Just Me Losing My Mind Over Astarion's Storyline (spoilers)

He's never done anything wrong, ever, in his entire life, actually

Resisting the urge to get the BG3 mod for Stardew Valley because I have ~responsibilities~ and simply cannot afford to fall into another sdv phase at this moment

Little Astarion the bat! (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡

I cannot take Gortash seriously for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that he has anime hair

Sometimes I see people say that using persusion on Astarion to talk him out of ascension is a bad thing. Like it's mind control, but honestly, 15 is not a hard DC, that is a task of moderate difficulty. It is harder to get Wyll to smooch you at the party, or to get Shadowheart not to mercy kill her parents then to convince Astarion that mass slaughter is a bad idea and he doesn't need to do this.

Also, it's literally just talking. It's just being convincing, all the skill is is assigning a number value to how well Tav can articulate a point.

If Larian wanted it to be a difficult they would have given it a Dc 20, and if Larian wanted it to be mind control it would have been illithid wisdom.

A (Bitter?) Taste of Power

I’m currently in Act III of my very first BG3 playthrough. I’m enjoying myself immensely in a way I didn’t foresee; I guess I had been too tired of AAA games to believe BG3 could impress me. And yet, there’s a marvel around nearly every corner of the story.

For example, the little cutscene in the flophouse between Astarion and his siblings. I almost missed it entirely, because in my party, Shadowheart has Lathander’s Blood equipped at all times, and that thing emits light. So before I even registered there were any vampire spawns in the vicinity, two mysterious NPCs – Dalyria and Petras, as I was not-so-soon going to learn – went up in a puff of blood-red smoke, even while standing behind a $#%! wall (praise our lord Lathander and his light that shines through solid obstacles). If not for Astarion’s comment, I would probably think it was just some weird glitch on the periphery of my screen.

Anyway, several in-game hours later (and some online searching) I realized I’m not going to meet them again elsewhere and if I want the cutscene, I need to go back to a way earlier save.

But I don’t regret it. The encounter was worth every bit of lost game progress.

It’s no secret Astarion has a penchant for casual violence and cruelty. Kicking squirrels, using mind control to tell others to gut themselves – he may approve of all these actions, should Tav choose to commit them. Enough sitting around – let’s go hurt someone is one of Astarion’s lines said with such playfulness it makes me chuckle every time. And yet, at least during my playthrough, I haven’t seen him act brutally outside of combat. The spawn would approve if my Tav were a bully (he isn't), but up until now, he never did anything himself.

I suppose during Act I and II Astarion is just this kind of a mean kid who likes to watch from the sidelines, hiding behind a tougher ally, and snicker quietly. He’s probably still too scared, still feeling too weak, still trying to get the hang of his new situation. At least, that’s how I imagine it.

Travelling with Tav and others empowers him, little by little. It’s a good thing in general, but there are bumps in the road. As I watched Astarion manhandle Petras, I realized what happens if the work stops halfway – if Astarion gets confident enough to act on his own, but not confident enough to understand he doesn't need to be cruel to show others his worth.

People who are truly self-assured don't need to prove this by outbursts of brutality. They can afford to show clemency. The scene with Petras and Dal shows Astarion still isn't free of Cazador’s influence, as he keeps confusing cruelty with power and power with self-worth. So he has grown enough to take action (instead of letting others handle things and watching from the sidelines), but the underlying motivation remains to avoid appearing weak. Deep inside, there's still anxiety, fear and self-loathing.

There's one more factor that plays a significant role in this scene. Astarion acts tough in front of his siblings, because now he has backup. 

You have no idea what I can do. The sun can’t harm me, Cazador can’t compel me. I don’t need to fear him anymore.

Boastful, isn’t he? So different from the time when my Tav first suggested disposing of Cazador. I still remember how Astarion snapped at Yae for not knowing what he’s saying or who he’d be facing.

But why do I get the feeling Astarion is trying to convince himself as much as he’s trying to convince others? And that he’s trying to impress his companions as much as he’s trying to intimidate Dal and Petras?

