Short-gayy - Short-gayy

another OFMD post and she’s super long

there have already been a lot of takes about the really great way OFMD handles masculinity, but there is something i wanted to add. i think the thing that underscores stede’s personality and his struggles both in marriage AND as a pirate captain is the fact that he’s uncomfortable in masculine positions of authority. one of the first times we see this is in ep 1, with the flashback to stede’s home life. it shows him at the head of the table, with his wife seated all the way at the other end and the children seated right next to her. there is a literal and metaphorical gulf between them. mary and the kids are having a conversation, and stede looks both unhappy and uncomfortable when listening and trying to participate in the discussion. at first when i saw this scene i was bracing myself for another dismissal and butchering of women characters, but later in the episode, another scene changes this dynamic. it shows stede again seated at the table with his family, but he has moved down to sit by mary and the kids, and everyone is now smiling, laughing, and comfortable. by moving, stede literally and symbolically closed the gap between him and his family and removed himself from the head of the table, that place representing the authority of the man of the family. stede feels much more comfortable existing on a plane equal to mary and his family, yet his status and cultural norms prevent him from doing this. stede doesn’t feel completely uncomfortable around his family -- even though he is queer and him & mary were not a love match -- he is uncomfortable being in this traditional, patriarchal place of authority over them. this a more masculine space to occupy, and as the previous flashbacks about the dead animal and the flower picking show, stede is not very comfortable on a traditionally masculine plane. i think the fact that stede left without his family after mary rejected his idea to live out at sea shows this as well. he was the head of the household, the one with financial power, and could have easily made his family go with him whether they liked it or not, but he didn’t. he didn’t think the problem was his family, he thought it was where he was, the space he was supposed to occupy. to him, the sea represented a life of freedom and a realm outside of traditional society, where you lived by your own rules. he wanted his family to join him because he thought he would be able to be happy with them once they were freed from the confines of their restrictive aristocratic life. even though his marriage and family life was less than ideal for him, he still misses his family at the end of ep 1. and this leads into my next point. stede is pretty awful at being a pirate captain because, well, it’s another position of masculine authority! stede never felt comfortable being a mean and demanding captain – he always paid the crew, read them stories, encouraged them to talk about their feelings. he was able to be more authentically himself at sea – aka less masculine – but this made him a terrible captain in the eyes of the crew. the crew’s frustration with stede in ep 1 comes from the fact that they’re not doing traditional murderous pirate things, and buttons tells stede that they think he is weak. even though stede left for the sea to escape his masculine role at home, that masculine authority is still demanded of him but in a different way as captain. here, the masculinity he fails to perform is killing, maiming, robbing, etc. he constantly expresses discomfort at the thought of himself and others doing these things, which masculine men should have no problem with. stede equates his queasiness with killing as a pirate to his queasiness with the killing of an animal as a kid, demonstrating an overarching fear of killing that makes people perceive him as less of a man. stede has the most fun with the crew when interacting with them and being among them, just as he enjoyed sitting near his family. and one of the redeeming qualities that stede has, according to the crew, is that he reads them stories and does voices. the crew likes him best when he is closing that masculine power gap between them, just as his family looked more happy to be around him when he sat near them. stede being a more traditionally authoritative and ruthless pirate captain may have made the crew respect him more, but it wouldn’t make them like him. stede, overall, is uncomfortable being in a traditionally masculine state of power, and is also REALLY BAD at being in this position. and then enter ed. ed is really soft-hearted and less macho deep down, but his problem is that he is very good at PERFORMING masculinity, even though he doesn’t like it very much. it’s easy for him to threaten and yell and inspire fear in people, but really it is all a performance. we see this through the various exaggerated illustrations of blackbeard and black pete’s ridiculous story about him. however, we learn that ed is very vulnerable deep down, deals with trauma, and cries multiple times. he doesn’t like being this fearsome pirate all the time. although they come to see and appreciate each other more fully as their relationship grows, stede is initially so enamored by ed because as “blackbeard” he’s able to PERFORM masculinity so well, which stede finds himself just unable to do. and ed is initially so enamored with stede because he’s incapable of performing masculinity and just kind of lets all his quirks and less masculine qualities be expressed. ok this was super long hbo pls renew the show so i can STOP