In Before I Start Seeing People Bitching About Rainbow Capitalism MY Favorite Rainbow Capitalism Story

My rationale for House planets is as follows:

First: Earth. Only planet with water, birthplace of humanity.

Second: Mars. The military core of the empire, Ares/Mars is a war god.

Third: Neptune. Tridentarii, Neptune/Poseidon had a trident.

Fourth: Saturn. Mostly process of elimination, but makes sense to be close to the Fifth.

Fifth: Jupiter. Described as the house with the greatest size and metaphorical gravity. Magnus quotes Fifth poetry describing a great red spot.

Sixth: Mercury. The Sixth is closest to Dominicus (the sun).

Seventh: Venus. Cytherea is the birthplace of Aphrodite, Greek counterpart to Venus.

Eighth: Uranus. Also mostly process of elimination, but the objectively funniest planet for the Eighth house to center on.

Ninth: Pluto. The most distant house, a house that was never meant to exist on a dwarf planet kicked out of the formerly nine planets.

Maybe it’s just because I’m Jewish but I do truly believe that life gets ten times better when you learn to complain cheerfully

I'd divorce him too lmao

renly is so funny hes the closest thing in this series to a normal modern human man dropped into medieval fantasy europe so obviously he had to die. poor renly you deserve to live in a world with podcasts and grindr :'( hope you get reincarnated in new jersey

Just rediscovered potentially the funniest thing I’ve written in recent memory

harrow the ninth is really like. what if orpheus didn't turn around. what if he wasn't going to turn around. what if he kept his face pointed resolutely ahead and trusted that she was there even not knowing what he was hoping for. what if orpheus had to be cajoled and threatened and eventually forced to turn around. what if eurydice hadn't been told the rules and also had a crippling fear of abandonment and spent the whole time pleading with him to look at her. what if orpheus trusted that she would follow him but eurydice couldn't trust that he would care. what if orpheus was told point-blank that eurydice was almost certainly not actually behind him and he chose to keep walking anyway. what if eurydice touched sunlight again and orpheus wasn't there. what then.

I'm struggling to even type this but... Yzma from the Emperor's New Groove was lowkey an awakening for me

Girl an awakening to WHAT

why are star wars planets more boring than earth and our solar system like sure we’ve seen desert, snow, diff types of forest, beach, lava, rain, but like… 

rainbow mountains (peru)

red soil (canada/PEI)

rings (saturn’s if they were on earth) 

bioluminescent waves

northern lights (canada)

salt flats (bolivia, where they filmed crait but did NOTHING COOL WITH IT except red dust?? like??? come ON)

and cool fauna like the touch me not or like, you know, the venus flytrap.. and don’t get me started on BUGS like… we have bugs cooler than sw aliens

BASICALLY like???? come on star wars you had one (1) job where are the cool alien species

the first law of tragedies: the end is already written and inevitable. the second law of tragedies: your actions are all your own and you can choose to get off this ride whenever you want. the third law of tragedies: we both know that you are never going to do that.