Post-game Rambles

Always let Astarion vandalize the Vlaakith portrait, as a treat. He deserves it.

I've already spent too much time messing around in photo mode. I'm not very good at it but here are some of my favorite shots of Astarion and my Tav (River) getting to just relax and have a wholesome time for once. It's making me want to write about them.

I do wonder how much he remembers about his schooling. Like if something happened that triggered his memory, would be start spouting off random legalese?

Doodle of Astarion going from starved and newly freed to eating better and getting chubbier

Controversial, but i'm six-pack hater. Out of romanceable male companions only Wyll should be allowed to have defined abs. Thank you for coming to my ted talk

E is for Equal

And I get to share it with you, as a partner. An equal.

Here's another ramble about a single spawn Astarion line that hits so close home for me. 

When I first heard Astarion say it, I was puzzled. What, he didn't previously consider my Tav an equal? Why?

And then it clicked. 

He's talking about himself, right? He used to think he's worthless. A slave. A weakling. A body to please others. And now he's finally relishing the fact that he's so much more; he finally believes he can be someone's equal; and not just someone's, but the person's he values the most.

Hence the happy, almost dreamy expression on his face, hence the little pause before he actually says the word. Because it is like a dream come true, and because the word is worth savouring for a moment longer.

I think there are two reasons why my brain needed that extra second to process what Astarion said. The first is because I have a complicated relationship with hierarchies in general. I struggle with them a lot, and often get into trouble because of that. I view them as artificial social constructs that make no sense to me, unless the person telling me what to do is actually knowledgeable in their field and listens to arguments presented by others. I need rationales, not just a “do it, because I'm telling you to”. (That's one of the “perks” of being autistic, I guess. Happy April!)

The second (might be connected to the first) is that it has never, not even for a brief while, occurred to me to view Astarion as inferior. From the first meeting, when he put that darn knife against my Tav’s throat, to whatever happened afterwards – in my head, he was an equally important character, regardless if I liked what he was up to at any given moment. I knew he struggled with his sense of self-worth (and that's another thing I understand all too well), but not even once did I consider he might not be my Tav’s equal.

It warms my heart to watch him realise that and revel in the knowledge. I wish all relationships I form – personal and professional – would be that: equals who try to understand and accommodate each other. Which brings to mind another very important quote, from Harper Lee’s “To Kill a Mockingbird”:

I think there's just one kind of folks. Folks.

Just a take on Wyll's transformation (spoilers)

Can we talk about how when Mizora turns Wyll into his devil-ish form as a punishment... it's like really messed up? I get that it could have been much worse, but she literally violated his body irrevocably. Not for the first time. I'd probably have a panic attack if my body suddenly changed like that. Not to mention that him now looking this way is kind of devastating to the heroic, evil-fighting image he wants to present. It's like Mizora saying smugly: "who will look at you and think you're a hero when you look like *this*?" Because she knows how deep that would cut for him.

I've talked about this before, but I wish Wyll was allowed to have more moments that show that he's hurting, and I wish that his reaction to the transformation had more emphasis. Honestly his interaction at the Tiefling party is kind of heartbreaking. He basically says "you go on and enjoy the party without me. I'd just bring everyone down". Just another example of him keeping his feelings neatly tucked away for the sake of others. Wyll is going through so much in act 1 but it's portrayed so subtly compared to other characters that I think people overlook it.

What I wish happened in Wyll's storyline (bg3 spoilers)

I know a lot of people have already talked about how there was a lot of missed potential with Wyll, but I think that one thing would make his storyline a lot more engaging and compelling. Wyll is a pretty soft and emotional person, and though he definitely puts up a front (everyone does), I still wish we got to see him have some more raw emotional moments. Especially during his scene where he chooses between breaking his pact or not. If he chooses to essentially doom his father in order to break the pact, he gets upset, yes, but I wish it went further. It's clear that when you talk to him afterward he’s putting on a brave face in order to soldier on, but I really wish we got to see him have his breaking point like the other characters do. I want to see him scream at Mizora and cry over his father’s imminent death. I just wish we got to see more of that from him, because it felt like his emotional response was a bit underwhelming for the weight of the situation. Tell me if I'm wrong and missing some scenes or something (admittedly I haven’t romanced Wyll yet)

