Aphilosopherchair - Dinner Made In Adrenaline Imbroglios

Vampire Psychologist For Hire

Human recruiter filling position for psychologist:

You left your gender checkbox blank. It's our fault that the system controls were not fully in place, but I do expect meticulousness from my psychologists.

Vampire graduate who majored in human psychology:

My pronouns are they/them.

Human recruiter:

Ah! I really have to tell the technical team to update the form. I have absolutely no problem with your gender identity or your species. But you only have textbook and secondhand insights into human psychology.

Unlike human psychologists, you don't know what it feels on the inside to be human. Observations and textbook knowledge don't tell you everything. Many things are left unspoken.

Vampire graduate:

While I cannot pretend to know exactly how it feels to be a human, I am willing to work as hard as I can to try to understand the complexities of the human mind and heart, perhaps even harder than the average human candidate. Through studying human literature, observing my own relationships with humans, and developing a strong emotional bond with my human friends and classmates, I have already developed a deep appreciation and understanding of the human psyche that goes beyond mere textbook knowledge or casual observations. While there are certain aspects of the human experience that I do not share, I am confident that my empathy and dedication to the field of psychology more than make up for any lack of firsthand experience.

Human recruiter:

Why should I recruit you when I can just recruit a human top scorer with the same grades?

Vampire graduate:

While a human with the same qualifications may also have a great understanding of humans, they are likely to be inherently biased by their own perspective. I, however, also have the advantage of being able to objectively analyze humans' strengths, weaknesses, and motivations from an outsider perspective.

Additionally, as a member of a paranormal race, I have the ability to manipulate human minds and feelings to improve mental well-being.

Human recruiter:

Mind manipulation? By now, you're stark raving bonkers! How do I know you won't put it to bad use?

Vampire graduate:

As a vampire, I understand the importance of being self-aware and responsible when it comes to my ability to manipulate the emotions and actions of others. I take care to only use this power in situations where it is necessary or beneficial, and to never misuse it for personal gain or at the expense of others. I also make sure to seek consent before using my ability on individuals, and I always prioritize their safety, comfort, and well-being.

Human recruiter:

That's what you'd say of course. I have no reason to trust you.

Vampire graduate:

I understand your skepticism and reticence. In a world dominated by humans, it is often difficult for vampires like myself to be seen as anything other than predators or manipulative. However, while it may be challenging, this does not mean that it is impossible for you to trust me. In the end, trust is built through communication and understanding, which is why I have been open and honest with you about my ability to manipulate minds and my intentions in using this ability.

Trust is also earned over time. I think if you give me a chance to prove myself on the job, with ample supervision at the start, you will be able to put aside your hesitations about working with a vampire by and by. The best way to find out if i'm good at my job is not through urban legends, groundless hearsay or unscientific mob opinion but to give me a shot and see how things work out.

I can even agree to a contract outlining specific guidelines for how I will use my vampire abilities, and what steps we can take to ensure that my mind manipulation is always used in a beneficial way.

Human recruiter:

Hmmm. Excellent pitch. But it sounds too good to be true. For one thing, I need to review the clinical evidence and adverse effects records later. And why should I be the first to hire a vampire as a psychologist? I prefer someone tried and tested.

Vampire graduate:

If you would like to work with experienced practitioners, that is certainly your prerogative. However, it is often beneficial to have a fresh perspective on a problem, and working with a vampire psychologist can provide that. Please consider what I have to offer.

Human recruiter:

It's true. We have clients who remain unyielding to all the therapy regimes out there. Psychology has improved by leaps and bounds but is still an inexact science. We do need fresh ideas.

Vampire graduate:

Please also remember other positive traits of the vampire race. For example, I can live for millennia in the absence of mishaps. During my long lifespan, I can examine numerous times more clients than human colleagues are capable of. The synergistic effect of that extensive experience and my unique perspective will empower me to generate breakthroughs in therapeutic innovations.

