Sadbeautifultragic - Blog Posts

"My dear, I have become so familiar with the loss of loved ones that death now seems like family and my grave feels like home."

Temporary

I have been meeting people since long, I have seen temporary people, I have been with few. They are sometimes the most amazing people you will ever meet.

I met a person, temporary or not, I didn't knew if they will be here with me forever or not, we met, we talked, we went out a few times, and it was all amazing, felt like life couldn't get any better. We were eyesore to everyone around us, I wrote in my diary for them

"I have been living life in this dark abyss, the black and white world, they have brought back the colours of life to me, it all feels beautiful"

They went away, I was drowned in colours, all the colours they gave me. all the red, green, blue.

It should have been end of it all.

their return brought back all the colours, it was all rainbows and butterflies, it was as if I was a little kid who has been handed the crayons for the first time, excited, bubbly and ready to paint the world in their colours.

but sometimes, temporary people should remain temporary, they are meant to be.

maybe the temporary people shouldn't be given too much information about your life, that's the reason they are not permanent, right? because they are non-judgemental as long as they don't know about you.

Once you start making a temporary person a permanent one in your life, that is the moment you are destined to ruin your own feelings and respect for that person. such kind of people are meant to know very little about you, just meet them, have non-judgemental fun with them and move on. holding onto them will ruin your own mental being.

the return of that person in my life, was a pleasant surprise, but all the colours slowly blended into each other, creating a thick, viscous shade of crimson red. it was blood, my blood, the blood of my feelings. the slow, viscous decline of my sanity blending into some bit my self-destructing nature, triggering it all. just like a juicer cutting down all the pieces of fruits into a gooey mess, slowly turning the fruit into a thick paste of nothingness, just pure insides of the fruit.

for all I know, I was husk of a person remaining, all of my insides have been chopped up into the pieces, the pieces of my being, the pieces of my existence, broken, broken, broken down, mixed, churned, gulped and eaten alive.

the fruits which stay put tend to rot faster, they get replaced with new fruit. young and fresh. the one fear I hold came true to me, again.

I wrote for them again in my diary:

"all the colours which came back, were nothing but shades of red"

(Image taken from Pinterest)

~ Necromancer

as you touched my hands, my heart was in million of pieces already, I knew you hurt me, I knew it was you who broke it in pieces, but still I was picking each piece with my bare hands, while I bled, still I was picking them up only to write your name once again, I was not collecting my pieces to heal it, I was collecting them to give it to you again, maybe it was my sadistic need to be broken by you again and again.

my lips trembled your name, uttering "I love you" again and again, you stood there responding to my plea to be killed by you again with a heartfelt smile like a butcher feeding his fowls before slaughtering them...

Maybe people will call me fool for not letting you go, but what is a love which doesn't put a knife through your heart, leaves you bleeding on the floor, while watching blood gushing out of your heart, and crying with a wretched smile hiding underneath, it's the pain, the sheer agony which excites this feeling of love.

~ Necromancer

One day

Someone curious enough

Will ask me about my favourite word.

And that will be my cue

To flash a truly enigmatic smile

And somehow mumble ' might.'

- reign

Silence.

5 weeks of total silence. Nothing but our friends telling me that you don’t want to see me, telling me about how you turned right around, the second you heard I’d come too and went back home.

I felt stupid. Uncomfortable, since you brought me there first and now I’m the one keeping you away from this place that was once ours.

Sad, angry, desperate for explanation. Why are you acting as if I was the one who messed up. I did nothing but show you love. Making you laugh in moments of sadness, sharing moments of true happiness, bringing you comfort after a busy day at work.

And damn did I try hard.

And damn did it hurt to fall back into reality, losing hold on cloud nine. Free fall. Hitting rock bottom.

Broken, but still looking after you from afar. Now watching her settle on the cloud that was ours, her making you smile.

I’m crying down here watching you two fly high, reaching cloud nine. But as long as I can see your smile, I’ll stay on the cold ground.

Ready to catch you, the moment you might fall.