Boss Ass Witch

More Muppet Princess Bride fan art! I didn't feel a need to Muppetify this line at all, I feel like Piggy saying this and then cutting to Kermit's trademark eyes is funny enough. Hopefully ya'll agree!

I spent way too much time wondering if I should change "Farm boy" to "Farm frog" but farm boy just sounded better.

I intended to draw Kermit with the same expression Westley has in the film, but it's hard to resist giving Kermit at least a slight smile. So let's just say he's smiling because he genuinely appreciates Piggy's compliment.

I just finished a 521 page book in four hours and 33 minutes... I think that's a little concerning... Now the goal is to finish the sequel tonight, or at least before I land back home in a couple days 😂

This is so cool

LEVERAGE GRIFT TRACKER

I FINISHED SEASON 1! Shoutout to @grandma-waldo for the idea

Extra details in the parameters and the job list. I kept a list of all grifts in order they occur through season 1. If I thought about it before hand I would have draw a line between each episode but oh well hindsight and all that.

Any questions? Yes I welcome them and I'll try to answer them. Want to know why I split something? Just ask - there was definitely an overthought process to my madness. Any ideas on adjusting job titles? I want to hear it please. I invested too much in this lol but it's been fun.

Season 1 was tough in trying to decide what the jobs would be while trying to keep them broad and trying to think so I wouldn't need to add anymore come later seasons . Also me and excel nearly got into a fight.

I'm going to do the rest of the show but that will be slow coming. When I figure out how to make a master list with links, I'll make one. Since this is like my 4th post on the topic and there will be a bunch more to come

Surprises and Revelations

- Hardison grifts in intense spurts

- there was only 1 real royalty grift in season 1??? And it was hardison?? But there were 5 Southern Belle/Beau grifts

- Sophie was the first athelete?? Ik I already posted that but it still shocked me (Olympic luge)

- Parker interacts with people more than most of the team - she thieves in the shadows but she talks to people often as a misdirection

- FBI and just an ordinary person (Civilian) were the most common grifts of season 1 > not surprised since everyone played FBI in pilot part 2

- runner up was The Damsel. Plenty of times the team did the Damsel and Damsel's Knight grift together as a misdirection. But going "oh no I need help" to a stranger/mark was more popular

- Hardison and Parker were the most likely to play the Damsel card

(Sidenote: i thought about wanting to know all the scams the team calls out in the show. "Burn scam" "the cherry pie" etc. But I think someone has already made a list but I can't find it. Also my family might kill me if I restart the show - again. I was already getting side eyes for skipping back a few seconds to check out who was grifting when I wasn't paying attention)

If you've read this far! Thank you! Hope you have a great week!

I don’t want to find out about world events anymore

Me listening to my friends vent about their relationship drama:

Aughgjsjsjk I love it @queen-of-hobgobblers 😭 I don't know enough of most of them to truly see how accurate it is, unfortunately, but from what I can tell, it's really cool 😎😁

Batfam As Greek Gods/Goddesses

Kate Kane - Eros

Bruce Wayne - Erebus

Barbara Gordon - Athena

Dick Grayson - Themis

Cass Cain - Persephone

Jason Todd- Thatanos

Stephanie Brown - Psyche

Tim Drake - Atlas

Harper Row - Hephaestus

Duke Thomas - Elpis

Cullen Row - Hebe

Damian Wayne - Ares

@screwlowes hope you like this

reblog to give warm bread to your mutuals

the shoulders of a gentleman | 789 | finkpishnets / @madroxed

Summary: Billy’s perfectly aware that the only reason he keeps dragging himself out of bed at six in the morning on the weekends is because of Teddy Altman.

Simple Transactions | 1,250 | abp / @ferretrade

Summary: You can meet people anywhere--even at the bank.

Like the Change of Season | 1,521 | riko

Summary: Winter is particularly harsh this year. A scene from a hypothetical AU.

Magnetism | 1,839 | heartslogos / @heartslogos

Summary: They're like magnets pushing against each other. A pair of invisible forces colliding and holding each other up.

(See more recommendations below!)

In Sickness | 1,984 | Solarcat / @solarcat

Summary: Billy Kaplan frowned as his fingertips hit the cardboard bottom of the tissue box. That was not good. It could, in fact, constitute an emergency of epic proportions.

