I Am Too Good At Loving The Villain, Romanticising The Devil. Maybe This Is Why I Always Searched For

for all the girls that were given price charming, but fell in love with the villain.

Place your arms around my soul and whisper to me that you will never let go.

My time spent with him in the crippling cold and cosy months of October and November are going to be something my heart will hold onto forever. The sneaking around, nights spent up laughing. The echoes of happiness filled my room. Butterflies covered my shelves. The moment and memory of a first kiss. And the feeling of it being left to linger with its sweet and sugary taste. My first crush, my first kiss, my first time. If only it had really gone that way. If only it had lasted a little while longer. Ripping into the weeks of December and how it had nothing to offer but the ghost of him and what once was ours or bound to be ours. December was spent dying,fading and hugged tight between the arms of solitude. Each night my pillow drowning with tears, and the dark nightfall sky hearing my roaring screams as I beg for his love.

should’ve known better to try and love a boy who plays the electric guitar.

the more I grow older, the more I realise, poets are liars. missing someone is not a romanticise ghost that haunts the corner of my room. It’s not remembering the smell with the flashes of good memories resurfacing . it’s hearing someone that sounds like them and your throat catching and then suddenly you’re unable to speak. It’s smelling what they used to smell like, and an uneasy amount of home sick rises up to your stomach and all of a sudden it pours out. It’s going to bed with a drowned pillow because the moment you close your eyes, they’re there. Picture perfect, as clears as day. the way they felt burns your body from the inside out. failing in love with someone is like the loving the devil, you’re lucky if you’re anything but a pawn in his silly little game.

Maybe the right kind of love isn’t the one that burns like a 100 acre forest fire. Maybe it burns more like a quiet candle on a cold night, when all the electricity in the house has gone out.

Sometimes I cry because of happiness, there’s rare moments in my life where melancholy isn’t the reason for the waterfalls that are pouring from my eyes. Sometimes happiness gets to the best of me, it swims around inside my body. I’ll see too people in love, or a person achieve something they pushed themselves above the bar for, and if will make my heart swell. Happiness is beautiful.

“I never meant to hurt you”

but you did.

the most.

I knew a girl once.

who was so in love with this one boy.

that when the world turned upside down and burnt inside out.

God seeked her out. He knelt to her and asked.

“Tell me my child, one choice only. who do I save? you or him? him or everyone else?

with no hesitation the girl screamed on her own last breath “HIM. SAVE HIM”

she’s a very different girl now to who I once knew.

I pray one day she understands why God chose to save her instead.

I’m almost glad that I didn’t get to taste you in the way I long nothing but desire,

Your lips would’ve been the way I left this world

Who wouldn’t thought that something so soft could be something so tormenting.

- cat lover !