Jonathan On The 12th: This Thing Isn't Human, I Just Watched Him Scale The Bloody Walls Like A Fucking

More things that get left out of Dracula adaptations

Van Helsing pulls 29 year old Dr Seward's ear like he's still a schoolboy

There's a relationship-establishment flashback between Van Helsing and Seward

In it, Van Helsing accidentally gets cut with something unclean. His then-student Seward immediately drops everything to start sucking on the wound raw

At one point, Seward asks to become his "pet student again."

Dracula has a big, permanent scar on his forehead from Jonathan Harker's shovel

Arthur Holmwood saying "Tally ho!"

Transylvanians conclude that the delirious, amnesiac Jonathan Harker is English due to "his violent demeanour."

Despite attempts to keep low profile, Dracula gets into the news twice in two months (in one of them as a missing dog)

Dracula getting misreported as a dog because English people have never seen a wolf

London newspapers treat Lucy's vampire attacks on children as a meme among kids because they don't believe in vampires

Dracula gets sworn at by a British sailor solely because he thinks Dracula is French

Van Helsing baffled why British sailors keep talking about blood and bloom (it's swearing)

Van Helsing is friends with real-life turkologist traveler Arminius Vámbéry, who is his source on the Dracula family

Van Helsing is friends with Hans Christian Andersen and references The Ugly Duckling

Van Helsing getting one-upped by MinaHarker every single time he says something sexist about her intelligence

Dracula failing to destroy the evidence against him because Mina backs up her files

Jonathan getting so mad he hunts Dracula down the walls like a spiderman with a machete

Mina and Jonathan kissing on the mouth in front of everybody

Quincey Morris spontaneously gifting Mina the Victorian equivalent of a MacBook Air

Quincey Harker

Surely this year, my good friend Jonathan Harker is gonna get the hot girl summer he deserves.

Women can write m/m. Men can write f/f. Asexuals can write filthy smut. Lesbians and gay men can write m/f. It's all arbitrary anyway. Who give a shit.

I feel so horrible about being some sort of canon purist whose only loyalty is to the source material but I can't help it guys literally every Dracula character is at their best and most entertaining in the novel and none of the movies have hit the same for me

everything is a queer metaphor if you have eyes to see

Happy Dracula daily day, praying for Jonathan Harker and his queer dreams <3

Happy lizard fashion day to all who celebrate!

safe travels! my friend Jonathan is going on a business trip (again?)

its almost may u know. what that mean/s

castlerabbit