Ways I Show A Character Is Secretly Lonely (Even When Surrounded By People)

My one major issue within Astarion's romance storyline (spoilers)

TLDR: player shouldn't have to sleep with him in act one to initiate the romance.

(also please correct me if I'm wrong about this being the way the romance triggers. All the information I found said that the act 1 intimacy scene is necessary)

First of all, this just locks you out of romancing him unless you’re a very particular kind of person. On my playthrough, my character is not at all the type to sleep with him casually, but I went through with it because I very badly wanted to see his romance storyline. 

So let’s examine what leads up to the scene. Astarion, upon meeting the player, recognizes power in them and thus someone who can help protect him. He comes up with his “nice, simple plan” to seduce the player in order to get them to trust and care for him. This makes complete sense for his character, as he sees his main and perhaps only source of value being what he can offer physically. It’s what he knows how to do, and so in this crisis situation, of course it’s what he defaults to. The fact that he propositions the player is not what I have a problem with. It’s the fact that they have to say yes in order to further the romance, or else they’re locked out of it. 

On a practical level, I can understand what the thought process behind this might have been. Having a character proposition the player, being turned down, and then coming onto them again in the future might make them come off as a pest, which can make a character majorly unlikable. However I would argue this can be worked around because it is made very clear that the first encounter with him is meant to be a purely casual intimacy. Having a confession scene later where he proposes something more sincere would feel completely different, offering something new rather than not taking no for an answer. 

But the game forces you to accept his offer if you want to further the romance. This leaves the player in an uncomfortable position no matter what. There are two intimacy scenes possible in act one, the first being his high approval scene that can trigger whenever, where he makes the offer and the player can choose. Skipping this one does not lock you out of the romance IF you do sleep with him at the Teifling party afterward (if I’m not mistaken). The Tiefling party version of the scene is much much better if you care about him as a person, in my opinion, because he keeps the fact that he sees it as a transaction to himself. In the high approval scene, he outright says, albeit flirtatiously, that this is a reward for letting him drink your blood. Him presenting the encounter that way feels very icky if you say yes. So while it’s very in-character and a very honest and raw portrayal of how his trauma has affected him, it leaves the player in a bad position. 

Now, this plot point is crucial to his overall story, yes. He needs to initiate this kind of pandering to the player character, trying to seduce them and get their trust and loyalty. My argument is that this can be done *without* the sex scene. If I were to rewrite this scene, I would have it that he invites the character to the woods after the party in a more ambiguous way unless you yourself bring up the topic of sex. Then, when you’re both there having your private conversation, you can choose to decline his advances. He could become puzzled and maybe a little annoyed and say something like “why did you come here, then?”. The player could then have the option to respond with “I wanted to get to know you better” or something. This could be a really sweet and heartbreaking moment to look back on after you learn more about him. Give him a genuine moment of confusion in this scene, because it challenges what he thought about himself and other people; someone doesn't want him just for his body, and they also want to get to know him as a person. This would probably be a confusing and difficult feeling for him. He’d mask it quickly, of course, but still. Then, there could be a nice moment between them where they just have a cute conversation about anything. Maybe they could even just make this scene into a slightly different version of his scars scene the morning after. He showed up shirtless after all, so the player could go on to ask him about that and it could be a wholesome bonding moment. This would allow the player to show interest in him without it being explicitly sexual, but also not locking you out of the romance route with him. Also it’s asexual friendly. On a narrative and emotional level, this serves basically the exact same purpose as the sex scene(s), with the exception of the regret and moral greyness, which I think the player should be able to avoid anyway if they choose. Especially upon replays, this forces the player to engage in something they know is not an enjoyable experience for him, in order to trigger his romance storyline, which I think is kind of wrong. 

Interesting point here, though: If you’re playing as origin Karlach, then you can't sleep with him at first without, you know, burning him to a crisp. The romance plays out the same otherwise, PROVING MY POINT that it’s not necessary. In this version of events, they just “talk and fall asleep”. This would be exactly what I wanted. I just really wish this were an option in any other case.

I'm too demisexual for this.