Human recruiter:

Cool, but the manner in which you're comparing yourself against your human colleagues before you even start your job is concerning. Psychologists are not melodramatic lone heroes. We often need to engage in teamwork with one another in order to serve clients in a therapeutic setting. This can be in the form of team discussions about a client's treatment plan or case, collaboration on the research of a particular issue or hypothesis, or even simply supporting each other as we help clients through treatment. Are you sure you'll be a good team player?

Vampire graduate:

That is a valid point. I apologize for the misimpression. While professional independence is important, collaboration and teamwork are equally essential. I don't view my vampire heritage as something that makes me better or worse than my colleagues, it's simply a part of who I am and a source of unique strengths and flaws. As a member of the greater psychological community, I am committed to collaborating with my colleagues to help our clients in the best possible way. Thank you for the reminder to be a supportive team player.

Human recruiter:

OK. A critical question: HOW do I know you won't succumb to the temptation of your overworked co-workers' and vulnerable clients' blood? You may have excellent grades for your degrees in human psychology, but what about vampire psychology? I can risk neither the life of whichever assessor I assign for your probationary period nor those of all the appointees you see in the reception area outside, who have entrusted their welfare to our practice.

Vampire graduate:

I can understand that the possibility of a vampire drinking human blood is a concern, especially in a field like psychology that works so closely with humans. However, you have nothing to worry about in that regard. I have testimonials from my professors—

Human recruiter:

Ah, yes. But the academic world is nothing like the messy real world of full-time working adults. Our educational system in Typingland is so infantile it requires hardly any practical experience like internships to earn a PsyD. Your self-control may be stretched to its limits by manipulative patients, vitriolic parents and unsuccessfully forestalled suicides, although I must say most clients in our practice are incredibly sweet in spite of their personal difficulties.

Vampire graduate:

The work of psychologists is indeed strenuous. Nevertheless, my lifestyle has given me a strong foundation for coping with the stress.

Human recruiter:

The lifestyle of a vampire?

Vampire graduate:

As a vampire, I understand that I have certain physical and psychological needs, but I have taken many steps to ensure that these are met in a safe and ethical way that don't involve living humans. My physical needs can be met through a diet of donated blood, while my emotional needs can be met through strong professional boundaries, self-care practices, and maintaining a strong support network.

I regularly engage in personal wellness practices such as meditation and physical activity to maintain my emotional and mental vitality. I also check in with my psychologist for vampires at least once a month, adjusting the frequency with the stress I experience and the intensity of the blood thirst at any given time. This helps to provide a safe space for me to express and process my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It also gives me the opportunity to practice managing my blood thirst through a variety of behavioral and mindfulness techniques.

If you would like, I can arrange for my psychologist to send you an evaluation report.

Human recruiter:

I'm deeply impressed. (Claps and shakes head in awe.) I must say that I've never met a candidate, human or vampire, with your level of dedication. Quite a number of the psychologists I know have undergone depression themselves in the course of this emotionally draining and underpaid work but were late in seeking professional intervention. They need to learn a thing or two from newbies like you.

Vampire graduate:

Oh, why, thank you!

Human recruiter:

However—I'm afraid our clientele and the public won't share my sentiments.

You may think I've been demanding and prejudiced, but the others? They won't even sit down like this to sift through your personal history or examine your well-crafted arguments. Public attention to the fanciful layers and facets, okay, just layers and facets, to marginalized demographics like yours has been fleeting to start with and pretty much vaporized in a Tiktokified economy. Social media?? It's a wasteland made up of countless virtual enclaves out there. Every phone zombie just scrolls past news and advocacy messages that don't amuse them or address their own problems. And algorithms?? Gawd! Don't. Even. Get. Me. Started. On. Algorithms.

What people out there will get with their precious microseconds for us, though, is that our practice is employing a dangerous and powerful person, if they would even see you as a person at all, to work on fragile humans in despair.

Look, we don't need bloody fangs and the bat wing stuff to further complicate the ongoing uphill battle of getting psychological condition sufferers to walk through our doors.

Welp . . . I'm sorry for my bluntness. I tend to let down my guard when I'm not in front of clients. You're a fine young vampire who deserves better.