What I like about the Dryad Test scene (Astarion romance spoilers)

So I haven't done any other character's romance yet, but I want to talk about the brilliance of Astarion's version of the “romance test” scene in the circus. While I do think it was a missed opportunity to show a little more vulnerable reaction when you first call him forward to do the test (calling him the "one you love"), before he covers it up with his usual mask, I think this is a beautifully subtle scene overall. Which is impressive given how indulgent it is. The whole premise is that you full well know the true answers to the questions, but if you want to make him happy and comfortable, you wont give them. He’s clearly uncomfortable with you bringing up personal information in front of an audience, even if it’s to correctly answer the question. He obviously isn’t taking the test seriously at all, and is doing it more to just have fun and mess around. As much as I adore sincerity, this scene is just so in-character for Astarion I can't be mad at it. You’re showing him how well you know him *by* answering incorrectly, because you know *that’s* what he wants. You're showing that you know him, and you don't need to prove it. While it would have been fun and cute to just have a little moment here that plays right into the dryad's game without any twists, this execution of the scene suits Astarion's current emotional state so much better, and makes it more engaging. The story doesn't just pander to the player, no matter how indulgent Astarion seems as a character. He’s imperfect and struggling a lot, and the player needs genuine patience to see the real him in those rare moments when he lets the mask fall.

He’s been making some very slow changes throughout the game up to this point, and he’s still grappling with that. It’s obvious that even he doesn't really understand or want to face his feelings and how he’s changed, as he’s unwilling to even put a label on his relationship with the player character at this point. He’s all about using his mask as a shield, and so the times we’ve seen behind it have been insanely vulnerable by his standards; private moments meant to stay between the two of you. So of course he wouldn't like it if you just bring up his deepest feelings in a public setting all for some silly carnival activity. He’s also very much the type to say: “like I need a dryad to tell me how I feel”, when prompted with the game in the first place. He probably only agreed because the player wanted to, and he wanted to just have a bit of a laugh. It’s not that he doesn't have genuine feelings for the character, but rather that he has no clue how to handle them. He’s probably holding back a lot at this point in the story, and it probably scares him that he’s getting so attached to someone. Someone that could be taken from him. He probably sees that as a weakness that Cazdor could exploit to hurt him even more, and so his  natural instinct would be to keep everything close to his chest. Orin’s line about Gortash using our connection as a noose by which to hang us probably illustrates his fears perfectly. It’s scary when you have feelings beyond your control, and given that he probably hasn't felt this way about someone in as long as he can remember, if ever, he’s probably even more unnerved. This subtle internal struggle is perfectly illustrated in this scene. At this point in the story overall, he’s confused, on edge, afraid, angry, but also maybe the slightest bit hopeful for the first time in a long time, because of the player. 

The best part is that his instincts about not wanting his personal information shared with a stranger is justified, as Orin shows up to ruin the fun. Apparently in early versions of the game, its at this point that she would kidnap the player’s romanced companion, but apparently play testers hated that (this is just what I've heard). It would be so neat, even though I'd panic and drop everything to hunt her down. That sinking feeling when Orin reveals herself is only magnified if you answer the “true” options during the love test, because now one of our greatest enemies has critical information that could be used to hurt our loved one. 

Anyway I just love how subversive this scene is because of who Astarion is as a person, and how it illustrates the unique bond he has with the player character. His reactions are so cute when you give answers that he likes (like saying what he wants most is revenge, or that most things fear *him*, actually). This is a rare moment when it seems like he's actually having fun. It's just two idiots in love messing around, and that's important.

(This is all just my interpretation. Feel free to disagree)

Hello and welcome back to "I Take Things Too Seriously And Treat Fictional Characters Like They're Real People". On today's episode-

He's getting the chance to explore his hobbies and passions 🥺