Iamhotwife - HotWife Couples Lifestyle Blog

Jim's and Sarah's honest couple talk

Sarah and I basically live apart in different cities. Unfortunately our work situation has forced us to live this way for the past 5 years.

We stay close by visiting each other as often as possible, but it is still not the same as living together in a single household. This makes for some very frustrating days and nights. When we are apart for protracted times we sext and talk with each other and mutually masterbate to the sounds of each others pleasures.

Sarah is a vibrant attractive middle aged woman who has always had other guys hitting on her. She has a great body and a beautiful smile. Since we've been married I haven't had sexual interest in any other woman but her. My pleasure revolves solely around her pleasure. So that leads me to my honest talks with her about our sexual desires especially when we are apart.

In the past Sarah occasionally had silent affairs with friends from outside of our marriage. This was mostly at the beginning of our marriage and even though she would never admit it, I was very aware of what was going on. I never told her to stop, but I did demand she be truthful about it. Here’s where the story gets tricky. She knows what turns me on and yet she was deathly afraid to act on it with my knowledge. So I never condemned her for what she did, but I just couldn't get her to share it with me. Obviously we didn't have a perfect marriage, but those acts of infidelity literally saved our marriage. Deep down she knew that what she had done was to make me want her even more and believe me it did and still does. Now even though her silence caused a significant amount of stress for me I also knew and appreciated what she had done.

I would spend countless hours thinking and rethinking about it and imagining what she was experiencing at those moments. Where had she done it? With whom how often? At the time it led me to spy on her just to get a glimpse of her private life, but still she never did understand that I was perfectly ok with it because to me the sex was the easiest part to understand.  I have always enjoyed a healthy sex drive. It's been a great 20 years of marriage and 20 years of me obsessing about her fucking other guys. To me it's a way of staying relevant in her life. Even though I would repeatedly tell her that it turns me on immensely for her to cheat, she would say that she had no interest in it. I knew that she had sexual interests that didn't involve me because occasionally her porn history would give it away. This led me to the extreme desire for her to explore her sexuality in ways others including her could not understand. I didn't even understand it sometimes, all I know is it drives me wild.

After many years of discussion we both believe that we can maintain a healthy sex life when we are apart if she fools around with other guys and includes me by simply telling me about it, letting me listen to her doing it and occasionally watching and even joining in on those occasions she decided we could play together. That way she can be completely guilt free, after all it's really not cheating if I'm asking her to do it. She knows she has my 100% support.

I have been able to focus in on the one aspect of it that leads me to very strong emotions of jealousy that drive me insane with lust for her not because she is with someone else, but because I am not in control. It is an out of control feeling like none other. The feeling of passion and love I have for her is amplified a hundred times over when I know she's doing something that I desire. I guess the easiest way to describe it is that even though we aren't together, we can still share intimacy with each other.

There are many great experiences that we have since shared as a result of our arrangement of me faithfully maintaining my monogamous vows to her and her having affairs with other guys to satisfy both of our sexual desires.

We found out the hard way that the key to a strong marriage is honest open talk among couples with patience and understanding. Sarah and I understand each others needs and she acts to meet my expectations without hesitation because she knows it makes us a better and infinitely happier couple. I allow her to do what she wants with anyone she wants, whenever she wants with no strings attached. Experts refer to it as a free hall pass for her to pursue whatever sexual interests she may desire.

If you find yourself in either a similar situation or having unexplainable desires to watch your wife have sex, then you should just talk to her about it. She may not want to hear it at first, but with time if you lovingly share your true feelings and wishes she will understand that it is not some trick, but rather a sincere desire on your part to be the most important part of her life.

It's no secret that sexless marriages are the number one cause of divorce. Understand that sex is sex and love is love. The confusion that crosses those lines is the same horrible miscommunication that comes from a failure on either part to be willing to actively give whatever it takes to make your marriage work. Failure is not an option it is an intentional consequence of silence.

Thankfully we can say that it has been a long road for us, but today we are happier than we have ever been. Despite our time away from each other physically, we are always together mentally. Our love, appreciation and respect for each other is unmatched by any other couple we personally know.

