Hate Myself For Loving You!

My Angel ☆

Slash x reader

warnings: a bit of angst at the start, just fluff, mentions of alcohol and drugs, etc.

summary: y/n and Saul get into a fight about his addiction, and saul finds a letter y/n had written about him.

authors note: listen to September - sparky deathcap, because it fit 💀 part 2!!

"Oh go fuck yourself, saul!" she yelled out as tears streamed down her face, staring back at the man she loves. she hid her face in her hands as Saul let realization hit him, he failed her again, he relapsed after promising to stay clean for the third time in their five years together. he called her names, trashed the house, told her he wished he never loved her, that he despised her. all because she had flushed his stash down the toilet, those words were the first thing she said since he started his tantrum. her sobs now filling the apartment "s-shit baby" he mumbled as he walked towards her his hands reaching up to hold her arms "don't touch me" she said flinching away from him almost instantly she finally looked up at him, with a look he couldn't even describe. y/n grabbed her car keys and purse, quickly rushing out of the apartment, leaving saul alone with his mess. she left. his brain was too drugged to comprehend going after her, he didn't know what to do, he was lucky he was even still standing with the number of drugs he's consumed. Saul rushed over to the phone connected to the wall, dialling Stevens number as he waited, till he heard a voice "steven adler speaking!" "adler, I fucking- y/n, she left and... shes gone" saul sobbed into the phone, leaving his friend very confused as Steven looked over at duff who'd been over at his house "hold on, me and duff are on our way okay?" saul nodded, letting the other hang up as he fell against the wall. he looked around the trashed apartment and noticed underneath a pile of glass, was a book. y/ns handwriting on the front of it. it was her journal, the one she always wrote in. he moved over to grab it, his fingers moving over the old leather cover of the book. he opened the book and let whatever page open, his eyes read over the words, letting himself remember how he loved her handwriting, she always said it looked like a little kid's handwriting, almost unreadable but he always read whatever she would write. he noticed the date that was written 22/9/1987. the day guns n roses performed at the ritz in new york. how can he look so pretty, so angelic without even trying, my saul, a complete angel. gosh how I love him, how I adore him, I've loved and adored him since we first met before all this, before guns n roses, back in 84. I don't regret going to Madam Wong's in East Hollywood, I remember how adorable he looked, his hair was less wild then. I remember the funky clothes he wore that night, god how I remember what I felt when he looked at me. I felt like a little girl whose crush held her hand for the first time during recess. I remember how he stumbled over his words when he came up to me afterwards, I remember how gentle his touch was, how he asked to kiss me underneath a faulty street light in California's weather, I remember every date and moment that happened after. I know saul isn't clean anymore, it hurts me knowing he could slip through my fingers at any given moment, he doesn't remember how I held him a few nights back, I could hear his breathing vividly, and I could see how the colour and life was sucked out of him, he looked almost ghost-like. he doesn't know that's why I haven't slept well in the past few nights, how could I? how could I rest knowing my angel might vanish. how I hate when he does it, but then again, how I love him. my beautiful beautiful boy, I gifted him that song and told him it described him very well. a very beautiful boy. I've dreamt of love this good, and I've got it, saul hudson will forever be the man I love. if we're together or broken up, far or close, in love or fighting, he will always be that angel that sits in my heart, strumming his guitar without a care in the world, singing my favourite songs to me, letting me run my fingers through his untamed curls. I wonder if we ever have kids and if they'll take after him, I hope they do, how I would love little version of him, with his beautiful brown eyes, gorgeous black curls, beautiful facial features, warm coloured skin.

how I love him, my sweet beautiful boy, my guardian angel. y/n l/n ♥ Saul hadn't noticed how hard he began sobbing, this was how much she loved him. and yet all he did was tell her he didn't love her at all. he pulled the leather-covered book to his chest and pull his knees to his chest. not realizing that the door had opened and revealed the mess of an apartment to his two friends. Steven's eyes quickly made their way to Saul, who was surrounded by broken glass, and wood. Duff looked around, getting an idea of what just might have gone down. they both rushed over to Slash, glass breaking underneath their steps "Hey man" Steven said as he crouched down to Slash's level "we need you to calm down alright? so you can tell us what happened and where y/n is" the smaller blonde explained as Duff rubbed Sauls back 

"get him some water, Adler" Duff said as Steven rushed to do so. it didn't take Steven long before he made his way back to them handing Saul the glass, who chugged it down rather quickly. "could you now tell us what happened?" Duff asked, Saul, keeping his gaze straight ahead "she found out I relapsed.she flushed all my shit down the drain, and I got mad at her. I yelled, I threw things, broke some more, i-i told her I didn't love her... that I would never forgive her for what she did, fuck man- I told her I hated her, despised her even" he mumbled letting out a sob towards the end "and she told me to go fuck myself, and when I tried to touch her, she moved away and told me to not touch her, and then she... she left without another word. I need her, I really really love her and I fucked up" he mumbled tears rolling down his cheeks, not caring that this had to be the first time he'd cried around the guys. 

