Mental Health - Blog Posts

Watch "Tom MacDonald - BEST RAPPER EVER" on YouTube

Amazing. Nothing unusual there.

Laughter feels good for about 3 seconds.

Then melancholy quickly plummets into despair and longing.

Must ignore

Must push back

d o n t t h i n k a b o u t i t

Sometimes trying to remind yourself that a new love-interest won't help is like trying to convince a diabetic that even a little sugar is bad for them.

Thinking about a future without you used to fill me with feelings of dissatisfaction.

Now, with no other options, it fills me with grief. A dread so deep, you almost don't want to.

I really don't want to...

Envisioning a future, a happy future, without you is more difficult for me than imagining I am a dragon or a shrimp. It feels empty and fake; a blank page covered in brand-name stamps.

Today's not really different.

Just another fucking day.

Wake up, get dressed, go to work and wait.

Waiting is what got me here

Waiting for something impossible to happen.

We should have left the first time you asked me.

But you wanted me to finish college,

Wanted me to follow my dreams.

Too bad you couldn't summon the strength when you most needed it

To keep holding on for me.

I had hoped you'd do it for yourself,

But clearly

Neither of those were enough.

The nature of our relationship was not one born of lust or desire. It was irrational, illogical, and instinctual.

Ours is a connection, a magnetism, two polarized forces turned to attract the other. It is an orbit born of gravity and inertia, a centripetal force between us two constantly keeping our centers inseparable.

I felt you in my chest, beneath my sternum, and in my gut, between the hollow of my ribs. I feel the place where our souls used to dance like a giant's fist has ripped out my insides.

I want to scream, and everytime silence finds me, crawls inside me all I hear is my broken voice screaming your name until my lungs ache and my throat bleeds and my blood drips from the corners of my mouth and all I taste is salt.

I have lost the desire to numb myself because I know there is nothing that will numb me. Anything I do will crank my ribs open and lay everything I no longer have bare for anyone to see. It is a dark bloody husk inside my chest with shriveled lungs and a bruised heart that kept beating for you and believed in your promises and aspirations.

My grief is unmatchable, it refused to grow and move, I remain stuck now as I have for the past two munths; in firm denial.

Our connection is irrational, illogical...

And now so am I.

People always say "you matter in this world and to others", I know I matter.

People always say "you can get through it", I know I can.

People always say "you will get better", I know I will...

People always say "you can be happy", I'm sure I can.

People always say "it will get better", statistically that is fact.

People always say "you never know", and they are correct.

People always say "you are not alone", and I'm not.

But the person who mattered is gone, I don't want to fight anymore, I want to be better, but I don't want a different happiness, I don't want a new better, I know he is gone, the person I most wanted to be with is gone.

I matter, I know it will pass but sometimes...

Sometimes I just want to take the only option I have to get him back...

But I won't.

Because he made me a promise, and now that promise is mine to uphold.

I promised I would live on...so I will.

No matter what.

Today is hard and horrible; my wounds gaping and sore. Every moment brings another knife of memory from before.

Anger pulses through me followed by crippling sadness. I feel nothing but my own craving for madness.

I'd give anything, everything, just to go back; just to wake up hung over after New Years again.

I would do so much different, and so much the same, but in the end my only goal would be to save you.

You: passionate, loyal, brave and kind. Cursed and playful with a magnificent mind.

It's almost been two months and I still cannot see how there is any possibility that you gave up on me.

Sometimes...this is all you need.

Do yourself a favor. Sound up. Enjoy.

This was us...

Shifting to my Waiting Room✲⭒✦

Heyo, it's me again :D

I don't want to go to school tomorrow, I legit just want to relax and paint soooo I'm shifting to my waiting room for a couple days to mentally relax.

I would normally want to shift to my main DR's, but my mental state has been SHIT as of recently, a lot of stuff going on and I need to desensitize myself and relax

My main DR's are comfort DR's yes, but right now I know for a fact I won't enjoy my time there when I'm like this, and since I'm alone in my own solitude in my WR, I'm going there tonight

So since I'm going there, I thought I would introduce my waiting room!!

So to give some context, I live in an expansive forest that goes on for miles, I live in a cozy cottage with my dog Ridge and cat Dexter. There is a village a few miles away, not a lot of people know I even exist but I do go there from time to time to pick up food, blankets, or more paints/yarn for my projects

Time stuffs:

Time Ratio in: waiting room : cr

WR 1 week : CR 1 minute

I have clocks for every DR that I shift to with the current date and time on it, as well as my CR, each labeled with the place they are

This is what my WR looks like from photos from Pinterest (I don't own any of these photos!!!)

The exterior/land:

Onto interior stuffs!

Here are my pets!

Ridge! ^

Dexter!^

My belongings!

(a book with the answers to all of my questions ^)

(a book that keeps track of whats happening in my CR to keep me updated while I'm away)

my laptop, which never loses battery!!

my phone, which I can log into from different realities using the Lifa app

A fridge full of my favorite food (it constantly refills with my cravings, healthy options, and everything is safe to eat)

My Nintendo!!

All the books I want to read!!

A photo album for every one of my DR's so I can remember memories and be happy

**lastly insert a LARGE amount of plushies, pillows, blankets, and anything of comfort**

So yeah !! That's my waiting room :D

I'll be shifting there tonight, honestly might just stay there for a week or two to chill out and lay on my hammock and eat raspberries and read dark romance novels from different realities teehee

If you want updates let me know!

Happy shifting everyone <333

AAAA IM ALIVE

So, to begin I want to say I’m sorry for not posting about my DR in a lil bit, the past two weeks I’ve been really struggling with my chronic anxiety and illness, so I have been in a lot of pain and haven’t been motivated to write much :[ but!

I’m doing much much better now and I’ll probably post tomorrow for the poll that we did!! thank you guys for your patience, I love this community and fandoms so much and I wanna be involved but sometimes media gets a bit too much for me

have a great day/evening to everyone and see you tomorrow!!