#iamhotwife

Some years ago when our marriage was slowly falling apart and I had seemingly lost all interest in having sex with him and after months and years of him trying to relive past hotwife experiences my husband sent me this text message:

I would only ever ask you to do what I know has always worked to strengthen our relationship because it has always worked in the past and because now more than ever everything we do going forward should always be built upon the love and trust we committed to years ago. If you can't trust me I can not continue to love you and I desperately need you to trust me because I still desperately love you. If you can't do what I ask without without being told or coerced then without wanting to I will find attraction to someone who will and you know how that story goes because we have both been there before. I've begged you to and you know without any doubts what I want so just go and do it and make sure you make it absolutely obvious so that I know [you] are doing it, I need you to do it without anymore pleases. Do it because you love me and you trust me and you trust yourself and you trust us and you love us together, or do you not?

Needless to say that caught my attention. Clearly we have a complicated life, but it's our life and honestly I wouldn't trade it for anything.

“Wife Sharing Trying To Convince Your Wife To Have An MFM? Show Her This Article The Hotwife Phenomenon - The New Threesome By: Dr. Sherry Lee, Ph. D. From: Psychology Today (Dr. Lee has lectured and published in the area of analytical psychology, and she developed one of the first electronic systems for the quantitative analysis human behavior. She started her counseling work by leading gestalt therapy groups. Apart from this, her several decades of professional experience has been largely limited to urban, affluent, female subjects.) What Has Spurred the whole Hotwife Phenomenon? Although motivations for the Hotwife phenomenon actually cover a wide spectrum, here we’ll cover a few of the most common. First let’s get this out of the way. The Menage a’ Trois is out, it’s yesterday’s news, and most women are glad to see it go. Why? Because for at least the last hundred years or so we women have had to indulge this male fantasy (usually with our best girlfriends as the second woman) and frankly guys, we’ve had enough. No, we don’t really like to perform oral sex on our best friends just because you think it’s hot, sorry. We’re not lesbians and even though it looks like we like it in every porno you’ve ever seen, the last thing that turns us on is watching you, our boyfriends/husbands screw another woman right in front of us. We just aren’t wired to like that. It’s biologically programed into us not to like seeing our mates mating with other females. On the other hand, we women know that a lot of you men out there DO like the idea of watching us, your girlfriends and wives, get it on with another male while you either watch or better still, join in. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. Polls show that more and more women, especially those in their late thirties and older, who are passed or passing their child bearing years, say that the threesome they do find extremely exciting is the kind of threesome so called “Hot Wives” are having and that’s the MFM or Male-Female-Male threesome. These women are hitting their sexual prime during their late thirties and early forties and many of them like getting attention from younger males. These women don’t want to cheat on the men they love, they want to have their boyfriends and husbands to let them be the sexual creatures at the peak of their sexual powers that the media has falsely convinced men happens when women are in their twenties. It’s just not true. While many males my be suffering from a drop in their testosterone levels in their forties and feel like their sexual peak is a distant memory, the women in their lives are just getting warmed up, maybe even hot! What is a Cuckold? A husband who is a cuckold is aware of his spouse’s activity, most likely actively encouraging it and derives sexual pleasure from it. Biologist Robin Baker speculates in his book “Sperm Wars” that the excitement and stimulation of the cuckolding fetish emerges from the biology of sexuality and the effects of sexual arousal on the brain. Baker believes that when a man thinks that his female mate may have been sexual with another man, the man is prompted by biological urges to copulate with the female in an effort to “compete” with the other man’s sperm. While this is just a theory it may help explain the desire by many men to have their wives sleep with other men. He may value the relationship and not want her to jeopardize things because of the deceit and secrecy that normally accompany affairs. In short, he wants to know about and approve any extramarital sex, and even have some control over it. The cuckold husband wants his wife’s sexual encounters with men to be for sex only, with no marriage-threatening emotional entanglements. The mass media often cast beautiful and desirable women as both sexy and prone to sexual liaisons. Whereas this type of woman used to be considered a “fallen woman” or even a “whore,” in some minds she now seems to represent an enticing new standard. Some women used to brag about how they could avoid marital sex, and despite the views of some radical feminists, such women are now suspected as being man-haters, latent lesbians, or simply having personal problems. Now, many