The Souls Won’t Come Back

I decided I’ll add short backstories after each chapter (probably). So now I added one and update some tiny details in the other chapters. (Ugh, it’s so annoying to update things in three apps, cuz I use Docs, then AO3, then Wattpad 😭)

AO3 / Wattpad

9 Y - 11 M - 22 D

“Are you coming later?”

“Uh… I don’t know if my mum will let me go, especially in this weather.” He looked at the sky outside. That storm was about to collapse everything, for certain.

“Jesus, Ethie! Your mum will never let you visit us?!”

The boy smiled sheepishly and fixed the backpack straps. “She’s worried. We never stay away from each other, you know?”

“You are away now.” Sam raised his brows while pushing the door open.

“The teachers are looking,” Ethan said while dodging the loud children. “It’s not the same as going home with you.”

“My mum will be there, why would she be worried about anything?!” He glanced at his friend. “Sometimes I think she’s too protective of you; just saying.”

Ethan grimaced. “I know, but…”

It was his mum. It was normal for her to be worried, right? It meant she loved him a lot. It meant she cared. There was no reason for him to be mad.

Not when she was there at the entrance, with two umbrellas at hand. She always came to get him in time, no matter the situation.

And his mum had the prettiest smile ever.

“Hi, sweetheart.” She kissed his forehead softly before patting his head. “Did you have a good day?”

“Yeah, mum! The teacher tried to make an experiment, but he had the wrong ratio, so I taught him how he could fix it!”

“Nice job, Ethan,” she smiled. “I bet the teacher was deeply impressed by you.”

“More likely depressed…” mumbled Sam.

Ethan heard it and he knew his mother heard as well. It was that brief twitch in her ear that gave her feelings out.

At that moment, Ethan wanted to have telepathic conversations with her, so he could gently say, “MUM, YOU CAN’T ARGUE WITH MY FRIENDS! I WON’T TALK TO YOU ALL DAY IF YOU DO IT!”, but as he didn’t have this power, he just begged internally she’d understand his intentions.

She gazed at him and glared at Sam for a tense, long moment. The boy averted his eyes, retreating a step, and Ethan was ready to snoop in to help his friend.

But then her polite smile came back.

“Hi, Sammy. How is Mrs. Price doing?”

Ethan exhaled and nudged Sam to answer, who frowned and whined lowly before turning to the woman.

“She’s fine, Ms. Yaneh, thanks for asking.” He looked at Ethan and cleaned his throat. “By the way… I asked her earlier, and she said Ethan could come over after school. If you let him. She said she’d get us by car because of the storm.”

“Did she?” Ethan whispered.

“She did.”

“But didn’t you say you’d ask her when s—“

”She did,” Sam scowled at him.

Ethan finally understood and got quiet. Sam was predicting the future, as he liked to describe his lies. He was used to saying things he hoped would happen—and they mostly did—, but Ethan wasn’t in the mood to risk it with his mum. Should he meddle in?

“Oh…” She turned at the view. “Why go by car when you can walk? The weather is nice today.”

The kids looked in the same direction she was looking at. They saw no living beings out there. They heard the rain making holes in the roof. They shivered with the cold wind. It didn't seem it would stop soon.

“Nice weather?...” Ethan tried slowly.

“Yes, it's refreshing and the sun won't bother you. Truly wonderful… Don't you think so?” She sounded genuinely confused. “Ah, is it because you don't like the noise, son? At home, it’s not that loud; you will feel better when we get there. Let me carry your bag.”

Ethan didn't question. It was “mum being mum”, so he just handed her the bag.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Sam interrupted. “You are not thinking of going in that storm, are you?! Why didn't you park your car closer, Ms. Yaneh?!”

“I didn't bring the car, Sammy.” She put the bag on. “Didn't you hear? It's a nice weather to walk.”

“But you're going to get drenched!” He fiercely pointed outside. “It’s raining!”

“...yes, I have noticed, thank you.” She gave an umbrella for Ethan. “Shall we go? I have to cook lunch.”

“Ma'am!” Sam got between her and Ethan, spreading his arms open. “You can't do it! Isn't it better to talk to my mum, so she can take us home by car? I'm sure lunch will be ready!”

“Sam, don't…”

“You can't possibly be okay with it too, right, Ethie?! You will get sick!”

People were gathering around, already muttering about a fight that would start.

“It’s Ethan, again.”

“Ohh, he must be destroying that loser!”

