Songs And Their Stories

people : happy gandhi jaya-

me : no thank you

you know what I've gradually come to realize? you don't have to be good at things to do them. you don't have to be good at studying to want to learn; you don't have to be good at remembering to want to read; you don't have to be good at dancing to dance (and have solo dance parties in the middle of the night); you don't have to be good at singing to sing (and serenade your best friends while drunk); you don't have to be good at following the rules of a language to write; you don't have to be good at art to create art (or paint in children's coloring books); you don't have to be good at relationships to love; you don't have to good at staying updated on the appropriate terms to use to care about humans and social justice; and you don't have to be good at being a person to live.

Can someone please send me resources or links or anything at all to send it to people to prove that we should stop using "narcissistic abuse" as a term?????

It also kinda perpetuates a negative/toxic view of romantic relationships. Like, y'know how people most of the time talk about their partner in a degrading way (not gender specific, this is gender neutral) - not just when they're annoyed at them, most of the time. It's mostly snarky.

Married couples are the WORST. They talk about how they're "trapped" now blah blah blah (kindaaa gender specific because cis men tend to do it more). Just take the WhatsApp family group forwards - how many "jokes" are made about physically hurting or even killing their spouse?

There's so much bitterness. Majority of the people roll their eyes and shit on couples who post lovey dovey stuff on social media, but to be really honest, I shit on the people who talk shit about their partner openly on social media. Including 'bashing the ex' vaala posts. Like, no, just no. That's immature and disrespectful. It's better to be cheesy than hateful.

It's as if once you get into a romantic relationship your individuality, your freedom, your space, your likes and dislikes are automatically gone/irrelevant - that's how it's portrayed is what I mean, when people say stuff like this. And that just shows how many people are in unhealthy relationships but don't realise it's unhealthy, they're normalising unhealthy patterns and not even educating themselves (and/or others) on how a healthy relationship should be. A healthy relationship shouldn't feel like a trap or any of the above. It's supposed to make you feel _free, safe, comfortable and confident with yourself_, supposed to make you feel good inside.

edit : and this is from a person on the aro-spec

OPINIONS

This is kindddd of an unpopular opinion, but...

I don't really think it's "morally wrong" for straight guys to watch gxg porn and feel turned on by it, I think it's only an issue if these guys meet a wlw and ask them if they're up for a threesome or something like that because they believe a wlw's sexuality is somehow connected to them or that a wlw somehow exists to cater to their sexual fantasies. Of course I acknowledge the fact that just because straight guys watch gxg porn, it doesn't mean that they're not homophobic/biphobic. I can acknowledge both of the above at the same time - it doesn't exist in dichotomies.

There's a huge difference between the two.

I think it's important to know that there's a difference between reading a particular genre of erotica or watching a type of porn but NOT wanting to have anything to do with that in real life. And I don't think erotica/porn actually influences people in such a way to such a large extent like how most people make it out to.

Just like how, when people read or write fanfiction, though they imagine their characters to be like this person, they don't usually *_identify_* the character with the person - I think that difference is important. Like, when I read Larry fanfics, I don't identify Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson to their character, I imagine their relationship dynamic, but I don't think of real life Louis and real life Harry doing whatever it is that's written in the fanfic - except for a rare few people, literally no one does that. But a lotta people don't understand that difference and that results in them being against fanfiction altogether.

//

One thing I don't like about 'one night stand' culture is how people make it out to be "fucking and dumping" and that shouldn't be so.

Sex is a form of intimacy and we're human beings, after doing something that requires both physical and emotional effort/energy, we need to feel soft, we need to feel safe. So the cuddling after sex or the resting for some time after sex together to feel like a person who had sex with a person and not like just a toy is super important. In books, they kinda make it sound like staying till the morning after and grabbing breakfast together ruins the whole "it's an only sex relationship", when in fact people need that to not feel like they've been used, it's extremely valid. It doesn't mean they have a _romantic_ connection per say, but they do have a connection because having sex is a vulnerable thing, no matter how hard a person tries to keep emotions and feelings separate, that doesn't happen. But just because you feel emotions doesn't mean that you necessarily want to date the other person, it just means you did something intimate and meaningful together - and you can have that vaala relationship and connection with how many ever people you want. But not actually talking after or having aftercare later does affect the person's mental health.

I think that's why so many people are against one night stand/only sex culture, when instead of being against that, they should stress on the importance of aftercare and communication.

I'm such a horrible person. I'm a terrible fucking person. I feel no emotional connection to anybody, I can't feel at all, but this is

I don't deserve people, I don't deserve anybody, I only deserve to die and fuck. I feel like I'm using everyone in my family and I feel like I'm a fucking monster of a friend. When pellle tell me that they miss me, I feel absolutely nothing. I feel so entho pole around Ammi that today when I was acting annoyed she legit told me that I don't even let her come near me anymore, in a whiney way but I know she genuinely feels bad about it and I'm a fucking horrible person and god why am I like yhis why eh why

When I opened up to my friend when she was doing a case study on me about the time Achan and I had a slightly troubled conflict vaala relationship I felt so fucking guilty because he's really nice and stuff and here I am talking bad about him, even if it isn't actually talking bad about him because I didn't say anything bad about him just what had happened but my brain is convinced that I was talking bad about him and I'm a bad person and I deserve to die and there's nothing for me to do than diw