Vampire graduate:

(Momentary silence.)

(Soars over to fan human recruiter with their bat wings while slightly frowning to themselves.)

Those are indeed tough challenges. How about this? Let's start by offering virtual sessions for clients who would feel more comfortable initially meeting with me through a video conference. This can help to gradually introduce me to them in a non-threatening environment and allow them to get to know me better before they agree to meet in person.

We can complement that with an on-site "try-out" session for clients who remain hesitant to work with me or lack technological access or digital literacy. A try-out session could involve a brief, low-stakes meeting where clients can meet me, ask questions, and get a sense of my approach before deciding whether to continue with therapy. This can help to build trust and rapport with them, and give them a chance to see that I am interested in helping them and can provide effective treatment.

As we graduate to proper therapy sessions and make good progress on cases, we can highlight statistics, success stories and testimonials from past clients who have worked with me, and emphasize my ability to provide effective treatment. That is, with their consent and proper anonymization of course. Given your practice's reputation for integrity, the credibility of anonymized feedback should not be a problem.

Perhaps, I can even make up for the reputation risk at the beginning by offering fun, one-of-a-kind indoor levitation experiences that are a soother of the nerves and a break from the mundaneness of everyday life. The experiences would also attract potential clients otherwise resistant to treatment because of public perceptions of psychotherapists as rigid doctrine-driven professionals, who they think won't understand their unique struggles and decision rationale, like reasons for investing all their time in an unstable line of work or sticking with a violent spouse. They are stress relievers no one can find in self-help books or chat responses from even the best of AI technology!

Human recruiter:

W—ow. I'm tempted to try that levitation myself. I have to think about your proposals and discuss them with the others.

There's just one last thing that I don't understand, and anyone, whatever the temperature of their blood, can sense this coming from miles away.

Vampire graduate:

Please go ahead.

Human recruiter:

Why a career in human psychology? Wouldn't you face less discrimination and be more at home with vampire psychology?

Vampire graduate:

I've always been fascinated by humans and their unique abilities to adapt and survive without paranormal powers, especially the human capacity for empathy. It's been my dream since I was young to study the human mind, to explore the depths of their emotions and figure out what truly motivates them.

Many people think that clinical counselling is about entering broken minds, but it is simultaneously about tapping the power of the marvelous human stores of mental resilience, mental flexibility and boundless optimism.

The wonders and possibilities of human psychology energize me. They keep me going every day despite the uncertainties of my chosen career path and the suspicion and taunts I get. I am one of those who believe that you can flourish in the long term only if you are emotionally invested in what you do.

Human recruiter:

Even if you don't end up on our team, I have no regrets taking time to interview you. It's been a great pleasure exploring the awe-inspiring sides and possible futures of our field with you. This sounds cliché but I sincerely mean it: I wish you the very best in your psychologist career.

Cast

Human recruiter Human (with two AI -dubbed lines)

Vampire graduate AI (with human stand-ins in various instances)

Responses from the non-human realm (Edited) 1. Elf sidekick

Your words have been wise - as much as any fairy. [Editor: *Blushes profusely*]

Gnome living is still living, and a life well-lived is still to be appreciated.

And maybe our wings will one day regrow, and we'll be even more magical than before.

2. Pumpkin-knitting cousin in eternal summer

I believe that the best way to do good in the world is to be yourself. While it may be tempting to pine for traits or characteristics that are seemingly out of reach, the key is to embrace one's own unique qualities and find ways to use them for good.

If you're a gnome, then be proud of it! Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do good because you're not a fairy. Gnomes have just as much to offer the world as fairies do.

3. Simulated realist

The keys to everyone's hearts may be more of a burden than a gift. Holding the keys to someone's heart can create a power imbalance in a relationship. It can also be overwhelming to keep other people's feelings in mind at all times and to make sure that you're not causing any harm. Without people doing the same around, this can lead to feelings of isolation. Don't envy the fairies. Support them wherever you can.

