76 Years Ago I Burnt Down The White House And Nobody Noticed.

Dark Gabe

Reblog with an inside joke you have with your friends.

“Yes, Captain America has LEGS!”

losing isn't enough i want emilia perez to be shot in the street like a dog

I am feeling perpendicular

My naughty, dirty, Special Funk Pudding is nearly ready

I hate that "schizoposting" has become such a meme that people will respond to genuine posts about schizophrenia with stuff like "I don't get the joke??" Well, maybe that's because schizophrenia isn't just a joke, asshat!

on tumblr people will say "yeah i've got 7 mental illnesses" then call you schizo for the most mundane symptoms and on reddit people will say "i'm a slightly awkward introvert" and you go to their profile to see their post history and they have mental health issues you didn't know god could create

Yeah, when me and Santa bang-it-out on Christmas eve-Eve to get him hyped for Christmas Eve sometimes I put his entire beard in my mouth to feel the hairs saturate with my saliva and then I yank it back out through my teeth making sure to suck hard as I pull so it comes out mostly dry. It’s important to leave cookies for Santa because his blood sugar gets really low because he’s diabetic and if he catches you skimping out on him he’ll kill your entire family in their sleep in a post nut clarity fueled rage. Btw

How much green mucus is too much green mucus? Follow for more

I just realized Like most people have never heard of Hole Island and I think that’s so ridiculous cause I thought it was a really common place to go to during summers growing up but I guess I was wrong. (I guess this generation’s parents don’t care about good clean American fun anymore 🙄)Lmk if you remember going here cause I wanna find y’all hole island goers. It was this really allusive island that had like a specific passcode to get in but a lot of people found out about it so it got really popular as a vacation spot. It’s the main destination for busses and boats so all you gotta do is get on and go up to the driver and do the secret pass code (you gotta climb onto his lap while he’s driving and give him a long, wet, kiss and if he doesn’t crash you get to go) and you get launched from the bus onto this zip line that leads to hole island. You get there and you gotta bypass the no girls allowed gate (girls have cooties and the island is gay) and if you’re a girl you get zapped with the “randomized fate ray” and if you’re a guy or a they you get to enjoy the beautiful beauty of hole island . It’s got alot of holes and in one of them is the zombie ghost thing of former American president Ronald Reagan and like the main attraction of the island is that you get to skin him alive every morning and by every night his skin grows right back so the cycle can repeat forever! When I was a little kid I remembered wandering off into the woods after the daily Slut Skinning (that’s what we liked to called it) and I found what I think might’ve been the literal fountain of youth. It was being circled by helicopters bc the government is full of fun hating squares but I figured out that if you drink enough of the water fast enough that you can actually de-evolve so far that you don’t pass as a human anymore and so therefore the law doesn’t apply to you. Anyway hmu