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Alright You asked for it!

so first there was an Instagram post about this lady caring for a snail she accidentally stepped on. as I was scrolling through the comments i see that someone has proposed to another person over the chat. I being the wise man I am advise against this as seen in this screen shot.

I was not expecting her to propose to ME instead! as I didn’t wanna break her heart twice(I am very empathetic) So I decided to propose back and deal with it later. to which her reaction was

At this point I was starting to get worried that this was serious and not a joke. So I asked if it was serious and to my horror I got this response.

Now as I was panicking. How would I explain this to my parents! I was still suspecting it was a joke yk like one of those things so I asked when the wedding was.

Now I was still sorta thinking this was a joke untl...

SHE WAS IN MY DMS NOW I WAS PANICKING!!! but there was still hope if she was older than me (I’m 15 btw) but she beat me to it

Man was she persistent! at least I have a temporary solution though. And that ladies and Gentle men is how I accidentally got engaged

Wanna hear how I accidentally got engaged today?

Idk if y’all wanna hear this but all it takes is one reblog and I will tell the full story with screenshots

reblogging only for this master piece

A sperm cell contains about 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25ml, and takes about 5 seconds. This makes the average bandwidth of the human penis 1687 TB/sec

I know, that’s a lot of information to swallow.

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There should be arguments in any marriage but not fights. Also change the username Jeff that was really good

As Jack was marrying Jill, his father gave him some advice “Son, when I got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was strip her naked, take off my pants…

Then, I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were huge on her and she said that she couldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, ‘Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.’ …Ever since that day, son, we have never had a single problem.“

Jack took his dad’s advice and did the same thing to his wife on his wedding night.

Then, Jill took off her panties and gave them to Jack. “Try these on,” she said. Jack went along with it and tried them on, but they were far too small.

“What’s the point of this? I can’t get into your panties,” said Jack.

“Exactly,” Jill replied, “and if you don’t change your attitude, you never will!”

5 posts!

*proceeds to get their arses handed to them by a bunch of 10 year olds

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I swear to god I need to read ops username

I was walking through the mall and I headed into a Barnes & Noble, and Barack Obama was for some reason signing books there so I walked up, like ???? He wrote a book? Some biography?? When I got up to the desk, all the books were just lizards, and Obama replied to my inquires with a simple, “They may have no names, but there’s an identity to be acknowledged,” and he smiled as he signed another lizard and then there was something about a surprise dragon and then I woke up.

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