4. Supreme exterminator

Gnomes, fairies, gods, and mortals… it makes no difference. In the eyes of Eternity, they are all equally mortal. In the face of change, they are all equally brittle. In the pursuit of Eternity, they are nothing more than pawns to be used, or obstacles to be overcome.

Responses from the human realm (Predicted)

1. Productivity optimizer

If you have all the time in the world to do good, you won't feel the urgency to. The probable time complacence of long-living species offsets their chances to do good. Setting time limits for yourself is crucial in any task. Now excuse me while I get back to the spreadsheets atop my treadmill desk.

2. Involution coach

In this hyper-competitive corporate landscape, it's no longer enough to have an I- or T-shaped skill set. You need a pi-, or better still, comb-shaped skill set. Take classes in not only Gnome and Fairy but also Raccoon and Squirrel.

No, take that back. You need a hedgehog-shaped skill set. Make sure your Gnome, for example, includes Gnochemistry, Gnomadic Languages, Gnormosity Engineering and more. And your Gnomadic Languages must cover ancient Gnomadic epics, recent Gnomadic pop sensations on Tik Tok and Gnomadic computing.

Yes, I have a fondness for Māori art. In fact, my lifelong dream is a space sculpture where the patterns run from a galaxy scale all the way down to the nanoscale. Why do you ask?

3. Clueless media executive

That reminds me. There's still room in the market for Love Between Fairy And Gnome. We just need to excise the features posing product risks: the red-hat-blue-shirt thingy, the vertically challengedness and the white beard. There, we can now cast Handsome Oppar in the role.

4. Cynic

LMAO. You mean, who're the better hypocrites? Impostors or would-be demagogues?

5. Crystal ball-gazing, amphibious techie

Yo. Does no one see what I see? Talk about arms races. We're heading towards a wings race and a synthetic wings divide. Bionic wings. Genetically engineered wings. Wing stem cell transplants. When advanced enough, the post-gnome age will let the well-heeled buy the facade of niceness. Give full wings to the humanities first.

News Box: Holding Fitria Hanina, Carmen Kay, mybabysbreath and Enike Chindy Responsible for Plagiarism

When you were having heart palpitations trying to save someone from himself, the last thing you wanted to be alerted to was the presence of another piece of your stuff in the backyard of others, stripped of its name tag and laid bare among the weeds for any stray fowl to run away with a filthy bite. To rub salt into your chaotic arteries, a copyright infringer once had the temerity to lace her retort with foul language and claim that she saw your translation in a movie, effectively telling you that the numerous hours of brainstorming, fact-checking and revision you poured into the work was but a long, tiresome dream.

Every day, online content creators around the globe grapple with unappreciative readers who help themselves to products that are the culmination of blood, sweat and tears and, strangely, à la Cheese in the Trap, start to think of them as their own possessions. They do not assert that they have so much as lifted a finger during the creation process, but are affronted all the same by requests to remove them from their curations and upset upon the actual removals. And apparently because confessing to slip-ups, implicitly or otherwise, is a horrible sign of weakness, some would rather endure an endless barrage of messages from the content creators than try appeasing them with at least a by-line acknowledging their efforts. In certain cases, the result is unsurprisingly a huge disincentive on the part of the creators to continue putting up works online.

Instead of voicing their unhappiness in the open, some content creators keep up a cheerful façade in their public updates, preferring not to dwell on negativity or wary about backlash from other readers. Some of us believe, however, that we have the right to be acknowledged for the fruits of our labor, no matter the volume stolen, our prestige (or lack of), our own perceptions of their quality, and whether we have been standing on the shoulders of giants—certainly the case when you are explaining a poem and connecting it to public policy. In good scholarly practice, an author has to cite the source of his idea accurately even when he is describing the idea in his own words. Moreover, exact reproduction of works which are already devoid of any kind of revenue, without any intent to invite readers to visit the original webpages, amounts to blatant exploitation.

Many online content creators are not unreachable higher beings copyright infringers are never sure would read their requests for reproduction of material. Even if we give the impression that we are, the copyright notices on our homepages already answer their questions. Or, if some margin of uncertainty previously remained, our takedown requests have, by now, clearly conveyed our views.

