For All Of Those Who Asked For How To Spank Quietly!

Tied up with your own panties

Many fantasise about being tied up or restrained.

But many won’t own cuffs, which can be awkward to own for those who live in shared spaces. Robe and cords are more readily available, but knots and restriction of circulation can make them hazardous, you need a capable partner, it’s not safe to tie yourself up if you’re alone.

Quick release cuffs are a much better choice, e.g. those fastened with Velcro. These allow the tightness to be comfortably varied, and can be pulled open by the wearer, so they are much safer if used alone.

But if you don’t own cuffs, you can still safely improvise. I enjoy tying partners’ wrists with her own panties. I like this because no additional gear is required, meaning it can be done anywhere, and it’s comfortably secure without ever being unsafe.

To achieve this, just put both wrists through one leg hole, then loop the free end of the garment several times between the wrists, and then both hands are passed through the other leg-hole.

This creates a tie with enough friction to keep the wrists immobile, but the underwear fabric is stretchy enough that’s it’s not inescapable.

This can be particularly hot, in less than a minute she might have her panties pulled down and removed, and her wrists secured, so she now stands bare below the waist with her hands bound behind her back, waiting helplessly for her spanking.

It’s also possible for those playing alone to bind themselves with their own panties. Experiment so it’s tight enough to give the desired feeling of entrapment, but not too tight that it is uncomfortable.

Those who fantasise about tying up can then enjoy the added thrill of reading a story with their hands tied, imagining themselves in the character’s erotic predicament. And tied hands can also make corner-time and erotic denial so much more intense.

Belt in hand

I have a question. My girlfriend's very into being handcuffed to the bed, and we've enjoyed it many times. Unfortunately, I've just moved rooms and me new bed has a solid cushioned headboard instead of metal bars, meaning I can't handcuff her to it. Do you know if there is anything we can buy or construct to still be able to use handcuffs on the bed?

off the top of my head, two ideas come to mind. first there is a products made to go under the mattress to restrain both hands and feet. a google search for “under mattress straps” or “under mattress bondage” would probably bring back 2 dozen or so of such products. if its strictly for role playing, and she doesn’t ever really pull that hard, it should work nicely (most of these products are kind of cheap and I wouldn’t trust them to fall apart, but I’m a bit extreme)

if you are a bit handy, a ratcheting tie down for a truck could easily be hooked to itself in a loop and tightened down quickly around the bed post as well as removed for discreetness, and then you could attach the hand cuffs to that.

similarly if you are good with knots, a crow’s hitch or lark head could be rapped around the head board with the lead pointing down the mattress, and then tied either into a double slipknot you could run the cuffs to. 

I’ve been meaning to post more about knots on this blog so people can learn a little something more about the bondage bit, but I admit, I’ve been slacking. hope this helps.

helpless

Guide to a good spanking

Connect: Talk to her about her spanking before you put her over your knee. Make sure she knows what she needs to work on and what you expect.

Position: Most manageable position is over your lap with her upper body supported on a couch or bed. The spanking should be uncomfortable- not the position.

Give a warm-up: A warm up spanking is a brief spanking (of slightly lighter spanks) conducted prior to the main spanking to “prepare” the nerves of the buttocks for the strikes that will follow. The purpose of a warm up spanking is to bring the nerves of the buttocks to the surface, which greatly reduces the likelihood of bruising. Warm up spankings are done with the hand or a wooden spoon, and typically do not exceed much more than 20 strikes.

Lecture: Take a short moment between the actual spanking and the warm up to lecture her. Lecture her and scold during the whole spanking. A certain amount of silence is fine as well but lecturing helps set and maintain the discipline mood ( so at least every 2 minutes or so). You can have her answer questions about her behavior - but careful not to do too much of this because she needs to focus on the spanking you are giving her.

Spanking: This may take longer than expected. Be prepared to settle in for awhile. Sometimes 1000 solid hand-spanks or more. A good spanking can take as much as 45 minutes to an hour. You may need to consider other implements if your hand gets sore. Her sin may be bright pink or reddening. Occasionally small scratches or blemishes may bleed. Avoid that area. Putting lotion on the bottom before starting can be helpful to avoid chapping/minor breaking of skin.

~ Get a good rhythm

~ Alternate cheeks

~Lock her legs if need be

~Hold her wrist or hand when she reaches back

~Don’t stop too soon - she needs to experience the lack of control that she has in this moment. The discipline doesn’t really start until she wants it to stop.