“Is that his mother? Won't she stop them?”

Oh no, they were getting it all wrong. Ethan wasn't fighting anyone this time! And can't they see it's Sam? Why would he do such a thing to him?!

However, Ethan realized his mother wouldn't care about fighting a kid or two…

She pushed Sam out of the way a little more intensely than necessary and held Ethan’s hand to pull him close to her.

“I appreciate your concern, Sammy Price,” she replied dryly, “but I know exactly what I am doing. I'd also appreciate it if you cease your insistence, so don't try asking once again if Ethan can go to your home—he will go when he's ready for it. Meanwhile, feel free to visit us with a previous warning.”

Ethan visibly cringed as his mum pulled him away. He should say sorry to Sam, but how could he, if he couldn't even say bye?! She just kept leading him forward, creating more rumors to his scholarly life.

“You saw it?! Even Ethan’s mum is cool!”

“Of course, she is! He had to learn it from someone!”

“I’d be the happiest kid alive if I had a badass mum like her…”

Argh, for the stars! They'd keep saying it the whole week, asking Ethan a thousand questions, and importunating his studies! That was terrible! Horrible! His life ended!

When they were finally alone, Ethan stomped in place, screaming to be heard over the rain.

“MUM, why did you have to do that?!”

“Do what?” She fixed his umbrella over his shoulder. “Stating the obvious for that child?”

“Being rude to Sam! He was suggesting something good for us, not a kidnapping!”

“Is that so? Next time, tell him I only accept useful suggestions.” She held his hand and pulled him to move. “No, to be more exact, tell him not to suggest anything if I haven't asked.”

“MUM, I'M SERIOUS!”

“And so am I, Ethan! I honestly don't understand why you would befriend someone like him, but you still want it, so I’m not trying to stop you…” She sighed and glanced at him. “I just want you to be careful, sweet. You are very special to me, and I get worried about what could happen when I'm not there for you… Can you try to understand my side?”

“I understand, mum! But you also need to understand my side!” He pouted. “I’m almost ten! I'm growing! I can live without you for a few hours, you know?!”

She gripped his hand and looked away.

Ethan stepped inside a puddle.

The rain filled the silence, constant with its sound.

Why was she taking so long to answer back? She'd sometimes lose her words when the subject was her, but it didn't happen when it was his demands. She'd find a way to make him satisfied, then laugh about how stubborn they both were.

Why was she thinking so hard? Was she really scared that Ethan would get hurt by visiting Sam? If so, she must have a reason, right? She wouldn't think this just because.

“...If it's dangerous, I won't ask for it, mommy. I'm sorry.”

“It’s not dangerous, it’s just…” She could barely be heard, as she wasn't even facing him. “You're right, you're growing. I should be the one sorry for not realizing it. I'll let you go to Sammy’s house.” She swallowed and grinned at him. “But could you wait until you're ten? I wanted to stay these last days, you and me, doing our things together. Before you turn full grown-up, right?”

He smiled and lowered his head. “I was kidding, mommy, I won't be a grown-up when I'm ten!”

“You lied to me, you little menace?!” She let go of his hand to pinch his nose. “I was completely worried that I'd need to buy you L sized clothes, and you were kidding?!”

“AHH, I'M SORRY! LEMME GO, MOMMY!”

They laughed and joked all the way back home, ignoring the rain and all the cars who passed by throwing water.

Somehow, they didn't get a drop wet.

Class is going great

Behati is teaching Yuno to stand his ground 💪🏽 (he could use some grammar class, though lol)

I don’t talk a lot about them, so in case you don’t know, Behati is Yuno’s big sister. They’re the last Auvies(elves) in Martra and she’s raising him alone in a hut in the forest, so it’s gonna be a nice help when Ethan teaches him to write Latin Alphabet properly!