BG3 roleplay nonsense

I love doing silly little inconsequential things in this game to give me serotonin, including:

Collecting all the rocks and minerals I find and keeping them in a pouch. 

Giving all the random teddy bears we find to Karlach to hold in her inventory

Giving Astarion a piece of malachite for his inventory because the flavor text says there’s superstition about it helping bad dreams

Giving Astarion one of the blood bank bottles to keep in his inventory so he always has a snack on hand

Giving Shadowheart ALL the night orchids

Giving Shadowheart the little statue of Selune in act 3

Letting Lae’zel carry the Githyanki egg the whole time 

Making act 1 Karlach pet Scratch and the owlbear cub because she can touch them without them bursting into flames, and she needs the comfort

Picking up the bodies of any innocent people who die and laying them somewhere nice for a little funeral

Throwing the Gortash propaganda posters on the ground

Having Astarion bite my character at the beginning of the day so he’s happy (it's worth the spell slot to fix bloodless idc)

Leaving the personal effects on corpses (letters from loved ones, keepsake items, etc.)

Talking to every animal in the game

Dying everyone’s armor to match their color scheme (that i made up)

Talking to everyone in camp/ petting the critters every. Single. Long rest. 

Making sure everyone has at least some time in the party, not just my faves… 

Letting Astarion pickpocket often, for morale

My character is constantly getting encumbered but I refuse to make the squishy characters carry more than thirty pounds. (Especially Astarion. Wouldn't want him to break a nail.)

No longer using the idiom "elephant in the room". From now on it's "let's address the exsanguinated boar in the room"

What I wish happened in Wyll's storyline (bg3 spoilers)

I know a lot of people have already talked about how there was a lot of missed potential with Wyll, but I think that one thing would make his storyline a lot more engaging and compelling. Wyll is a pretty soft and emotional person, and though he definitely puts up a front (everyone does), I still wish we got to see him have some more raw emotional moments. Especially during his scene where he chooses between breaking his pact or not. If he chooses to essentially doom his father in order to break the pact, he gets upset, yes, but I wish it went further. It's clear that when you talk to him afterward he’s putting on a brave face in order to soldier on, but I really wish we got to see him have his breaking point like the other characters do. I want to see him scream at Mizora and cry over his father’s imminent death. I just wish we got to see more of that from him, because it felt like his emotional response was a bit underwhelming for the weight of the situation. Tell me if I'm wrong and missing some scenes or something (admittedly I haven’t romanced Wyll yet)

Always let Astarion vandalize the Vlaakith portrait, as a treat. He deserves it.

Just a personal post, with a dash of Astarion because this is my life now

So I've gone my whole life denying myself writing fanfiction (despite being a writer since forever) because of the powerful internalized autistic fear of being "cringe". But after playing BG3 I just can't do it anymore. Astarion as a character just inspires me too much and I have so many scenes I want to write that in my mind, its criminal weren't included in the game. Honestly, once I gave myself that permission, I've written more this past month than I had in the past six months of my original story. It's been so fun and rewarding and has taught me a lot about what mental hang-ups I still have as a writer, even when it comes to work I know I'll never share. I'm basically just novelizing the story of my Tav and Astarion now, and it's so much fun. I'm sure a lot of my ideas have been done a million other times by other people, but this is my version, and I'm reminding myself that there's value in that. I'm still learning that it's okay to be self-indulgent and "cringe" sometimes. I just want to see the characters I love be happy and get the treatment they deserve, even if I have to write it myself. I'm being creative and it makes me happy, so maybe that's what matters? It's freaking me out now to even post this, but I'm really trying to learn how to express myself honestly again after so long masking and being so concerned with appeasing others. The fear of judgement or "doing something wrong" is hard to get over. Maybe someone else relates.

THIS. You actually read my mind.

I'm not interested in people being needlessly pedantic over whether or not he literally "lost his soul" in ascension, because he very clearly lost something crucial to his being. He burned a bridge between himself and the future of healing and redemption he could have had. AA is not "free" in a meaningful way, and he shackled himself to Cazador's legacy forever, trapping himself in a state of non-healing. Of course he's not "just another Cazador", maybe he's even "not as bad". But that doesn't mean he's good. He chose to turn away from the good in himself. As Neil Newbon said, becoming Lord Astarion solidifies all of all the worst in him.