~Spank until she is submitting. Most of the fight has gone out of her and she is accepting the spanking.

Aftercare: Comfort her, hold her, talk to her, tell her she is beautiful, tell her how well she did, encourage her to cry as much as she needs, have tissues available, allow her to bury her face in your shirt, does she need a blanket to wrap up in? Ask if she knows what she needs for aftercare before you spank and you can learn a lot about what she needs.

Fourteen Naughty Games

Fourteen creative ideas for self-pleasuring and play, ideal for those wanting to explore kinky activities. They can be played alone or together, or even with a long distance partner.

#1 - Squirm

#2 - The Panty Pulling Chair

#3 - Ups and Downs

#4 - Clothesline

#5 - Dildo Ritual

#6 - Naked Reading

#7 - Secret Reading

#8 - Throne

#9 - Straddle

#10 - Sensations

#11 - Words

#12 - Spanking Machine

#13 - Inspections for Girls

#14 - Bottom Inspection

Enjoy!

SF’s Guide to Safewords

Safewords are a very important aspect of BDSM. A safeword is a word (or phrase) that lets your partner know that you need to stop the scene. This practice is used in most BDSM dynamics ,especially where words like “no” or “stop” aren’t said with intent to end the scene. For example, a submissive may jokingly plead, “no” during a spanking, even though they want to continue and aren’t in any real danger. In this case, a safeword can be used to let the Dominant know when the submissive really wants to stop instead of when they say “no” or “stop”. 

It’s important to only use your safeword when you need it, and to use it every time you need.

Not everyone who uses safewords has ruled out “no” or “stop” as words that mean they’ve had enough, so always be clear with your partner(s) when choosing a safeword by saying, “I want you to only stop when I say the safeword” or “I want you to listen for any request to stop including the safeword.” Either method is fine—it all depends on the type of scene and what works best for you and your partner(s). Some people specifically have a safeword, but also want their partner(s) to respect refusals during the scene, and that needs to be upheld.

So, what words can we use as safewords? Really, anything! But for the sake of safety, I recommend choosing something that follows these guidelines:

Make your safeword easy to remember.

Don’t choose something in a language you don’t speak.

Keep safewords short.

Use something that you wouldn’t normally say during a scene. 

A great example of a safeword is the traffic light system. In this example, there are three words, as opposed to one. Each word means a different thing.

Green: “Everything is okay, keep going!”

Yellow: “Slow down or change activities.”

Red: “Stop the scene immediately!”

When using this system or others like it, one partner is able to check in with another at any point. One could simply ask, “What’s your color?” if they wanted to check in, and could be provided with an answer very easily.

Some people just use one safeword, and that works for them. In that case, you can use anything you want in order to establish that you want to end the scene. No matter what you use, just be sure it gets the point across that you want to stop.

Having and using your safeword is very important, especially in dynamics that agree to ignore words like “no” and “stop”. Playing without a safeword is very dangerous. If your partner suggests you play without a safeword, I suggest you find a new partner. It it a huge red flag if your partner tries to pressure you to play without safewords. Even if you think you know your partner well enough to know what you can take, you need to explain to them that accidents happen and sometimes you need a quick and easy way to end the scene to communicate problems. You should always use a safeword or keep words like “no” and “stop” as safewords.

If someone is gagged, use something non-verbal as a safeword. I dated someone very prone to seizures who was unable to verbalize her needs just before a seizure, so I taught her the sign for “stop” in American Sign Language and we used this and other hand signals as her safeword in case she went non-verbal.

Other example can include options where the person is also bound:

Ringing a bell in their hand.

Throwing a bouncy ball..

Squeaking a squeak toy.

Honking a horn.

Using the buzzer from a board game.

Shaking of the head.

These can be used in place of a safeword for those who wish to have a visual or non-verbal audio signal instead. These can also be used in combination with verbal safewords.

Keep in mind that aftercare is required after a partner safewords, since safewording often happens directly after a person has experienced pain or an emotional trigger. It is very important to provide aftercare to your partner every time they safeword and to check in extensively if you begin the scene again. If you need to know more about aftercare, check out my guide here. Also, keep in mind that Dominants should safeword when they need it, too—it’s not just for submissives! Everyone is only human, and we all have limits. Be sure to use your agreed-upon safeword to keep play safe for everyone!

xx SF