Failure to identify the authorship of online works hurts plagiarists themselves in certain ways:

They unwittingly take the blame for any flaw in the works. Many blog-based outlets, after all, are understaffed and do not undergo peer review. Translations, especially, are prone to mislead people, because writers often have to choose between reproducing the exact nuances of the original works or reproducing their rhymes. There are also the problems of, on one hand, literal translations vis-à-vis adopting expressions more natural in the output language, and on the other, accounting for intonations and gestures which are used by actors and actresses but are not evident in the original lines themselves. On The Asian Drama Philosopher (A-Philosopher)’s Chair, the point of placing the original lines in close proximity to their translations, as long as they were not too verbose, was to increase the chances that readers acquainted with the non-English language in question would spot any error. Nevertheless, reporting it is not the job of any reader, so mistakes may go uncorrected for years. In fact, no one has been forthright enough to point out that “The Problematic of the Unproblematic,” a drama review site that has been around for many years, was misspelt in a news update for several weeks. On top of this, people familiar with the original works would have noticed that APC sometimes insists on parsing the lines in its own idiosyncratic manner.

They lose the right to complain when their own writings/artworks are similarly misappropriated, word for word and line by line without proper credits. No one is so “lucky” or “special” that she alone, and never anyone from her readership base, will ever know of a particular webpage.

They alienate themselves from a large and supportive community of content makers and commentators. Is it not better to befriend us and have a pal from across the world ask after you and remind you to take medication when you are home with a workplace injury in the dead of night—a touching incident actually witnessed on Twitterverse? Asian drama commentators, in particular, may squabble from time to time but tend to share a warm camaraderie.

When it comes to writings on empathy, they contradict themselves. They claim to love the writings, but what they really love are their own selves. They see themselves as the sole subjects of the writings, thinking how fabulous it is to have someone by their sides through thick and thin, but wilfully neglect that the person who makes their reading experience possible in the first place needs as much empathy as them.

They live with a sword of Damocles hanging over their heads. Withholding the credits and link may at times keep the duplicated copy off the original writer's radar. But technology and social media users are growing more sophisticated. Staying unchanged, on the other hand, is the deep and long-lasting thirst to redress the injustice.

Duplication of people’s creations, as another blog owner has pointed out, is soulless work. On a related matter, APC itself has actually been immensely dissatisfied with directing visitors to others’ translations of essays and poetry, instead of taking time to write its own versions, in news updates in recent months. However much it respects and thinks highly of a translator, there are always places the admin obstinately prefers an alternate interpretation, wording or paragraphing. Readers, too, must have their unique visions about how best to convey a scene or sentiment.

Because the obstinate admin does not know how to let go, APC has incessantly felt compelled to list the names of errant readers extracting its contents without proper credits and ignoring its repeated complaints. Furthermore, abandoning efforts to get these readers to adjust their behavior may only result in more future victims. If you are their friend, urge them to make the necessary corrections before they develop a habit and make bigger mistakes in their studies and/or careers. Readers who kindly cooperated have been omitted from this list.

This should not give the illusion that the average troublemaker necessarily comes from a certain range of backgrounds. We have to keep in mind as well that there are many considerate bloggers from their countries. It is just that some individuals, giving up on themselves, choose to be black sheep.

Even long exposure to academia does not make one infallible in such areas. The Learned Fangirl (TLF), an informative website which dissects popular culture, fandom and technology, has related to APC's admin how a tenured faculty once re-posted several of their posts in their entirety on his blog without linking back. When informed that this approach was unacceptable, he took down the posts, but not without calling TLF uncollegial.

With this update, APC hopes to not only seek justice for itself but also encourage long-suffering online content creators to speak up against readers disrespecting their efforts. In the spirit of "ascorbate extraction," its admin will be collating data like the above and using its experiences with recalcitrant readers as potential case studies for a professional project. As for its upcoming online project, which will be about strategic thinking in public regulation, it intends to use a platform with readily executable copy protection measures, even as it has otherwise had a very positive experience with WordPress. It thanks TLF and numerous other online authors and admins for their frank personal anecdotes and very insightful comments in a private discussion group on plagiarism. If you are a legitimate content creator who would like to join us, simply drop a note below with a link to your website.