women find a certain excitement in being viewed as sexually liberated. For some, especially some older women, there may be a certain ego gratification in still being viewed as being sexually desirable — even discretely promiscuous. While holding to the security of her primary relationship, she may revel in experiencing sexual freedom. At the same time, some cuckold husbands want their wives to appear ladylike on the surface (in public.). But, among the majority of these men, they want they wives to be known as “hot”, “sexy”, and “not hung up about sex,” or even “great lays.” Although this type of wife was once considered a threat to husbands — and it still is to most — the more psychologically secure males believe that a healthy and well-adjusted (and desirable) woman enjoys sex, and has the right to be just as open about it as men. Also, the husbands involved often pride themselves in being secure enough to handle a hotwife. He may even brag to another man about how his wife loves sex and can’t get enough (which, not coincidentally, may be very much in contrast to the attitude of that man’s wife). Implicit in the comment is that the husband has no problem with this, and that, in fact, he thinks his wife is very “hot.” In most cases sex within a Hotwife marriage is just that. Hot. Women in the Hotwife lifestyle report having higher than average self esteem, they report far fewer incidences of infidelity on the part of their husbands, an above average libido, and overall feelings of being attractive, especially to younger males. Many women realize that other women regularly enjoy “good sex,” and although many wives have grown ambivalent about sex within their marriages and are reluctant to try new things, these barriers frequently fall with the expectations of new sexual partners. With new men there appears to be unspoken desire to “not disappoint” and “to be good in bed.” Even though she may have started to have doubts about her sexual desirability, as a hotwife she will find that men are again interested in her. For some women this can constitute a kind of new “sexual awakening.” This transformation can be quite disturbing for a husband who isn’t prepared to handle it. But for those men who have always thought that their wives were not only devoted to them but should be admired, even lusted after by other men, it is a dream come true. Contrary to the most commonly held belief that all cuckold husbands are by default the submissive type with a small penis inferiority complex, most of these men are actually extremely confident in their masculinity and their “manhood”. They also report having no desire to have sex with other women. Their hotwife is almost always the sole focus of all their sexual fantasy and activity. In my experience, this may be the only class of men who can actually be believed when reporting this. In some circles a woman may wear a bold ankle bracelet on her right ankle to tell men “in the know” that she’s a hotwife. (At the same time, most women who wear ankle bracelets do so without realizing the possible significance.) Once seen as a hotwife, she may flirt with select men, making it clear that she’s available for sex. Women As Sex Objects? Many women feel that being a hotwife turns a woman into a sex object. This seems to be primarily based on the premise that enjoying sex is a masculine prerogative. However, more and more women are finding that this is not so. Most women have lived their lives trying to act “like proper women” and shunning men “who have one thing on their minds.” Now, according to one woman, “I let guys know I like sex.” Thus, she may soon get beyond, “what other people will think” and concentrate on the pleasures of the sexual experience — in particular, experiencing regular orgasms. This is often bolstered by the excitement that surrounds the culturally taboo aspects of a married women having sex with other men. Usually it’s the Husband’s Idea All of this notwithstanding, the cuckold husband/hotwife phenomena is typically the idea of the husband who not only knows about the high number of female affairs, but is even sexually excited by visualizing another man having sex with his wife. According to one husband, “I had to really change my view about how a wife is supposed to be, especially with guys finding out she’s ‘available’ even though she’s married to me. But now I really get off on having a woman that guys think is hot and who they want to have sex with. Fact is, instead of being embarrassed or defensive, I brag about how she loves sex, and then I casually mention that this sure makes her a lot different than most wives. In a very good way.” According to another husband, “…as far back as I can remember in our marriage, I’ve always been turned on and excited by the idea of encouraging her to let guys give her all the sexual attention she can handle. …She and I feel closer and more attracted to each other because of all the attention she gets from men. Especially the younger guys. They all think she is hot and they’re right! My wife feels that as long as we are together when she’s with another guy, everything is OK. It’s a huge turn on for both of us.” From her husband’s perspective, he has long ago ridded himself of the “fallen woman baggage” that pervades most of our culture, the fact that his wife is pursued by men, makes herself available to men, and sometimes has sex with other men, introduces a bit of competition for her. This can strengthen the husband’s resolve to “treat her