Write On The Wall

Bruce and Tim’s autistic asses have never made eye contact with each other in their lives

Like an interviewer comments lightly on his habit of adopting kids with black hair and blue eyes and he says, absent-mindedly, “Tim doesn’t have blue eyes,” to which the interviewer answers, with great confusion, that he most certainly does, and Bruce suddenly realizes he has never once looked at Tim’s eyes without the domino on and had just sort of assumed they were brown, statistically

I like to think naturally he’s far sighted but in an alien way super-vision way. So without his glasses he can scope out the city from the sky and do Superman work really well. But at a desk job? Noticing all those minuscule details like the chips in your mug, the graphite dust as you write, the colors and molecules humans can’t see must be exhausting. Like adhd issues but with super-vision.

So his glasses dull that down enough to let him focus on his writing work. Just makes things blurry enough to be at a human level.

Alternate universe where Clark Kent really does need his glasses and every time he goes Superman he’s risking it all

Lois: Listen Clark, I know for a fact some of the things you own can't come from a reporter's salary

Clark (didn't know how expensive some of the gifts he received were) : Well-

Lois: And I've noticed you get requested for Wayne interviews more often than you should and always right as Mr. Wayne goes on vacation

Clark (thought their excuse of "interviewing Bruce" when they had an off-world mission was genius) : Um-

Lois: Look I don't mind if you're his sugar baby or whatever. You do what you gotta do and if our home appliances conveniently get replaced right as they start showing wear and tear that'll be that

Clark (has regularly broken those appliances by mistake using his powers and replaced them with his JL collateral property damage allowance) : I'm not-

Lois: You're not disappearing to go spend time with Mr. Wayne? Or the money and gifts don't come from him?

Clark (remembering what will happen if he lets Batman's identity slip) : No, I am... And they do... You're right...

Nah bc why would Lois say that

Whenever the Bats would complain about any of their tech malfunctioning, Bruce would definitely be the type of dad to go "Back in the days, I didn't even have that" (and of course he overdoes it) :

Dick : This grappling gun's jammed again !

Bruce : Be grateful. I used to scale buildings by hand with a hook and rope.

Dick : Yeah, yeah.

---

Tim : The encryption program is too slow to crack this file.

Bruce : I cracked codes with a pencil, paper, and a lot of staring.

Tim : [rolls his eyes]

---

Jason : The comms in my helmet cut out mid-fight. How am I supposed to fucking coordinate with the other dickwads ?!

Bruce : When I started, I had no comms. Hand signals and pigeons were my options.

Jason : ... Pigeons ?

Bruce : Yeah, now quit whining.

---

Damian : Father ! My sword tracker isn’t syncing properly !

Bruce : Know what I used to do when I lost track of my gear on the field ? I used this thing called "my eyes" to find it. Maybe try that.

---

Barbara : The Batcomputer is practically prehistoric at this point. Maybe it’s time to invest in an upgrade.

Bruce : Prehistoric ? I started with a notebook and an encyclopedia. Plus, I had to cross-reference everything manually. How’s that for prehistoric ?

Barbara : Sure, Grandpa.

---

Cass : My night vision is acting up. Can you fix it ?

Bruce : When I first started, I had to rely on the moonlight. You’ve got infrared, thermal imaging, and sonar. Don’t take it for granted.

Cass : ...

Bruce : ... Fine, I’ll fix it.

---

In the group chat.

Tim : Just survived another sermon about the olden days and gratitude. I swear, I’ve got a migraine.

Steph : Yikes. What was it about this time ?

Jason : Let me guess. How he had to hack into systems using a pocket calculator and sheer willpower ?

Tim : Close. It was how he used to decode encrypted files by hand and climb five stories to cut the power while it rained.

Steph : Classic. Did he end with the “you don’t know how easy you have it” speech ?

Tim : Oh, absolutely. With a bonus lecture about how he built the Batcomputer.

Jason : Next time, just tell him you don’t care.

Tim : And risk another hour ? No thanks.

I'm not aware how they come to know each other's true id

Roy: Jason and I have decided that god forbid should anything horrible happen to us, we would like Dick to be Lian's legal guardian.

Jason: Roy!

Roy: It's the right decision Jaybird.

Dick: That is great news! Lian! When something horrible happens you're gonna be all mine!

Jason: It really is an if situation...

Dick: *Already picking up Lian* All mine!

Bruce: I don't mean to ruin this really beautiful moment but, was I even considered for this?

Barbara (over comms): B?

Bruce: I mean I am the parent of 6 healthy well-adjusted children who-

Barbara: Bruce you gotta go down to the police station. Damian just vandalized the school.

Bruce: ...

Bruce: This is not over

Dick: *Has been spinning around the house with Lian in his arms this whole time* Let's go see your new room Babywing!

Jason: Not her name...

Nightwing aerial silk routine to this song. Might add a part 2

Please comment even if its criticism. I need the motivation

my friend has been slowly poisoning me with batman movies