Confronting plagiarists is no pleasant task, but with at least five online commentators with a legal background in the Korean drama circle alone at last count, breakthroughs need not be that far away.

JSTOR Daily

The Fungi-Mad Ladies of Long Ago - JSTOR Daily

In mycology’s early days, botanical drawing was, for some women, a calling. Their mushroom renderings were key to establishing this new fiel

Read this whole article about mushroom mavens of the Victorian Era, it is delightful.

"[Banning] published some of her observations in botanical journals, including lively accounts of her foraging experiences. In one, she recounts bringing home a few (aptly named) stinkhorn mushrooms: “… there was an outcry through the house, one enquiring of the other what the loathsome smell could be, and where it came from. Each moment was filled with anxiety, lest my precious fungus, for which I had already endured so much, might be seized and carried off … .” Indeed, the stink comes from the gooey mass of fungal spores on top of the mushroom cap. She astutely proposed that the stench lures in flies and other insects, which then transport the spores afar like a bee transports pollen." "[Banning] published some of her observations in botanical journals, including lively accounts of her foraging experiences. In one, she recounts bringing home a few (aptly named) stinkhorn mushrooms: “… there was an outcry through the house, one enquiring of the other what the loathsome smell could be, and where it came from. Each moment was filled with anxiety, lest my precious fungus, for which I had already endured so much, might be seized and carried off … .” Indeed, the stink comes from the gooey mass of fungal spores on top of the mushroom cap. She astutely proposed that the stench lures in flies and other insects, which then transport the spores afar like a bee transports pollen."

Full Article on JStor Daily Here

– if no one has ever told you, (via pinterest)

2016 Drama Soup for the Soul

2016 Drama Soup for the Soul

The Asian Drama Philosopher (A-Philosopher)’s Chair thanks everyone for their warm support in the past, especially ladysighs for spreading the love for Six Flying Dragons beyond the drama blogging community. All the same, drama watching is a very time-consuming activity, so it does not really expect readers to watch any of the dramas covered on this site. What it truly aims for is cross-cultural…

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Back-to-Work Sleeping Beauty Vampire

Name: Adelina Codruț 

Age: 1,291

Education:

University of the Dark Arts, PhD in Vampiric Studies

University of Transylvania, Master of Vampirism

Rural Academy of the Undead, Bachelor of Aerodynamics and Bachelor of Mental Aerodynamics

Skills:

Plowing, sowing and weeding garlic fields (Seriously, garlic.)

Fang sharpening

Moving undetected in the shadows

Transformation into a bat or wolf

Mistress of disguise even in human form

Seductive and charming

Mysterious skill sprouts

Bilingual in English and Romanian

Proficient in several other languages

Skilled in leadership, strategy, and negotiation

Writing bestsellers in coffins

Experience:

Founder and CEO of the Transylvanian Vampire Council

Author of the best-selling books "Nightweight, Nightyears," "Solar Utopias" and "Draculas" and the well-acclaimed investigative publication "The True Count: Vampire Migration and Statelessness"

Negotiated a peace treaty between the vampires and the humans in 2077

Led the vampire nation to victory in the Great War of 2123

Slept for almost a century after that due to exhaustion

Awards and Honors:

Vampire of the Year Award (2065, 2077, 2123)

Most Distinguished Vampire Award (2064, 2065)

Order of the Bat Medal (2077, 2123)

Vlad Dracul Award for Excellence in Vampiric Studies (2022)

Summary:

A highly experienced and skilled vampire with a proven track record of success. Seeking a position where I can use my talents and abilities to further the cause of the new vampire-human federation.

References:

Available upon request. (As long as I can find them alive.)

Additional Information:

I am a vegetarian and do not drink blood from humans.

