Maybe You Just Need To Sob Uncontrollably To The Crane Wives For A Few Hours Trust Me Youll Feel Better

*said as if the universe were a misbehaving dog* no. nO. universe. universe out the magic 8 ball down. i was so happy at noon. what are you doing. universe. univERSE. UNIVERSE NO

i feel like the universe shakes a magic 8 ball every three hours on whether or not im depressed and i really need it to stop doing that please

i am. coping (watching young justice and reading headcannons)

im still confused on why you wanted hot soda at all

why are you microwaving carbonated drinks that feels wrong.

IDK, most people hate it, but I'm also the person that purposely lets coke go flat because I like it better flat so me and carbonated drinks have a weird relationship.

identity fraud is not a joke, lesbianism

I took a 6yo boy to his placement and as soon as I got him situated in the back he saw my SpongeBob driver’s license air freshener hanging on my rearview mirror. He asked if that’s really SpongeBob’s driver’s license and I said yeah it’s real. Then he asked where I got it if SpongeBob’s underwater so I told him I wore a helmet like Sandy and stole it from SpongeBob when he slept, and without missing a beat he goes “That’s identity fraud”

so when the narcissist cookbook said "prophylatics" did they mean a medicine or course of action used to prevent disease or condoms. discuss

this is that one jam mechanics song right

Rumours speak of a powerful lich stirring beneath Baltimore

nEW THE NARCISSIST COOKBOOK OH MY GOD

im going to make my mom danishes for valentines day because yeah but we're out of eggs and i would genuinely rather eat a lego than go into a store today rip

"No one's coming for same sex marriage."

Well, that was a lie.