right” although most husbands with hot wives already have a sort of “wife worship” fetish you might call it. They tend to buy their wives pretty clothes, take them out, and tell them how attractive they think they are and make them feel that they are attractive to other men. He may fantasize about a powerful (safe) man sexually awakening and dominating her, and forcing her to break free of sexual inhibitions. Some husbands know how exciting a new sexual partner and experience can be, and want to offer some other men this experience with their wives. A husband may also fantasize about having a wife that is, to a degree, driven by both a physical and a psychological need for sex. Visualizing or seeing first-hand other men meeting this need in her —but only with his permission— may excite him. The Woman’s Perspective Women have a different perspective on being a hotwife, of course. According to one woman, “I’ve got a sense of freedom in enjoying the company of men and not being paranoid about a jealous husband, or even being worried about what people will think. If I want to have sex with a guy I find attractive, all I have to do is tell my husband and I have the freedom to do it. For me, having my husband there is a huge part of the turn on. Knowing it excites him makes it more exciting for me. Of course I’m excited that a younger, good looking guy wants me and thinks I’m hot, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. But just sleeping with another guy without my husband feels more like cheating than a turn on. Some women go on dates without their husbands and a lot of husbands are OK with that. For me, I want my husband with me. I want him to see me being taken by another man. It’s really hot, for both of us.” At the same time, the hotwife does not want jealousy or resentment to ruin her marriage or threaten the unusual freedom she enjoys, a freedom she knows that very few husbands would be willing to grant. Therefore, she needs to be careful to be totally open and honest to her husband about her lovers. This means that there will be no secret conversations or secret meetings with men. It may also mean that the husband may want to approve of the men she has sex with. The cuckold husband may want his wife to announce her sexuality by wearing revealing clothes. For example, he may accompany her to a night spot in a distant city and have her dress in ultra-revealing clothes or tell her to go out without wearing any panties. This can serve to get them both used to the resulting male attention. Rather than being jealous, having a wife that is seen by other men as sexually “hot” may provide him with an ego boost. (Dare we suggest that for some men hot wives are replacing hot cars as a source of pride.) Thus, while the male and female motivations might be quite different in the cuckold husband-hotwife phenomena, the ultimate goal can be the same. The husband will have to deal with meeting men who have had or want to have sex with his wife. To compensate for any suspected loss of his virility, the husband may remind others of his own previous sexual escapades. At the same time to prove his lack of jealousy, he may freely admit to men that his wife regularly enjoys sex with different men, and he may even subtly offer her to select men. According to one man, “I like to set things in motion like that just to see what happens.” The Quintessential Issue What may seem desirable for the husband or wife while under the influence of testosterone, libido or fantasy, may later seem like a huge mistake. The result may be regret and marital estrangement. Clearly, the cuckold husband/hotwife idea is at odds with cultural conditioning and human tendencies toward jealousy and possessiveness. Although these traits may not be desirable, they are the norm and must be recognized. Even assuming that both partners are okay with going in this direction, most of society isn’t. With most people there is still a sigma associated with a promiscuous wife and a husband that lets his wife have extramarital sex. Most people who find out about this will respond negatively toward both partners. This can be a problem in a work environment where “character” is a part of job performance and promotion considerations. (A common male chauvinistic attitude with roots in the “wife as the husband’s property” notion says that a husband should keep his wife “under control,” and if she has affairs she definitely isn’t “under control.”) While many couples are able to keep their sexual activities private, they may live with the fear that they may be found out. At the same time, self-employed people who live in large urban areas, or people who work around like-minded individuals probably won’t have this concern. All this being said, given the ever-increasing number of affairs, and the emerging attitudes about condoned affairs in countries such as Japan, one wonders if somewhere down the road to cultural enlightenment U.S. society won’t be ready to accept open relationships. We seem to be in the early stages of that now. Although the transition will certainly be bumpy, if we are able to shift our emphasis to love and commitment to hold relationships together, rather than the refutable doctrines about sexual exclusivity which simply cater to jealousies and insecurities, it would not only eliminate much heartache, but it would remove many of the “justifications” for dissolving relationships and an ever increasing divorce rate.”

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