As a being of darkness with unparalleled longevity, I am looking for a career that will provide me with a steady source of income. After slumbering for nearly a century, I am ready to bring my unique skillset and perspective to the world of the living once again.

I grew up in abject poverty. I knew from a young age how merciless life could be. I saw my grandfather burning at the stakes and my mother weeping in an unhinged manner as she cut off the one uncharred limb from his corpse and forced mush made up of the flesh down the throats of her hungry brood.

My education was punctuated numerous times by continental wars, civil strife and drastic policy about-turns. I toiled through a long string of menial jobs before I could afford college. To build up my endurance, I deliberately put myself through challenges like the garlic field stint above. You can trust me to rise up to the challenges of post-hibernation employment too.

During the many periods I have been awake, I have seen the rise and fall of numerous civilizations, some up close. I can give valuable insight into a multitude of ancient societies, offering my unique perspective as an immortal observer. Additionally, I can draw from my memory numerous specific events, figures, and cultural phenomena that would be lost to history were it not for my own personal repository. I believe I am a wealth of ancient knowledge waiting to be shared with the world.

I have also been blessed with the gift of vivid dreams, which, coupled with the yearning of my subconsciousness during those long years of hibernation, fortuitously allowed me to live a second life, experiencing the times and the people I missed in my long slumber. I was able to soak in stories from the olden days, keeping myself sharp and current with the events of the world even while I rested.

When I was not dreaming of the times and people I missed during my long slumber, my intrepid soul would travel through the fabric of time into the very far, post-species future, witnessing the course of fast-forward vampire and human history, collecting the knowledge and insight of millennia and emerging with unparalleled wisdom.

In short, my unrivaled experience in history, politics, and culture are unmatched in the present day, making me a perfect asset to any organization. My appetite for hard work and exploration is as clear as moonlight. I am eager to discuss this opportunity further and look forward to hearing from you soon.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

The time-bending, blood-loathing, immortal vampire,

Adelina Codruț 

Email: vampadelina@ahumaneditor.ai

The Bedtime Cosmos Gossiper

An AI Thriller-Comedy Collaboration between Bard and Hugging Face, with some interference from a biological entity.

To capitalize on the hype surrounding an escalating space race, social media lords in an alternate timeline decided to expand the range of their location tags to outer space, where commercial outposts and interplanetary tourism shuttles were starting to emerge. They were too happy to turn the science fiction novels they adored into reality, except that they had no idea, no idea at all, how much stranger than fiction reality was.

Jimena was just another kid pajamas influencer on video channels and Twitter until one fateful day, she received a mysterious direct message from none other than the Sun itself! The tag of the account confirmed its location, where no conceivable organism could possibly stay. Little did Jimena know that the Sun was sentient and had been using social media as a secret platform for celestial bodies to share their private interests, thoughts and lives with each other.

Was it a technical error or a prank? Could it be passed off as one? Nobody was taking chances. The message from the Sun contained some juicy celestial secrets - but before Jimena could even process what she had read, she started getting messages from all sorts of astronomical entities demanding she delete her knowledge of their dirty laundry. But Jimena wasn't going down without a fight; she knew that this was the biggest opportunity for her career and refused to back down.

As she began designing pajamas videos hinting at the gossip-worthy content, she quickly became a target for all sorts of interstellar enemies - including asteroid belts, black holes, supernovae, and even a vengeful solar wind. With the entire cosmos against her, Jimena realized she would have to rely on her quick wit and sharp tongue if she wanted to survive long enough to see her big breakthrough.

Despite the odds stacked against her, Jimena managed to outsmart the forces aligned against her by tapping into a vast collection of memes, GIFs, and viral content. For a start, she created and showed to the belts, for the purpose of deterrence, memes comparing different asteroid belts, which could turn them into fashion trends among teenagers. When those teens grew up, they might become billionaire investors on asteroid mining companies, resulting in the destruction of the belts due to over exploitation. Jimena also pulled out algorithms pushing endless recommendations of video shorts of clumsy comets and astronauts that were so funny and entertaining that they became all-sucking black holes to the black holes, who could not resist looking at them. While they were hooked, she of course escaped their gravitational pull. To generate even more distraction, she spammed the internet highway with space probe-facilitated, 24/7 livestreams of her interstellar enemies' celestial crushes. The physically restless supernovae might be harder to subdue but our girl proved there was nothing a series of rainbow flash selfie challenges could not solve.