Being able to walk in the sunlight won't make him happy. Having no vampiric hunger won't help him heal from the trauma he's choosing not to face. Being able to see his reflection won't absolve him of his crimes. Being a vampire lord won't give him back the identity that was stripped from him. The Spawn ending isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but its a new dawn. Radiant and hopeful. Full of love and support for the long road of healing ahead.

"Ascended Astarion is what happens if trauma wins - he’s the desensitization to violence after centuries of torture and cruelty, he’s the false facade of confidence and superiority shielding a weak sense of self, he’s the belief that the only way to not be a victim is to be the abuser."

"He may not act exactly like Cazador but he has embraced the belief that to be safe is to be powerful at the expense of empathy and care for others, and with that it is inevitable his hunger for power will grow more and more sadistic consuming every good and tender part of Astarion just like it did to Cazador"

Flawlessly put. Actually perfect.

Some fans think Ascended Astarion is free from the curse of vampirism because he can walk in the sun and see his reflection and he isn’t hungry for blood, but he has just replaced all that for a far more sinister and consuming hunger. Vampires crave power the way they crave blood, insatiably and beyond their control. They are a metaphor for abusers, trapped in their futile struggle to feel fulfilled by harming and dominating others. That is part of their curse, the darkest and most isolating part. If we read Cazador’s thoughts, we find that he doesn’t identify with this monster he has become and deep down wants to just die. He is consumed by the curse of vampirism, everything from torturing his spawn to the ascension ritual were part of this vampiric hunger for power that made Cazador what he became. If Astarion ascends, that is what he will become.

He may not act exactly like Cazador but he has embraced the belief that to be safe is to be powerful at the expense of empathy and care for others, and with that it is inevitable his hunger for power will grow more and more sadistic consuming every good and tender part of Astarion just like it did to Cazador. Cazador was once a young Spawn who reached out to a friend and was impaled for a decade straight because of it. From Cazador’s perspective, he was a “loving”, “paternal” Master compared to Vellioth but that’s just the distorted mindset of the abuser. Just like every abusive parent thinks they aren’t abusive because their parent was “worse” to them. Cazador was different from Vellioth and Ascended Astarion would be different from Cazador but they’re the same beast. There’s no denying that the nature of vampirism and Master/Spawn relationships are abusive and the only way to free yourself from that cycle is to reject the poisonous allure of vampiric power.

Spawn Astarion cannot see his reflection or walk in the sun, at least not yet, but he can live and he can heal. He knows it’s safe to be loving and kind, that there’s more to the world than an endless cycle of power and pain which was all he experienced for 200 years as a slave to Cazador’s sick, undead mind. Spawn Astarion has won something Cazador never could, and that’s his soul back. Cazador died a power-hungry husk who didn’t recognize himself from the boy he once was with everyone he claimed to “love” relieved he was dead - Spawn Astarion won’t suffer that fate. Ascended Astarion is what happens if trauma wins - he’s the desensitization to violence after centuries of torture and cruelty, he’s the false facade of confidence and superiority shielding a weak sense of self, he’s the belief that the only way to not be a victim is to be the abuser. Spawn Astarion is bittersweet but hopeful and free to be himself, he is not consumed by what trauma and vampirism wants him to be. He is free to heal and find out who he is. That will take time, but it’s finally possible.

Thanks, I hadn't cried yet today

silence

I have never written fanfic in my life up until this point but about halfway through bg3 i just couldn't *not* do it. I blacked out and suddenly had 3000 words written and I'm not even close to done what has this vampire made of pixels done to my brain chemistry

Everything in my mind is my durge and Astarion. Everything. Song I like? It’s about them. Movie I like? It’s also about them. Every cliche trope and AU? It’s about them too

My brain is so rotted because of Astarion

The fun thing about the fact that the only visual fanart creations I'm any good at are sewing and needlefelt is that I have to figure out how to turn grown people characters into fluffy little guys.