Bucky: Nice Hands, Nat.

Clint: There’s only four ways to do things, the right way, the wrong way, the Nat way, and the Clint way.

Rest of the Avengers : ???

Clint: The Nat way is the faster way to the right way, the Clint way just creates another problem to cover the original problem, which leads to a snowball of problems no one understands.

Sam: Oh hell no! I’m not giving Bucky $100,000 dollars!

Bucky: I would because I hate myself and then because I hate myself would give it all to Steve. He deserves it

Rhodey: You’re offered $50,000, but if you accept, the person you hate the most in the world would get $100,000– do you take it?

Tony: Why would I miss out on the chance to get 150,000

A stranger cat calling MJ: Hey gorgeous. Want me to teach you something?

MJ: Sure. I’ve always wanted to know whether someone can die of constipation.

Stranger: Uhhh. What?

MJ: Will you die of constipation?

Stranger:

MJ: Cause you’re full of shit

Peter and Ned laughing: You killed him

Tony: I love saying fuck me because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly.

Don’t normally do this but the song made my day.

@everyscript

Black Pirate Dude

-unironically wears a trench coat

-“I’m not mad just disappointed”

-god tier sceptic

-dramatic flare the size of the fucking sun

-I’m a bad bitch you can’t kill me

-Badass TM

The Avengers: a summary

Thot

- majestic - good hair - straight ally - total feminist - Better Than You - best brother

America’s Ass

- t h i c c - disaster bisexual - literal golden retriever - n i p p l e s - sad about the bae

Tony Stank

- the literal definition of adhd - runs on coffee and cocaine - judging you - terrible boyfriend, pretty good husband - “3000? thAt’S cRaZy”

angry grinch

- weed dealer - always angry - anxiety - too tired to be stark’s best friend

bird 1

- actual disaster - weirdly nice arms - married?????? - actually not in love with black widow - probably has tried to steal a dog at least once

mama spider

- will kill - terrifying - somehow always looks amazing - steve rogers’ relationship advisor - love? for children

bird 2

- supersoldier babysitter - everyone’s favourite - done - to the left - hates his bestie’s boyfriend - not problematic in the slightest - actual angel there is nothing wrong with him whatsoever

quippy black best friend

- somehow hasn’t killed tony stark yet - was just put there for comic relief but now everyone loves him - the best character in endgame - troll

bonky

- chaotic gay - sad - good hair - still annoyed at his husband for something that happened in 1943 - power bottom

spiderling

- baby - was immediately adopted - definitely trans - gen z - wants to die

just wanting to prove a quick point here. reblog if you believe loki is a complex, well-developed, three-dimensional character who didn’t deserve to be killed in the first 5 minutes of the movie. let’s see how many we are

Ned: Oh shit.

Peter: Don’t swear around May!

May: Oh, no it’s fi-

Ned: Mamma Mia that’s a spicy meatball!

May: You know what just say fuck

Harley: F*ck Flash, he’s being a dick, I’m gonna steal his car.

Peter: you can’t do that! it’s illegal! You shouldn’t do anything that’s illegal, it’s wrong!

Harley: Why are you acting so high and mighty? you’re a vigilante, that’s illegal too.

Peter: It’s only illegal when you get caught. And unlike you, I don’t get caught.

Loki: Mental illnesses are like Pokémon cards.

Thor: In what way?

Loki: I collect them for fun.