Scissors

Sometimes, I cry so hard I can feel it in my ribs. / I feel like the real me is backed into a corner inside me

— Ama Asantewa Diaka, from "Saturday Evening WhatsApp Message," Woman, Eat Me Whole

you told me that daisies

are your favorite flower

and i had to fight the urge

to plant a bouquet

of them in my lungs.

i want to cough up

petals and stems

when you smile at me.

i want to be so full of

your favorite things

that i forget how to breathe.

-mars

not happening

i'm not going to let myself

have a new crush

not this soon

not on her

i'm not going to let myself

like a girl so painfully straight

and break my streak

of not liking girls who could never

like me

but what happens

when i catch myself thinking of her

or looking for her

or lighting up, briefly,

at her name on my phone

when she's creeping up on me

like the first sign of spring

six more weeks of winter

i can't go any more days without her

but i promised

no more girls

not right now

definitely not her

shut up, heart

leaving

what if when i leave

i hate it

or they hate me

and im homesick every day

and all i want is to be back

but

what if

i love it there

and i dont want to come home

and its the time of my life

it is so much harder to go

when i am searching for

every

reason

to

stay

a 1000 miles away

i miss breathing the same

air as you, but i know you

are farther in mind than 

distance. 

~K.T.

i find

home

in the

silence.

"solace."

d.b.a

the emphasis of nothing.

Recognition

one day i will be

able to see myself in

the mirror again.

soldier, poet, king

i took the soldier, poet, king test

i got king

of course i got king

what else was i possibly expecting

when has my life ever not been a burden for me to bear

a weight placed on my shoulders

"a natural leader" they called me as if they did not make me this way

forged me to be independent (quiet) and strong (afraid to ask for help) and a leader (needing to take charge because things are easier if

i

do

them

myself)

kings are the gifted children

i was so far ahead they didn't know what to do with me

and now i'm average

and it hurts

Duty. Strength. Resignation.

when did i stop doing things for the love of them

when did life become a chore

when did everything become a routine to follow before i could be done

when did i start hating everything i did

when did i become the king

was i always the king?

they ruined me

they turned me into this

this is their fault

and now i'm the king

yes, king.

always king.

it was never going to be different.

and i'll take the crown

and live with it

and wish

maybe

i could be the poet instead

perhaps nothing else on earth matters, besides the love you take in, and the love you put out.

a playlist

or, the way your apology made me feel

history of man - maisie peters

the exit - conan gray

firearm - lizzy mcalpine

the grudge - olivia rodrigo

abbey - mitski

right where you left me - taylor swift