Steven squeezed his shoulder before sighing "let's get you to bed, and then I'll clean up here and Duff can go look for y/n/n, okay?" Steven told his friend before he and Duff had helped Slash up and to his bed, the one he and y/n got up from not long ago. the minute Saul's head touched the pillow, he was out. Duff noticed y/n's journal in Saul's grip, he took it and placed it on the bedside table before leaving the room and closing the door behind him, Steven grabbed a garbage bag and began cleaning up the glass "you knew. you knew he was doing drugs again and didn't say a word to her." Steven told Duff looking at him "I know, I already feel like an asshole" the man said as he sat down on the couch ..... part 2 will be up soon, I promise!! thoughts?

Champanges Coast

Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Model! Reader

warning: language and adult themes

events of upside never happened.

Eddie Munson was a rockstar now. The kind who had stadiums chanting his name, who grinned from magazine covers with rings on every finger and a cigarette hanging from his lips. But some things never changed—he still played his guitar like he was exorcising ghosts, still laughed too loud, still never really believed any of this was real.

Then he met Ethel.

She was the kind of beautiful that felt like an accident, something effortless and wild, like ink bleeding into water. An up-and-coming supermodel, fresh off the Paris runways, with sleepy eyes and a voice like a sigh. They met at some party neither of them wanted to be at—dim lights, neon flickering against velvet walls, the smell of expensive perfume and liquor hanging in the air. Eddie had been lingering by the bar, nursing a whiskey on the rocks, when she walked past him, draped in something silk and barely-there, and smirked like she knew a secret he didn’t.

“Not your scene?” she asked, leaning beside him, her presence electric.

He snorted. “What gave it away?”

She shrugged, taking a sip of her cocktail. “You look like you’d rather be anywhere else.”

“Not anywhere,” he said, and he didn’t know why he said it, but the way she looked at him made him feel like maybe he meant it.

They ended up sneaking out together. Ditching the party for the city streets, where the air was cold and sharp, where they could breathe again. The neon signs buzzed above them, painting their skin in flickers of pink and blue. They walked with no real direction, just the sound of their footsteps on wet pavement and the occasional flicker of a passing car. Eddie told her about the first time he played in front of a crowd, how he was shaking so bad he thought he’d drop his guitar. She told him about the first time she walked a runway, how the lights were so blinding she felt like she was floating.

“Still get nervous?” she asked, her voice soft.

“Every damn time.”

She grinned. “Me too.”

They ended up in some tiny 24-hour diner, sharing a plate of fries, Blondie playing softly on the jukebox. She slipped off her heels, stretching her legs across the cracked vinyl booth, her bare foot nudging against his under the table. He could still smell her perfume, something floral and sweet, and when she laughed, it curled around him like cigarette smoke.

“You’re not what I expected,” she said, tilting her head, watching him like she was trying to figure him out.

“Oh yeah? What’d you expect?”

She smirked. “More… rockstar.”

He scoffed. “Trust me, sweetheart, I’m plenty rockstar.”

“Mm.” She pretended to consider. “I don’t know… I think you might just be a boy with a guitar.”

Eddie leaned in, smirking right back. “Lucky for you, I’m both.”

And maybe it was the late hour, or the cheap diner coffee, or the way her eyes held the city lights in them, but when she reached across the table, lacing her fingers through his, Eddie Munson, rockstar, completely forgot about the rest of the world.

I WANNA DIE

okay so basically little rant about my love life cuz wtf not. recently lifes been a mess i failed my gcses and im doing fast track with english as my only alevel and if i dont impress my teachers they might not take me to level 3 rn to continue on and not have to repeat year 12. i also have to retake my maths exam in nov which im dreading cuz its the same month as my grandpas death day. anyways this ex of mine who i had two fwb situations with during the summer, he was my crush for 4 years by the way. and we broke up the first time because he wanted sex and its against my religon and even if it wasnt i wouldnt do it because of past truama and just the pure fact im not reayd n im not sure i ever will be. he told me he loved me a few hours before we broke up. and so to cope with all of this, you guys are getting the most depressing love story of Eddie Munson based on exactly me and this ex, ur gonna hate eddie after this but i will be leaving out the part where my ex is compulsive liar and has admitted it to me when we became friends and he told me he might be gay but he doesnt wanna be (could be a lie again hes a compuslive liar) he ended our friendship last week and today was the first day id seen him again, the first time i was really crowded and he wasnt as close to me but then when me and my friend left school grounds to go to the nearby gas station he was there with his best friend, and i literally started shaking that my friend got so worried espcially since i havent been doing well cause of this chick i befriended recently and my other friend came later and he got worried too but some of this series will be fictional so it wont end the same time me and my ex stopped being friends, but we stopped being friends cause i still have feelings for him and he told me he thought girls were revolting. so yay, enjoy, tbh im putting my entire mental state into it because if i dont do it i might go insane because my mental health is declining terribly :))

wlw heartbreak isnt a joke. dont take it lightly and take care of ur friends who go through it.

what the actual fuck, what the actual fuck, what the actual fuck, WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.

10 things I hate about you!

I will link the new chapters every time I published a chapter :) ●trope: rom-com couple ●warnings: strong language, smut, you could say slow burn, ansgtyyyy

<<if you haven't watched the movie, this could spoil it for you>> Eddie Munson x reader ●Masterlist: Beware The Bitch!

she moved on. she likes someone new.

chat i love my gf 😁😻😍😍😍 (i dont have a girlfriend. i wish i did)

TW mentions sh

my mom smashed my metallica and guns n roses vinyls because she saw my scars. i am sobbing.

rip angel

rip mathew perry, you always will be my favorite actor from friends (if my fucking week couldnt get worse.)