Relationships Chart

A bit confusing, but this is how the relationships are supposed to be. Maybe it will change while I'm writing, as I'm still thinking what am I supposed to do with Maya, Behati and Yuno. They are necessary, but I don't know their role in the big picture 🥲

(I know it’s weird having a dog tagged as Lovers, but it's because I can't find somebody that looks like Hiélo, I swear it's not zoophilia ☠️☠️)

I need more Ethan and Maya, tell me about them please 🥺

I’m glad you liked them 😭💖 tbh, Maya was a total extra character that wouldn’t appear for a long, LONG time, but I decided she’s gonna accompany Ethan cuz she’s too cool to just disappear🤙🏽 (and now I’m dying to rethink the whole story omg send help)

Hmmm I dunno what to say about Ethan without spoiling but, geez, he’s hard to write. His description is apparently simple: shy, insecure guy who wants to be loved. Simple. SO SIMPLE THAT IS HARD TO MAKE HIM LOOK LIKE A PROTAGONIST. He was made to be a normal guy amidst the weirdos, but because of this, it’s troublesome to highlight his own characteristics. Like, everything is related to somebody else, the drama is because of someone else… he doesn’t have any “active” decisions, and it’s annoying me 😭😭

I hope he gets to improve and realize he is not a spectator of his own life. He needs to act by himself, to do what he wants, and stop living for others. MOVE, BOY!

(Secretly this is an advice for myself lol)

Thank you very much for the ask 🫶🏽

Remaking Old Drawings

This one is the typical human-wolf-devil gacha character, God bless my young me 🙏

These were made in 2020. Soon I’ll show the 2018 ones, when I started to learn how to draw 😗🤙🏽

I guess I found voices for them 👍🏽 the first song of each playlist is their voices

Sylris’s playlist is not organized yet cuz I don’t know half of the songs there, I just thought the vibe and lyrics matched him. It’s so hard to find songs that speaks about him 😞

Keny Yaneh

Kenyan is the best of both worlds; try to change my mind. She’s gorgeous as a woman, gorgeous as a man, bet she’s gorgeous even as a worm.

In case you don’t know her yet, here she is:

(AAAAAAAAAAASOPRETTYAAAAAAAAAAAA)

More old designs!!!!

Kenyan was Llyísma (how is it pronounced???), and the stereotypical Elfin Princess. Ask my younger me why the wings, cuz I’m unable to tell 😀 I don’t remember much of her previous story, but I know she was in love with her guard. She also participated in a rebellion (second drawing), but it doesn’t even make sense; Kenyan, wearing an armor and fighting straight on? I doubt it.

That’s Nalyke, currently Hiélo. I changed the name to Aliza cuz I was confusing it with Kenyan’s name, but some things happened at home and I considered safer to make Aliza a male, so now it’s Hiélo. The personality and lore itself didn’t change a lot, only the gender.

Ah, there was Hiélo’s siblings too, but now I don’t know if I should keep it or no. Maya (I mentioned her once) was his sister, but it’s not anymore. There’s also Izak, but I don’t know if I should even keep him as a character anymore.

That’s Izak, previously a guard and Sylris’s left hand. Now, IF he appears in my story, he’ll be a priest.

And that’s Yuno! Somehow, HE NEVER CHANGED! His name was always Yuno and his first appearance stays (except the eyes). But his personality is a question mark even now. I don’t know if he’d be more playful, serious, or shy, so I’ll just write his reactions and see how he acts through the book.

(I never got high, just so you know. Don’t use drugs kids, Jesus feels better than it 🤙🏽)

CW: addiction, drugs, suicidal thoughts

AO3

< Previous Chapter

Shine

Sylris was right— again: punishing herself wouldn’t change the tragedy. If she had to do something, she should fight against his control and get herself back; luckily throwing him in flames by the end.

But she didn’t have the will to move, and this was crystal clear. She wasn’t that strong. She wasn’t that smart. She could never.

So if her options were to suffer consciously or unconsciously… she was back to the garden, to the quietest place on this planet. It was Nixulon time, and the nixies kindly built her a glowing path in the darkness. Other than this, all she could see was the pitch black engulfing everything.

Her steps weren’t hesitant, though; her skin worked like a sonar for her, warning when the humid air stopped hitting her. It meant a barrier was in front, and also that she arrived at her destiny.

She crouched carefully, until her knees were scraping at the wood, fixed her dress, and sat at the wet grass.

Then, she breathed.

Inhaling, holding, exhaling; trying to settle her mind down, trying to subdue the storm inside her. It was unrelenting, and she couldn't get a blink of sleep all night because of the truthful comments from her victims—their ghosts, actually.

She was almost convinced to set her room on fire. Another second in that place, and she would have.

But, silly as it was, what made her reconsider the action was the big panda on her table, the one brought by the “intruder”. She knew it was staring at her. As if waiting to see if she would be that stupid to fire everything.

Nobody found information about them, and the guards (coughcough Hiélo coughcough) said it might be dangerous, yet Kenyan still believed it was just a well played trick, and kept the panda to herself.

