Everyone Has Goth Sex Hormones It Came Free With Your Fucking Existence.

It's 100% his sarcophagus, Emmrich would never do it anywhere else. He has had his own prepared and ready to go for a few years now, just in case, but now he's going to have to purchase an expansion and room for adjoining flower beds.

Imagine being one of Emmrich’s students.

You go back to Treviso to make sure your family is ok and you see your esteemed, mid-50s professor ziplining across the city rooftops like a complete maniac.

He’s jingling like a walking bazaar while he’s ziplining because apparently half of Thedas’s gold is hanging off him, and he’s casually hanging out with one of the deadliest Antivan Crows and some decades-younger absolute snack who is constantly batting their eyelashes at him.

How do you even attend his lecture after that

I love Nevarra. They have a whole mini-city just to store their dead, where the aesthetic is to cover everything in skeleton motifs and then say ‘hm, not enough bones.’ Need to make a magic bridge? It’s bones, for absolutely no reason other than the vibes. They’ve got mummification down to an art form. Their best known king reportedly lived to be 127, sparred with his grandson on the day of his death, kicked his grandson’s ass, then went to take a nap and died. And you know they mummified him and gave him the fanciest room in the whole Necropolis, as you do.

They historically go ham about dragons, to the point they have winter balls to celebrate dragon hunts and would display dragon parts at the party (they used to use real dragon bits, but rotting dragon smells awful, so now they do replicas of dragon heads and hearts and stuff.) They have fast paced regional dances inspired by how fucking cool dragons are.

They’ve got the biggest and most important mage school that runs the whole dang Circle of Magi (suck it, Orlais.) They have a whole annual event where people just get together to argue philosophy and drink tea. They’re big on historical reenactments. They like ice skating. They’re a bunch of foodies who thinks aesthetics are as important as taste. They invented flatbread (possibly their most important historical contribution.) They love beetles and consider them good luck, and sometimes keep them as pets.

I just think it’s neat!!

it used to be 2007 you know

imagine being the person who has to operate the fake skeleton arm that has to choke out vincent price for a movie like how does one even BEGIN to explain that particular boner.

*Emmrich and Mourn Watch Rook yapping away about death and necromancy*

Bellara, holding a pen and paper: You two should kiss...

Me when a romanced Emmrich only says "Spectacular, Rook!" during combat instead of "Well done, dearest!"

You ever have that "hungry but nauseous" feeling about activities? Like you really really want to do something and you've got plenty of fun hobbies and things you could pick from but all of the options turn your stomach so you're just laying there bored and angry about it.

masterlist

if you'd rather read on ao3, look no further!

METASTABLE. Ch. 1 Ch. 2

metastable: "(of a state of equilibrium) stable provided it is subjected to no more than small disturbances." Or, " theoretically unstable but so long-lived as to be stable for practical purposes." He's fine and cordial and perfectly polite. Of course, that's until he meets Rook.

THE BATTLE OF WORMWOOD. Ch. 1

"It has to be Bellara who snitched. With her penchant for knee jerks and quick answers. Thoughts from the heart. Secrets run through her and the truth gets strained and filtered, however lovely her smile may seem. She’s also the only one who knows about the two of them, and knows Mr. and Mrs. Mommy and Daddy." Or: Rook's parents now know she's seeing someone and demand she bring him to dinner.

DELIRIUM.

She's an angel, he's a dog. Or, the confessions of a white tenured male. Contains: smut, brief mentions of corpses.

MISDIRECTION. Ch. 1 Ch. 2

He's a hopeless romantic and she's just hopeless. Or, the sugar daddy au you've been waiting for.

reblog if you enjoy napping, being cozy, being conked out, snoozing, wrapping up in blankets, sipping a hot drink, catching some z's, hugging a plushie, or otherwise relaxing and resting