I Don't Care What You Think (As Long as it's About Me) | 2,436 | ambitiousbutrubbish / @unclebabybilly

Summary: “Why don’t you think Tommy’s hot?” Billy sort of shouts, and judging by the look on Teddy’s face, that had come out a bit more accusatory and hurt than Billy had intended. Also, he’s pretty sure he leapt over the line from ‘flirty self-deprecation to get your boyfriend to tell you you’re cute’ straight into just plain ‘creepy’. Fortunately - or unfortunately, as has been the case in the past - Billy is a pretty devoted practitioner of the principle of ‘go big or go home’, and he sets his jaw firm.

Enchanted | 2,829 | akaparalian / @floralegia

Summary: Billy wouldn’t be here, because Billy hates school dances, but his mom had chastised and nagged and chased him out the door with threats to call teachers to make sure he actually went, after giving him some psychologist-babble about how participating in social events, such as school dances, was crucial to emotional development in teenagers, but you know, it was fine, because he’d sit in whatever his new school’s version of the Nerd Corner was and he’d be okay.

Let Us Too Yield | 6,576 | takadainmate / @takadainmate

Summary: Trapped and hurt, all Billy wants is to protect Teddy. And maybe come out of this alive.

J. Haydn - Hob I:96 - Symphony No. 96 in D major (The Miracle) | 8,598 | ambitiousbutrubbish / @unclebabybilly

Summary: Really, Teddy's only orchestral goal is to stay well away from all that String DramaTM. Falling for their harpist literally at first sight was probably not conductive to the plan.

All Who Are Hungry | 8,943 | Ardatli / @ardatli

Summary: Teddy and Tommy are staying at the Kaplans' place for now, but they haven't really considered the meaning of being adopted into a large Jewish family. ~A seder teaches them the true meaning of Pesach~ (Insert holiday cliche of your choice here). Shenanigans, horseradish, matzah and fluff ensue.

Look Where We Land | 11,742 | riko

Summary: Teddy has always privately thought they had something special. Something worth listening to.

For the Love of Dog | 11,750 | ApolloAttraction / @apolloattraction

Summary: Billy’s depression has been getting the better of him lately, so Tommy gives him a dog to foster. Billy doesn’t really know how a dog is supposed to help, but things do start looking up right around the time he takes her to the pet store and meets the cute cashier.

Genesis / In the Beginning | 23,182 | Ardatli / @ardatli

Summary: The realization was as awful as it had been slow-building, loud enough now that he couldn’t force himself to ignore it any longer. Maybe it wasn’t Teddy who was the asshole.

Lazy Sunday | 1,016 | Lady_Ganesh

Summary: Billy and Teddy hang out. Pre-series. Written for mixe for Yuletide 2007.

bombs over manhattan | 1,230 | constellatory

Summary: Post-Civil War, pre-Children's Crusade. There's a special kind of terror reserved only for that moment when you see someone you love go down, and you're not sure they're getting back up.

Making Up Is Hard To Do | 1,299 | lilpocketninja (Banah) / @banahbanah

Summary: Sometimes, Teddy is an idiot. This is one of those times. (For the prompt "first fight -- making up.")

Tonight | 1,617 | minumi / @minumi-chan

Summary: Tonight something is different. Although, it’s very hard to identify why exactly that is when your boyfriend is intent on kissing all sense out of you.

peace on distant stars | 2,009 | sister_wolf

Summary: Billy isn't sure what the Young Avengers are even doing here, in the middle of a superhero civil war.

can we get a drumroll, please | 2,227 | hulklinging

Summary: You can take the nerds out of band class, but you can't take the band out of the nerds. You can, however, take them on a crazy ride to rock star status. Teddy's still feeling a little winded.

These Are Your Shoes | 2,369 | atti (attilatehbun) / @recursivities

Summary: Billy and Teddy live in each other's pockets, basically.

The Final Move | 2,455 | fontech / @akaikit

Summary: Fic request: Cris asked for Teddy's thoughts on discovering that he's an alien. A Teddy introspective on the death of his mother, and the questions of his identity left unanswered.