Ready?

Get set.

Smileyous smileyosion!

Her followers went wild as they watched her take down asteroid belts, fend off black holes and more, all while wearing her signature footie pajamas.

Enraged at the incompetency of its fad-chasing allies, the solar wind finally took action. It began to send an unprecedentedly tremendous explosion of energy toward Jimena, overwhelming Earth's magnetosphere and nearly causing her to be vaporized. She knew she had to do something, but what? Suddenly, Jimena had an idea. She reached into her pocket, opened up Twitter again and started typing.

"Attention, solar wind!" she DMed. "My stories about you were just beginning. I'm a genius at reading between the lines and projecting story developments. So I know your other secrets. I know about the time you accidentally blew up a planet. I know about the time you had an even more torrid affair with a black hole. And I know about the time you got drunk and crashed into a star. If you don't back off, I'm going to go live and tell everyone."

And so even the solar wind stopped in its tracks. Sometimes, the best way to fight back is with humor and truth, she chuckled carelessly to herself.

Jimena emerged victorious and started to return to making pajamas videos. But the eerie ease with which she returned to her original work, free of any more cosmic interference, also started to feel wrong. Why were her many gigantic and mega-powerful enemies so readily intimidated and distracted? She reflected on the private message she first came across and the content she eventually made or promoted in self-defense. Those interstellar entities led long but also lonely lives, barely able to have peaceful physical contact with anyone. Was it really right to prey on their secrets? Maybe, she thought, there might be a better use of her talents than spreading gossip and creating controversy.

Jimena decided to reach out to the celestial bodies she had gossiped about and apologized for her actions. The celestial bodies were surprised and grateful for Jimena's apology. They told her that they had been isolated for a long time yet fearful of revealing their sentience to the fast-learning earthlings and that they were glad to have someone to talk to. Jimena and the celestial bodies became friends, and they often talked to each other about their lives. By and by, Jimena learned a lot about the universe, and she came to appreciate the beauty of the cosmos. This beauty should be woven into her craft, not through the superficially science-imitating kitsch flooding the market, but through actions which kindness the beauty evokes feelings of.

With renewed determination, she pressed record on her camera and spoke directly to her audience. “You guys,” she said softly, “I hope this will be the start of our journey together towards a brighter future.” A smile brightened her face as she signed off, ready to embark on this new chapter in her digital legacy.

As for her fans? Many left disappointed that she was not stirring up drama anymore. Some stayed, drawn to her updated style and approachable personality. Others found fresh voices online better suited to their interests, or simply moved on to newer forms of digital escapism. But no matter what the outcome, Jimena remained resolute in her mission to better herself and the world, one post at a time.

Inspired by her example, countless young individuals followed suit, focusing on artistry rather than angst, building connections versus clickbait.

One day, years later, Jimena stepped backstage following a successful speech discussing digital ethics. Approached by a younger creator sharing similar ideals, she hugged the girl warmly, memories flooding back to her. “Remember, little sister,” she whispered, choking back tears of pride mixed with gratitude, “the whole universe is silently crying out for niceness.”

Space images embedded with the permission of NASA and ESA under their standard conditions. Sources (from top to bottom): NASA, NASA, ESA.

News Box: Counting the Blessings

Collective political rationality and, perhaps, the forging of consensus on the definition of rationality are beyond the control of the individual, but the ability to give people we care for a sincere smile may still be within our power. In a year when politics in multiple regions of the world has taken more dramatic turns than the typical screen drama, the presence of family and friends, both online and offline, as one constant in life is especially comforting. No matter when you celebrate Thanksgiving or other holidays with elements of gratitude expression, thank you for being around all this while.