Soon enough, the façade crumbles, as Astarion starts to discuss the event with Tav. He gets defensive, he comes up with a whole range of excuses, explanations and justifications. He may even say he's capable of doing the right thing once in a while, as if he deserves a medal for not burning Petras to ash.

I think a part of him knows he overreacted. And the insistent voice in his head tells him other companions will judge him for that and abandon him. The fear finally resurfaces at the end of the dialogue:

We are a team, aren’t we? You’re still with me?

Still placing his worth in extrinsic things, like the support of his new friends. Still so scared of being alone. Remember that memory of the year spent sealed away in darkness?

This is such a potent cutscene; it gave me a lot to chew on, especially regarding headcanons and the relationship between my Tav and Astarion. Yae is no saint himself, but the display of unnecessary cruelty gives him pause. He may need time to process what happened, and temporarily keep more distance from Astarion, which the latter will – of course – read in the worst way possible. There will be misunderstandings, angst, arguments, reconciliations.

But this is a story for a different time.

⊱✿⊰

Postscript:

The date on the file tells me I've written this text over a month ago. 

But then anxiety kicked in. What if I'm wrong? I haven't even finished the game once, I have no right to join in the conversation! I know nothing, I haven't played any of the origin stories! What if there's that obscure bit of dialogue you only get by playing the game for an umpteenth time in a very specific way that sheds entirely new light on this scene? I'm not as smart/observant/articulate/whatever as others!

It took me almost six weeks to realize I can't let my anxious brain win this one. Even if I'm “wrong” (can personal interpretations and impressions really be “wrong”?), this is a testament to how much I've grown to enjoy the game and love the characters and their stories. So, if you've reached the end of this post and even read this postscript – thank you. This is an important step in my fight against the Anxious Brain.

Finally made my version of Batstarion! Because I love both bats and Astarion.

He is a scary and powerful vampire, as you can see. (I think I made him way too innocent-looking. Imagine him with little angry eyebrows, maybe)

Made mostly of felt/wool. I modeled him after a northern ghost bat rather than a vampire bat, sorry. Someday I'll make a more realistic, fully articulated version (perhaps a vampire bat), but bats are harder to make than I thought. Hope you like him!

Absolutely. As much as I love dramatic romance, I think there's a beautiful subtlety to Astarion's romance storyline. This slow-burn relationship where he only really, truly confesses his love with confidence after defeating Cazador would feel cheapened if he just suddenly flipped a switch into calling us his soulmate or something. Although I believe that he probably feels more strongly than he's willing to admit, as is typical of him. He's not exactly the best at putting his vulnerable feelings into words. I also *love* that, like you said, the playfulness in this comment of his shows a comfort and equality in the relationship. He's not a lovestruck puppy who worships the ground we walk on; he's an equal partner. That's important for any romance story, but especially his, I think.

I swear, this is why I love this game (and Astarion in particular) so much. We can sit here and talk about a single line of dialogue and pick apart all the layers. It's beautiful.

“What are we to you?”

“Nothing special, of course. You're only the first person who I truly care for.”

While this is not that perfectly quotable bon mot you can slap on a t-shirt, so far it's my personal favourite when it comes to spawn Astarion dialogues. (Still a few quests away from finishing the game, but slowly getting there!)

If the player hoped that after hours of hearing I don't know. But isn't it nice not to know? (which I also adore) they'll get something more definite and old-school romantic, they were wrong. (Well, maybe not wrong; the cemetery scene is still there, both touching and heartwrenching.)

What do we get instead? Astarion’s trademark sarcasm. A dramatic sigh followed by an annoyed Nothing special, of course. As in: Tav, do you really need to ask such stupid questions? Do you really need me to spell it out for you?

And I mean, casually calling your loved one ‘nothing special’ right into their face? If you can allow yourself a joke like this and you both laugh, you know you're in a place of comfort.

You're only the first person who I truly care for – yet, a confession follows, and again, I appreciate the just right mixture of quip, candour and informality. No lofty professions of undying love, thank the gods. Astarion’s body language is delicious, too. That motion as if he’s playfully tapping Tav on the arm? But I especially love the cheeky smile as he glances to the side. He’s such an adorable rascal during this dialogue.

