So.....I Deserve Nothing Ig?

Dazai: This anime is obviously a romantic comedy. Chuuya and I are the main characters so that means we are love interests.

Kunikida, rolling his eyes: yeah and what are we?

Dazai: You guys are the homosexual supporting cast. So make sure not to get too much screen time

Yosano: isn't Atsushi the main character?

Junichiro: and Nakahara-san only gets like 20 minutes of screen time how is a mc??

Ranpo: I am sorry, but I don't think I am supporting cast material, homosexual or otherwise.

Charles:  You know who's looking fine tonight? Camilla.

Francis: Okay, you did not just say that.

Charles: What? She's a good kisser.

Francis: She's your twin.

Charles: Yeah, but she's my faternal twin.

Francis: Right.

Charles: So, you have your siblings, and then you have your idnetical twins, and then you have your faternal twins...

Francis: No, honey, uh-uh.

Charles: That's not right, is it?

Francis: That is so not right.

Henry: This year, I lost my dear friend Bunny Concoran.

Bunny: stop telling everyone I am dead

Henry: you just wait :)

I was always really interested in literature since I was a kid. And one of the first things I tried to read was Crime and Punishment, but I got bored of it and gave it up after thirty pages. I didn't like it at all (same with a lot of books similar to that). I can't explain it but I just don't like a lot of classics, they may be well written but I don't vibe with them you know. I have decided to pick up Dostoevsky again and when my dad asked what to get me for my birthday, I told him to give me a hardcover of Crime and Punishment.

And now he thinks I am starting to like Classics, particularly Dostoevsky and he is really hyped about it.

How do I tell my dad that I am reading Dostoevsky's books to understand the backstory, ability and make predictions about an anemic rat from Bungou stray dogs.

(I am gonna read Crime and Punishment while listening to "Bernadette" by IAMX on the loop. The Fyolai nation weeps)

I have a headcanon that Kunikida ounce ran into Port Mafia Skk when he was in highschool. He saw them commit extortion or some illegal shit but he couldn't understand what they were trying to do (he thought they were doing a student film). And Dazai and Chuuya decided they can't let a witness roam free so they try to intimidate Kunikida.

Chuuya, holding bullets: where do you think you are going brat?

Dazai, pointing a gun at Kunikida: my my you look like you are in a hurry, not for long~

Kunikida, raises his hands: okay, this is getting too in character, I won't interrupt your shoot. Let me go.

Chuuya: what are you talking about? The only thing we will shoot is YOU

Kunikida: hey, hey....what is a little kid like you doing with bullets!

Chuuya: WHO THE FUCK YOU CALLED A LITTLE KID, BITCH?

Dazai: calm down, Chuuya. He's not wrong

Chuuya: wipe that smug smile off your stupid face, Shithead

Dazai: I think you need a timeout Chuuya. You are being very naughty today!

*Kunikida watching them having arguments*

Kunikida: hey, guys. Please let me go. I have class in two minutes, it's my final year, I have entrance exams to study for

Chuuya: wait...you go to school?

Kunikida:....yes?

Dazai: how is it like?

Kunikida: it's good for me, since I am the student council president and the top student but for most people it's terrible

Dazai: I wonder what it's like, to go to a normal school...

Kunikida: who doesn't go to a school?

*Chuuya and Dazai have a discussion between themselves*

Chuuya: we are letting you go on one condition, you won't tell what happened here to any one.

Kunikida: I don't even know what's happening here but sure, I won't open my mouth. Can I go? I am late!

Dazai: enjoy the freedom my friend, as long as you can

Kunikida, on his way to school: what the fuck just happened

They all forget what happened that day because of more important things that came next. But one day Kunikida witnesses Dazai and Chuuya having an argument and he gets deja vu, as if he has heard those same things before......

(most of the characters didn't have a normal childhood and that will forever haunt me~)

Honestly, Francis and Richard would vibe so much with "The Tortured Poet's Department"-----

I want some chaos, SO hear me out----

I want Akutagawa and Lucy to kiss for some reason (accidentally or intentionally) so that Atsushi will have the "My girl crush and guy crush are kissing each other and it's both terrible and hot at the same time"

Oliver: there's someone I like, since years and I finally want to confess....

James: I love you too

Oliver: what?

James: you said you were confessing

Oliver: I was talking about confessing to Meredith

James: oh...okay *stares at Meredith* I hate you sooooo much, bitch.

Ravenclaw: I have become accustomed to people being annoying. I am getting better dealing with them after I moved in with my new roommates. They are very unpredictable people---

Hufflepuff: ----Hey give me my pillow back, it's my favourite!!!!!

Gryffindor: I am not giving you this back, I need a pillow, I didn't bring one!

Slytherin: Give me the pillow Gryffindor!

*Gryffindor throws the pillow at Slytherin*

Slytherin: Here, take it *gives it back to Hufflepuff*

Gryffindor: I thought you were on my side! You betrayed me!

Slytherin: I just love watching you get mad.

Gryffindor: How am I supposed to sleep now without a pillow?

Slytherin: we can share one.

Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw: .....

Slytherin: why are you making this a huge deal? I sleep during the day and you sleep during the night, it's simple.

Gryffindor: Oh I thought you wanted to fuck....

Slytherin: you wouldn't?

Gryffindor: unless you want me to.

Hufflepuff: ....what is happening.....

Ravenclaw: Told you they are unpredictable, did you think this will be going in that direction?

Gryffindor turns to Ravenclaw: and you! Are you crazy? Who are you always talking to? What are you? Dora the Explorer?

Henry: let's kill Bunny.

Francis: sounds good

Charles: no problemo

Camilla: I don't care if you do

Richard:....okay? Yay, killing bunny!!!

Me: YOU ARE GONNA COVER UP A MURDER BY ANOTHER MURDER????? I KNOW WE HATE HIM,BUT MURDER, HENRY SERIOUSLY! AND RICHARD WHY ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO GET INVOLVED???? DIDN'T YOU COME HERE FOR THE COLLEGE EXPERIENCE, IS MURDER A COLLEGE EXPERIENCE????

Also, me: wait I already knew Bunny was getting killed why I am so surprised.....I had forgotten it was coming?

Also, me: fuck Bunny, let's kill him!