RIP Telemachus You Would’ve Loved Taylor Swift’s Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me

(Telemachus crashing out in Book 2 of the odyssey)

“‘… you make me so unhappy! This is pointless!’

He stopped, frustrated, flung the scepter down,

And burst out crying.”

btw the scepter was previously referred to as a “talking stick”, he’s crying in front of ALL the suitors & Greek men he called to council, and he brought up two dogs with him while talking for reasons unspecified.

They were emotional support animals because I said so. Argos was not among them.

You are responsible for how your body decays

Odysseus was the original short king

hi hello i’ve seen far too many people find out about the telegony and be devastated that the odyssey’s happy ending does not remain happy for long.

so.

the telegony is not canon. it was not written by homer. some wannabe called eugammon of cyrene wrote it. telegonus was a character from one of hesiod’s works (not homer’s) and he’s never mentioned in the odyssey. eugammon just decided to make him odysseus’s son with circe because why not.

the telegony directly contradicts the ending of the odyssey in which odysseus and penelope grow old and die together. ALSO. odysseus’s bloodline cannot have more than one than one male heir per generation. some ancestor of his was cursed by a god. so that makes telegonus’s existence impossible. if odysseus ever had a kid with circe (which he didn’t in canon) it would have had to be a girl.

homer was long dead when eugammon was like. telegonus is gonna kill his dad and bring his step family to his mom’s island, marry his stepmother while is half-brother marries his mother. never happened. this is ancient fanfiction.

TL;DR : feel free to entirely ignore the existence of the telegony; it’s what i’ve always done anyway.

Odysseus cried all day, everyday for SEVEN YEARS on calypsos island and people still have the AUDACITY to claim what calypso did wasn’t rape.

And don’t give me any bullshit about gender roles in Ancient Greece, I LITERALLY STUDIED WOMENS GENDER ROLES IN ANCIENT GREECE AND ROME IN UNIVERSITY!! Guess what? ITS STILL CONSIDERED RAPE!

At this point in the discussion, if you’re still defending calypsos actions, you simply do not care about victims of SA when it’s a man.

“He had no choice. He spent his nights with her

inside her hollow cave, not wanting her though

she still wanted him. By day he sat out on the

rocky beach, in

tears and grief, staring in heartbreak at the

fruitless sea”

^ how much clearer can Homer get?? Gtfo

(Telemachus to Athena, who is disguised as a man)

“Dear guest, i will be frank with you. My mother

says that I am his son, but I cannot

be sure, since no one knows his own begetting.

I wish I were the son of someone lucky,

who could grow old at home with all his wealth.

Instead the most unlucky man alive

is said to be my father— since you ask.”

TELEMACHUS WHAT? “Since you ask” my ass. This is the first time he’s ever spoken to this man (Athena) and he is laying it all out on him (her).

I know that that’s because this is how the audience learns information but that doesn’t make Telemachus any less mopey. This man is so done with everything, he even tells Athena multiple times that he doesn’t believe Odysseus is alive anymore. BAHAHAH perf. No notes, diva 💅

Me with the manwhore au:

*first introduction*- Oh that's funny.

*sees sexy fanart*- Oh...that's *cough* I'm just going to reblog that here.

*finds self scrolling through the tag on tumblr, looking up related smut on ao3 to read later, imagining a version I'd write*- ...wait

RIP Odysseus you would’ve loved Betty by Taylor Swift

Fairies when they say they know a place:

Abandoned factory