It had been useful for her, after all. It held her from going astray when she had to keep watch on Sylris. She knew that if she died, Hiélo and Ethan would be his new targets, and that’s why she had a vial on her hand, a syringe in the other.

Her tongue was heavy as she fiddled the plunger with her broken nail. It didn't make the slightest difference if she had her eyes closed or opened, such was the darkness, and there she was, planning to insert a needle on herself.

Argh, just what was she thinking?

She shouldn’t be doing that. She should be in bed. She should be inside.

The high she was about to get was pleasant, relaxing; but too volatile. She never knew if it would end peacefully, or if she’d get in a coma for days.

But if she doesn’t do something soon, she will truly go mad at any time. Three days up was irking her, and she couldn’t stand the feeling that someone was watching her all day. Objects were moving on their own, the walls were noisy, the words were walking in the documents, she was jittery than normal... Sylris himself asked if she was fine, and did her work in her stead.

So she had to do it. She needed to relax somehow.

Even if she promised them she wouldn’t do it anymore.

…

…Hiélo should have expected she’s not good at keeping promises.

She swallowed dry, and blindly inserted the needle on the vial, pulling the liquid inside, when it occurred to her: how would she measure the dose in the dark?

She could only hope her muscular memory would get the right amount.

…

Oh great evil, that was the worst idea she ever had. Couldn’t she wait some minutes until Nixulon went away? Until Divulon appeared?

No.

No.

If she extended it any longer, Hiélo would find her and stop that immediately. That's just who he is: too worried about her health, worried that she would get an overdose again, bothering her with thoughts about her actions, bothering her with thoughts about Ethan.

“How do you think he would react if he saw his mother like this? Would you be fine if it was your mother trying to kill herself?!”

“Ah, I don’t have to worry about it, Hiélo, because she’s way too dead by my own hands!”

She bit her lower lip and held the syringe firmer between her fingers.

She wouldn’t die. She still had things to pay for. This time she wouldn’t mess up, because she has to be awake later. Otherwise, she had it too easy on her life, and that was wrong.

C’mon, Kenyan.

She tried the syringe, standing her thumb over the needle to check if it was dripping. After the air was released, she brushed the crook of her elbow, feeling her hurried blood under her skin. Only then, she positioned the needle.

Curse it.

She was shaking.

Her eyes closed and she breathed deeply. Once again she did it. And once more, she couldn't calm her heart; her pulse was hammering in her ears. But if she didn't do it now, she never would. And she had to. She had to.

And maybe, a chance in a million, she could have the luck to don’t wake up anymore.

The needle slid in. A sharp breath. The familiar coldness rushed through her, creeping under her skin like a second bloodstream.

It didn't take long to disarm her muscles on the spot. Her lips and fingers tingled as the syringe slipped down like butter to the ground, and soon after, she was the one hitting the grass.

Holy sky. Spinning was wild.

Her lungs relaxed with the sudden lack of tension, and the oxygen got in so easily. Fresh, light, clean… did somebody turn on a purifier in the air? Her nose was very grateful.

However, her heart was having a hard time pumping blood around her body. Her heartbeats were fluctuating in weird places like her feet? It was also deafening her, shouting “Too bad! Too bad! Too bad!” like a cuckoo. Maybe it didn't like the “intruder”, just like nobody liked her intruder.

Much impolite of them, in her opinion.

Both intruders were nice to her. She was doing just fine with them, and wasn't disposed to shove them away just because a certain immunological system was displeased with it. Rot in mud, everyone displeased with it. She was fine. She would be.

A long sigh left her as a faint copper taste immersed on her tongue (her tongue? Did she have a tongue?). Very metallic, very common, very good. It was awesome. It meant she was drifting off. Niiiiiiiiiiiiice. Nice.

Nice.

Terrifyingly nice.

But… what was Sylris doing there?

Echoes of steps were approaching at the worst moment ever, but, fortunately, it wasn't Hiélo. His steps were heavy and careful. Now these steps were fast and jumpy, much more fitting of… of… Sylris… Sylris?

No, wait.

‘Sylris’ and ‘jumpy’ in the same sentence?

“You came to visit me!” A laugh sang clearly behind her. “I thought we'd never talk again; you disappeared for days, Keny!”

Her eyes hazily opened to see who it was and—cosmos!—, the shiny person was in front of her, shinier than ever, brighter than a lamp, standing on the black like a painting.