The whole line is punctuated by Astarion clearing his throat. I’ve seen someone write it’s a telltale sign of him being genuine. Perhaps there's a tiny hint of self-consciousness, too, because he’s so much more used to all those fake, turgid pick-up lines.

No worries, Astarion, you're doing great. Please don't ever lose that smart mouth of yours.

Have I just written a small wall of text about a single line of dialogue? Quite possibly, yes.

What I like about the Dryad Test scene (Astarion romance spoilers)

So I haven't done any other character's romance yet, but I want to talk about the brilliance of Astarion's version of the “romance test” scene in the circus. While I do think it was a missed opportunity to show a little more vulnerable reaction when you first call him forward to do the test (calling him the "one you love"), before he covers it up with his usual mask, I think this is a beautifully subtle scene overall. Which is impressive given how indulgent it is. The whole premise is that you full well know the true answers to the questions, but if you want to make him happy and comfortable, you wont give them. He’s clearly uncomfortable with you bringing up personal information in front of an audience, even if it’s to correctly answer the question. He obviously isn’t taking the test seriously at all, and is doing it more to just have fun and mess around. As much as I adore sincerity, this scene is just so in-character for Astarion I can't be mad at it. You’re showing him how well you know him *by* answering incorrectly, because you know *that’s* what he wants. You're showing that you know him, and you don't need to prove it. While it would have been fun and cute to just have a little moment here that plays right into the dryad's game without any twists, this execution of the scene suits Astarion's current emotional state so much better, and makes it more engaging. The story doesn't just pander to the player, no matter how indulgent Astarion seems as a character. He’s imperfect and struggling a lot, and the player needs genuine patience to see the real him in those rare moments when he lets the mask fall.

He’s been making some very slow changes throughout the game up to this point, and he’s still grappling with that. It’s obvious that even he doesn't really understand or want to face his feelings and how he’s changed, as he’s unwilling to even put a label on his relationship with the player character at this point. He’s all about using his mask as a shield, and so the times we’ve seen behind it have been insanely vulnerable by his standards; private moments meant to stay between the two of you. So of course he wouldn't like it if you just bring up his deepest feelings in a public setting all for some silly carnival activity. He’s also very much the type to say: “like I need a dryad to tell me how I feel”, when prompted with the game in the first place. He probably only agreed because the player wanted to, and he wanted to just have a bit of a laugh. It’s not that he doesn't have genuine feelings for the character, but rather that he has no clue how to handle them. He’s probably holding back a lot at this point in the story, and it probably scares him that he’s getting so attached to someone. Someone that could be taken from him. He probably sees that as a weakness that Cazdor could exploit to hurt him even more, and so his  natural instinct would be to keep everything close to his chest. Orin’s line about Gortash using our connection as a noose by which to hang us probably illustrates his fears perfectly. It’s scary when you have feelings beyond your control, and given that he probably hasn't felt this way about someone in as long as he can remember, if ever, he’s probably even more unnerved. This subtle internal struggle is perfectly illustrated in this scene. At this point in the story overall, he’s confused, on edge, afraid, angry, but also maybe the slightest bit hopeful for the first time in a long time, because of the player. 

The best part is that his instincts about not wanting his personal information shared with a stranger is justified, as Orin shows up to ruin the fun. Apparently in early versions of the game, its at this point that she would kidnap the player’s romanced companion, but apparently play testers hated that (this is just what I've heard). It would be so neat, even though I'd panic and drop everything to hunt her down. That sinking feeling when Orin reveals herself is only magnified if you answer the “true” options during the love test, because now one of our greatest enemies has critical information that could be used to hurt our loved one. 

Anyway I just love how subversive this scene is because of who Astarion is as a person, and how it illustrates the unique bond he has with the player character. His reactions are so cute when you give answers that he likes (like saying what he wants most is revenge, or that most things fear *him*, actually). This is a rare moment when it seems like he's actually having fun. It's just two idiots in love messing around, and that's important.

(This is all just my interpretation. Feel free to disagree)