I don't want to go back not because of corona or whatever I don't want to go back because I'm scared to be lonely and no one seems to take that seriously and they don't seem to realise how fucking painful it is for me to feel lonely. I don't know if people with bpd experience loneliness differently from nts but fucking hell I can't go back to something like that I can't I can't I can't I don't want to leave home and go back to my PG please please please

But I'm missing classes and I'll have to go back for exams but I won't be ready for that because I don't even feel like all this is happening in this reality, I can't comprehend that college is actually going on and classes are being took until someone talks to me about it, otherwise I'm completely detached and fuck I'm going to fail I'm not going to be able to write anything and on top on all this I'll just be a sad fucking disappoingment

My therapist is amazing he really is really good but my therapy sessions aren't stable and continuous and I have a feeling he thinks my diagnosis is a mild one so that's why I don't need as many sessions, I think so, I dunno but I do, I do, I do I really do but I don't know to tell him and I read and I see these therapists and therapy sessions in the stuff I read and I want something like that I want to properly work on this and be able to feel stiff like a functional human being and I want to stop living through life feeling empty not feeling any emotion not feeling like I have a proper connection with people not feeling like I love people

I went out with Sanju yesterday or day before or something and it was no nice but I'm trying to control myself and not feel too emotionally attached like I used to, maybe she's my fp or something cause she's the only person i um feel intense emotions towards, but that too isn't like typical emotions so I dunno. Anyway I've been trying to put as much distance between ourselves so it won't become that bad again so even if that means I won't ever get to be her best friend again like before it's okay because I don't think I can go through so much mental fucking pain again and I never want to treat her like how I treated her back then so I'll do my best to handle my emotions and if tgat means not being able to be like before then it's okay I'll suffer through her being close yo Sanjana and Aswathy and never me not me and I'll support her when she has boyfriends who she tells me about and I'll try to be a good friend the best I can because that's all I can fucking be because she doesn't know about queer platonic relationshios and she wooldnt want to be in one because she's a straight person who wants boyfrienfd and wouldn't want to be stuck with me and even if we do become best friends again I'll never be able to always hang out with her like I want to because we'll be far away from each other and because even though I'm platonically in love with her it would never work out she wouldn't be into it at all and it's as impossible and me being a functional human bueng so yeah and since I've properly convinced myself of that it doesn't hurt as bad and it's okay sometimes I let myself feel it when I think about the non-possibility sometimes rarely when I'm really happy like when she texted me first but that's only for a shoet moment cause I know how to control myself better now so yay

I feel like I don't have much of a relationship with my mom anymore. She's alwaysss, alwayssss busy with her MA Psych classes - morning, afternoon and night, and when she does come out of the room, the only thing she talks about is this leg pain she has and how this massage thingy is so good, with my grandma. She doesn't listen to me when I talk, she doesn't want to hear anything I say, but somehow she thinks she can come and scold me and repeat the things my grandparents tell me to do when she gets the time 😒 when all she does the whole day is stuff related to her class.

And what made me the most upset today was the fact that she said my kitten would die if it ate kitten food rn because it's too small and won't be able to digest it when I was talking to my GRANDMA. She never listens when I freak out about my kitten, never proactively asks about it or gives it any attention - atleast as far as I know, she claims that she gives it attention in the morning and I don't see cause I'm sleeping, but whatever. I dunno, maybe it's super petty and childish, but I feel unwanted.

She and I : discusses what to post on activism account, decides on bpd info reel

I : work hard on it, and lists one description which goes "congratulated only with one word and no emoji?? Etcetc, time to grab the red marker" and sends it to her cause it's my first time making one and I thrive on reassurance

She : it's nice

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE POINT OF READING ALL THOSE FUCKING THINGS I WROTE ABOUT BPD THEN IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO APPLY THEM YO, I LITERALLY *JUST* MENTIONED HOW ONE WORD ANSWERS LIKE THAT TRIGGER NY BPD AND SHE GIES AND DOES JUST THAT LIKE WHY

difference between shipping and queerbaiting, you ask?

Drarry = Shipping

Sterek = Queerbaiting

This "there are no personal boundaries within a family" / "everything belongs to everyone" bullshit that adults preach about REALLY needs to end.

Boundaries are necessary everywhere - it doesn't matter how close a relationship you have with someone, boundaries ARE necessary. When an adult tells their kid "you cannot have privacy because there's nothing called privacy within a family", or "you don't own anything of your own - everything you have can be used by anyone in the family, it doesn't matter if they ask you for your permission first", or "you can make whatever comments you want on someone else as long as you're family" - you are not only teaching them that they have no individual value-- that what they say, or what they feel don't matter, but you're also teaching them to be inconsiderate human beings. This is wrong on so many levels and "it's our culture, we grew up like this and we turned out okay" mindset is MESSED UP. YOU DID NOT TURN OUT OKAY! A person who has no respect for another's boundaries or privacy or autonomy or property is not a sign of someone who has "turned out okay".

I am so, so, so sick and tired and just DONE with this shit.