“I was getting bored, you know? Don't leave me alone with these untalkable Nixies! I don't know how to sign Nixian yet.” They were already lying beside her, smiling so wide she thought their cheeks would get stretched forever. “You can do it fluently, right? Could you teach me?!”

Kenyan blinked multiple times, and moved her hand to touch them. At least, that was the intention, but her fingers only twitched weakly in place.

They frowned slightly at her, as if just noticing her state, then slapped their forehead. “Ahhh, dumb me! It’s late; you were trying to sleep, right? Sorry for bothering, you can sleep now.” And they shut their eyes while keeping a smile on their face.

…was she supposed to sleep now, when they finally were there? She had questions, no desire to sleep! But her tongue was heavy, her lips, numb, and her mind couldn’t form a single coherent phrase to even start.

Ugh, appeared didn’t they early why? Were who they? Their what name was? Doing they what were here?

She tried organizing her thoughts, but nothing right was coming. These weren’t the things she wanted to ask, were they? It felt too serious and intrusive. Couldn’t she say what she really wanted to say? What she really was thinking?

“Hm? The panda?”

Their gaze turned to her like crescent moons, expecting she’d elaborate about it but… did she say something? She didn’t quite notice it…

“What?! Did you like the gift?!” They gripped her hand and kicked their feet, screaming repressed. “Yay! I’m so glad you did! I know you don’t like being alone, so I thought he’d be a nice companion for you when I wasn’t around! Ah—“ they gasped, “alas, why didn’t you come here earlier?!”

Why she didn’t?… But she did went there. Many times, different hours of the day, alone, with Hiélo, with Sylris… she tried everything, yet they weren’t there at all.

Her lips parted voiceless, trying to complain, but it only moved uncoordinated. At this point, a baby could communicate better than her. Insufferable!

“Uh, what did you say?” They pouted, thinking, then their eyes lightened up. “Ah, no! I don’t live in your head! Did you think I wasn’t real?” They laughed and put her hair out of her face. “I couldn’t be touching you if I was a… I don’t know, a hallucination? Did you think your wonderful brain would spend time creating a hallucination like me?! I’m flattered, but no! I am a hundred percent real, Keny!”

Her body trembled with their touch again. Too comfy and fluid, electrifying her nerves with soft discharges. She had felt touches from her hallucinations, but they never were gentle as theirs. As they said, her mind only had the capacity to create morally questionable stuff, and it wouldn’t be able to come up with such a nice person.

So what were they? Why couldn’t anyone see them? Why only her? Why only sometimes?

“Dude, it’s complicated.”

And how were they guessing her questions correctly?!

They giggled. “I didn’t mean to… read your mind? I can’t hear anything all the time—I swear!” Their hand laid on the grass. “It’s just that your intentions towards me are pretty blatant right now. I can, literally, feel them around me.” They gestured up frantically. “Like, waves? Lines? It’s confusing to explain, sorry! But I swear I’m not a bad person! I won’t use your thoughts for THE EVIL!” They roughed their voice villainously before blurting in laughter.

They weren’t bad?

That thought didn’t even cross her mind. This joyful, happy soul could never be evil. She was sure since the beginning they were… pure, in the most literal meaning of the word. Just pure.

Odd. She was smiling, but why?

When they stopped laughing, sweeping a tear out their eyes (by the way, what was so fun?), they rolled closer to her and held both her hands together. Their hands were feather light around hers, and their breath was warm against her face.

Why were they so close?

“Next time you want to talk, just call me, okay?”

“You?” she whispered.

“Me. Not you; call me. Me, me.”

She frowned slightly. “Why not… name?”

“Let’s say I have too many names and don’t know which to stick with.” They chuckled. “Just call me, and I’ll come no matter what, okay?”

“Okay.”

She agreed way too fast. Why wasn’t she questioning this weird person?

They smiled and hovered their hand over her eyes, making them close. “You should sleep for real. Rest a lot. I’ll keep here as you do, so don’t worry about being found or anything. You’re safe with me, Keny.”

It was like a spell.

She felt sleepy at the same moment, barely nodding before her conscience flew away.

Ghosting

I ghost people a lot. It’s too tiring to answer everyone and deal with people and do things for them. But I'd like to have someone who's there for me, you know? But it’s not fair to do that to someone. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.

So I keep my distance, for their well-being and mine as well. At least, this is the excuse I use in my head.

And I forgot to draw my glasses 🤓