『ALL OR NOTHING』 🎲 ♠️ 🎰

I guess you really didn’t know what was coming to you :3

magnus protocols episode 23 ramble

i feel like garbage rn so it's time for my comfort horror podcast!!

@kabookachowiced saw spoilers and keeps sending me threatening msgs about it and i'm really scared. "you don't know what's coming to you" HUH?

poor lena, she's just trying to keep this disaster from falling apart and sam is not helping

"sort of comforting in a way" the horrors are a source of comfort for me too sam it's okay

a better you..? this sounds like a creepy mlm rn

oh piece not peace, had to pull up the transcript LMAO

it'd be really funny if it said "colon, closed parenthesis" instead of "smiley face"

if this fucking mosquito doesn't stop getting in my face.

i'm.. worried...

um what the actual fuck are you doing

i'm worried the sequel

are they calling the coral "she" or is there a person.

they're referencing usernames and talking to people but there's no comments?? where are they talking to them??? might be irrelevant but i dunno

this is horrid i do not enjoy it

once again asking if you guys remember that statement in tma when the guy had a person growing out of him until it hatched, i think it was season 5. i also remember he went to the grocery store once if that's helpful

i'm really concerned i am so concerned. SHE HAS YOUR EYES? SHE SHOULD GIVE THOSE BACK?

MOLD? MOLD? MOLD? why are you moldy.

this is sad as fuck i wish she loved herself instead of doing whatever the shit this is

oh that one had 37 comments

oh god

yeah so moral of the story love yourself?? lmao??

THEY'RE DEAD? oh i hate you guys i hate you guys so much

"they never even met"

WHAT RHE FUK WHAT THE FC DO YOU EVER THROW YOUR PGONE DO YOU EVER THEOW YOUR PHONE

BASIRA BASKRA BASKRA BASIRA AND HELEN I GUESS BUT BASIRA SORRY I DIDN'T LIKE HUMAN HELEN BUT BASIRA I'M IN LOVE WITH HER YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I'M IN LOVE WITH HER AND NOW SHE'S ALSO MENTJONED BU NAME

i need a minute give me a second (11:59)

ok i took a walk. (12:01)

oh gwenny.. oh gwen honey

alice be nice pls i'm begging you

they're bonding and now i need gwen in therapy

the lie noise on "i've not been 'arsey'" LMAO

holding a TAPE RECORDER I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LMAOO

and alice reacted alice knows

alice don't acknowledge it alice quit your job alice run away with gwen you two just run away into the sunset i've lost hope for sam and celia but you two can get out and be free

THAT'S THE END? good lord i'm shaking

I'LL DO IT. GIVE ME LIKE AN HOUR OR A DAY, IDK ILL REBLOG YOUR POST ANYWAYS

*me patiently waiting for someone to make gifs of Shawn new album video*

trans women r literally so cool theu get tits AND a prostate?? i thought only markilpler could do that

Boyfriend tells me I’m banned from fixing things around the house now >:(

happy tua day!!!!!!

SHAWN MENDES FANS HOW ARE WE FEELING?? OCTOBER 18TH 2024 “SHAWN” RELEASES

Basically the vengeance saga

hsr incorrect quotes, pepsi post (2/?)

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

the difference between @kabookachowiced and i's main takeaways from the magnus protocols ep 11 is

my first reaction; celia i am worried for you and gwen i am worried for you and was that ink5oul those guys are silly and lena is up to something and i am worried about alice dyer i hope she does not live up to her last name

his first reaction; mr. bonzo is made of skin and flesh and i would fuck him given the opportunity