Definitely Not Good | 2,648 | Sheeana

Summary: Billy hurts himself. Teddy is not (very) amused. A couple days in the lives of a couple superheroes.

Sketch Me A Text | 2,764 | aconitemare / @aconitemare

Summary: Billy made a strangled noise and grabbed his pencil, drawing some random lines in his sketchbook while he gathered his composure. Cassie leaned toward Billy’s ear. “I think he heard you.” “Don’t worry, that has definitely been noted and filed under Reasons I’m Never Leaving My House Again Ever,” Billy assured.

Four Eyes | 2,939 | Xander_The_Undead / @xandertheundead

Summary: Billy wore glasses, and Teddy had no idea why this new discovery made him so excited.

International Diplomacy | 2,984 | DangerousCommieSubversive / @dangerouscommiesubversive

Summary: The delegation from the Kree and Skrull Empires has arrived, and Prince William is ordered by his aunt to keep the visiting Prince Dorrek entertained. Somehow.

We Don't Put Our Hands Over Our Mouths | 3,324 | atti (attilatehbun) / @recursivities

Summary: Billy has never had good impulse control. Something pops into his head and he generally just says it, or does it - joining a super-team, anyone? - before he actually thinks about whatever he's doing might mean. So far he's managed to mostly avoid making a complete idiot of himself through some crazy combination of snarkiness and luck. But this time he's not so sure.

Love is Like Falling | 3,487 | Khirsah / @khirsahle

Summary: Teddy reached down and took Billy’s hand, threading their fingers together. The warm, gentle grip immediately derailed his words, his brain. “Sure,” Teddy said, squeezing Billy’s hand. “That sounds cool.” “Cool,” Billy breathed. “Cool.” “Cool.” Teddy squinted at him. “Are you secretly a Buffybot stuck on some kind of programming loop?” Billy snorted, turning his face to press his forehead against Teddy’s arm. When he breathed, his lungs were filled with the incredible scent of him. “No,” he said. “Shut up, I’m just having a spaz.” “Oh, well, in that case.”

Redefining Normal | 3,510 | Tangerine / @atangeriner

Summary: Normal is overrated.

A Little Like Mutant Manifestation | 3,886 | howlikeagod / @eternalgirlscout

Summary: Billy pulls back a little (normal), and grins down at Teddy. His face is flushed (normal), his hair is a godawful mess (completely normal), and Teddy wants him to take his clothes off (not normal at all). That desire slams into him like a semi-truck and leaves him gasping. He’s lived his whole life a little too aware of where his eyes catch, on the lips and hands of other boys, where his thoughts wander to kissing and holding in the darkest corners he can find. It’s never been more than that.

On Responsibility | 4,501 | natcat5 / @natcat5

Summary: It’s about responsibility, and being held accountable for your actions. He doesn’t have to tell Teddy, doesn’t have to tell anyone because- Because- It wasn’t like a suicide suicide attempt. He wasn’t- it wasn’t because- He was just trying to fix what he had broken. Clean up the mess that he had made. Take responsibility.

The Common Issue | 4,833 | riko

Summary: Billy has feelings about civil procedure, the firm's new junior associate, and the fact that his co-workers are all nuts, and he isn't thinking about any of them.

Scenes From A Teen Life | 5,252 | Etharei / @etharei

Summary: He's never been in this space before: broad daylight, his cheek throbbing, clothing dirty from the street, and at the same time floating, skin thrumming like he's using magic; hopelessly, helplessly happy. In which Billy Kaplan, against all expectations and documented statistics, has a boyfriend.

One More Bad Excuse | 5,323 | Ardatli / @ardatli

Summary: Life is full of changes. Losing his mother was one, losing his home was another. Teddy can't begin to cope with the idea that he might be losing Billy, too.

Who Can Retell (the things that befell us) | 6,297 | Ardatli / @ardatli

Summary: Or, one Christmas that Billy and Teddy didn’t spend together, and five that they did.

Monsters of Men | 8,873 | takadainmate / @takadainmate

Summary: "Get up," he said, and his voice sounded muffled and distant and for a long time Teddy stared at him, trying to work out what he meant. They had nowhere to go. There was no point in going anywhere. They were alone here and no one was going to save them. No one could save them.

Our Lives Lead Other Lives | 10,045 | riko

Summary: "Those things Billy's learned to bundle up tightly, keep compact and hidden so far down that even he forgets they're there sometimes. The gay thing is one. The being bullied at school is another. Now the spellcasting, shooting lightning from his fingertips, and fighting evil are rounding out the roster."

The Shelter Rule | 10,890 | orphan_account

Summary: Teddy’s life consists of a couple bags of clothes, a bed at the youth shelter, a therapy group run by his case manager, and two very dead parents. At least, until he switches schools. Then, Teddy’s life grows exponentially.

All Grown Up and Still Don't Know What (or; Billy Kaplan's Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Life) | 14,233 | atti (attilatehbun) / @recursivities

Summary: Everything cycles back around into powers, his new powers. Powers that, by the feel of it, Billy’s really only scratched the surface of. But powers that he thinks could really do some actual good, on the right team. Assuming he doesn’t blow anything up with his mind by then.

Mine | 1,415 | isengard / @goulets

Summary: You are the best thing That’s ever been mine.

The Things I Am Doing (Instead of The Things That Should Be Done) | 1,541 | atti (attilatehbun) / @recursivities

Summary: Normally there's classes, work, citizens to be saved from dimension-ripping monsters with tentacles bursting from their eyes and venom dripping from several sets of extra ears. That, or Kate's endless charity functions, in both official and unofficial capacity. But not this morning. This morning there's just them; them, a bed cozy and warm with body heat, and time.

The Problem with Planning | 2,238 | atti (attilatehbun) / @recursivities

Summary: Billy really doesn't want to hate his friends, he loves his friends, but he wishes that for once, just once when he and Teddy shut Teddy's door it wasn't banging open again before they'd even crossed to Teddy's narrow bed. He'd love them a whole lot more easily if they could understand the concept of 'personal time'.

Birthday Boy is King | 3,203 | tekowrites

Summary: Teddy/Billy, for Teddy’s birthday Billy decides on a little body modification present, the problem though is not letting anyone find out about it.

Fire in the Blood | 3,385 | youngavengersbigbang

Summary: Teddy was so close he was practically whispering in the shell of the man’s ear. Billy watched, transfixed, as one big hand slid into the neat fold of his pewter gray suit and pulled out a straight razor. The handle was mother of pearl. The little blade shown like a mirror, giving a whispered shhht as Teddy opened it into a wide, gleaming smile.

Maybe Everything Returns | 7,321 | riko

Summary: There are 3058 miles between them, and Teddy can feel every one.

whatever's living will yourself become | 7,816 | atti (attilatehbun) / @recursivities

Summary: The trouble with shape-shifting is that so often the shape seems to shift more than you do. It changes day to day, moment to moment, and every time you shift to fit it you're one step behind.

Alms in Autumn | 13,861 | aud_k

Summary: In which a fairy reluctantly dons the mantle of “prey,” a golden-haired prince leads a ritual hunt, and a November dawn chases away more than just the night’s shadows. There are many ways to die, and some of them, William discovers, are smaller—and luckier—than others.

Work In Progress | 20,912 | Ardatli / @ardatli

Summary: Wherein Billy is a Steve/Tony fanfic writer, Teddy is a fanartist, online relationships are confusing, and NYCC is coming.

*True Colors | 34,093 | Khirsah / @khirsahle

Summary: Growing up queer can be tough, even in New York. Lucky for them, there's a place upstate they can go every summer to meet new friends, let loose, and know they are not alone. Welcome to Camp True Colors.

*this fic also heavily includes the Steve/Bucky ship

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(through gritted teeth) sometimes what's good for your mental health isn't another do nothing day or a little treat sometimes what's good for you is putting in some of the work. Not all of it at once but sometimes you have to finish that essay or at least take the next step or you have to clean your room or at least dust the shelves or you gotta do the laundry or at least put it all in the hamper and it's not fun and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks but you have to because i read a post on the internet that told me that's what being nice to yourself is sometimes

I've gotten to a point where I know my two best friends like me, it'd be like impossible to not know that at this point with all they've stuck with me through. but now I have this fun new insecurity called "I don't deserve them liking me"