Everyone Needs To See This

“Where are you thinking of going?”

“New Jersey”

*Forgive me Brooklyn. I have sinned*

-Steve Rogers

Avengers as stupid shit my friends have said

Clint: That’s not a watermelon, that’s a fetus!

Nat: You shoulda kicked him in the nuts

Tony: You know what I is!

Also Tony: I’m a vagina expert

Sam to Bucky: Too painful to date

Bruce: In space there’s always a bigger rock

Wanda: Troublesome gay

Peter when someone says don’t fail: I fail at everything

Shuri: And not get pushed off roofs by furries

Bucky: So last night I ditched my friends and made an accurate representation of my soul. Cold, hard, black, shiny stone. Also somewhat damaged and incomplete.

Scott: I can’t believe they landed on me having sex! I mean get a room!

Pepper: Thanks, I hate it

Steve: I’m American

Peter from the other room: I thought you were a lesbian!

Carol: Okay who here isn’t gay?

Hope: Thanks, wish you weren’t here

Vision: I’ve tested positive for gay

Loki (even though technically not an Avenger): I LOVE STABBING CHILDREN!!

Tchalla: I ripped it apart with my bare hands!

Thor, clueless: What’s a handjob?

Peter talking to a tired Thor: So what’s Loki to you?

Thor: The reason I get up in the morning...

Peter: Really?! That’s cool

What Heimdall watched happen:

Loki: Hey...

Brother

Thor: *continues snoring*

Loki: Blergh *stabs him*

I never sleep cause of you

The problem is Gray never knows where his clothes are

Juvia: Juvia is cold.

Gray: Here have my jacket.

Lucy: I'm cold.

Natsu: Want me to set you on fire?

Peter, randomly quoting the internet: Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in fruit salad.

Tony, sleep deprived: That makes ketchup a smoothie.

Clint, for once actually knowing something: Too much sugar! It’s actually soda.

Natasha, exasperated and tired of everyone’s shit: Common sense is knowing that ketchup is neither a smoothie or a soda. It’s also knowing not to piss off an assassin for something as foolish as this at two in the morning.

Did you mean:

My girlfriend turned into the moon

𝒪𝒽 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒶 𝓅𝓇𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓁𝑒𝑔𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝒶𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝑜𝑜𝓃

What’s the procedure?

me when a mutual messages me: ok now be cool, JUST be FUCking cool for once in ur daMN LIFE don’t be so FUCKing weird

Do you guys want to chose the winning card for my cards against humanity with the avengers? 

Clint: There’s only four ways to do things, the right way, the wrong way, the Nat way, and the Clint way.

Rest of the Avengers : ???

Clint: The Nat way is the faster way to the right way, the Clint way just creates another problem to cover the original problem, which leads to a snowball of problems no one understands.

Responding to a kidnapping attempt part 1:

Tony:

Peter:

Bruce:

Natasha:

Clint:

Thor:

Steve:

Bucky:

Sam:

Loki: