dynamic, so I can see why a lot of people miss things. They speak their own little language.

For anyone who thinks she doesn't like him, watch some compilations of the two of them and pay attention to the small things.